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Eliot Spitzer was on the Today show this morning to chat with Matt Lauer about that time the latter fought a deer with his bike, and lost. Now look, jokes about how Eliot Spitzer made it with all the ladies are not funny anymore, at all (although it is funny in this interview when Matt Lauer basically asks Spitzer how many hookers he’s sexed, specifically). Spitzer is smart and goddamnit he should have another job! He should still be running New York! Total FBI-Wall Street conspiracy set-up with this guy, maybe. [MSNBC/Salon]

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  1. Sure, sure, maybe he slipped on a banana peel, placed on the floor by the FBI, and his dick accidentally fell in a hooker’s vajajay. Could happen to anybody.

  2. Why didn’t Lauer ask how many times he and Hilda have had sex since this all went down?

    I see we have to rely on Tyra to get the tough questions asked and answered. She’d be all, “Did you ‘Wanna be on top?'”

  3. i like how their toes were giving eskimo kisses to each other throughout the interview. all he had left to do was throw a twenty dollar bill on the table and thank matt for a good time.

  4. “Well, Elliott, I want to get to the 800 pound gorilla in the room, but Rush isn’t here yet, so now I will ask one of my hard-hitting questions: the kind Americans like to call a ‘meaty curveball just sitting there over the plate, waiting for you to smack it out of the park.'”

  5. “One headline I promise you’ll never see, Matt, is ‘Slate econ pundit caught in prostitution scandal.’ Because even if it happens, it’ll never make the news.”

  6. The best part of the interview is when Spitzer explains that he has not been whoring that long “in the grand context of my life.”

    You really ought to get some sort of award for having the balls to say something like that on Television and not being Bill Clinton.

  7. Hey, people, he’s TRIED “to address these gremlins.” If he doesn’t succeed, let’s just consider it a Job Program for Hookers — Spitzer’s little contribution to economic recovery.

  8. [re=282192]Serolf Divad[/re]: Yeah, that was great. “Well, Matt, there were whole decades of my life when I didn’t screw any whores whatsoever. Specifically, the first two.”

  9. He should have told Matt he started whoring right about the time Matt’s wife quite the business, and that he sends his regards.

  10. “I’ve tried to think about it… deeply… As deeply as I fucked the numerous whores I paid for sex. Address it. As I say, there are no excuses, except for the one about how my penis needs to be “exercised” at least 13 times a day or it will grow to 55 times its normal size and release a poisonous gas. I’ve tried to address these gremlins…and confront them… and fuck the gremlins like the whores they are.”

  11. Total FBI-Wall Street conspiracy set-up with this guy, maybe.

    Doesn’t anybody else find it odd that Spitzer lost his job, while Dodd, Rubin, Summers, et al rake in the millions? Just saying…

  12. [re=282192]Serolf Divad[/re]: I.e., if the entire history of planet earth were compressed into a single day, dinousaurs appeared about 3:00 PM and he was only fucking Ashlee since the ten o’clock news.


  14. [re=282194]Jukesgrrl[/re]: Hey, people, he’s TRIED “to address these gremlins.”

    No, no, no. You have it all wrong. The community service part of his sentence involved giving ‘scared straight’ speeches to parking lots full of poorly designed AMC cars from the 1970s. It’s part of the auto industry recovery plan. See?

  15. I know GE and NBC are having some financial problems, but what’s with that cheap pastel and azure set and the Ikea-faux-deco lounge chairs? And lighting that casts shadows?? It looks like a mash up of the WTVJ Miami Action News set (circa 1984), Debbie does Vegas (1986) and a malfunctioning holodeck on Star Trek TNG. Are those blue tile thingys behind Spitzer enlargements of circuit boards? What is the meaninig of this? Commander Data? Sonny Crockett? Report please.

  16. Lost in all this talk of Spitzer is his lovely wife Silda. I actually do think he was targeted for trying to get on top (heh) of the whole mortgage disaster, which would’ve cost the real whores of Wall Street many billions if he’d had any success. But jesus christ man, your wife is fucking gorgeous and she apparently actually liked you and it’s not like she turned into Jabba the Hut. She is a very fine woman. If you needed some weird stuff done to you just sit her down & ask. Women are understanding people. No need to pay a skank $1000s to get your freak on. Take some advice from NPH: talk to your woman and ROCK OUT WITH YOUR COCK OUT. With your wife. It ain’t that hard.

  17. Is is just me or does Matt Lauer appear to have a “wide stance” in this interview?

    I would like to see a 6’5″ transvestite named Sphinchter-Liscious give Matt Lauer a Brazilian wax with a rusty cheese grater.

    I hate this condescending, self-righteous asshole. The Iraq. Also.

  18. I still think Blago should have appointed Eliott to the Senate. They are all a bunch of whoremongers anyway.

    And besides, the only thing that pissed me off about Eliott was weath-whore-envy. I can only afford $200 Craigslist whores. It’s totally unfair that he can enjoy whore without worrying about it burning down there the next day.

  19. [re=282277]hobospacejunkie[/re]: May I quote you on that?

    [re=282282]Scandinavian Fetus[/re]: Nothing as entertaining as a wide stance. Just a wuss. They can send him to Katmandu and he’s still boring. And his hair. Too.

  20. [re=282389]Jukesgrrl[/re]: By all means. Especially the Neil Patrick Harris part. He is my hetero hero, as played by Neil Patrick Harris in the Harold & Kumar films.

  21. People in big political jobs just can’t live without the attention. He can’t win an election now and he’s not much good on TV as a talking head. Let him redeem himself by prosecuting Wall Street miscreants. Pro bono, of course.

  22. As has been pointed out a billion times, Diaper Dave Vitter stays in office, pontificating on values, etc., while Spitzer’s out. Tell me again which party has real balls? Uh, that’d be the Republicans for not throwing the DiaperDude under the fucking bus while we, the freakin’ liberals who supposedly are less sexually constipated, throw Spitzer and then throw it in reverse and drive 23.7 times.

    I wish the fucking Democrats would grow a spine that enabled them to look at the big fucking picture and say, hell no, this guy’s smart. Ignore it–like the Republicans do. Ignore the Poopy Diaper guy and the guy will stay in fucking office with a microphone. Twenty to one Diaper D. gets reelected, too.

  23. As Gibbs said, we have another “coincidence:”

    Corporate bulldog Spitzer forced out because of hoors : Preznit giving speech on nuclear weapons control as Kim Suck Ill tests his lil’ ole rocket.

    Class, compare and contrast.

    And pleeze. Lauer is a weenie, but (meh, I can’t seem to say anything that isn’t a double entendre) Spitster gave a rock solid performance. I want this guy out banging some corporate pansies’ heads. Srsly, would love to hear him explain his ideas on “new corporate models.” (Help! Apply appropriate snark here.)

  24. [re=282441]MortSinclair[/re]: “As has been pointed out a billion times, Diaper Dave Vitter stays in office, pontificating on values, etc., while Spitzer’s out.”
    1. Vitter is one amomg a Senatorial herd.
    2. Spitz waa at his apex, nowhere to hide.
    1. Spitz, as a NY’s AG, prosecuted whoring, and thus could be accused of hypocrisy.
    2. Vitter has never opposed adult male diaper poopimg. Hence, he can never be accused of going back on his word.

    Simple. I’m amazed that you don’t understand.

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