Ever since America’s most recent 9/11, when an ex-derivatives trader ranted on the cable news money channel about Obama’s $75 billion plan to subsidize salvageable mortgages, certain Real Americans have developed this masturbatory obsession with tea bags and ladies’ tea parties and also sucking each others’ balls. They are doing this because of socialism, the cartoon movie The Watch Men, and the blacks — Congress, essentially. And as part of this ball-sucking guerilla war they now appear to be issuing “threats” by mailing certain substances in suspicious envelopes to the Senate. They freak out mail room employees and security guards for a few seconds until they realize that the substance is just tea — tea in the form of tea bags — probably mixed up with a few pubic hairs, for show.
A Hill staffer forwarded Politico‘s Glenn Thrush (who is exempt from The Embargo because he has funny stuff sometimes) this e-mail from the Sergeant-at-Arms’ office about the ball-sucking:
Suspicious Characteristics Mailing (Tea Bags)
The Senate Post Office has recently seen an influx of envelopes containing tea bags addressed to Senate offices. The envelopes have been irradiated, x-rayed, opened and tested by the Senate Post Office and have been cleared and deemed safe for delivery. However, it is possible some of the envelopes may have loose tea inside.
If you have any questions or concerns about this mailing, you may contact the United States Capitol Police Threats Assessment Section at 4-1495.
Ha ha now we will have to invade Iraq again, CURSES!
Hill staffers: please e-mail us (tips@wonkette.com) if you or your boss has received tea bags from the terrorists. What was it LIKE you know? And forward us all the latest security updates on the tea bags. This should go without saying. Use your private e-mail address too, obviously. Not that anyone would care if you sent us stories about your junk mail, but still.
“Suspicious” Tea Bags On The Hill [Glenn Thrush]
{ 75 comments }
is the partridge family reject person who is holding up the sign a boy or a girl? he/she/it could probably use a good tea bagging.
Honestly, don’t the Freepers know what that term means? I’m possibly the squarest middle aged woman on Earth and *I* know what it means. Google is your friend, people.
…it is possible some of the envelopes may have loose tea inside.
Loose tea is for elitist snobs — give me teabagging or give me death!
[re=280765]sevenrepeat[/re]: My instinct was to say a teenage boy, but now I’m fearing it may be a meth-addled housewife.
I suspect that the sign behind the Tea Bagger is saying Corn Hole.
Those Con Wing Nuts and their less than subtle gay agenda.
And I’m sure the people who sent those tea bags are thrilled with themselves for mildly annoying and briefly wasting the time of random strangers, to no effect or benefit.
Truly, they are the great warriors of our age.
Well, that’s not very polite, to serve tea without at least offering some sugar. Someone should mail the Senate envelopes full of refined sugar.
“However, it is possible some of the envelopes may have loose tea inside.”
Frank Booth: What kind of tea do you like to drink, neighbor?
Jeffrey Beaumont: Loose tea…
Frank Booth: Loose tea?? Fuck that shit! LIPTON TEA BAGS!
Dear sweet Lord forgive me, I so want to punch that kid.
[re=280765]sevenrepeat[/re]: [re=280773]Colander[/re]:
Clearly a hobbit, say I.
Could the wingnuts send me some loose English breakfast tea? Imported preferably. The good stuff. About a pound, please. And stainless steel steepware too. Kthxgfy.
[re=280783]Tommmcatt[/re]: Yes. Always tricksy hobbitses.
Could they possibly have found any form of protest more wimpy than tea bags? Doubt it.
Junk mail, indeed.
They act like tea bagging is a bad thing?
So, the REAL story here is that if you want to get a material past the Senate Post Office, pack it into a teabag and send that through the mail. Damn republican terrorist enablers!
Ah, I see that Freepers have mastered the use of the nontendre.
Since the envelopes probably don’t have return addresses on then, Congress should publish the location of the PO they were sent from, then dock that Postal district for the cost of
irradiating, x-raying, etc. all the envelopes and their contents.
How do the teabaggers get to the post office when they are so deeply in the closet?
[re=280767]Terry[/re]: I actually had to look it up for…umm research purposes although I had a vague notion of what it was. I almost died laughing at the Wiki explanation:
“…in the mouth[1] or on or around the face (including the top of the head) of another person.”
And, as a bonus bit of trivia: the female version of this is called “the Slug Stamp”.
Whoo, gawd that shit is funny!
Why do I think that reproductions of this sign will appear in numerous gay bars before the weekend is over?
[re=280767]Terry[/re]: I know what teabagging is, but what is the sign supposed to mean? Is there some ball-sucking amendment that the dems are trying to push through?
The 70s called, you Teabag twat. They want their hairstyle back.
The Redcoats came shortly after they were teabagged. Those who forget history are condemned to repeat it.
I’m guessing they will next protest the Golden Showers of the nanny state?
Refresh my memory again? Just what exactly are these teabaggin’ cornholios protesting again? Lower taxes for the rich?
That’s right America — stop the liberals before they teabag you with health care and no wars! And not being thrown out of your hose onto the street! Is there no end to their perfidy?
i’ve got some chocolate salty tea bags for ya, right here baby.
awwwww yeeeeah
[re=280767]Terry[/re]: Except that if it doesn’t mean the ball sucking thing, then WTF does the sign mean?
[re=280786]NoWireHangers[/re]: …and bone-china cups and saucers and solid silver spoons – fully insured against damage and theft, pls!
(*man – that was ghey! – I must’ve been spending too much time in Iowa!…*)
[re=280773]Colander[/re]: [re=280783]Tommmcatt[/re]: a meth-addled hobbit who plans on auditioning for rupaul’s drag race season 2?
[re=280767]Terry[/re]: Same here.
And even I, square as I am, know that there are people out there who would pay good cash money to be tea-bagged.
Do you know what is good? Getting your kids to protest dumb shit with you that they cannot even understand. That is what is good.
[re=280765]sevenrepeat[/re]: [re=280773]Colander[/re]: [re=280783]Tommmcatt[/re]: It is a homophobius freeper in closetus..
[re=280778]ManchuCandidate[/re]: win. also. microtrends.
[re=280813]rmontcal[/re]: If you want your head to hurt, look up “Boston Tea Party” in Wikipedia. The colonists were trying to avoid paying a heavy tax on tea imported through England; they could get it cheaper from Holland. So it was in essence a pro-globalization protest, and didn’t have jack shit to do with American independence.
U!S!A! U!S!A! Fuck yeah!
Earl Grey’s my favorite!
Those silly conservatives, wasting the taxpayer’s money like that.
TexanBulldoggette: “The slug stamp?” ::laughs:: I joined this site because I have been lurking here forever and it’s so …educational.
[re=280813]rmontcal[/re]: I think I figured it out. I think that kid is a huge Wonkette fan and he knew that if he held his mom’s stupid sign, he’d get his picture on Wonkette. Now he’ll get laid by that one chick in his math class.
That’s a nice sign, but mine woulda read
“DONKEY-PUNCH THOSE CONSERVATIVE WINGNUTZ BEFORE THEY GIVE YOU A DIRTY SANCHEZ !!
MORANS !!!”
Jeebus. These people make Code Pink look like a totally coherent and effective outfit.
Courtesy of John Waters:
TEABAGGING @ 1:24
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JuWjfWcHOY
[re=280825]LaughingLark[/re]: Yeah, I bet even smarty pants Geithner or Orszag know what that means, ergo we are smarter than they are!
I’m in your town this weekend, you DC dwellers. I hope I won’t get the clap from sitting down on your bar stools and restaurant chairs or sleeping in your hotel beds (I hear you people are all damaged goods around here). I’ll have to go see the freak shows at Capitol Hill or whatever including this one. Are they Paultards? They certainly have that deranged look on their faces (is that a dude or a chick on the picture?)
[re=280792]magic titty[/re]: The win
[re=280823]TGY[/re]: Mmmm, yes so lemony with the bergamot.
So what is sadder: a little kid holding up a sign referencing a fairly innocuous sex act, or the fact that said sign has freerepublic.com on the bottom of it?
The only excuse people have for lame protest signs is that they made them themselves. If you can’t put in the effort people, quit wasting our time.
[re=280837]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Ooops, meant to say: I bet even smarty pants Geithner or Orszag DON’T know what that means, ergo we are smarter than they are!
I wouldn’t worry until they all show up with “rusty trombones”.
[re=280819]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I had some pimply-faced blond boy from Iowa telling strangers in a hot tub that I made the wrong decision voting-wise after I revealed I voted for Obama.
As an adult woman, there’s nothing better than having a teen boy tell strangers that they, the idiot male, know through their instictive ale rightness that your decisions are wrong.
A Canadian had to pull him aside and the blond kid shut up. I assume the Canadian told him to cram it in his pie hole.
Come on Republicans, we’re supposed to believe none of you have ever seen gay porn?
This is just Phase 1. In Phase 2, the teabaggers will call the Senate Mail Room, ask if they have Prince Albert in a can, and then demand that he be set free.
“To hell with poverty! We’ll get drunk on cheap wine.
Oooohhh, oh ho ho HO.”
[re=280879]gjdodger[/re]: Phase 3 is Captain Crunch in a box.
ZOMGZ TEA!!1 WAKE UP MURRIKA, THE REALMURKINS ARE TAKING BACK ARE COUNTRY!!!
Oy vey.
teach them about Teabagging with TRUCKNUTZ!!!!!11!!!1 and acorns also
1) Gang of Four ref in the subhead ftw;
2) I must have missed something – how are the Freepers related to WATCHMEN? Is it something to do with Doctor Manhattan walking around pantsless?
I think they actually think our founding fathers did something that involved throwing damp teabags at redcoats. This makes me sad.
What makes me happy, though, is watching major network news reporters have to say “tea-bagging” with straight faces. Often they can do it without cracking up, but you can see something in their eyes dying just a little.
[re=280831]Atheist Nun[/re]: Another place to go for information on teabagging is the Porno Gil episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm–highly recommended.
So if someone wanted to email anthrax now would be a time to do so, mixing it in with tea leaves to get past the security?
Are the teabags automatic or semi-automatic? Which is more threatening, Lipton or Celestial Seasonings? You can have me teabag when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers. Teabags don’t stain clothes, people do.
[re=280778]ManchuCandidate[/re]: No no no. ACORN hole. Keep in mind we’re dealing with wingtard here.
[re=280831]Atheist Nun[/re]: I’ve seen better (and naked-er) teabagging at Southern Decadence….
I tea bagged a liberal dem today. It was gooood.
The liberal dems are going to have a spring in their step tomorrow!
Wasn’t that kid an intern of Mark Foley’s?
[re=280944]populucious[/re]:
I don’t think the founding fathers had as much impact on them as their fondling fathers. Four score and 1 more foot to go!
[re=281050]Bearbloke[/re]:
Eeesh, Southern Boys. You guys practically toss salad right there on the dance floor….
I miss those days.
[re=280871]Swampwitch[/re]: I feel your pain. I made the mistake of chatting with the scruffy rather-cute-for-a-chubby-redneck Beekeeper Man who sells honey at our Farmer’s Market, and had to listen to a 30-minute tirade about “idiots who voted for that Socialist Obama.”
Here we were, innocently flirting, as is our 60-something Old Fart tradition, talking about bees and beehives and the environment, and somehow he gets on the subject of the End of All Things (i.e. Mildly Liberal Democrat Centrists in power, instead of Republican Robber Thugs.)
Crap. I’d already bought a pound of his honey, too.
The closest we came to agreement was on the points “This shit has been building up for 30 years” and “both parties probably share the blame”.
I can often get to this point in F2F convos with Righties, to avoid mutual violence or public spitting … but I know they’re thinking it’s 90%/10% Dem/Repub fault, and I’m thinking it’s 90%/10% Repub/Dem fault.
But then he called Nixon the “greatest American President ever … the last honest President!” and I had to excuse myself to go vomit. “Oh, man! Look at the time! Gotta go!”
We are both old enough to *remember* Nixon, too. Apparently somebody from Men in Black has been visiting these people and zapping them with the Memory Eraser.
Last time I talk to *that* asshole.
And last time I buy his fucking honey.
[re=280953]Red Zeppelin[/re]: oooh, forgot about that one! haha “The House That Cum Built”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BatYUwiJLI
I love Odenkirk…
[re=281050]Bearbloke[/re]: Oh, I’m sure better teabagging can be found most anywhere… hrumph! John Waters… what a sellout with his namby-pamby simulated teabagging! lol
I think I’ll ask one of them if their teabagging comes in Orange Peehole.
But srsly, while I’m busy ruining the US with my socialism and bankrupting OUR CHILDREN! WHAT ABOUT THE GODDAMN CHILDREN?!?! The last thing I want are these guys nuts on my chin.
Shit, what a distraction.
FYI An example of such teabagging is shown in the movie Pecker by John Waters.
Entertainment!
It’s time somebody got on Wikipedia and combined the articles on Boston Tea Party and teabagging. They’re essentially the same thing, by now.
[re=281196]confederette libtard[/re]: Orange Peehole ftw
Things not to include in your campaign ads: video of you teabagging a hooker.
Maybe their next embarrassing term/movement will be Federal Entitlements Leave our Country Helpless, but that is too much too say so they will create the acronym F.E.L.C.H.
Double Scorpion: I am still laughing at “nontendre”. Awesome
Wow.
You Democrats really are a bunch of gutless, squirming cowards, aren’t you?
You’re afraid of tea.
After all the hate-mongering and vicious, murderous attacks you launched in the last eight years, you’re wetting your panties over some bags of tea.
What a bunch of yellow-streaked morons.
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