Jonah Goldberg, K-Lo Write Same Article For Different Websites, Probably Are Having Sex With Each Other

  exposed!

AVERT YOUR EYESIt has happened — IT! YOU KNOW OF WHAT WE SPEAK. Jonah Goldberg and Kathryn Jean Lopez have officially merged to become the ultimate destructo-bot of carnage and murder and death as foretold by ancient prophecy: The Fat Mexican Secretary. For there is currently a column by “Jonah Goldberg” on National Review called “Big Bedfellows,” and there is also currently a column by “Kathryn Jean Lopez” on Townhall called “Big Bedfellows,” and they’re the same article about how they fuck all the time, maybe.

PROOFERY:

Does The Fat Mexican Secretary’s wordsmithery also appear on other Internet weblogs? Perhaps. The Fat Mexican Secretary is also known to shape-shift into a sportier coupe called “Little Green Footballs.” Be on the lookout.

 
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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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146 comments

  1. Serolf Divad

    Jonah Goldberg during the day, Kathryn Jean Lopez when the sun goes down.

    It now all makes perfect sense.

  2. norbizness

    That post should, in the words of a song covered by the Flying Burrito Brothers, “Close down the Wonkette Tonks… throw away the key.”

  3. phineas_bounderby

    I think I used up my quota of K-Lo jokes when I speculated on the horrible possibility of sexual congress between Limbaugh and K-Lo. I hope she’s still writing in 2010 when my cruelty humor clock resets.

  4. Iggy Plop

    So the vast right wing conspiracy is really just one single fat pale hermaphroditic creature that will soon pupate and change into a giant space moth that will flit away in the space ether forever? Please?

  5. watershed

    Holy shit. That is terrifying.

    Together, they are like the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man of conservative thought.

  6. populucious

    I can more readily imagine that K-lo and Jo-Go are the same person than I can comprehend the horror suggested by your headline.

  7. NoWireHangers

    That’s some nice photoshop, Jim-bo.

    I hope they’re fucking. It would be like that meHarmony SNL commercial. I bet talk dirty about Patriotism and then tea bag each other.

  8. ProfessorJukes

    Wow. Will one accuse the other of plagiarism? Or will they both admit that they just xerox out whatever the RNC tells them? If they do, other conservatives will be outraged – OUTRAGED – about their enormous salaries and bonuses. But, it’s the market at work, so hey.

    [re=275193]watershed[/re]: As long as they don’t try to horn in on Wonkette’s StayPuffery.

  9. comradepaulson

    And, by the way, my vagina will never get wet again after the picture, both actual and mental.

  10. ManchuCandidate

    Ed Wood is the father of the modern US America Wingnut movement right?

    Iraq – Plan 9 From Outer Space
    Mark Foley – Jailbait
    Michelle Bachmann – Bride of the Monster
    Jonah/K-Overfed – Glenn Or Glenda

  11. Lemming Caution

    [re=275185]StephanieInCA[/re]: while that linked pic is terrifying, I’m so glad it wasn’t worse – I clicked the link without thinking, and in a nanosecond realized how bad it could have been (I’ve made it a point to avoid most of the more horrifying internet images).

  12. Not_So_Much

    I call bullshit. I can’t imagine either of them are fucking anybody. Well, anybody for free, also.

  13. Tommmcatt

    The question remains: did K-Lo consume Jonah to create the above monstrosity, or was it the other way around?

    Either way, my money says there were Cheetos involved….

  14. Come here a minute

    [re=275190]Zadig[/re]: K-Lo-Jo-Go works for me.

    A couple of hours and they are still not only up but linked from the presumably human-edited home pages. Unfortunately in determining this I spent a significant amount of time viewing such inane wingnuttery I am feeling nauseated.

  15. watershed

    It can’t be Goldberg’s. I don’t see the word “fascist” anywhere in the first paragraph.

  16. problemwithcaring

    [re=275186]The Cold Sea[/re]: That’s not opposition you can believe in, that’s opposition you can xerox!

    Aside: Gawd, that campaign sucked….

  17. The Cold Sea

    So how will J-Go explain this?

    1. He/she/it confess to taking talking points straight from Grover Norquist and replicating them word for word as columns.

    2. Just like monkeys, typing and Shakespeare we have conservatives, typing and bullshit.

  18. Gopherit

    This is a sign of the apocalypse. Not long before Jeebus brings up his zombie army. Glad I have my shotgun loaded and my chainsaw gassed up.

  19. ladymacbeth

    That image is very disturbing. I wish you’d have chosen something else. I realize that it’s a shameful part of American history that we should never forget, but it’s too much

  20. The Neoskeptic

    [re=275223]randomsausage[/re]: her vagina is the dwelling place of the mighty Sarlac on Tatooine

  21. Rary Guppert

    so this same article about how K-Lo and J-Gold wrote the same article on two websites appears on two websites? i call socialism. communist conspiracy unveiled! sadlyno and wonkette are both in league with hitler.

  22. hoosiermama

    I thought the picture was real and said to myself, “self, that’s not his real hair…”

  23. Crow T. Robot

    The last time something like this was in the news, the bloggers in question were hinting around to the public that they were sleeping together. Just sayin’.

  24. Joey Ratz

    How will this shocking revelation impact the Lopez/Goldberg 2012 ticket? The staff at Politico must be reeling.

    [re=275216]LittlePig[/re]: One vote for K-Load.

  25. OffTheRecord

    Oh my god. I am dumbfounded. That picture is the single most horrifying thing that the internet has ever wrought.

  26. hobospacejungle

    That photo of Jo-Go in ‘his’ column is a lie. A big fat lie! He hasn’t been that slim since he stopped nursing off Mama Lucy’s teats. So about two years.

  27. zenferret

    I bet they just screwed up at National Review Online and put her article under his name.

    They ought to fire the editor for that. Now who is the editor of National Review Online?

  28. Monsieur Grumpe

    Their sweaty, flabby, pasty white flesh slapping against each would probably produce nonstop wet fart sounds. Pity the neighbors.

  29. stopmebeforeitypeagain

    J-Lo to J-Go: “Is it in yet?”

    J-Go to J-Lo: “How would I know?”

    Proof that Lamarck was right — turpitude, yuckiness, and thorough-going bestiality go straight into the gene pool. Also.

    Make it go away. It’s looking at me.

  30. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    which is perhaps the greatest image in history

    Not without an Oompa Loompa in it.

  31. Tommmcatt

    [re=275258]zenferret[/re]:

    Oddly enough, there was a page in today’s Los Angeles Times where all the headlines read :

    ALL CAPS HEADLINE TEXT
    Sub-Header text

    True story. Editing is apparently dying along with print media.

  32. shortsshortsshorts

    This is fucking disgusting. I admonish the editors for posting this. I just ate breakfast (it is almost 12) and I don’t need this.

    Everyone knows that K-LO preaches abstinence, as she is the ugliest woman who has ever lived.

  33. Serolf Divad

    [re=275279]Tommmcatt[/re]:

    What do you want from them? The GOP hadn’t FAXed their talking points yet.

  34. Czn939

    [re=275275]V572625694[/re]: Sorry to sound so serious but Ei-, er, BAchmann pisses me off.
    But have these people ever truly known tyranny and Marxism for themselves?
    THIS is Marxist tyranny?
    And, hello, we have a revolution every second and fourth year. We just had one, and they lost.
    It’s called democracy.
    Trucknuttz, also. <——must follow every serious posting.

  35. Munson Thurd

    Jesus, what a picture. I thought maybe the third McGuire twin had just been discovered.

  36. twowheeljunkie

    [re=275197]comradepaulson[/re]:
    Do not be afraid. What scared me more were the comments on the M. Bachmann web site. Now that I know their all idiots I fell better.

  37. Crapola

    I didn’t think that anything could make me wretch more than the Cloris Leachman/Gene Hackman epic sex story. I was so very wrong. This is much worse.

  38. V572625694

    [re=275291]Czn939[/re]: Yep, we had a revolution, they lost, so the system doesn’t work anymore! Git yer gunz!

  39. bynrdskynrd

    Uh…I think I am used to seeing that horror: moving(Read:FORCED)from Oregon back into California’s (Smog)Central Valley, it seems that small-minded, virulently-religious, overweight Latinas seem to be the trend. In fact, that was the main reason why I fled…

    I need patchouli-scented hippie chicks, STAT!

    tRUKnUTZ on my S-10!

  40. lawrenceofthedesert

    This will lead directly to the revelation that Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon are actually one and the same person. The t.v. show will hence be known as “Pardon the Redundancy,” and both Kornheiser and Ted Danson will face tough questions from the Congressional Committee on the Legality of Blackface (hint: Rush likes it). Have we seen Andrea Mitchell and Prince in the same room?

  41. iolanthe

    [re=275279]Tommmcatt[/re]: I grew up with the LA Times. I’ve read it nearly every morning for 50 years. And it’s just going to complete hell. I see apostrophe errors, errors in tense and voice, errors in subject/verb agreement, spellings that would shame a retard (or YouTube commenter) … all the crap you get when you fire the editors.

  42. iolanthe

    [re=275205]ProfessorJukes[/re]: Daddy, what’s a Xerox?

    Please. The RNC just emails all these guys their columns.

  43. Internally valid

    [re=275293]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Ahhhh, teh Blingee makes that wretched affront to humanity funny! Thnx!

  44. iolanthe

    [re=275330]Mr Blifil[/re]:

    “Jean Jonah
    Writes like a hack!
    Jean Jonah
    He/she’s smoking crack.
    Outrageous
    Journalist ho,
    Jean Jonah
    Take your shit and just go,
    Oh, oh-ohhhh!!!”

  45. Crankenstank

    Oh, you know, Monkeys, Typewriters, they’ll eventually type out the works of Shakespeare or Hitler or one of those guys at the same time.

  46. iolanthe

    [re=275340]iolanthe[/re]: … and … and the error that makes my Word Weenie self cry: when a verb agrees with the geographically nearest noun, not the subject of the sentence.

  47. Red Zeppelin

    So Comic Book Guy’s writing for the wingnuts now?

    Way to give up your alt-text cherry, Jim-boy!

  48. Zadig

    By the way, my glib query as to their new shared name did not sufficiently convey that OH GOD THE FUCKING HORROR. So, there’s that, also.

  49. DoctorCulturae

    Curse you Jim Newell for sending this image into perpetuity throughout the universe. Meepbloids from CfB16 find it kinda cute though, at least on a Friday afternoon full of early cocktails.

  50. El Pinche

    Imagine walking into a room with those two morbidly obese boars beastfucking each other. The putrid stench of badly neglected vagina and swamp ass would make Mike Rowe gag.

  51. Scarab

    You ever notice how you never see them together?

    I’m referring to their writing and any sort of intelligence.

  52. IceCreamEmpress

    “Maybe we have it all backwards.”

    DUDE, YOU WROTE A BOOK ABOUT HOW MUSSOLINI WAS A LEFT-WINGER AND THE NAZI REGIME WAS SOFT ON HOMOSEXUALITY.

    OF COURSE YOU HAVE IT ALL BACKWARDS. IT’S WHAT YOU DO, YOU CRETIN!

  53. LittlePig

    [re=275286]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Some choose abstinence, others have abstinence thrust upon them.

  54. Internally valid

    They obviously *wanted* to be caught. BIG bedfellows? They’re clearly referring to themselves and how they fuck, fatly.

  55. fregan

    So, you mean when I did that 3-way with them it wasn’t really a 3-way but a 2-way and I wasn’t really there? I don’t feel so dirty anymore.

  56. fregan

    And on weekends when it’s time to worship they become Sybil Loberg, the world’s only bar mitzvahed nun.

    There will be no discussion of circumcision here.

  57. bago

    Alright stop what you’re doing
    ’cause I’m about to ruin….

    GODDAMNED FUCKING RIGHT YOU DID!

  58. tootsieroll

    [re=275275]V572625694[/re]: I was reading some of the TPM comments, and I have to agree—this is bordering on dangerous, she and Hannity are throwing gasoline on the ignorant dittoheads who listen. Why aren’t other House members calling her out or the DNC denouncing her and crying “treason!”

  59. grevillea

    Ha, actual comment at TownHall:
    “I thought this column worked better coming from a man.”

    Alert the PUMAs!

  60. iolanthe

    [re=275375]Mr Blifil[/re]: No prob. Somebody had to do it, once the mind went there. I know how it is. I titled a piece I wrote this morning about identifying garden weeds, and named it “Weed Science” … and for some reason I’ve been humming some Oingo Boingo tune ever since.

    It’s the damnedest thing.

  61. iolanthe

    [re=275494]iolanthe[/re]: The above was the “special” version. Make that:

    I wrote a piece this morning about identifying garden weeds, and named it “Weed Science”.

    Apparently somebody went and fired all *my* internal copy editors, too.

  62. Zadig

    [re=275504]Atheist Nun[/re]: The new Goatse. Congratulations. Now we just need to trick Goldberg into seeing it.

  63. Atheist Nun

    [re=275512]Zadig[/re]: I hope he likes the pornstache I gave him!
    [re=275511]grevillea[/re]: Oh, the terrible, terrible things I had to look at in order to find a body for K-Lo’s head… (shudder)

  64. hobospacejungle

    [re=275504]Atheist Nun[/re]: Oh sweet jesus you didn’t. You did. Oh god that is full of awesome. And totally unnecessary. I salute you.

  65. specialed

    Conservatives conserving brain cells. If they have two opposing thoughts over the same issue they’ll explode.

  66. assistant/atlas

    [re=275504]Atheist Nun[/re]: You are a sick, twisted motherfucker. Oh how I love you.

  67. WendyK

    Has any explanation been offered? Because if “they’re fucking” is the correct answer to why an identical blog was posted in each profile, I will have to end my life.

  68. Mr Blifil

    [re=275504]Atheist Nun[/re]: You should be given some kind of citation. And also some sedation.

  69. SayItWithWookies

    Klo-Jo has a sad:
    I’m being pelted with really stupid and juvenile email from people who think this is some sort of major scandal, that it’s proof of plagiarism and lord knows what else. I mean, is this the best leftwing blogs have? Misprinted bylines? I knew having Bush gone would be rough for that crowd. But this is really sad.

    It’s the “Lord knows what else,” Jonah, that’s really got them going.

  70. lulzmonger

    Caught with his scholarly panties down around his bovine ankles, Gruppenfuhrer Doughboy has said that it’s his abortion & that the “lefty blogs” are really looking silly by pointing out his & K-Lo’s duplicity in this sad act of journalistic bastardry – which remains defiantly intact at the end of the day. She, like any other brainless wingnut-diva, has said absolutely nothing yet.

    They’ve definitely earned their matching His-&-Hers colostomy bags.

  71. Hagar77

    [re=275504]Atheist Nun[/re]: A friend of mine is typing this for me because I instantly clawed my eyeballs from their sockets upon viewing your Blingee, but it was a Win.

  72. Cranky Old Batt

    Iggy, you and I are on the same page. I keep expecting that Cheshire grin to go ‘splody and turn into a drooling maw surrounded with writhing tentacles. Lots of tentacles.

  73. ladymacbeth

    [re=275262]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: jesus christ.

    [re=275320]bynrdskynrd[/re]: wait? what? i’m spending a whole hell of a lot of non quality time in oregon right now. usually i’m in — well, not OR.

    can you dish on OR please cause i don’t get it.

    also.

  74. HuddledMass

    [re=275676]ladymacbeth[/re]: Oregon is 1/2 new-age yuppies, 1/2 survivalist loggers/cowboys, topped with just a sprinkle of serial killers.
    These basic groupings have interbred some, but you can figure it out from there…

  75. Custerwolf

    [re=275725]HuddledMass[/re]: Sounds alot like Washington – except we’ve got a dollop of serial killers.

  76. Custerwolf

    I’m sure it’s been said a bajillion times but I really think these two should just collaborate and do a single blog called “Jonah and the Whale.” No fucking whatsoever allowed.

  77. nader paul kucinich gravel

    Is this an ID Photo of a Israel-first AIPAC Neocon with his fake propaganda lapel pin on?

  78. Atheist Nun

    [re=275529]hobospacejungle[/re]: [re=275554]assistant/atlas[/re]: [re=275577]trondant[/re]: [re=275609]Mr Blifil[/re]: [re=275665]Hagar77[/re]: ifthethunderdontgetya” bakeneko

    HELLS YEAH! I’ve done it!! I’ve successfully lowered the political discourse! I’m so fucking happy I could fart butterflies.
    Cheers, everyone!

  79. NunnaTheSOBs

    Oh hell, it’s back to therapy. It took me YEARs to get past the image of some heterosexual male actually getting an erection, pre-viagra, at the sight of a naked Lucianne Goldberg.
    Now that image has been replaced by one of her crapulous kid playing stink-finger with that bubble butt bonita — I may give up sex forever.

  80. BipartisanFizgig

    Hmmm the K-Lo Jo-Go pic looks like something I’d probably try to bite. Or mate with. Depends on how much time I’ve gotten to spend with Kira that morning.

  81. rossmore

    I know that is really fat boy with a wig, because he has two eyebrows and two chins. If it was the mouth-breathing fart-sack, she would have one eyebrow and two chins. And a fuller beard.

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