doesn't hurt to ask

Alaska Republicans Want Special Election, For Ted Stevens

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Ha ha wasn’t it funny how Ted Stevens probably could have won back his Senate seat in Alaska if he hadn’t been found guilty in his corruption trial, but then he was found guilty, and he lost, and then Eric Holder threw the case away yesterday because the prosecution had mishandled it? Cool story. And now the Republican party of Alaska has called for Sen. Mark Begich to resign so that he can run against Stevens in a special election, for fairness. Hmm let’s think about that NO. [Fox News]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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  • Min

    Too bad, so sad.

  • TGY

    OH HELLS TO THE NO. It’s time for someone’s tubes to be tied.

  • MARCdMan

    Yeah, I think we’ll pass on that one.

  • Mild Midwesterner

    Stvens can see victory from his house.

  • The Cold Sea

    Har! Teh answer to that stoooopidity begins with an N and ends with an O.

  • chascates

    If Ted was still Senator he would have gotten at least a billion dollars for those independent, stand-up-for-themselves citizens of that great state that gives everyone money each year.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    Begich better watch his back; his dead body will probably be found face down with snowmobile tracks on it.

  • Scarab

    Sorry he’ll just have to wait and run again when he’s 90.
    Dead Stevens 2112

  • 4tehlulz

    Please kindly go eat the back of dicks, AKGOP.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    Riiiiiiiiiiiight, if by “Alaska Republican Party” you mean Snowmachine Barbie. And Stevens will no doubt be “encouraged” to hire Levi Johnson as his campaign manager. You betcha. Also.

  • V572625694

    This is a great idea. Barry should resign and run against Chimpy again, too. Or Hillz.

    Our system has weakness, in that we’re stuck with a Bush or whatever incompetent until the end of the term — as opposed to the parliamentary system, where you can dump the PM on a vote of no-confidence. But the good thing about our system is when the election is over, it’s over. And the loser is the loser. I’m talking to you, Norm Coleman.

    Stevens was a corrupt douchebag. All this “poor Ted” shit in DC or Anchorage is bullshit. Stop it, right now!

  • Fox n Fiends

    The prosecution mishandled Jesus’ case too – and look what he got! Send Stevens to the CHAIR! hhahaahhhahahhahaha

  • 2druk2phluq

    The tube assault on Begich’s Porno Box will nao commence. His emails and messages and whatnot will be slowed to a snail’s pace by the sheer volume of Alaska-fail clogging the data arteries. Mortals do not understand the power of Meth-mouth Truck Nutz, Anchorage style!

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=279801]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Erm, “Johnston.”

  • SayItWithWookies

    As they’re so fond of saying whenever Obama mentions how the mess he was elected to handle got started: It’s time to stop living in the past. Stevens can look to the future and run again in six years. Until then I recommend he bury himself in the permafrost layer just to improve his chances.

  • Norbert

    that was just one election that was totally unfair because our candidate had federal charges against him! so how about best 2 outta 3? 4 outta 7? hunh? plllleeeeeeeeeeaaaase?

  • NebraskashireGentry

    this must be a section of the stimulus bill: employ people through the board of elections, justify by having special elections all the time. for “fairness”.

    our democracy has never been about being fair. can you imagine Andrew Jackson doing this shit? no. and he’s on the $20.

  • Zadig

    Why even fucking ask for this? I understand the desire to make Democrats look like assholes for refusing, but this is just a waste of everyone’s time.

    Just think, at one point I would have been shocked and appalled that Republicans would beg for a humiliated corrupt motherfucker to be re-seated. Now I’m just thinking about what they would say if someone suggested we reinstate Blago after charges got dropped.

  • Rush

    Can we sell AK back to Russia? We’ll throw in the Octo Mom for free, if they act in the next 15 minutes.

  • President Beeblebrox

    This gets the LOL WUT pear for sure.

    Irony, n. The situation which results when a state Republican party complains about the corruption in the prosecution of of a Republican Senator which was undertaken by a Republican administration, only to be reversed by a Democratic administration.

  • ManchuCandidate

    I think we can go by the legal precedent of “winners keepers, losers weepers” aka Gore V Bush.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    Election: No.
    Suing the shit of the Department of Justice: Priceless. Literally.

  • tunamelt

    This makes my face hurt.

  • NebraskashireGentry

    weren’t the charges dropped because actions on the part of the prosecutors would probably result in the overturning of the conviction on appeal?

    sure, lack of due process. shame on you, prosecutors.

    as for Mr. Stevens: that’s not exactly proof of innocence…

  • Serolf Divad

    Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhyyyyeeeeeeeeeno. No. Oh, HELL NO.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …and I’m assuming they will do the same for Don Siegelman, right?!

  • AngryBlakGuy

    Dear GOP

    Suck my ballz

    Sincerely AGB

    I just got back from a 5k run!

  • El Pinche

    I need a “all-things-Alaska” filter. I’d turn on “all-things-Texan” filter, but I live in it.

  • magic titty

    Hey Jim, you know they refused Jesus too, dontcha?

  • AWOcoholic

    I love how the capped “NO” is obviously a reference to the Bridge to Nowhere speech. )Or was it the “Series of Tubes” speech?)

  • Come here a minute

    [re=279854]magic titty[/re]: Stevens is not Him.

  • Zadig

    [re=279854]magic titty[/re]: And then he died.

    Or were you going for “JEWS DID TED STEVENSGATE!1!!eleven!”?

  • Serolf Divad

    BTW: these are the same douchebags who want Norm Coleman to tie up the Minnesota senate race that he’s destined to lose as looooooooooooong as he possibly can.

    So fuck them. Fuck them in the ass with the trunk of a 1000 year old redwood. Stick the point end of the tree in their butts and don’t stop ’till you’ve pulled the whole damn thing through and out their left nostril.

  • Professor Proffy McProfalton, Prof.

    I say let ’em run, but only if instead of debates, they compete over remixes. Stevens’ entry:

    Ball’s in your court, Begich.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    You know, if Wonkette were fair it would have given away its Webblog award to the Confluence Blog. So would have ~synthesis~. The world is a very MEANIE place.

  • KilgoreTrout_XL

    “Oh, wow, that sounds great, but I’m really trying to cut down on bags of dicks, thanks.”

  • President Beeblebrox

    Meanwhile the spin over the NY-20 election is reaching epic lulz proportions. I have to hand it to Mr. “Chocolate Lightning” Steele – they figured out a way to spin the results both ways.

    If Murphy wins, the GOP wins because they went toe to toe with the “Obama machine” and held Murphy to a RCH’s worth of victory. If Tabasco wins, the GOP still wins because they beat Obama’s candidate … in a R+3 district, of course, but who’s counting?

    So using the AKGOP’s logic, I guess Murphy might as well resign now, right?

  • helzapoppn

    [re=279839]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Win.

  • DangerousLiberal

    [re=279797]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: My people call them “snowmachines” for some reason.

  • One Yield Regular

    [re=279803]Fox n Fiends[/re]: “The prosecution mishandled Jesus’ case too – and look what he got.”

    With your permission, of course, I’m sending that on a postcard to Alaskan Republican Party headquarters (and I have *just* the 3-D card already picked out)…

  • Unindicted Co-Conspirator

    Ummm, Alaska Republitards: You do remember that it was the Bush Justice Dept. that went after Teddy Tubes, don’t ya?

  • grevillea

    Oh go on, give him a ‘special election’ and let him win a ‘Special Senate seat’. The kind that plugs in.

  • sevenrepeat

    what the f is wrong with alaska? also. microtrends.

  • Tomthebunny

    So let’s put our thinking caps on, and try and imagine what our fabulous AK GOP crowd would do were the shoe on the other foot. I believe the answer would be, Fuck and No. So, up yours Ted and Friends.

  • smartypants

    [re=279940]grevillea[/re]: Then..he can compete in ‘Special Olympics’? I’m for it.

  • Scandalabra

    [re=279809]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Understood. I get confused about the Johnson in my Levis too.

  • smellyal8r

    Well, it was a REPUBLICAN Justice Department that convicted Stevens and a DEMOCRATIC Justice Department that cleared him. So, Uncle Ted won’t have to spend a day in jail, can vote in elections, enjoy his retirement, etc. Plus, if Ted Stevens wasn’t guilty of this, he was guilty of something else. Uhh, he probably was guilty of this, he just got off on a technicality.

    Memo to AKGOP: Good luck with that plan.

  • VanArsdale

    I’ll give “The Hulk” a do-over on the election if Holder gives the AG a do-over on the prosecution! That raises the stakes a bit; the very thin possibility of re-taking his Senate seat against the very real possibility of dying in a Federal Pen! Charges were dropped because of what the Conservatives love to lament; a LEGAL TECHNICALITY. No one says Stevens was innocent; just that there was prosecutorial misconduct. He did receive bribes, and failed to report it.

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Republicans do realize that, while the Bush Administration was more crooked, Stevens was still a crook, right?

  • jackson

    Former Senator Stevens can do what anyone else could do: wait until the next election, run again Sarah “Look At Me, I’m God” Palin in the primary, then win the general election. Of course, Stevens will be older than dirt and as appealing, but it could happen. NOT.

  • OReillysVibrator

    I’d rather they re-do the trial.