• February 8, 2012
  • TED STEVENS IS FREE: Everyone’s favorite white-guilt-inducer, Attorney General Eric Holder, has decided to drop all charges against mean old Ted Stevens, because why not. The Justice Department prosecution team apparently didn’t present all the evidence it had, and it was mean to witnesses. They are all being investigated. ET CETERA. [NPR]

{ 29 comments }

Serolf Divad April 1, 2009 at 1:43 pm

Next Barack Obama will pardon Scooter Libby.

Wugou April 1, 2009 at 1:44 pm

April fool? What? No!?

AngryBlakGuy April 1, 2009 at 1:45 pm

…yeah, because they realized it was illegal to incarcerate a corpse!

Red Zeppelin April 1, 2009 at 1:51 pm

I’m still waiting for him to release Han Solo!

McGomer April 1, 2009 at 1:53 pm

The Justice Department is also, it turns out, a series of tubes.

teebob2000 April 1, 2009 at 1:53 pm

He’ll be released from prison via a series of tubes. Not on a big truck.

El Pinche April 1, 2009 at 1:55 pm

McCain/Stevens 2012 !
it only makes sense.

V572625694 April 1, 2009 at 1:58 pm

The fix was in the whole time. Alberto Gonzales is a genius: fuck up the prosecution so flagrantly that the trial outcome will not stand an appeal.

Ted’s probably so rich from gummint pork that the cost of defending himself is trivial, or maybe Vesco’s picking it up.

Canmon (the Inadequate) April 1, 2009 at 2:08 pm

We are a nation of cowards.

Mild Midwesterner April 1, 2009 at 2:18 pm

[re=278554]V572625694[/re]: Gonzales = Columbo

Not_So_Much April 1, 2009 at 2:19 pm

[re=278528]Wugou[/re]: Shit, I hope this is an April Fools joke. I was really looking forward to him spending his remaining days being introduced to a series of tubez(steaks)…

Min April 1, 2009 at 2:19 pm

Well, of course, he’s free. Who’d pay good money for that crazy old coot?

TGY April 1, 2009 at 2:23 pm

Our man Holder did the right thing ’cause he believes in fairness and so forth, especially when it involves not having to remedy a fuck-up of the previous administration.

Tu-be or not tu-be. Is that the question? Oh, whatever.

One Yield Regular April 1, 2009 at 2:24 pm

What a Hobson’s choice made for the folks in Anchorage. On the one hand, they’re now stuck forever with Ted Stevens International Airport. On the other hand, they avoid having it renamed Tripp Palin-Johnston International Airport.

frailamerica April 1, 2009 at 2:24 pm

I was convinced that this was an April Fools’ joke, but everyone has picked it up. So it’s either the greatest joke ever or the saddest day ever.

Professor Proffy McProfalton, Prof. April 1, 2009 at 2:25 pm

Holder simply came to see the plain truth that we all have many things in our houses that do not belong to us.

Monsieur Grumpe April 1, 2009 at 2:27 pm

Good. He can retire under that bridge to nowhere.

Roger3815 April 1, 2009 at 2:28 pm

You’ve got to be joking!

SayItWithWookies April 1, 2009 at 2:30 pm

This is completely unprofessional behavior on the part of AG Holder. If the Bush Justice Department didn’t let gross incompetence stop them from a successful prosecution it shouldn’t be a hurdle for Obama’s folks.

norbizness April 1, 2009 at 2:34 pm

It’s too bad this interrupted his prison-yard workout routine; he was already up to benching 10 pounds for reps.

bricks April 1, 2009 at 2:40 pm

Typical. White man steals millions, he goes free.

OJ steals 20 Fleer baseball cards and an old jock strap, he gets 30 years in the pokey tryna preserve the sanctity of his butthole.

You people disgust me.

TGY April 1, 2009 at 2:48 pm

[re=278580]Mild Midwesterner[/re]: No! Columbo only gave the appearance of a bumbling fool. To fool his prey, as ’twere.

lawrenceofthedesert April 1, 2009 at 2:57 pm

Everyone wanted Stevens out of the Senate, and he’s gone, yay! But the feds might want to think about prosecuting gangsters like Stevens when they’re younger than 85; DoJ pulls the same lame routine with ancient Mafiosi, in effect retiring them as a favor to the young Turks. Information suddenly becomes available when the Mob wants some coot out of the way, and the feds lap it up. Duh.

As toxic as I found Stevens, he still deserved Due Process, which contrary to conventional wisdom does not refer to Clarence Thomas’s haircut.

El Pinche April 1, 2009 at 3:27 pm

Thats it. Im a PUMA.

Dean Booth April 1, 2009 at 6:23 pm

[re=278628]bricks[/re]: I with you. OJ got railroaded the second time because he should have been convicted the first time. I could list ten cases, but, for one, we have a state rep who got arrested for DUI, but since he’s a la-di-da, the mandatory driver’s license suspension was waived. If you get elected to any office, you can be pretty sure of never having to pay the price if you break the law.

RobPetrified April 1, 2009 at 7:22 pm

WOW!
Who knew that Ted Stevens was a great American pioneer who invented the State of Alaska and never took a dime of bribe money from anyone?
(Cough cough bullshit cough)
What are they hiding?
Who does this theiving rat bastard have dirt on?
THATS why this is going away.
Watch for the same thing to happen when (if) Tom DeLay goes to trial.

Toomush Infermashun April 1, 2009 at 7:48 pm

Ted Stevens for President! … (we need an Alaskan to look into Russia for us, and who better!)…besides, he has all the furniture he needs for that big house…

Lionel Hutz Esq. April 1, 2009 at 11:50 pm

A Justice department interested in justice?

Is this change that we can believe in?

lulzmonger April 2, 2009 at 3:46 am

Sadly, there is no asshole-exemption for due process, & Stevens’ conviction was indeed a standard Bush botch-job … now Obama should issue him a pardon – the nice guy’s way of saying yes, you’re guilty as sin & no, you can’t overturn it, ever.

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