citizen protests

RedStaters Kill The Environment By Doing Laundry, Baking

Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobodyRemember that goofy “Earth Hour” that took place whenever, sometime last week, when a bunch of Australian hippies unplugged their GORP generators for an hour to save the earth? Apparently some intrepid conservatives/global warming deniers decided to use MOAR ELECTIRICETIES during that same hour, just to be dicks!

Here’s some commentary from our Blog War pals over at RedState, who explain how they singlehandedly crashed America’s electricity grid on Saturday night while the rest of you were outside of your homes in normal human hangout places like bars:

  • Watched a movie on the plasma, made dinner, used the laptop while charging, did all the dishes and laundry, filled the swimming pool up with the hose (it was looking a little low) all while illuminating the entire street. This had to be the most fun I’ve had in a long time, although to be honest I’ve been laid up with a torn ligament…but still!
  • I was too busy last night @ 8:30 to post my list, because I was:

    Turning on every light switch
    Unloading and reloading the dishwasher (and running it)
    Turning on the TV (but not watching)
    Working on the computer
    Doing a load of laundry
    Making sure my outside lights worked properly
    Making sure the teen’s XBox was operational
    Baking brownies
    LMAO about the fact that I cancelled out about 3 Greenies sitting in the dark!

  • I turned our closet lights on too. My husband laughed at me and said no one would see them. I said I didn’t care, I felt good because I KNEW they were on.
  • The cats’ water fountain is plugged in, and they have their own TV playing Animal Planet for their amusement.

So, basically, every housewife in Kansas spent her usual Saturday evening baking brownies and entertaining her cats, which completely infuriated Al Gore.

The Hour of Power [RedState]

About the author

Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

View all articles by Sara K. Smith
What Others Are Reading

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

118 comments

  1. Tommy Says Soooo, Jugdish!

    In praise of such eco-friendy products such as Sham Wow and the Slap Chopper, I punched a hooker.

  2. Mr Blifil

    Nothing satisfies these morans more than thinking that somewhere, somehow, they are pissing off a liberal. In 99 out of 100 cases none of these people has ever met or conversed with a liberal. It’s satisfying to think, even though the concept sort of cuts both ways, that in 70 years or so, every last one of these assholes will be dead forever.

  3. Serolf Divad

    I could have told you that sking your average right-winger to turn off Spice Channel, the 700 Club and the World Wide Wrestling pile-driver-a-thon was a lost cause.

  4. The Cold Sea

    Dicks. It’s a movement by and for dicks with a philosophy inscribed by Ayn Rand, known dick. If you’re an asshole, the conservative is your movement. They’re also the Whigs. Also.

  5. Crab1

    A person truly committed to this cause would have sat in the garage while the left the F150 idling.

  6. 4tehlulz

    Thanks to the Internets, they have ensured that future generations will curse them for their stupidity, forever.

    Not much, but I’ll take any comfort I can.

  7. user-of-owls

    I followed the lead up to this extraordinary display of maturity last week and became increasingly infuriated. Until, that is, I realized that if we want to weed out the RedState gene pool, all we need to do is convince Al Gore and George Soros to declare next Wednesday “Don’t Jump Off A Cliff Day.”

  8. SkimLatteModerate

    Why yes. As a non-REAL ‘MURKIN, their inflated electricity bills this month will pain me to the core.

  9. NewSpence

    Wow, they sure showed the liberals, with their slightly higher electricity bills!
    Seriously, if Al Gore said that breathing was good for you, there would be no one left to comment on Red State.

  10. medievalist

    [re=276286]Mr Blifil[/re]: Yes, I wonder if they know they are creating hours of entertainment to liberals, like clowns.

    I wonder if this is what Michele Bachmann’s revolution is about: checking to make sure the teen’s X-Box is functioning.

  11. nora charles

    They do realize they will be paying extra in their electricity bill for this brave protest, yes?

  12. One Yield Regular

    What a wild Saturday night. Those people are going to absolutely ruin themselves if they don’t tone it down a little.

  13. ihasasad

    I hope they have to pay rots and rots of stupid moneys for their stupid ways.
    stupid giggly dumb dumbs.

  14. shanemacgowan

    Saturday:

    Went outside.

    Read book.

    Talked to a woman.

    I did all of these things just to cancel out the effect of the RedStaters, who will never share any of these experiences.

  15. ManchuCandidate

    Silly Red Staters. Don’t you get it? The whole Earth Hour wasn’t to “save” power. It was a plot to identify the neighborhood douchebags for serious reeducation when Galactic Moon Worm Overlord Al Gore takes over from Obama in a bloodless social/environmentalist coup.

    FYI, from my sources at the NRO, there was a squadron of scramjet powered Aurora Mach 10 Spy planes plus KH-13 Recon satellite support taking photos of every square km (hey, they’ve decided to go metric too!).

  16. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=276295]user-of-owls[/re]: WIN.

    [re=276297]NewSpence[/re]: Another WIN.

    Really, that’s the best they could do? Conspicuous consumption?

  17. twowheeljunkie

    Do these people relies they will have to pay for their stupidity when the electric bill comes.

  18. ignatius_riley

    [re=276297]NewSpence[/re]: WIN. Someone should get on Gore about making such an announcement, STAT.

  19. Professor Proffy McProfalton, Prof.

    From the files of the Eureka, KS, P.D….
    9:14: Helen Ferfuksake, 52, posts gloatingly about her power consumption on a RedState chat board she frequents.
    9:15 pm, Her cats Mr. Knickers, a tabby, and Sir Purr, a persian, lure her into her own closet with a trail of Baked Lays potato chips. They quickly close and lock the door from the outside. Then they repair to the living room where they fire up the laptop and watch the victim on the webcam as she struggles to get out.
    9:16 Sir Purr takes this photo of Mr. Knickers, “For posterity,” he says.
    9:20 Eureka, P.D., feline division, receives the following tweet “Oldbat iz inna closet. Kittehs FTW @MrKnickers” Patrol car dispatched.

  20. Custerwolf

    How happy the husband must be whose tender-hearted wife is determined to leave a closet light on simply because she feels it might be hurting somebody somewhere. It doesn’t take much imagination to realize she must make his life a miserable fucking hell on a daily basis.

  21. NoWireHangers

    Why would you do this? Just to be spiteful to “liberals”? I didn’t even know there was a special conserve energy thing on Saturday, let alone that there were people dumb enough to use MOAR energy during this time. I mean, these people like to pop out babies, right? So when the earth goes to shit it will be their kin that suffer. Liberals abort their babies and eat their stem cells with arugula.

  22. AngryBlakGuy

    [re=276295]user-of-owls[/re]: [re=276297]NewSpence[/re]: …I think it would be far more entertaining if Al Gore declared this upcoming Friday “Don’t masturbate with sandpaper day!”.

  23. NoWireHangers

    [re=276319]Custerwolf[/re]: Or that the direct affect of using all this extra energy is that their energy bill will be higher, not that it will make some liberal, somewhere, cry.

  24. Canmon (the Inadequate)

    If this is the only thing that brings pleasure for sad-conservative-cat-lady, who are we to judge.

  25. edgydrifter

    And THEN I went and dumped the dollar bills I had left from my severance pay into a plastic bucket and set the whole thing on fire in the middle of my driveway. Yeah! See that, hippies? I’m making particulate emissions and toxic fumes right there! Eat it, commies–you lose!!!1!

  26. Advocatus_Diaboli

    [re=276294]4tehlulz[/re]: Along the same lines, we could go second amendment on them and declare that unless you point a loaded gun at your own head and pull the trigger you don’t believe in the right to bear arms.

  27. phineas_bounderby

    Well, one consolation is that the more the money the wingnuts spend on electricity and other utilities, the less they’ll have to donate to various other wingnutty pursuits (like the next Michele Bachmann re-election campaign). We should encourage them to all buy massive SUVs of their choice, and drive around in circles in their neighborhoods for hours each evening. Also running their washers and driers for twenty four hours in a row would be good too. And keeping their refigerator and freezer door open. They should set their thermostat to 30 F in the summer, and 90 F in the winter. Also. I can think of hundreds of ways to help these wackaloons waste both energy and their own cash. And also again yes.

  28. Lazy Media

    [re=276280]magic titty[/re]: Hey, the cat water fountain is way more efficient than turning on the water in the sink every time the cat asks for a drink. Which we do, anyway, despite the cat water fountain, because the cat runs things that way.

  29. ChernobylSoup

    Gah! Don’t these people know that if you turn on every light in a mobile home, the vinyl curtains might melt?

  30. HipHopOpotamus

    Sure are takin’ that RNC survey fer realz, yo’. LET’S TWATTER THIS HERE SHINDIG. and then link to the ‘I want to see B. HUSSEIN Obama’s birth certificate’ petition.

  31. tiger

    This is tragically bizarre. As a kid in the seventies, it was all about : Don’t use what you don’t need. Period. Regarding ANYTHING.ESPECIALLY POWER. So these fuckwads are what, my age or older? Who raises these social perverts? Thank god my gayness has brought me to Manhattan where people like that actually get beaten up.

  32. peorgietirebiter

    “Unloading and reloading the dishwasher (and running it)”

    So was this moroonunloading clean dishes and reloading it with their 2nd, 3rd, or 4th load of dirty dishes, or making frivolous use of their a/c powered prosthetic arms? I don’t unnerstand.

  33. HipHopOpotamus

    [re=276334]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: If we’re allowed the right to bear arms, why do they only hang their heads in their living rooms? Do they keep the arms as toys for their kids?

  34. Custerwolf

    I cannot for the life of me comprehend how human beings could be so eager to display their conspicuous cuntishness. How can having an electric bill that’s quadruple the size of mine possibly feel satisfying? These fuckers are so full of hate – if they could only find a way to channel that it would be a force powerful enough to drive a perpetual motion machine for all eternity. Instead they piddle it away on stunts like turning on their kitty fountains – oh, and war.

  35. MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend

    A wise man once said that these people seem to take pride in their ignorance. Boy, was he ever right.

  36. Tra

    Why, this reminds me of that time I protested the insane financial costs of the Iraq war by taking all the money out of my bank account and running it through a shredder. That showed ‘em.

  37. Tra

    The cats’ water fountain is plugged in, and they have their own TV playing Animal Planet for their amusement.

    I like how this person pretends this is unusual, as opposed to his typical Saturday night. Sometimes the cats glare at him for interrupting their viewing with all the soft weeping.

  38. user-of-owls

    [re=276353]HipHopOpotamus[/re]: Only Michelle Obama has the right to bear her arms. Oh, and that Czech babe.

  39. Tra

    [re=276341]ChernobylSoup[/re]:
    [re=276320]randomsausage[/re]:

    Actually, poor people can’t afford these kinds of petty shows of pique. Trust me, I know several of them, and they’re busy trying to afford basic electric bills right now, or still recovering from the debt they built up over the winter.

    These are your trust-fund babies and AIG executives in McMansions. Poor people have to work for a living.

  40. Mr Blifil

    [re=276319]Custerwolf[/re]: What a sex life though. “Wait wait, sorry, I just can’t get in the mood until I know a cancer-stricken child is suffering somewhere…ooh, nevermind I just remembered that People magazine article on Patrick Swayze’s brave fight for life…Put on the Kevlar vest and let’s play “Pajamas Media”…FUCK ME ‘”JOE” (SAMUEL) THE PLUMBER!!1!!!’”

  41. AnnieGetYourFun

    I can’t wait for Ed Henry to ask Obama how he felt about this movement at the next presidential press conference.

  42. KAR

    After a long, busy Saturday running around doing errands in the Seattle rain, we celebrated earth hour by watching a movie until 8:30, turning off the lights, having sex and going to sleep. Color us lifeless old curmudgeons at 30 years old but I think we had a great recognition of this worthy cause… It sure was better than being a dick and making sure all our outside lights were still working (I wonder if this d-bag still has his Christmas lights up?!?)

  43. Custerwolf

    Kind of off topic, but my evangelical bro-in-law was ranting about Al Gore years back (he HATES greenies)and he was spitting out his disgust for all this godless liberal talk about “the shrinking ozone layer” – the hilarious part was that he actually gestered his quotation marks ONLY around the words “ozone layer.” After all, only liberals would be stupid enough to believe there’s some mysterious thing called an ozone layer.

  44. Cape Clod

    [re=276322]NoWireHangers[/re]: There won’t be anymore babies born to Red-Staters because of Earth Hour. Having sex with the light on is a no-no for them because A: They’re fat and ugly, B: It’s sinful to see your partner’s naughty parts and the Baby Jesus will cry, and C: It’s easier to imagine that your doing the deed with some else if the lights are off.

  45. Mustang

    [re=276367]bitchincamaro[/re]: Win.

    Once again, we most expess regret for our mentally challenged friends’lack of a sense of irony. Ha Ha funny people — turn on the TV for your kitties! Ha Ha. Silly. Those dumb green people don’t know that power is generated from the good Lord, and they better shut up before He gets mad.

  46. KAR

    [re=276391]Cape Clod[/re]: Someone else meaning someone of the same sex? I wonder if Larry Craig can use that excuse? “Officer, we were celebrating earth hour in the men’s room! How was I supposed to know I was sucking the cock of another man?!? The lights were out!!”

  47. Custerwolf

    [re=276391]Cape Clod[/re]: My evangie sis and her hubby MUST have the lights on during sexual intercourse – she gets terrible eyestrain reading in the dark.

  48. Leopolt

    She got the cats to watch Animal Planet? Fuck me, that is excellent – mine just keep running up my pay-per-view bill watching Second Hand Lions for the umpteenth time.

  49. raysmuckles

    When’s the next solar eclipse? I bet we can get them to look at it if we tell them that’s where Jesus lives.

  50. CollegeStudent

    [re=276324]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Oh to be an ER nurse in Tulsa, OK this Firday… I’d be violating the the TwitPic terms of agreement with alacrity.

  51. Woodwards Friend

    The hippies should do this lights off thing every week just to give the nutters something to get upset about. It’s like taking the dog to the park. It wears him out so he doesn’t chew up the furniture.

  52. CampbellBrown'

    Look at these so-called RedState welfare cheat loafers, sucking up publicly-supplied power like a mindless commie drone. What’s next comrades, calling the state-owned fire department when your cat fountain bursts into flames?

    Real freedom lovers are already off the grid.

  53. secretagentgirl

    Not one of them had sex with the lights on. How sad. Whereas all the greenies were enjoying the romance of candlelit dinners and fornicating. Enjoy your tragicbrownies and your clean clothes, Bitterz!

  54. isadelia

    [re=276336]Lazy Media[/re]: Same here, the kitty fountain is because our cats cannot possibly be expected to drink water that is standing still. Plus we thought it would stop them from wanting bathtub water all the time, but they still do. So we turn on the tub whenever they tell us. I guess we are just wussy liberals, bending to the will of our cats.

    I think my neighbors must be redstaters, because they have 4 stories of lights on EVERY SINGLE DAY! Seriously, basement to attic, lights on all the frakking time.

  55. JesseJB

    No point in being a part of this in W Washington. All our power is hydroelectric anyways. Not as fun. Does spending the evening in a dark bar count though? Cuz we did that! Take that redhaterz!

  56. lawrenceofthedesert

    After leading the free world for the last eight years, the wingnuts are reduced to these appallingly small gestures and watching Faux News. Plus, most of the Red Staters have to live in Red states (as Abe Burrows noted, “how ya gonna keep ‘em down on the farm, after they’ve seen the farm?”). Tell me there is no karma…

  57. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=276336]Lazy Media[/re]: We have a kitteh water fountain in our librul house, too.

    We call it a ‘toilet’.

  58. HomoPolitico

    [re=276354]Custerwolf[/re]: They actually might enjoy this, as it makes about as much all their other right wing “science”.

    “We cant ever be absolutely sure if man is changing the climate, but we do know for a fact that caveman Jesus rode dinosaurs”

  59. hobospacejunkie

    did all the dishes and laundry…Doing a load of laundry

    For some reason this construction creeps me out. How does one ‘do’ dishes, or ‘do’ laundry? Is this like ‘fixin’ to go ‘do’ somethin’?

    PLEASE TO PAY ATTENTION TO LAZY SENTENCE CONSTRUCTION PLEEZE ALSO

  60. RobPetrified

    Over thirty Bitter, Troglodyte, Neanderthal responses lke this one on another worldwide forum.
    ” Every Light, computer, and TV is on, 2 space heaters on HIGH, microwave popcorn, a pot of coffee, and I’m boiling water just for the hell of it!”
    (from California)
    http://www.fiero.nl/forum/Forum6/HTML/064116.html

    When will they die?
    Maybe when they all shoot each other with their Constitutionally guaranteed penis extensions guns?

  61. RoscoePColtraine

    Confused! The conservative is the one turning the lights off, or all the lights (inside and out) on? WTF?

  62. KingofQueenAnne

    This is kind of like when I resented being told what to do as a child and passive-aggressively stopped making bowel movements for over a month. Boy, I *sure* showed everyone who was boss (and it only took two physician-administered enemas at Children’s Hospital to fix that).

  63. doloras

    [re=276765]WTFITS[/re]: LEARN TO SWIM. LEARN TO SWIM. LEARN TO SWIM. LEARN TO SWIM.

    Seriously – this is exactly the same kind of petty gesture as that PUMA lady who swore off doing the Terrorist Fist Bump and went around turning all Barry O’s books backwards in stores.

  64. Iforgotohio

    Then they all failed to pay their electric bills, because they don’t have jobs, so it was shut off. And Earth Hour prevailed.

  65. greensprout

    [re=276599]RobPetrified[/re]: you missed this one:

    “we left the lights on aswell
    the water bed heater stayed on cause it would take 3 hours to heat up again
    screw them.
    I can product my own electricity if i want to.
    Do i did”

    also the term “high flooting liberal friends” also

  66. Jukesgrrl

    [re=276434]Woodwards Friend[/re]: I like the idea of having this event every Saturday just to make them crazy. Each week of the year it could be sponsored by someone/thing they hate: ACORN, Bill Ayers, Rev. Jeremiah Wright, the U.N., Daily Kos, the Congressional Black Caucus, The Advocate magazine, Code Pink, the Unitarian Church, MSNBC, etc., etc. I’m sure the nation’s electric companies would be happy to secretly fund this project.

  67. ladymacbeth

    kitteh fountains use electricity cost me munnies????

    fuck you, you little bastards. out you go my friends — drug house right there over on camerford.

  68. Cranky Old Batt

    see now it’s sheeple like this that make me really, really wish stupidity were painful. Had a tool co-worker who would gun his engine cos I drive a hybrid. Morons are so easily amused.
    (luv teh kitteh pikchur. he doin’ deh nawty – lol)

  69. Clankie

    I turned my cats’ water fountain on, but they just gave me that look that said, “why do you keep flushing the toilet?” I work in a grocery store in the central western region of the United States, and while there are a few of mein fellow libruls in the industry, it is largely dominated by white folks aged 25-50 without high school diplomas. So we have several employees who actually go around turning out books and magazines with Barry O’bama’s face over. It’s how they spend their breaks and lunches. Looking for things to mess up, even though their kids are generally also employed here to turn those same books back around.
    And yes, these are the saddest, most insufferable people on Earth.

  70. Luke Warm

    How patriotic of them to spend their money on energy companies who are making records profits instead of in the retail or service sectors who are laying people off.

  71. RobPetrified

    [re=277131]Jukesgrrl[/re]: I like the idea of having this event every Saturday just to make them crazy. Each week of the year it could be sponsored by someone/thing they hate: ACORN, Bill Ayers, Rev. Jeremiah Wright, the U.N., Daily Kos, the Congressional Black Caucus, The Advocate magazine, Code Pink, the Unitarian Church, MSNBC, etc., etc. I’m sure the nation’s electric companies would be happy to secretly fund this project.

    DING! DING! DING!
    We have a winner here.
    COTD?

  72. smartypants

    Can we do one where we DON’T put weed killer in our Koolaid on purpose to protest Evil Utility Companies who Erin Brockavich their watersheds…so then, all of these wuckfitted, irritating contrarians,like….DO? I mean, as long as we’re doing sheeple impersonations…

  73. NebraskashireGentry

    “I turned our closet lights on too. My husband laughed at me and said no one would see them.”

    …they must not live in South Carolina.

  74. smartypants

    Whoopsie. Make that Michael Clayton. Excuse the hell outa me. It made sense at the time…coulda been the military vodka served to me by fascists next door.

  75. 102415

    I been doing earth hour shit ever since they deregulated the electric companies way back when and since I am bat shit crazy I can add up all the monies I saved from flying into Dick Cheney’s personal pockets. I bought a really nice diamond bracelet with the savings because my adorable one can’t add so well and doesn’t want me pulling the plug on the recliner or his oxygen.The funniest thing I did was put a timed motion detector light in the bathroom.HaHa right wing lazy ass masturbaters. Do it like the rest of us by the light of the neighbors window. And hurry up in there the dog is thirsty and the cats won’t let him drink water from their stupid fountain.[re=276295]user-of-owls[/re]:, [re=277131]Jukesgrrl[/re]: Wins really, except when a red stater commits suicide they always like to take a bunch of people with them.I’m not sure why.So it’s got to be fine tuned a bit.

  76. tug

    One day the woman who loves to light up her cupboard will find that the only door she can open leads straight into it. And the light goes off. And the door locks.

Comments are closed.