Wonkette commenter Atheist Nun wins this massive Blingee contest with relative ease for the strong theme, the well-placed “masks,” and most importantly for recognizing that every single post by your editors on this website is, on some level, an allegory to the Cloud City scene in The Empire Strikes Back. Atheist Nun perhaps implies, “These monsters, we do not know their motives,” but probably not. Anyway your iPod is in the mail. Overnighted. (There is no iPod, that was a lie.) Let’s check out some other good ones after the jump, and then you losers can post links to your more loser-y ones in the comments.
“saucemaster” use sparkles that match the color of the, uh, asteroid field thing, so that’s enough to earn Finalist Status when your editor is skimming through the entries as fast as possible. The rest of this one is just pornography.
More pornography, this from “Bob Casey Fox News.” About 45% of the entries portrayed goddamn Hannah Montana giving either China or Saudi Arabia a lap dance. This one was the most irritating, which in Blingee contests is a plus.
This one from “mayhemily” is so poorly put together — and comparatively spare — that is just KIND OF WORKS, especially with the use of text to reference a common Wonkette trope.
“Pet Kiss,” on the other hand, BLINDS everyone.
“fish with broken dreams” deftly places Holly-wood celebrities with our world leader celebrities and, more importantly, manages to transform Gordon Brown into John Kerry.
But there were a lot of similarities between all of these, so now is time to complain about how YOU SENT IN THE SAME IDEA FIRST AND IT WAS BETTER in the comments.
{ 57 comments }
I bet she used a teleprompter.
The Star Wars one is so good, it seems like cheating. Kinda like Obama’s candidacy.
Also, “It’s a TARP!” FTW!
The clear winner was “New World Order Muthafuckas!” I demand a recount.
Norm!
Microtrends. Discuss.
No Perez Hilton cum shots?
[re=279985]Zipperupus[/re]: Newell HATES me! But I must admit that mine wasn’t better than Atheist Nun’s.
Regardless, I’m going to throw a tantrum on the floor of my office.
http://blingee.com/blingee/get_code/87514787?image=402198394
NEW WORLD ORDER MUTHAFUCKAS!!1!
I am not going to complain…….LIE! I’m calling foul. My shit was better.
Not a big Star Wars fan but since I didn’t submit an entry, I’m not complaining. I kind of think some 70s theme Village People motif would have been excellent.
I call “Miss Congeniality,” beeyotches!
http://Blingee.com/blingee/view/87508889
I wanted to put “Queen’s Bitch” on Brown’s suit but I didn’t know how to use the text. I’m a blingee virgin. They are all great!
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/87518631-Summiteers-09
By the way, I’ve been indicted on 16 Felony Counts so I will be blogging from Levinworth from now on. Even though you know I’m innocent! Till then in 16 languages.
Big Daddy Blago indicted on 16 counts! Watch for a parade of children, disabled, and dead people to testify to his fineness.
I would like Reese Cups if you have them, but please no candy korn!
[re=279993]chascates[/re]:
Stay tuned!
I guffawed! I don’t actually remember ever doing that before.
I believe a daily Blingee contest would push Wonkette over the top in next years Pulitzer voting.
[re=279986]chascates[/re]:
I have that ready to upload on Youtube.
More silly contests!! More more all the time please!!
ROBBED, I TELLS YA!
http://i44.tinypic.com/14wg6rr.jpg
LOOK AT MINE~!
Wow, yeah, because Boba Fett can really use a lightsaber. *rolls eyes* *never visits Wonkette again*
Please…these are the saddest bunch of blingees in blingee history.
Yeah, mine totally sucked compared to these. Well done Wonksters!
[re=280003]sweetladyirony[/re]: Ooohh was that a cameo by Korean pop-star, Rain?
You can’t have a Star Wars Blingee without Chewbacca! Fucking, recount!
I DEMAND A RECOUNT! GET THAT OBI-WAN SHIT OUT OF HERE!
Sweet trucknutz these things take so much time. http://blingee.com/blingee/view/87510853
So much win. And so much fail for the sod who became Jar-Jar.
I didn’t submit one, but if I had, it would have been the best one so I hereby announce my attention to take this decision to court and keep it there for the coming decade.
Well, I’ll be damned. The force was with me!
BUT WHAT IS THIS TOMFOOLERY ABOUT NO iPOD???!!!??? I CALL SHENANIGANS!!!!!!!
(sigh) I should have known that Wonkette “prizes” are not real if they are shackled in quotes. (sob!) How about a Whore Diamond consolation prize?
[re=280018]randomsausage[/re]: I agree, in that I was disappointed there was no Chewbacca “stamp” on blingee. You will have to settle for the Ewok, like I did! (At least I had Darth Whatshisname beating it over its’ stupid Ewok head.)
If there isn’t a recount and my blingee is not made the winner……I hunt Jim down as if he was a AIG banker. O.O Yea I’m crazy like that.
[re=279987]NoWireHangers[/re]: I liked your NWO one better than the ones that did win. The Italian with the cigar and the Saudi with the machine gun were priceless
[re=280046]Atheist Nun[/re]: +1 on having Sith what’s-his-face beat up on the teddy bear. Lucas really jumped the shark when those little fuckers took down the Imperial Stormtroopers. It looks like he’s beating him up with a corn-dog though!
[re=280005]Serious[/re]: dude, that’s Jango Fett
[re=280056]randomsausage[/re]: Oh, yes. That’s without a doubt the worst lightsaber illustration ever… of course I had to use it!
[re=279987]NoWireHangers[/re]: I really like your NWO theme. You should post that one on Michelle Bachman’s blog!
[re=280058]saucemaster[/re]: +1 Nerd cred. Or something…
star wars? fucking nerds.
That “Yoda” looks more like Charles Krauthammer after a doobie or two.
[re=280046]Atheist Nun[/re]: Cheer up, you Won the Afternoon(tm)!
Fuck you guys I’m awesome
http://image.blingee.com/images16/content/output/000/000/000/537/419891500_2048933.gif?4
Now I feel better about not being able to make one today — I woulda just lost and been bitter — and nurturing some sort of secret plot to exact my revenge. And I try to save that kind of emotional intensity for the good days.
Sweet Jeebus in heaven. Do ANY Wonketeers have actual jobs any more? Seriously, if we could find a way to harness the creative power of this string toward PRODUCTIVE ends, the mind boggles at the possibilities.
[re=280205]Dog Trombone[/re]: Sweet Jeebus in heaven. Do ANY Wonketeers have actual jobs any more? Seriously, if we could find a way to harness the creative power of this string toward PRODUCTIVE ends, the mind boggles in mindbending terror at the possibilities.
FTFY
my. life. is. complete.
[re=280104]Zadig[/re]: Oh, no! You misunderstood, I am ecstatic!
This is, so far, the pinnacle of my “career” as a shadowy, anonymous member of The Wonkette Commentariat.
Wonkette et melle et felle est fecundissmismus!
(There is no iPod, that was a lie.)
I think it’s a Universal Truth. That’s why I NEVER buy any Apple products.
[re=280205]Dog Trombone[/re]: Job? Please explain.
FUCK you all!!!
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/87511318-YO-G-20-INDA-HOUUUUUSE
GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!!! I hate my job for making me miss this… I have nothing more to live for now.
[re=280046]Atheist Nun[/re]: Motherfucker cheater using motherfucking Photomotherfuckingshop. Fuck.
NoWireHangers was robbed.
Screw this amateur shit, mine won 1000+ points in Blingee’s online gangsta competition!!!
http://blingee.com/badge/view/293/user/13824582
I’m turning pro! EAT it, bitches!
After seeing Obi-Wan I lay my head down on my desk and drooled (in a good way).
That’s not John Kerry, that’s Joe Scarborough!!!!!
My philosophy is simply that, in order to remain authentic, a Blingee should be as poorly put together as possible. As though a 22-year-old with a 6th grade home school education might have constructed it after a night of Bartles & James and clove cigarettes.
But the Star Wars entry does, in fact, kick ass.
[re=280654]mayhemily[/re]: I couldn’t agree more:
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/87572697-Blingee
[re=280443]teebob2000[/re]: THIS LOOKS SHOPPED! You can tell by some of the pixels and from seeing quite a few shops in your time.
No cheatz, I just imported the original image on the correct 400×320 canvas size, all of the accoutrements are 100% BLINGEH. If I had shopped it, it would definitely have featured Chewbacca fondling Princess Leia’s boobs.
These all made laugh so hard, that I was afraid my boss was gonna here me. Thank you all for brightening an extremely dull day.
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