Wonkette
The super-dumb full-of-shit jingoistic Magic 8-Ball known as “John McCain’s twatbot” crapped this out today: “America has been and remains the greatest force for good in history.” Eric Spiegelman wonders why John McCain is pissing on Christ’s grave. [Bus Your Own Tray]
Jesus < America < Bratz Dolls
what about buttsecks?
everyone knows jesus was a blond, white, anglo-saxon american. it’s in the bible.
I’d have to agree with John McCain. Any nation that refuses to elect him ain’t half bad.
And no mention of ShamWow and the slap chopper? Jesus never punched a hooker, I’m sure. Walnuts, not so much.
Can we talk about something important? Like, has anyone actually tried this new Quiznos ‘hot torpedo’ thing? Is it any good? Is it even possible to order one with a straight face?
I think he’s paraphrasing Reagan, so technically
he’s blaspheming twice.
…I don’t know about that, those “Power Rangers” sure killed a lot of monster!
…when did “America” become a cult?!?!?!?
Yeah well Mary didn’t think it was so good when just fooling around turned into “WTF, are you serious?”
This story makes me want to Twitter a cross in the dirt.
Was the Zombie God Jesus really a force for good?
Did he invent American football?
Did he bring fast food to the world?
Did he dig the Panama Canal?
Did he know how to party like its 1999?
Do the math.
I won’t be upset with McCain’s religious shenanigans until he starts blaspheming against the One True God: Haruhi Suzumiya.
Bigger than Jesus? Okay. Bigger then John Lennon? That one? No and no.
Greater than beer cans with vented lids?
True story: Years ago I was watching the crafting of the GOP platform. At one point a Republican delegate rose to amend one portion of the document. His objection to the current language went something like this (quoting from memory): “Mr. secretary, the paragraph x line y of the working document refers to America as ‘humanity’s last, best hope.’ However, as a Christian I believe that Jesus Chrsit is humanity’s last, best hope. So I move that that language be altered to reflect that fact.”
At any rate, his objection was considered, debated, and ultimately rejected.
Win!
“Hey, you kids! Get off my Twitter!”
One Yield Regular: win! (but you have to do it in Vietnamese)
He obviously had never met Mr. Rogers.
Jesus dispensed free health care, was notoriously soft on crime, and must’ve been anti-Israel since — well — you know. Therefore Jesus was un-American.
Twitter typo — or “twippo” as they call it at AARP.
Farce for good?
Horse for god?
Pours four guards?
Wh_wh_wh_wh_?
Who Would Jesus Twitter?
One Yield Regular: Serious Win
Everyone except the registered Republican voters know that the GOP hates hippie peaceniks like Jesus Christ. Love your enemies and wear sandals, throw the moneylenders out and feed the masses, free healthcare… Jesus was obviously a socialist liberal.
McCain just let his neo-con overlord speak through him for a moment.
Anarchitect: That was Jeebus in his Henry IV, Part II stage. Full on Jeesbus Henry V was a fire-breathing war demon. Just as W. Jeebus is all about shock and awe.
CivicHoliday: What about Real Dolls?
AngryBlakGuy: Sadly, I think it was when we, and I include myself, elected Reagan. He was better than the peanut farmer whose wife made her own clothes and may still. But, as our current leader leads us out of this shithole, hopefully we will never return.
What is ericspiegelman’s Wonkette nickname? Admit it, you are one of us!
One Yield Regular: you rule
DeathOfIrony: I was referring to things that lonely, unintelligent tweeners flock to. If we’re bumping up the age bracket, then the equation goes like so:
Jesus < Real Dolls < America < Fleshlight < TRUCKNUTZ
When he says “America” I’m guessing he’s referring to Brazil, Chile, Bolivia, Coloumbia, etc.?
Because that America is the greatest force for good TIMES in history.
Czn939: There is but one Miyamoto, and Mario is his prophet.
And Jesus is like ‘meh.’ He lived through the most efficent, and well maintained Western Empire in history. We can’t even build public baths or main our infrastructure.
Sarah Palin wants to punch a hole in the United States the size of Alaska. I am afraid.
MarieDeGournay:
On the other hand, our leaders have fewer orgies that involve horses.
As a geographical location occupying physical space, the United States of America always has been and always will be bigger than Jesus.
Prove me wrong, Christ Child.
That’s what McCain gets for being so cliche, bully for Eric Spiegelman!
AllHat: Would you really eat a sandwich from a place that used a fur turd as their spokesperson?
http://www.fanpop.com/spots/legendary-ads/articles/56/pics/2
Most of the Jesus’s I followed lately had fairly high batting averages. But now all the sports channels list something called slugging percentages, and I’m sure McCain’s slugging percentage is hirer than Jesus.
Oops, spell check didn’t catch that one.
The John/Eric dialogue is a brilliant summary of the essence of today’s GOP.
He’s a lock for the Nobel Prize in Physics because he just proved that it’s possible to be so fucking stupid that you warp the space-time continuum: America was Teh Awesomest thing in existence even before it existed, in History, also Time! Wrap your heads around that fly shit, librul Muslin bitches!
Hagar77: I thought Levi Johnston was getting the Nobel Prize in Physics because he managed to have only one illegitimate baby.
Now according to Christian Righties…and they know, I mean they totally chill with Jesus every weekend: he’s white, has a funny accent, hates jews and has big muscles. Oh and he totally kicks the ass out of Satan…wait a minute, anyone seen “End of Days” aside from me? stupid question. Well in it Ahnie beats Satan’s fat, flabby falwell-esque ass back to hell…thinkin’ what I’m thinking? Oh yeah, Ahnie isn’t so popular with the right these days, my bad. I’m thinking the GOP is THIS close to naming Palin the empress of stupid and Bachmann as her empress in waiting…or maybe Bill Kristol will just dream about a threesome again. Either way…