Wonkette
Bristol Palin’s ex-lover Levi Johnston — clad in his finest Kmart church outfit (from a kit) and sporting a 13-year-old’s pencil mustache — will appear on television’s Tyra Banks show on Monday, and this preview clip on the show’s website is worth watching. “Did you use protection, Levi?” “Yeah” “Really?” “Yeah” “Really?” “Yeah” “Really?” “Yeah” “Really?” “Yeah” “Really?” “Yeah” “Really?” “Yeah” “Really?” “Yeah” “Really?” “Sometimes.” [Tyra Banks]
“…finest Kmart church outfit (from a kit)…” It’s called Garanimals.
Nice sweater vest. He looks like Gob when he married that seal dealer.
I’d hit it.
wow. he’s really started to let himself go, after getting off the GOP Palin-train payroll.
that blue sweater vest really brings out his thighs.
Who’s the young Walmart greeter?
The fact that Tyra could get this answer, while no one else would . . . because the answer was already obvious . . . is just . . . it says something. What that something is, I’m not sure.
But aren’t condoms against Jesus, anyway?
Boy’s got to make a living somehow now that Ma’s Oxy-meth ring has been busted up. He’s got chilluns (no pun intended) (OK, intended) to worry about.
“Did you use protection, Levi?” “Yeah”
The goalie mask doesn’t count, sport.
The Cold Sea: . . . with a snowmobile.
The Cold Sea: He looks clean. Go for it!
finest Kmart church outfit
Well, not all of us can afford to shop exclusively at H&M or Urban Outfitters, you elitist hipster.
Fuckin’ Redneck..
Texan Bulldoggette: That Sears/Kmart merger was a big win for the Levi Johnstons of the world.
El Pinche: This Wal-mart greeter trainee not only had to supply his own uniform, he had to go on Tyra during his break, or be fired. DOWN WITH EFCA!!
I wants to know how Tyra gets her hair to look like that. Does she have a staff of fifteen that daily works on it?
I think I may have got syphilis from just looking at that picture. He is icky.
He’s the joe the plumber of contraception.
Oh god that was painful.
I wonder if he knows the bong hits for Jeesus guy–he’s in Alaska, isn’t he?
I’m beginning to think that Bristol was actually doing that kid a huge favor by screwing him.
Larry Fine: No, 13 of the staff make the lace front wig and the other 2 glue it to her head.
Contrary to Tyra’s headline, Levi did so much “break” his silence as he did bend it a little.
Larry Fine: Haha. You thought it was her hair! And yes, it probably does take a team of 15 people to stick it on and style it. And that’s before the eyelash wranglers show up.
Oh god, you weren’t making that part at the end up.
If Johnny Depp and Anson “Potsie” Williams had a child…!
Cicada: +1. If Tyra had/has pubic hair, what sort of team would be required to get into shape?
Red Zeppelin: the real one is in Alaska, but he knows better than to associate with trash like Levi…
The Cold Sea: hard, with the back of my hand. just to put a little color in his cheeks!
I just want to know how much time Newell spends lurking on the Tyra Banks website.
Wow! He actually used to look semi-cute in some of those picture from the campaign days. What the hell happened? He should stick to snowbilly flannel and ski jackets.
I must fuck him. Besides, the Republicans owe me one. At least one.
Dog Trombone: Quite a bit of time, probably because I AM TYRA BANKS.
Now Wonkette has me feeling sorry for Levi. I will never forgive you, Jim.
OT, but
Michele Bachmann now wants a revolution:
http://www.shortsshortsshorts.com/?p=1602
Tyra Banks, the WAR BLOGGER!!!
That reminds me: what’s Casey Affleck up to these days?
chascates: You’re making it far too easy on Shorts. At least make him do his own blogwhoring.
wearing an ugly sweater has the same paralyzing effect on Levi that it has on my Boston Terrier. they probably have about the same reasoning skills.
he could use a few fashion tips from our new fashionista first lady herself. there’s nothin’ wrong with a little j crew.
Just another tragic grade Z celebrity spawned by the McCain campaign. But Tyra doesn’t offer her guests styling services? You’d think there would be a rack of designer samples and a groomer somewhere on that set.
Let him be, he’s just trying to raise bail money for his poor old mother the only way he knows how.
squeals of delight! levi also reports that sarah let he and bristol have sleepovers at her house. i am so happy right now.
Is that Mercede (singular, not plural) sitting next to him in the Blouse that Prince Forgot? I can so hear Molly Ringwald’s grandfather in “Sixteen Candles” decribing them on the phone: “He’s wearing tan trousers and a blue vest and a brown and white shirt, and she’s wearing a purple blouse with ruffled buttons. (Pause.) No, they’re not retarded!”
Who the fuck dressed them? They seemed relatively “with it” (if a little rustic) in their normal attire. Is this a pity parade, or is Tyra so desperate that she’s interviewing the shark that got jumped?
At first I read the headline “Conservationalist” and my MIND WAS BLOWN.
chascates: I’m only trying to help out poor Kevo-tron!
Levi, sweetie, you’ve got something on your upper lip.
SayItWithWookies: Shit, I’ve got to start drinking earlier in the day. I can’t click on the right dealie whilst sober.
Aloysius: I love that quote! Now can we work Repo Man into this thread somehow…
This just shows that Republicans are always classy, just like Angie Harmon said.
finest K-mart Church outfit…
Reajagorev: No, not all of us can afford JCPenny clearance items and most Dollar Store retail clothes.
chascates: SAVE KEVO-TRON.
As I take a big gulp of my fascist neighbor’s Military Special vodka, I wonder:
Will Levi fit into my new Western Ken Doll collection..maybe right next to Boner…hmmmm…
he does look like he needs a good dose of “Feirce!”
Okay Gorillionaire, suppose you’re thinkin’ about a plate o’ shrimp. Suddenly someone’ll say, like, plate, or shrimp, or plate o’ shrimp out of the blue, no explanation. No point in lookin’ for one, either. It’s all part of a cosmic unconciousness.
Wait, so is this a casting interview for Tyra’s new show “America’s Next Top Palin”? I hope so.
Alt text suggestion: INANIMATE CARBON ROD
After the show, he nailed Tyra and the girl with the straight hair, then flew back to Alaksa to ask Bristol WTF all that “safe sex” talk was about.
“There’s a thesaurus in the Library. Yeah’s under Y. It’s OK, I’ll wait”
Holding Out for a Hero: That’s odd, make-up usually remembers to hand Tyra’s guests a Wet-Nap after they’ve given her a Dirty Sanchez.
Thank gawd for the Tyras of the world. They are the cultural toilet traps of our time, catching all the festering putrid excrement that would otherwise be flushed out to sea - then spoonfeeding it back to us like mother’s milk. Folks, your teevee will kill you.
Eyelash wrangler: best job title EVER.
Texan Bulldoggette: HAHAHAHA!
Let me get this straight… This idiot is famous just because his baby’s grandmother came in second in an election for an office that has no real power?
Texan Bulldoggette: He’s a Johnston, remember. Palin’s the clothes whores.
Whatever happened to being so damn happy that some girl/woman would actually allow
you to dip your gherkin into her egg salad that you’d be loyal to her for life?
What ever happened to the strong, SILENT, type? Whatever happened just keeping your
fucking private life PRIVATE ?
Custerwolf: Seems my apostrophe placement is as capricious as Levi’s choice of talk show apparel.
ARRRRGGHH…his life is flashing before my eyes!!
This is great and he has kind of let himself go since the summer. I guess he had to bulk up a bit being a driller and all (at least it looks like he still has all 10 fingers). I’m sure we’ll get something out of Gov. Snowbilly’s office telling us that “it’s nobody’s business but ours” or some such claptrap (oh, wait, that’s Levi). I’m begging them, please leave the stage. Puh-leeze.
I did kinda want to make out with him during the convention. Now, not so much.
This website can one day take credit for bringing down both the NYTimes and the WashPost. If Katherine Graham were still alive, Wonkette, complete with its staff, would be the Washington Post.
Between Wonkette and Bloombergnews.com, who needs the other two?
Gorillionaire: “John Wayne was a FAG!”
“‘Couse I used protection! I had my 9mm baby,”
Where’s the Bristol tattooed wedding band?
I thought Alaska was supposed to be this libertarian paradise - but I guess it’s just full of Okies like most of the country.
Do trashy teen girls look the same all over the world? I’m talking about the vibrating carrot in a wig sitting to Johnston’s right.
And yuck, young fatherhood and forced engagement is TOTALLY not working for ol’ Levi. Can’t wait for Palin’s run in 2012 so we can see how her family has further wandered into the abyss of pathetic hillbilly-ness.
That boy is perfect raw material for gubmint-sponsored training. Git ‘im up on FOB Salerno, stat!
If you check out pictures of Levi Johnston during the RNC, in particular, he wasn’t all that well dressed then, either. I mean, he LOOKED good, all cleanshaven and hair combed, and washed up.
But if you look closely, he’s wearing a not-quite-navy blue blazer and dark gray pants. I’d seen a lot of comments about his “nice new suit that the RNC bought for him”, but that’s not true. He actually looked like someone took him to the men’s wear section of Sears and pulled a ready-to-wear jacket off the rack, and told him “here, pair this up with gray slacks if you have them”.
He was a high school hockey player; I imagine his coach used to wear the same kind of getup standing alongside the boards during games, and Levi thought this was “dress up”. It’s also the same kind of uniform martial arts referees and scoring officials use when they hold tournament competition…some sort of jock couture, I guess.
Levi Johnston/Sarah Palin in 2012!!! Oh wait, he won’t be 35 yet… All right then … Levi Johnston/Sarah Palin in 2028!!! Shurely he’ll be mature enough by then, while she’ll have settled into some sort of Bidenesque loveableness.
magic titty: I think his Popeship is against priests using them on children, but for Pentecostals it’s okay.
jagorev: They all splurged on the RNC ticket while the gettin’ was good. The fact he looks as if he shops at Ross is exactly why I fondly remember the story told of one Little Richard, who was induced to visit the new digs of another rock quasi-idol, Ike Turner. Pals asked Little, hey, what’s it like in there at Ike’s pad? Little wouldn’t say. Finally, he said, “I didn’t know you could spend a million dollars at Walmart.”
NunnaTheSOBs: How old ARE you?
The only mustache in the world that is lamer than that mustache is on Sportacus from Lazytown.
Cicada: I shall remember “eyelash wranglers” to my dying day, and laugh every time I am reminded of it. Thank you.
Levi looks as though he is in “pre-op” for the “change.”
Obviously, he has begun the hormone therapy because that mustache is not something that would be grown by a normal male.
Really, he looks a little bit like Michael Jackson.
chascates: Leave me out of this.
gurukalehuru:
gawd
love
ya
Custerwolf: Oops - I meant after SHE’s given HIM. Sheesh - I need to get my sexual perversions straight.
Carry on.
Tyra needs to give him another pat on the leg, then a little squeeze. I like how the setup says he was “thrust” into the spotlight.
How long before Levi and Sam the Plumber sign to do the gay porno?
Inquiring minds want to know.
Palin, who apparently has no sense of irony, has issued a statement calling Levi Johnston a media-whore.
joezoo: Sean Astin.
jagorev: You’ve obviously never been to an H&M. FASHION IS FOR COMMIEZ AND MUSLINS AND ELITISTS LIKE NOBAMA AND BIG BICEP MICHELLE. ALSO.
Bowdoin: Little Richard is a flaming quasi, but Ike Turner was 100% not quasi.
Custersdeadhorse: Katherine Graham has real balls! She speaks truth to power! And, I loved her in Bowfinger, she was really hot!
Texan Bulldoggette: I WORE GARANIMALS.
jagorev: Well said. Anyway, I like his cute sweater vest.
Rebel Countess: Let him be, he’s just trying to raise bail money for his poor old mother the only way he knows how.
Got a feeling some of this crew would be willing to introduce him to some alternative kwan-raising methods.