MISSION FROM GAHD  6:00 pm March 31, 2009

Blagojevich & Sam Zell’s Comical Wrigley Field Crime Caper

by Ken Layne

'1060 West Addison? That's Wrigley Field.'Rod Blagojevich, you are a hero — you are still giving to us, in the form of comic material, months after you’ve been removed from the Illinois governor’s office. (Not that you ever actually went to the Illinois governor’s office, but you know what we mean, you fuckin’ guy.) And today, a new scheme, or at least new details on an old scheme: the bankrupt media operation Tribune Co. was riding Blago hard to get Illinois to buy Wrigley Field from Tribune. And when current Tribune owner-weirdo Sam Zell and Blago discussed the scam, they referred to it as “Project Elwood.”

The Chicago Tribune, currently staffed by culturally illiterate rat-children, is perplexed:

The e-mails, phone logs and calendars show the negotiations were nicknamed Project Elwood — apparently a reference to a character in the “Blues Brothers.”

Apparently. Good god.

We are talking about the classic Chicago comedy The Blues Brothers here, which even if you were not alive when it was the biggest comedy of the year, in 1980, the thing runs on TNT or whatever about nine times a week, and in some college towns it plays from noon to midnight daily, alternating with Animal House. Anyway, the relevant dialogue:

Jake: How are you gonna get the band back together, Mr. Hot Rodder? Those cops have your name, your address–
Elwood: They don’t have my address. I falsified my renewal. I put down 1060 West Addison.
Jake: 1060 West Addison? That’s Wrigley Field.

So, these crime-lord clowns, Blago and Zell, hilariously call their Wrigley Field scheme “Project Elwood,” because that’s where Elwood “lived,” according to his Illinois driver’s license.

There’s not a lot more to the story, right now, because the Chicago Tribune can’t get Sam Zell to talk to the Chicago Tribune, the bankrupt newspaper he owns in Chicago.

Blagojevich’s secret talks with Tribune Co. [Chicago Tribune]

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Man Without Qualities March 31, 2009 at 6:07 pm

Federal investigators, Illinois Nazis… they all end up flying off of the unfinished Skyway in the end.

Bearbloke March 31, 2009 at 6:09 pm

Rod and Zell were on a mission from Gahd….

Lorax March 31, 2009 at 6:10 pm

Clearly, they were on a mission from Gahd.

Internally valid March 31, 2009 at 6:11 pm

Zell gets along well with his reporters: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LDy7vn7-LX4

Lorax March 31, 2009 at 6:11 pm

[re=278015]Bearbloke[/re]: Damnation!

Bearbloke March 31, 2009 at 6:12 pm

[re=278017]Lorax[/re]: Jinx! You own me a Coke…

ManchuCandidate March 31, 2009 at 6:14 pm

And Blaggy’s taint continues to spread (not that Zell isn’t tainted with his unwavering support of NeoCon foreign policy and giving Jonah “Moobs” Goldberg a job.)

SayItWithWookies March 31, 2009 at 6:15 pm

The Penguin’s gonna hear about this.

jagorev March 31, 2009 at 6:16 pm

[re=278015]Bearbloke[/re]: [re=278017]Lorax[/re]: Ken was there way ahead of you (top of the post).

Bearbloke March 31, 2009 at 6:19 pm

[re=278023]Bearbloke[/re]: “owe me a Coke


lenorecutie March 31, 2009 at 6:20 pm


Bearbloke March 31, 2009 at 6:22 pm

[re=278032]jagorev[/re]: Okay – my excuse is that I’m helping my Senior-Bear with taxes – how ’bout yoose, Lorax? All I wanted was a Pepsi, anyway…

Gopherit March 31, 2009 at 6:23 pm

Mr. Blagojevich is gonna fuck up , and when he does, he better pray the police get to him before we do.

Gob March 31, 2009 at 6:25 pm

I hate Illinois Nazis.

Min March 31, 2009 at 6:26 pm

“Wasn’t lies, it was just… bullshit.”

Bearbloke March 31, 2009 at 6:27 pm

[re=278039]Bearbloke[/re]: **OT**
Yet another reason to is the day George Dumbya was born is this Medicare D crap – I hate doing my own taxes, but with the Medicare stuff thrown in – AIIIHHEEE!

NoWireHangers March 31, 2009 at 6:28 pm

Too bad Blago didn’t lead anyone on a high speed chase through a mall…

trondant March 31, 2009 at 6:34 pm

“That’s where they got that Picasso.”

Possibly the best throwaway/aside ever.

NoWireHangers March 31, 2009 at 6:34 pm

Your stadium. I want to buy your stadium. The little pitcher, your in-fielders… sell them to me. Sell me your stadium.

V572625694 March 31, 2009 at 6:46 pm

The Sun-Times is bankrupt too:


It’s weird and funny to think that craigslist.org is killing all the papers. Except WaPo, which should die of shame. NYT too, really, if you remember Judy Miller.

Dave J. March 31, 2009 at 6:49 pm

[re=278046]trondant[/re]: “The Oldsmobiles are in early this year” also ranks right up there.

problemwithcaring March 31, 2009 at 6:59 pm

Did you guys hear that the Sham Wow guy beat up a prostitute in Miami, who bit his tongue? Blago and Zell, I get, but the Sham Wow guy? I don’t know what to think…

Rush March 31, 2009 at 7:00 pm

What a bunch of coneheads.

PsycGirl March 31, 2009 at 7:02 pm

They saw this sign and fled, terrified: http://failblog.org/2009/03/31/community-announcement-fail/

Bearbloke March 31, 2009 at 7:06 pm

[re=278041]Gob[/re]: Years ago, I was dating someone with bad credit, and the phone rang – it was some collection agency from Skokie, that town outside Chi-cahgo were the Illinois Nazi useta hold their marches. I asked the woman on the phone who she was, and from where – when see said the town’s name, I blurted out “Hey, that’s where the NAZIS come from!” She sputtered for a second, said “no it’s not! – we’re good people!” then hung up.


Lascauxcaveman March 31, 2009 at 7:10 pm

[re=278039]Bearbloke[/re]: ARE YOU ON DRUGS!? ARE YOU ON DRUGS!!?

ifthethunderdontgetya" March 31, 2009 at 7:11 pm

[re=278059]V572625694[/re]: Yep. They all deserve to die. Fuckin’ Fred Hiatt? DIE!

Cape Clod March 31, 2009 at 7:20 pm

So which one represents the massively coked out Dan Akroyd and which one represents the titanically, epically coked out John Belushi?

wheelie March 31, 2009 at 7:21 pm

[re=278059]V572625694[/re]: There are so many bad song puns about this, e.g. “Sun-Times, You Can’t Make It On Your Own”.

aristoggle March 31, 2009 at 7:21 pm

[re=278046]trondant[/re]: Don’t forget, “You got my Cheez Whiz, boy?”

LittlePig March 31, 2009 at 7:23 pm

Ahhhh..alt-text win. Most excellent, Mr. Layne.

LittlePig March 31, 2009 at 7:28 pm

(I’m particularly fond of that line. The first time I saw the movie I said “That’s Wrigley Field” out loud about a half second before Belushi. The people sitting around me looked at me like I was an alien life-form, Chicago minutiae not being common knowledge in Arkansas.)

bynrdskynrd March 31, 2009 at 7:51 pm

“Pier One…This place has everything!”

“…Uhh, this is Car 55–we’re in a truck.”

The sad thing is I had to explain the “Minnie the Moocher” in the Blue Harvest episode of Family Guy, since nobody I knew had watched the Blues Brothers…


2druk2phluq March 31, 2009 at 8:02 pm

[re=278092]LittlePig[/re]: They have both kinds of music in Arkansas — country AND western.

Now we know what happened to Blago’s hair though. Sister Mary Stigmata called down a curse from God to make the giant pompadour as big as his fuckin’ ego, fuckin’ Windy City balls licker that he is.

President Beeblebrox March 31, 2009 at 8:25 pm

[re=278088]wheelie[/re]: The Sun-Times did, however, spew out a whole bunch of Barry Election Nite paraphernalia that was all over my town – special edition papers, DVDs, books, etc. I guess that was the newspaper industry’s share of the stimulus, amirite?

hobochristsuperstar March 31, 2009 at 8:57 pm

jesus h. tap dancing christ i see the light

stew March 31, 2009 at 9:11 pm

Olbermann to make “big announement” tomorrow night. Good luck trying to sleep tonight…

President Beeblebrox March 31, 2009 at 9:12 pm

Well, this is definitely Lower Wacker Drive.

stew March 31, 2009 at 9:20 pm

OK, the latest scoop is Wonkette founder(?) and anal sex enthusiast(!) Anna Marie Cox is getting a show on MSNBC or something.

President Beeblebrox March 31, 2009 at 9:42 pm

Help me, Wonkettes, I needs elekshun returns from NY-20 to see if Mikey Steele was successful in bringing hip-hop values to the urban/suburban settings of Glens Falls, Saratoga Springs, and Dutchess County. Teh voting ended FIVE AND A HALF years ago and there are no results, anywheres!

Cranky Old Batt March 31, 2009 at 9:44 pm

Damn. Last night y’all made me bust out the old Tool CD. Now you’re gonna make me watch this movie again for about the 5th or 20th time.

SayItWithWookies March 31, 2009 at 10:02 pm

[re=278158]President Beeblebrox[/re]: Tedisco’s ahead by about a thousand votes and the opportunity for Murphy is shrinking as we speak, unfortunately. TPM has it here:

SayItWithWookies March 31, 2009 at 10:16 pm

Murphy’s narrowed Tedisco’s lead to 100 votes!

President Beeblebrox March 31, 2009 at 10:17 pm

[re=278165]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Murphy behind by 30 votes now. It’s Franken/Coleman Part ][ !

President Beeblebrox March 31, 2009 at 10:21 pm

Heh, time to pull out the hip-hop urban/suburban strategy, Murphy ahead by 252.

Thanks, Gov. Patterson, for appointing a redneck Representative to the Senate instead of Caroline Kennedy so we could all be on the edge of our seats with this one & watch the pundits go on about how this is a Big Referendum full of bouncy trucknutz and buttsecks.

SayItWithWookies March 31, 2009 at 10:28 pm

[re=278167]President Beeblebrox[/re]: It could be a long night in upstate NY if this comes down to absentee ballots. And a long few months after that, too.

monthlykos March 31, 2009 at 10:39 pm

The creepiest thing I’ve seen all day is the Cyclone Dairy ad on your website. I thought it was a very creepy joke. It is… right? Tell me it’s not real.

WadISay March 31, 2009 at 10:40 pm

[re=278169]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Nate Silver, hold me.

President Beeblebrox March 31, 2009 at 10:48 pm

[re=278174]WadISay[/re]: Yes, Nate sez that it’s Murphy by 77,344 to 77,279, or 65 votes. WTF?

SayItWithWookies March 31, 2009 at 10:51 pm

[re=278174]WadISay[/re]: Wait until he tells us whether they’re counting the 6,000 absentee ballots tonight. 538 and TPM have both gotten very quiet, and I want some damn answers.

WadISay March 31, 2009 at 10:52 pm

[re=278175]President Beeblebrox[/re]: Nate is made of anti-matter. Time runs backwards for him. Or something.

CivicHoliday March 31, 2009 at 10:57 pm

O/T, but um, please tell me, editors, that that creepy CyClone ad is not fur realz? went to the website and can’t find the part where it says it is made for funniez, but it really is to obscene to be an actual company, no?

PsycGirl March 31, 2009 at 11:22 pm

[re=278182]CivicHoliday[/re]: The lack of contact information, physical address or actual breed of cow would suggest that it’s not for real. that and the statement about one of their goals being the making of money for investors.

trondant April 1, 2009 at 12:32 am

[re=278149]stew[/re]: I thought she invented buttsecks?

Lascauxcaveman April 1, 2009 at 12:34 am

Jeeze, you nervous nellies. I’ve been feeding my babies for years exclusively on milk from cloned cows. They are happy, healthy well-adjusted kids one and all.

Well, except maybe GRZ!g42mz, as she/he insists on being called these days. But his/her parole officer says she’s “meeting statutory requirements.” And may not need a third lobotomy after all.

BTW, his/her ectopic twin is thinking of running for congress in the next special election in NY-20, as you don’t even need to be registered to vote there!

Unindicted Co-Conspirator April 1, 2009 at 12:35 am

The best part of this that Zell’s attempt to bet Blago to buy Wrigley ended up costing him & the Trib Co. at least $500 million!
If he had managed to sell the Cubs with Wrigley a year ago he would have gotten nearly $1.5 billion for both, now all he’s getting is $900 million.
The Grave Dancer outsmarted himself!

Jewdishoowary Square April 1, 2009 at 12:43 am

Illinois Governors. I hate Illinois Governors.

soxrulecubsdrool April 1, 2009 at 12:54 am

“Geez, just tell this Elwood guy to pay me 500 dollars and I’ll get him his CDL license- no problem” /s Fmr IL Governor George Ryan, Stateville Penitentiary

Lascauxcaveman April 1, 2009 at 1:40 am

[re=278223]Unindicted Co-Conspirator[/re]: Sam Zell is too clever, by half (billion).

pondscum April 1, 2009 at 9:16 am

My sister’s and I still do the “I’ve got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark out and i”m wearing sunglasses. Hit it.”

TGY April 1, 2009 at 10:26 am

Well, you *could* live at Wrigly Field. If you didn’t mind the noise and a ball slamming into your ear, now and then. And if you didn’t mind the Cubs.

Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don’t fail us now.

nospin April 1, 2009 at 10:43 am

Blago would say “There is a motel up on the interstate ah may bee we could say ah meet around ah midnight” Of course the State of IL. would be Twiggy.

Aloysius April 1, 2009 at 10:57 am

[re=278078]Bearbloke[/re]: Skokie is also the home of the Illinois Minutemen (thank you, Ms. Pulido).

Orange whip? Orange whip? Three orange whips.

Obamaton April 1, 2009 at 11:20 am

[re=278221]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Are you sure that wasn’t myiq2xu?

Lascauxcaveman April 1, 2009 at 12:35 pm

[re=278355]Obamaton[/re]: No, that’s the one who thinks she’s a Vulcan.

McDuff April 1, 2009 at 12:58 pm

One of my favorites–

Chicago dispatch center cop: “The use of unnecessary force in the apprehension of the Blues Brothers has been authorized.”

(The actor with the line was a real Chicago cop, one of a gang of ex-Chicago cop actors that Dennis Farina was part of; you always see them basically playing themselves in Chicago-set crime/cop movies.)

marlee April 1, 2009 at 2:14 pm

Aloysisus: In fact, Skokie’s home to neither. It does have a Holocaust museum, or used to anyway — which maybe had something to do with the Nazis _trying_ to march there? Eh. I dunno.

I hear they’ve got a killer barbershop quartet, tho.

An American in Toronto April 1, 2009 at 2:59 pm

Does Steven Spielberg appear in this story in a small cameo?

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