Wonkette
Homosexual cowboy John Cornyn, head of the National Republican Senatorial Committee, says that everyone’s favorite November 2008 election between Norm Coleman and Al Franken could take “years” to resolve if he and his friends just want act like assholes. Apparently once Coleman’s challenge is rejected in state courts, there is another level called “federal courts.” So in a few years Coleman could get a hearing date at the Supreme Court only to be beheaded by specially scarlet-robed crank John Paul Stevens.
Everyone hurl feces at John Cornyn!
Texas Sen. John Cornyn is threatening “World War III” if Democrats try to seat Al Franken in the Senate before Norm Coleman can pursue his case through the federal courts.
Cornyn, the chairman of the National Republican Senatorial Committee, acknowledges that a federal challenge to November’s elections could take “years” to resolve. But he’s adamant that Coleman deserves that chance — even if it means Minnesota is short a senator for the duration.
“Fuck do I care about Minnesota?” Cornyn added.
Cornyn: GOP Prepared To Fight ‘World War III’ To Keep Franken Out Of The Senate For ‘Years’ [Think Progress]
Holy crap is that thing still going on? WTF? From now on, everyone on Minnesota gets only 1/2 a vote, because they are obviously not fully qualified for the franchise.
The image of JPS beheading Coleman - and Cornyn, for good measure - will have me smiling all day.
Lizard People demand their day in court also.
jagorev: And don’t forget Jesse Ventura. This would seem to seal the deal, but of course they’d have to do fractions to tally the votes and the count might take longer yet.
Can’t they just expedite it through like they did with the 2000 election?
Make Bachmann and her TruckNutz the caretaker Senator.
Also.
John didn’t know what to make o’ the North
Just knew they had lib’ruls, queers, & so forth
All John cared ’bout was his Lone Star state
Where they loved God, guns, and takin’ a tween for a mate.
Biiiiiig Jooooooohn
Big Bad John
Fuck Minnesota. They gave us Bachmann, Jesse Ventura & that stupid accent. If they can’t get enough literate people off their asses to fill in a fucking oval with a pencil, they don’t deserve 2 senators.
…wondering why Franken’s not giving daily updates via “one man mobile uplink”
/SNL
Lemming Caution: If this ends with CoCo being beheaded by zombie JPS, this would be worth it.
Where is Pancakes House?
Where is the White Fat Male Outrage at this outrageous conduct by outsiders into the Lutefisk eating Minnesotan State’s rights?
Where are the riots, White Fat Males?
I guess the words “Get Over It, YOU LOST” have different meaning if you’re a Republican.
Why would the Senate Republicans let a thing like a state court or state supreme court or democracy stand in their way?
Because Texans are so good at winning wars, doncha’ know.
There’s a good analysis on HuffPo saying it all won’t happen and is probably posturing since the RNC will have to pick up the legal bills. And if they want to appeal in MN they may have to post Franken’s legal bills in escrow since the losing party has to pony up beforehand.
Sounds like a whole lot of bluster but the money will talk, and if it doesn’t look good in the US Supreme Court, Cormyn is threatening “nuclear war” for about a two month wait.
There’s a link somewhere but screw it.
And then Cornyn retired to his subterranean love palace beneath the streets of DC, where he still forces Chandra Levy to sing entire acts from “H.M.S. Pinafore” while John greases up a helper monkey with wads of Noxzema.
I say the Democrats should should just start seating Franken in the Senate in hopes that nobody notices. Then, by the time they do, it’ll be too late. Kind of like how Kramer on “Seinfeld” started hanging out at that office for so long nobody noticed that he didn’t work there.
John Cornyn = “Big John”
“Big John” = “Big Brawn Feminine Napkins”
John Cornyn = Bloody Tampon
Oh, noes! THe republicans might refuse to work if Al Franken is seated? The Dems best start crafting their sternly worded memo now.
Why not force Minnesota to merge with Fiat?
2druk2phluq: ++ for “helper monkey”
Cornyn’s a sorry sack of shit. “Texas (R)” tells you all you need to know. In another year, we’re going to have the Texas GOP primary race for governor decided between a former Texas Longhorn cheerleader (K.B. Hutchinson a/k/a Sen. Skeletor) and a former Texas A & M* male cheerleader (noted closeted homosecksewl welfare queen Rick Perry).
*TAMU–the largest Texas cult whose Sunday meetings aren’t televised–does not have female cheerleaders. They have dudes called “yell-leaders” and Perry was one. He & Bush used to have tea-bagging drills to relive the old male cheerleader days.
I just love it when the Republicans get all anti-trial lawyer. Oh, wait.
The Cold Sea: Tommy Says Soooo, Jugdish!: If the Repubs decide to fight it in court, who better to lead the charge, write the brief, and argue in the Supreme Court, than Michael Steele, attorney at law? It’s funny cuz it’s true:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_S._Steele
Then just push a rule change to lower the majority needed for a vote from 60 to 59.
Well if it takes years, it will give Barry enough time to pack the Supreme Court with pinkos who will do as they are told
V572625694: Wasn’t that the title of a DS game….?
Texan Bulldoggette: Whoa, whoa. Minnesota also gave us Paul Wellstone. And I really wouldn’t beat this horse of which state gave us what if I had Texan in my handle.
Can we put them both to sleep and have Minnesota appoint a senator?
Dudes, Lizard People aside, this has nothing to do with Minnesota voters (aside from the fault we all share in allowing that ghoulish old ex-hippie to be our Senator in the first place). Everyone in the state just wants this to be fucking over already, but we’re powerless to stop Norm’s crusade to challenge this in every court that ever existed. I think he’s bringing the case before a Mock UN team at a Chaska high school this afternoon.
this ought to be settled just in time for the 2014 race.
IOW, John Cockring has no intention of “moving on.”
Actually, I think he’s wrong on this. I don’t believe the federal courts can intercede into a state election. I believe it’s over when the state legal battles are done. Not that anyone expected him to be right… about anything… ever.
user-of-owls: Point taken. (But given population density, I think we’re allotted a few more asshat crazies.) And filling in the oval is that hard, really??
loudmouthredhead: DS game?
I’m old. Gimme a clue.
Cornyn Says Minnesota Senate Seat Could Be Vacant For Years
And if anyone knows vacant it Cornyn. If you stand close enough to him you can actually hear the rocks rattling around in his giant empty head.
Scalia’s getting board. Let’s have him decide another election - just to jab Ginsberg in pancreas one last time…
Y’know, if anything was going to push Minnesota to decide anything, it would probably be this…as a former Minnesotan for 50 some years, I’d have to say that the most ruling opinion in the great frozen north is that the Alamo should have settled Texas for once and all… it’s still Megsico…
Look for Big Bad John to try for President or Veep in 2016, about the time that Texas reverts to all Democratic officeholders.
ph7: Dumbass.
Texan Bulldoggette: ok, I’ll grant you a few more per-capita loonies…but I mean, c’mon…you’ve excreted enough bag o’ dick-worthy politicians to meet China’s quota by now.
As to the oval, reminds me of a possibly apocryphal story a psychologist friend told me once about how companies decide what intelligence level to write their instructions for. The standard, he told me, was “Minimum Ability–Impaired.” So in other words, a retard who’s drunk. But there I go again giving you the business about Bush…I’ll play nice from here on out.
Texan Bulldoggette:
Whoa whoa, at least we don’t have to write stupid idiotic songs about how God Bless’d our State. It’s obvious from the moment you step into it, unlike your patch of sand and scrub brush. And George Bush, One and Two? And LBJ? And…
I mean, I love ya honey chile, but really…
V572625694: A “DS Game” is a secret sex orgy for male Republican senators.
Also. If the RNC or the NRSC wants to blow several millions of munnies they might otherwise be spending trying to elect another homo neanderthalensis to the senate then this deluded folly of stalling Franken’s coronation won’t be a total loss.
Oh, and by the way, Cornyn, if that is your real name — World War III? Really? You and what dick army? Last I checked your minions are severely in the minority. What you gonna do? Vote no on every piece of Democratic legislation? Hold your breath until you pass out? Hold teenage pages hostage until the Dems relent? As your previous ass clown leader once said in a different, deluded context: bring it on.
Urgent dispatch from The Obviousville News-Express: “Cornyn’s Head To Remain Vacant For The Remainder Of His Life.”
user-of-owls: The Unfairman: Texans do have a weird state pride thing, which I admit is a little odd to non-Texas people. But we’re only proud of the Austin/Dallas/Houston parts. It’s kind of like being a mom to a wide range of kids: you are proud of the kids who are smart & diligent & you are reconciled with the fact that your booger eater & floor licker are just ’special’ & will probably bagging groceries for the rest of their lives.
Oh for dumb!
chascates: Getting rid of the filibuster altogether would be the safest way to guarantee Democrat rule for 40 years. Would any non-hick contemplate voting Republican knowing that they only needed a majority to get all their monsterous plots through?
P.S. Having been a lifelong Texan, I find it inexplicable that one of my compatriots bashed another region of the country for its accents. Even our cornpone-iest populists, like Ann Richards, Molly Ivins, Jim Hightower, and John Henry Faulk have had accents that made me want to squirt blood out of my eyes in self-defense. Here’s a hint: ‘Ann’ is one syllable, not four.
Texan Bulldoggette: Austin is fine but who takes pride in Houston?
I’d rather be in El Paso, even with the drug war, eating my boogers, than dealing with Houston.
The Cold Sea: Republicans? States’ rights? Only Texas gets “states’ rights,” though they occasionally allow Mississippi, South Carolina and the like pretend they have it, too. Certainly not Minnesoter, the state that produced Prince, ferchrissake!
States only get the rights that the Republicans agree with. I miss these.
Democratic reaction to election decided by a court, as stated by Al Gore in late 2000: “It’s over; George Bush is president.”
Republican reaction to election decided by a court, as stated by John Cornyn: “World War III! Riots in the streets! Revolution if we don’t get our way! Crackers marching on DC! Rednecks driving pickups across the White House lawn! Bachmann adopting more babies! Oh, wait, that last one would happen any way, but there’s still gonna be World War III!”
I love the fact that in 2000, the contest just HAD to be certified by date X or else the whole country would disintegrate and all hell would break loose because Repubs needed to have the race over quickly, but now that they visibly losing how there is no such thing as a calendar, because we need to be fair to some douche who couldn’t beat Stewart Smalley. What is good for the ass clown is apparently not so good for the ass face. (I know that there are huge legal holes in my argument, and that the Pres and the Senate are two very different positions, but man, it still makes me laugh.)
Why don’t we dispense with people having to go to polling stations during elections and just give the win to whoever can hire the most expensive and assholic team of lawyers.
This story makes ya wonder if the Gore-Bot gave up a little too easily on his various legal challenges. And makes ya hope Hopey’s talk of bipartisanship is a cunning bunch of hooey, ’cause those fuckers don’t play nice.
Aw fuck it maybe I’ll just go make a wonkettini and run the dishwasher a few hundred times.
Texan Bulldoggette:
Haha, fair enough. Austin is pretty cool…
Just you think twice before you mess with Minnesota again. We have 10,000 lakes
TEN THOUSAND!1!!!one!
ForTheTurnstiles: Sorry, never been to El Paso. I say Houston because the people I know there (for the most part) seem to have an ounce of sense. But, yeah, their traffic, skyline and smog all suck tremendously!
Texan Bulldoggette: I think the difference between Minnesota and Texas is that our (Minnesota’s) loonies tend to keep to themselves; whereas, Texan loonies try their damnedest to make life tough for anyone who disagrees with their skewed view of things. Even our loonies are now embarrassed to be in the limelight for so long with the whole nation watching us. Texan loonies would be lapping up the attention and trying to out-crazy each other for more attention. That, in my view, is the only real difference.
Texan Bulldoggette: your booger eater & floor licker are just ’special’
Yeah, we have kind of given US America our fair share of booger eaters and floor lickers, it must be admitted.
However I take offense at including LBJ in that group. Sure, Vietnam, but hey, Voting Rights Act, Civil Rights Act, rural electricity co-ops, War on Poverty, Medicare/Medicaid, Thurgood Marshall. I think we can take pride in the fact that one of the most, if not the most, liberal presidents ever was from Texas. Even if, you know, Vietnam, urban riots, MLK wiretapping, etc.
Texan Bulldoggette: “booger eater & floor licker are just ’special’ & will probably bagging groceries for the rest of their lives.
correction: “or become president”
Texan Bulldoggette: the only thing you need to know about El Paso is the Kinky Freidman song “Asshole from El Paso”, wherein he sings:
“We keep our women virgins till they’re married
so hosing sheep is good enough for us”
And San Antonio is OK, if you like drunk tourists throwing up in your river. Also.
Texan Bulldoggette: It would be fine if your booger-eaters DID actually bag groceries for the rest of your life. But they ran the country for 8 years. Not that that is entirely your fault. I’d totally get into a state-fight with you now (fer teh larffs), but I honestly have nothing to say about my state that wouldn’t get me pantsed. I mean, I could threaten to stem the flow of Microsoft and Starbucks products to the rest of the country, but I doubt that would leave you shaking in your boots.
Thegreatbacon: Michele Bachmann.
The Unfairman hobospacejunkie: : Oh & Kings George I & II are from New Haven, CT(!!), not TX. It annoys me that people think they are FROM here; they are not! Also.
Thegreatbacon: “I think the difference between Minnesota and Texas is that our (Minnesota’s) loonies tend to keep to themselves”
Umm…two words “Michelle Bachmann”
Texan Bulldoggette: In Houston, if you want culture, you get a cup of yogurt and that’s as good as it gets.
It’s made of styrofoam and the high-maintenance spouses of oil executives. No fucking thank-you.
AnnieGetYourFun: Don’t blame me; I voted for the other guy! There’s just a lot of rednecks in East & West TX who, in the past, tended to cancel out the blue votes in the cities. But I love Seattle, but all that rain would probably make me kill myself after awhile.
Texan Bulldoggette: Kings George I & II are from New Haven, CT
True, but for some reason the rest of US America tends to blame us for them and, unfortunately, that’s probably not going to go away anytime soon. So I shout back “LBJ!” and stick my fingers in my ears when they yell back “Vietnam, etc.” Especially the etc part. Very effective when said aloud at high volume.
Texan Bulldoggette: W wasn’t the two-term governor of Connecticut.
HaHa, sucks to be you, Minnesota. Texas says you don’t get a second senator.
hobospacejunkie:
Cornyn pronounces it, “World War eye-eye-eye”.
The Texas Hill Country and a lot of the smaller college towns do harbor some right-thinking people. The rest consider themselves not so much a part of the U.S. and if anything identify more with the South. The bigger cities have enough immigrants from the ‘Nawth’ as well as other, actual foreign countries that the old-line Yee-hawers are getting diluted.
George Bush’s eight years have changed a lot of minds but they don’t know how to changer their mindsets.
Like Molly Ivins said about a friend of hers: he didn’t want to come out as gay because people would figure he’s a Democrat.
Guppy06: Nope, but he also wasn’t born in TX. You don’t even want to get into the ‘native’ Texan vs. non native conversation.
Guppy06: Only 1 1/2! He then… oh, shit. Then we got Governor Goodhair. Look, our politicians suck. A large percentage of our white people suck. These are the immutable facts.
Texan Bulldoggette, run! duck! They’re throwing rotten fruit at us!!!
Make no mistake some us Texans would love to see Cornyr , Delay, Hutchinson, Cheney, etc all fall into a wood chipper face first. I can use it for my compost pile. (OR just go away for ever)
To make things fair, maybe we should make it so that as long as MN has just one Senator, Texas gets to have only one Senator
Hooray For Anything: The lesser of the evils is Hutchinson, in that case.
El Pinche: A little OT, but are the Dems even planning on running anyone for the TX Governorship? Although given the stellar nature of the last two Dems Gov. candidates (Dan Morales who was in some corruption/tax/sex scandal & some white-haired guy named Chris), why should they even bother!
El Pinche: No no, Cheney came out of Wyoming, the subject of our next Five-Minute Hate.
So let’s see…
If you try to pass Employee Free Choice, it’s World War III
If you try to seat Al Franken, it’s World War III
And we all know the next Supreme Court nomination’s gonna be World War III
Let’s just all settle down to the fact that Republicans (and blue dogs) are not peaceable, law-abiding people - and treat them accordingly.
Texan Bulldoggette: Tom Schieffer! Brother of newsman Bob and former General Manager of the Texas Rangers under Dubya. He was also Dubya’s ambassador (first Australia, then Japan) but claims he’s a true Democrat!
God have mercy on us all.
chascates: Ah, Jesus. (Literally, maybe he’ll run & we can put to bed the whole farce of separation of church & state.) Ugghhh…..
…And Maryland’s politicians come out smelling like Roses… thanks Texas, Minnesota, Connecticut, and California!
Texan Bulldoggette: Yeah, I heard Tom Schieffer…no chance in hell. In addition for mass rapture of texan republicans, I’m also praying for real Texan democrats with real balls.
V572625694: Sorry I didn’t reply earlier (you know, work an’ such)
DS = Nintendo’s Dual Screen Gameboy, with one of the screen’s being touch sensitive, etc etc.
Texan Bulldoggette: Houston is the Los Angeles of Texas, minus the pretty people, the lovely weather, the creative industries and the relaxed social attitudes. So in other words, it is truly Hell on Earth.
John Cornyn: 300 pounds of shit in a hundred-pound bag.
I guess because precedent means f*ck nothing with the supremes.