Wonkette
Today we celebrate a BELLWETHER ELECTION up in New York’s 20th Congressional District. Once a harmless gun nut named Kirsten Gillibrand held that seat, but then she became the poor man’s Hillary Clinton, so the voters in her district must now decide whether they will be led by a human named “Murphy” or a human named “Tedisco,” allegedly.
The important thing to know about the election is this: If the Democrat wins, it is because Barack Obama is (still!) so popular after, what, nearly ten weeks in office. If the Republican wins, it is because Michael Steele has flown in on a deep-fried golden bull of Mammon and rescued his party from eternal shame.
In other words, this election in an obscure rural district in upstate New York will give us a one hundred percent accurate view of the national political landscape, and anybody who tells you different is probably a communist.
Polling places opened nearly four hours ago, so if our dozens of readers from NY-20 have not voted yet they have probably already been shipped to Guantanamo.
An elephant really is a republican’s best friend, but only now that I see the throbbing tail and trunk area. Well done.
Considering that the Repub (Tedessio–what kind of US American name is that?) had a 12 pt lead that was wiped out by the ineptitude of the RNC and various Wing-Tarded PACs, even if the GOP wins the seat (in a supposedly Red district) that they still lose.
I reject your assertion that they are humans.
NY-20 is only the third most redneck upstate NY congressional district
More garbage we have David Paterson to thank for. Was it really SO bad that Spitzer fucked a whore? I mean she was a consenting adule, a female, and a human. And he did pay the bill! Was any of that really as bad as what David Paterson has been subjecting New York to for the last year?
If Michael Steele chooses to bring his hip-hop sensibilities to NY-20, it’s because he has a plan, people. A calculating, cunning plan. That seltzer bottle in the box on his belt? Part of the plan.
Voted at 8:15am today. I was voter #4 for the day.
NY-20 is trending blue. Murphy will win. But we still have sex with our cousins.
There is chaos under heaven, and the opportunity is excellent — for the Lizard People.
dave666: Where does it rate on the Bachmann scale?
SayItWithWookies: I thought the Lizard People were already all up in the Shadow Gubbermint? Are they trying to go legit now?
ManchuCandidate: Ha ha, “Tedisco” is Italian for “German,” believe it or not. Cain’t it no mo Murican than dat!
If Murphy wins, it will be because no one in NY-20 wants anything to do with hip-hop sensibilities.
Zadig: It’s complicated — the Iguana People are looking for their place in the sun, while the Chameleon People are content to blend in. And the Komodo Dragon People are just cold takin’ heads.
N8Ma: I applaud your civic duty and your self awareness.
N8Ma: As long as the cousin-sex is *good*.
N8Ma: I believe that the first stage in transitioning to blue is limiting oneself to adult cousins of the opposite sex.
I’m all a-quiver.
Tedisco is a slimy lying toad and Murphy is a cipher. The cousin-fucker district surrounds but doesn’t include me so I don’t even get to vote, which is an outrage because I’ve had to sit through a month of wall to wall ads so annoying I wish they would both get his by a bus.
V572625694: “Tedisco” is Italian for “German,”
Hey, you stole my comment, made weeks ago! I am flattered. Knowledge wants to be free! Though actually Tedesco means German in Italian.
I would vote for Murphy, because I knew a guy in junior high school named Scott Murphy and he was a pretty cool dude. We would always hang out after school and play the arcade games at the video store. He still has my Super Street Fighter II for the Sega Genesis though. Come to think of it, I’d vote Tedisco!
hobospacejunkie: Yeah, I know, but a lotta names got “transliterated” by quasi-educated clerks at Ellis Island. Sorry to’ve borrowed your wisecrack, but it was so apropos for ManchuCandidate’s comment.
V572625694: No apology necessary. As I said, I am flattered, and joking, because I doubt anyone read, much less remembered, my earlier comment. And yes, either a minor mistake by an overburdened Ellis Island clerk or possibly Tedisco is from somewhere’s local dialect.
Here’s Tedisco making a friend at Walmart last night. Seriously.
http://twitpic.com/2ms48
Why does Teddy hate the NY-20th and upstate New York and democracy? Jesus, WHY?
http://blogs.usatoday.com/onpolitics/2009/03/todays-election-day-in-new-yorks-20th-congressional-district-a-raceconsidered-by-some-as-a-referendum-on-president-obamas-ec.html
“The New York Times points out that Tedisco won’t be casting a ballot today — himself or otherwise — because he isn’t registered to vote in the district he’s running to represent. “
shanemacgowan: Step 2: Introducing one’s cousins to responsible birth control options. (This is the NY-20er’s sign that they’ve reached the Blue-point-of-no-return.
The inevitable cravings for arugula come a few years later, and don’t seem so shocking by then.
N8Ma: Thats funny, I live in the NY-1st and we have sex with your cousins too!
If Tedisco loses he goes back to being the least powerful person in NY, Assemby minority leader. You would be better off being dog catcher in rural Maine.
answerbird: Especially since they can’t even get the MAJORITY to agree on anything.