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DAILY BRIEFING

Satellite of Love

  • South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford has finally united Democrats and Republicans: They all think he’s an ass. And yes, he’s taking the bailout money, the communist. [ABC News]
  • Meanwhile, new-world-order hero Barack Obama is just flying around Europe, promising to end nuclear rockets or whatever. [Times of London]
  • There’s a new Illinois governor, right? And he is “squeaky clean.” So god only knows what kind of kinky stuff will bring this guy down. [Associated Press]
  • Lil’ Kim’s North Korean satellite/hell missile probably just crashed in the ocean. But still! [New York Times]
  • Those sad flag-draped-coffin arrivals are now open to the press, hooray. [Washington Post]
  • Ever get the creepy feeling that maybe long-haul truckers were killing all those hookers coast-to-coast? Well, yeah, that is probably what’s going on. [LA Times]


8:28 AM on Mon April 6 2009
By Ken Layne
1054 Views

  1. LeastExcellent says at 8:34 am, April 6th, 2009

    I call Corruption with a side bet on Sachitory

  2. Texan Bulldoggette says at 8:35 am, April 6th, 2009

    Maybe a couple of those long-haul truckers could make a pit stop at the SC state house, hmmm?? OT but I bet their trucknutz are huge. Also.

  3. LeastExcellent says at 8:35 am, April 6th, 2009

    LeastExcellent: on the Illinois Governor, not on Sandford… This time.

  4. LeastExcellent says at 8:37 am, April 6th, 2009

    On the Illinois Governor, not Sandofrd… this time.

  5. Canuckledragger says at 8:39 am, April 6th, 2009

    So was Sanford for it before he was against it, or against it before he was for it?

    I am so confoozed.

  6. I don’t think that interstate truckers can ever erase the image of Sally Field’s beautiful, tight-jeaned ass momentarily filling the screen on ‘Smokey and the Bandit’.

  7. MathewBrooks says at 8:48 am, April 6th, 2009

    How many licks does it take L’il Ill?

  8. freakishlystrong says at 8:50 am, April 6th, 2009

    Well, thank goodness, now we can shut the wingnuts up on all this “bi-partisin” crap. Both Dems and Repubs alike think Sanford is a bag o’ dick eating hack…

  9. cynbot says at 8:57 am, April 6th, 2009

    Sounds to me like it’s only a matter of time before South Carolina begins its own illegal, erratic, and emotionally abusive nuclear weapons program.

  10. 4tehlulz says at 9:01 am, April 6th, 2009
  11. Hostile Michigander says at 9:01 am, April 6th, 2009

    Really, are the any long-haul truckers who DON’T kill hookers for fun? Serial-killing and truckers go together like like child molestation and Catholic prists.

  12. V572625694 says at 9:02 am, April 6th, 2009

    Long-haul truckers/serial killers? I smell teen movie success! Too bad John Candy and Chris Farley aren’t still around, as theirs are the movie star physiques most representative of long-haul truckers.

  13. charlesdegoal says at 9:04 am, April 6th, 2009

    The dots on the map! Scary shit! Maybe a minimum of respect could be shown by laying off the trucknutz jokes for a while (like forever).

  14. Monsieur Grumpe says at 9:11 am, April 6th, 2009

    Squeaky clean? Sounds like something to do with a shower and used dog chew toys.

  15. forgracie says at 9:13 am, April 6th, 2009

    I’ve been told,
    that you’ve been bold,
    with Harry Mark and John…

  16. forgracie says at 9:19 am, April 6th, 2009

    “We’re about 10th in line,” said Capt. Clarke Fine of Hendricks County, Ind. “I figure if Texas fries him, we’re good.”

    Nice. It’s good to know we can count on Texas…

  17. rubybuckaroo says at 9:21 am, April 6th, 2009

    Ken:
    Where is our beloved Hobo SKS?

    It’s been 3 “work” days now.
    Is she lounging on the pristine shores of Cuba?

  18. Canuckledragger says at 9:24 am, April 6th, 2009

    “Ever get the creepy feeling that maybe long-haul truckers were killing all those hookers coast-to-coast?”

    Isn’t it obvious?

    It was the DriveBy Truckers!!1!!1!! I heard they’re a “killer” band.

    WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!!1!!1!

  19. Professor Proffy McProfalton, Prof. says at 9:26 am, April 6th, 2009

    Sure, blame the long-haul truckers. But what about their enabler, Dwight David Eisenhower? Hmm? Hmmmm?

  20. wheelie says at 9:26 am, April 6th, 2009

    Hey, I hope you all love Turkish people! Because your President is over in Turkey right now, giving them all the Hope-talk and telling them how terrific they are. I’ll bet they will be over to visit their New Best Friends real soon!

  21. Canmon (the Inadequate) says at 9:33 am, April 6th, 2009

    North Korea’s missile program will never succeed unless they hire ex-Nazis like we did.

  22. lobo2009 says at 9:37 am, April 6th, 2009

    I found this post in response to the Sanford article. UMMMMM I think he took lessons at the George Bush English Academy!

    Who in there right mind would want big brother telling you what to do and what you can not do with the money and this mess of chasing the leader of GM out of his position, were he has been there for 9+ years is the very conduct of the Third Right the days of Hitler and the Communist. This is going down the wrong road, trust me.This would make our fore fathers turn in there grave. Sir Enrico Granse,Esq.
    Posted by:
    SIRENRICO 8:46

  23. WadISay says at 9:38 am, April 6th, 2009

    Canmon (the Inadequate): You’re right. Islam-o-fascists just ain’t cuttin’ it.

  24. Sussemilch says at 9:53 am, April 6th, 2009

    So now Obama thinks he’s so good he doesn’t need nukes to be the president? Whatever happened to good old-fashioned mutually-assured destruction?

  25. “But Sanford says he’ll reject $700 million for education…”

    We don’t need no eduction

  26. Mark Sanford is an appropriate hero for the Republican Party: stalwart right up to the point where he switches.

  27. LeastExcellent says at 10:15 am, April 6th, 2009

    lobo2009: I tried to spell check that, and my compooter tried to strangle me with a USB cord while swearing in Spanish

  28. LeastExcellent says at 10:16 am, April 6th, 2009

    Bruno: that’s where all the strings are! though it’s for art projects..

  29. At the end the crowd surged forward to touch him [B.O.], as they have across Europe in the past few days.

    I hear his touch cures syphilis or impotence or something.

  30. Sussemilch: We are protected by his Pretteh.

  31. Cicada says at 10:29 am, April 6th, 2009

    forgracie:
    Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday to Thursday
    With Harry, Mark and John

    I totally have that song stuck in my head now. Just the “bom bom bom satellite of love” part, though.

  32. Cicada says at 10:31 am, April 6th, 2009

    TGY: It’s crabs. They jump off when he smiles.

  33. DC Hates Me says at 10:45 am, April 6th, 2009

    I know who’s committing all those truck stop murders. Every state has dumped bodies .. except South Dakota.

  34. donner_froh says at 10:48 am, April 6th, 2009

    How can Palin get away with turning down money from the Feds? The only reason anyone gets elected in Alaska is to keep the money flowing from Washington.

    lobo2009: I spotted that one–it is almost too perfect.

    For those of you who don’t have as much time to kill or who don’t like deal with the work of idiots in the morning, a few items highlighted:

    Who in there right mind would want big brother telling you what to do and what you can not do with the money and this mess of chasing the leader of GM out of his position, were he has been there for 9+ years is the very conduct of the Third Right the days of Hitler and the Communist. This is going down the wrong road, trust me.This would make our fore fathers turn in there grave.

  35. My god, that TeLEprOMPteR in the Times article is frighteningly close to him. He is addicted. To make matters worse, that guy who date-raped the life-sized Hillz cut-out is spoon-feeding him the lies.

  36. AWOcoholic says at 11:32 am, April 6th, 2009

    Holy crap - that LA Times article about killer truckers is worth a read. There are about a dozen cringworthy lines. i.e.,

    “He actually bragged that we wouldn’t find any DNA because he didn’t have sex with them in the traditional sense.”

  37. Quinn’s been stealing paperclips for years. Everybody in Illinois knows that, but its the US Attorney’s problem not ours.

  38. lobo2009 says at 12:12 pm, April 6th, 2009

    TGY–Sounds like a Jesus Complex to me! Maybe he can stop women from having irregular periods too!

    Of course some nut bag will say Hilter did that too.

    GO THIRD RIGHT!!!!!!! WERE on YOU’RE side!

  39. Truck stops have always skeeved me out. Until I read that article, I thought it was just a combination of the excellent chance of food poisoning, filthy bathrooms, and the pervasive smell of B.O. and petroleum products that caused that feeling.

  40. hobospacejunkie says at 12:39 pm, April 6th, 2009

    Canmon (the Inadequate): North Korea’s missile program will never succeed unless they hire ex-Nazis like we did.

    I think they’re going to have to settle for some boys from Brazil. Them originals is gettin’ on in years.

  41. Atlas Spanked says at 12:39 pm, April 6th, 2009

    Nothing makes the case for an expanded rail system like your average long-haul trucker.

    Even the ones that aren’t rapists and serial murderers are crazy-ass gun nuts. I’d estimate a 10% or lower sanity rate.

  42. lawrenceofthedesert says at 12:47 pm, April 6th, 2009

    Daniel in the lion’s den was in an easier spot than Pat Quinn; we’ll see how he shoots against the Harlem Globetrotters of political dirt, aka the Illinois legislature. They got crossovers and slams that ain’t never been seen in the Fenwick gym. The last boy scout in Springfield was Judge Otto Kerner, who wound up in the slammer. Pretend boy scout “Big Jim” Thompson, a big hypocrite, was much more Springfield’s style.

    The Glover article on the FBI’s highway serial killing initiative (truckers) is excellent; I even blogged about it today.

  43. Joey Ratz says at 1:10 pm, April 6th, 2009

    “He actually bragged that we wouldn’t find any DNA because he didn’t have sex with them in the traditional sense,” said Hallmark…

    Non-traditional sex? What the hell is that supposed to mean? Frottage? Felching?

  44. zhubajie says at 7:26 am, April 7th, 2009

    “There’s a new Illinois governor, right? And he is “squeaky clean.” So god only knows what kind of kinky stuff will bring this guy down. [Associated Press]”

    Connected to the Outfit, of course.

    Zhu Bajie

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