Wonkette
It has happened — IT! YOU KNOW OF WHAT WE SPEAK. Jonah Goldberg and Kathryn Jean Lopez have officially merged to become the ultimate destructo-bot of carnage and murder and death as foretold by ancient prophecy: The Fat Mexican Secretary. For there is currently a column by “Jonah Goldberg” on National Review called “Big Bedfellows,” and there is also currently a column by “Kathryn Jean Lopez” on Townhall called “Big Bedfellows,” and they’re the same article about how they fuck all the time, maybe.
PROOFERY:
Does The Fat Mexican Secretary’s wordsmithery also appear on other Internet weblogs? Perhaps. The Fat Mexican Secretary is also known to shape-shift into a sportier coupe called “Little Green Footballs.” Be on the lookout.
BREAKING: Scandal At The Corner Uncovered (Must Credit S,N!) [Sadly, No!]
Thank you to whoever at Sadly, No! made the top image, which is perhaps the greatest image in history.
Jonah Goldberg during the day, Kathryn Jean Lopez when the sun goes down.
It now all makes perfect sense.
That post should, in the words of a song covered by the Flying Burrito Brothers, “Close down the Wonkette Tonks… throw away the key.”
OH FUCK. my eyes
I think I used up my quota of K-Lo jokes when I speculated on the horrible possibility of sexual congress between Limbaugh and K-Lo. I hope she’s still writing in 2010 when my cruelty humor clock resets.
So the vast right wing conspiracy is really just one single fat pale hermaphroditic creature that will soon pupate and change into a giant space moth that will flit away in the space ether forever? Please?
Good god, that is the second-most terrifying photo I’ve seen all day.
Hah! They both Xeroxed the same talking points memo from Grover Norquist.
Serolf Divad: The movie would be called Jonah or Jean?
Is Jerry Garcia’s ghost writing for TNR now?
What’s the Celebrity-Couple Name Pseudo-Portmanteau for these two?
Holy shit. That is terrifying.
Together, they are like the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man of conservative thought.
The Conservative answer to the TelEprompTER needs some major tweaking.
I can more readily imagine that K-lo and Jo-Go are the same person than I can comprehend the horror suggested by your headline.
I’m scared… someone please hold me!
That’s some nice photoshop, Jim-bo.
I hope they’re fucking. It would be like that meHarmony SNL commercial. I bet talk dirty about Patriotism and then tea bag each other.
Iggy Plop: Win.
Oh, dear — why couldn’t it have just been a fly? (runs away weeping)
Wow. Will one accuse the other of plagiarism? Or will they both admit that they just xerox out whatever the RNC tells them? If they do, other conservatives will be outraged - OUTRAGED - about their enormous salaries and bonuses. But, it’s the market at work, so hey.
watershed: As long as they don’t try to horn in on Wonkette’s StayPuffery.
And, by the way, my vagina will never get wet again after the picture, both actual and mental.
Ed Wood is the father of the modern US America Wingnut movement right?
Iraq - Plan 9 From Outer Space
Mark Foley - Jailbait
Michelle Bachmann - Bride of the Monster
Jonah/K-Overfed - Glenn Or Glenda
i heard they got this off the JournOlist.
StephanieInCA: while that linked pic is terrifying, I’m so glad it wasn’t worse - I clicked the link without thinking, and in a nanosecond realized how bad it could have been (I’ve made it a point to avoid most of the more horrifying internet images).
I guess the law required an ALT-Text for that doozy….
I call bullshit. I can’t imagine either of them are fucking anybody. Well, anybody for free, also.
Where’s your God now, Moses?
Zadig: I like Joky Goldpez.
The question remains: did K-Lo consume Jonah to create the above monstrosity, or was it the other way around?
Either way, my money says there were Cheetos involved….
THE HORROR! THE HORROR!!
Zadig: K-Load
or Leviathan.
Well that picture has put me off my feed for about 6 weeks. Thanks.
this is a simple coincidence. Stupid minds think alike.
I bet Jonah Goldberg is the bottom in that relationship
Zadig: K-Lo-Jo-Go works for me.
A couple of hours and they are still not only up but linked from the presumably human-edited home pages. Unfortunately in determining this I spent a significant amount of time viewing such inane wingnuttery I am feeling nauseated.
Gawd. Not even a hate fuck. Unless it was a remote-controlled hate fuck with robots.
Jo-Pez. Chafed inner-thighs and that “musty hamper” smell.
K-Lo. Didn’t her vagina have a role in Starship Troopers?
http://www.stampede-entertainment.com/postcards/monstermakers/bug-6-pl.jpg
It can’t be Goldberg’s. I don’t see the word “fascist” anywhere in the first paragraph.
The Cold Sea: That’s not opposition you can believe in, that’s opposition you can xerox!
Aside: Gawd, that campaign sucked….
So how will J-Go explain this?
1. He/she/it confess to taking talking points straight from Grover Norquist and replicating them word for word as columns.
2. Just like monkeys, typing and Shakespeare we have conservatives, typing and bullshit.
Sadly, oh fuck No!
I can remember when the world of journalism was quite different than it is today.
This is a sign of the apocalypse. Not long before Jeebus brings up his zombie army. Glad I have my shotgun loaded and my chainsaw gassed up.
That image is very disturbing. I wish you’d have chosen something else. I realize that it’s a shameful part of American history that we should never forget, but it’s too much
Backwards. Yeah. That’s only way you’ll ever get it, J-Load.
randomsausage: her vagina is the dwelling place of the mighty Sarlac on Tatooine
Why isn’t this pictured Blingee’d?
so this same article about how K-Lo and J-Gold wrote the same article on two websites appears on two websites? i call socialism. communist conspiracy unveiled! sadlyno and wonkette are both in league with hitler.
I thought the picture was real and said to myself, “self, that’s not his real hair…”
The last time something like this was in the news, the bloggers in question were hinting around to the public that they were sleeping together. Just sayin’.
The Neoskeptic: tentacles. SHUDDER!
How will this shocking revelation impact the Lopez/Goldberg 2012 ticket? The staff at Politico must be reeling.
LittlePig: One vote for K-Load.
Oh my god. I am dumbfounded. That picture is the single most horrifying thing that the internet has ever wrought.
ladymacbeth: Dammit, you beat me to it.
That photo of Jo-Go in ‘his’ column is a lie. A big fat lie! He hasn’t been that slim since he stopped nursing off Mama Lucy’s teats. So about two years.
Here is a picture of the two of them in congress.
http://www.arkive.org/media/74/748238F5-E8B3-4216-89B9-E971813E658E/Presentation.Large/photo.jpg
I bet they just screwed up at National Review Online and put her article under his name.
They ought to fire the editor for that. Now who is the editor of National Review Online?
Zadig: I’m going with Klo-Jo.
Bruce Vilanch?
Their sweaty, flabby, pasty white flesh slapping against each would probably produce nonstop wet fart sounds. Pity the neighbors.
Kajagoogoo!
J-Lo to J-Go: “Is it in yet?”
J-Go to J-Lo: “How would I know?”
Proof that Lamarck was right — turpitude, yuckiness, and thorough-going bestiality go straight into the gene pool. Also.
Make it go away. It’s looking at me.
K-Go?
which is perhaps the greatest image in history
Not without an Oompa Loompa in it.
OT, but the lovely and talented Michelle Bachmann called for a revolution today:
http://tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com/2009/03/bachmann-blasts-obamas-economic-marxism-calls-for-revolution-to-save-freedom.php?ref=fp1
Git yer guns’n'ammo!
V572625694: Oops, wait, it was Wednesday. But git yer gunz anyways!
zenferret:
Oddly enough, there was a page in today’s Los Angeles Times where all the headlines read :
ALL CAPS HEADLINE TEXT
Sub-Header text
True story. Editing is apparently dying along with print media.
Sad Blingee Attempt
Glitter Graphics
Tommmcatt: Did ya read K-Lo’s Bio on the Town-Ho?
Leggo my LoGo!
This is fucking disgusting. I admonish the editors for posting this. I just ate breakfast (it is almost 12) and I don’t need this.
Everyone knows that K-LO preaches abstinence, as she is the ugliest woman who has ever lived.
Tommmcatt:
What do you want from them? The GOP hadn’t FAXed their talking points yet.
Tommmcatt: Best professional journalistical news story ever!
Could Golberg be the one to slay Grendel’s mother?
V572625694: Sorry to sound so serious but Ei-, er, BAchmann pisses me off.
But have these people ever truly known tyranny and Marxism for themselves?
THIS is Marxist tyranny?
And, hello, we have a revolution every second and fourth year. We just had one, and they lost.
It’s called democracy.
Trucknuttz, also. <——must follow every serious posting.
Let’s try this again.
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/87011553-JK-GoLo
Jesus, what a picture. I thought maybe the third McGuire twin had just been discovered.
Kugo(pronounced “Cujo”)?
comradepaulson:
Do not be afraid. What scared me more were the comments on the M. Bachmann web site. Now that I know their all idiots I fell better.
About Jesus? Still weeping.
I didn’t think that anything could make me wretch more than the Cloris Leachman/Gene Hackman epic sex story. I was so very wrong. This is much worse.
Well, hell’s bells. Once more: Leggo my LoGo!
Czn939: Yep, we had a revolution, they lost, so the system doesn’t work anymore! Git yer gunz!
Uh…I think I am used to seeing that horror: moving(Read:FORCED)from Oregon back into California’s (Smog)Central Valley, it seems that small-minded, virulently-religious, overweight Latinas seem to be the trend. In fact, that was the main reason why I fled…
I need patchouli-scented hippie chicks, STAT!
tRUKnUTZ on my S-10!
This will lead directly to the revelation that Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon are actually one and the same person. The t.v. show will hence be known as “Pardon the Redundancy,” and both Kornheiser and Ted Danson will face tough questions from the Congressional Committee on the Legality of Blackface (hint: Rush likes it). Have we seen Andrea Mitchell and Prince in the same room?
Cue David Bowie: “Jean Jonah!”
Sorry, I got nothin’.
Tommmcatt: I grew up with the LA Times. I’ve read it nearly every morning for 50 years. And it’s just going to complete hell. I see apostrophe errors, errors in tense and voice, errors in subject/verb agreement, spellings that would shame a retard (or YouTube commenter) … all the crap you get when you fire the editors.
ProfessorJukes: Daddy, what’s a Xerox?
Please. The RNC just emails all these guys their columns.
shanemacgowan: H.R. Puffin-Stuffin?
Oh God. Where’s my vodka?
ManchuCandidate: Ahhhh, teh Blingee makes that wretched affront to humanity funny! Thnx!
seriesoftubescleaner: Going Goth, apparently.
Mr Blifil:
“Jean Jonah
Writes like a hack!
Jean Jonah
He/she’s smoking crack.
Outrageous
Journalist ho,
Jean Jonah
Take your shit and just go,
Oh, oh-ohhhh!!!”
. . . and I was just about to check out porn sites . . .
This is what happens when you subcontract the writing to a bunch of monkeys.
Oh, you know, Monkeys, Typewriters, they’ll eventually type out the works of Shakespeare or Hitler or one of those guys at the same time.
iolanthe: … and … and the error that makes my Word Weenie self cry: when a verb agrees with the geographically nearest noun, not the subject of the sentence.
So Comic Book Guy’s writing for the wingnuts now?
Way to give up your alt-text cherry, Jim-boy!
By the way, my glib query as to their new shared name did not sufficiently convey that OH GOD THE FUCKING HORROR. So, there’s that, also.
Curse you Jim Newell for sending this image into perpetuity throughout the universe. Meepbloids from CfB16 find it kinda cute though, at least on a Friday afternoon full of early cocktails.
Imagine walking into a room with those two morbidly obese boars beastfucking each other. The putrid stench of badly neglected vagina and swamp ass would make Mike Rowe gag.
You ever notice how you never see them together?
I’m referring to their writing and any sort of intelligence.
iolanthe: That’s more like it. Thank you.
“Maybe we have it all backwards.”
DUDE, YOU WROTE A BOOK ABOUT HOW MUSSOLINI WAS A LEFT-WINGER AND THE NAZI REGIME WAS SOFT ON HOMOSEXUALITY.
OF COURSE YOU HAVE IT ALL BACKWARDS. IT’S WHAT YOU DO, YOU CRETIN!
shortsshortsshorts: Some choose abstinence, others have abstinence thrust upon them.
They obviously *wanted* to be caught. BIG bedfellows? They’re clearly referring to themselves and how they fuck, fatly.
So, you mean when I did that 3-way with them it wasn’t really a 3-way but a 2-way and I wasn’t really there? I don’t feel so dirty anymore.
And on weekends when it’s time to worship they become Sybil Loberg, the world’s only bar mitzvahed nun.
There will be no discussion of circumcision here.
Alright stop what you’re doing
’cause I’m about to ruin….
GODDAMNED FUCKING RIGHT YOU DID!
What George Carlin said about fat people and sex
I enclose a book of stamps. Please rush me the new Big Bedfellows DVD catalog.
To quote our Comics Curmudgeon:
This. Is. Just. Shameful.
V572625694: I was reading some of the TPM comments, and I have to agree—this is bordering on dangerous, she and Hannity are throwing gasoline on the ignorant dittoheads who listen. Why aren’t other House members calling her out or the DNC denouncing her and crying “treason!”
Ha, actual comment at TownHall:
“I thought this column worked better coming from a man.”
Alert the PUMAs!
Jonah…or Glenda?
It is true, J and K would make surprisingly big bedfellows.
Mr Blifil: No prob. Somebody had to do it, once the mind went there. I know how it is. I titled a piece I wrote this morning about identifying garden weeds, and named it “Weed Science” … and for some reason I’ve been humming some Oingo Boingo tune ever since.
It’s the damnedest thing.
iolanthe: The above was the “special” version. Make that:
I wrote a piece this morning about identifying garden weeds, and named it “Weed Science”.
Apparently somebody went and fired all *my* internal copy editors, too.
My KLO-JO Blingee Pr0n, let me show you it:
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/87029424-KLO-JO-BIG-BEDFELLOWS
Atheist Nun: Nasty. Good job.
Atheist Nun: The new Goatse. Congratulations. Now we just need to trick Goldberg into seeing it.
Zadig: I hope he likes the pornstache I gave him!
grevillea: Oh, the terrible, terrible things I had to look at in order to find a body for K-Lo’s head… (shudder)
Atheist Nun: Oh sweet jesus you didn’t. You did. Oh god that is full of awesome. And totally unnecessary. I salute you.
The hideous child resulting from their.. “love?” JenniForHilarity.
Conservatives conserving brain cells. If they have two opposing thoughts over the same issue they’ll explode.
Atheist Nun: You are a sick, twisted motherfucker. Oh how I love you.
Atheist Nun: Hallelujah, it’s raining
mendoughnuts!Has any explanation been offered? Because if “they’re fucking” is the correct answer to why an identical blog was posted in each profile, I will have to end my life.
Atheist Nun: You should be given some kind of citation. And also some sedation.
Klo-Jo has a sad:
I’m being pelted with really stupid and juvenile email from people who think this is some sort of major scandal, that it’s proof of plagiarism and lord knows what else. I mean, is this the best leftwing blogs have? Misprinted bylines? I knew having Bush gone would be rough for that crowd. But this is really sad.
It’s the “Lord knows what else,” Jonah, that’s really got them going.
Caught with his scholarly panties down around his bovine ankles, Gruppenfuhrer Doughboy has said that it’s his abortion & that the “lefty blogs” are really looking silly by pointing out his & K-Lo’s duplicity in this sad act of journalistic bastardry - which remains defiantly intact at the end of the day. She, like any other brainless wingnut-diva, has said absolutely nothing yet.
They’ve definitely earned their matching His-&-Hers colostomy bags.
K-Why!!!???
Atheist Nun: A friend of mine is typing this for me because I instantly clawed my eyeballs from their sockets upon viewing your Blingee, but it was a Win.
Iggy, you and I are on the same page. I keep expecting that Cheshire grin to go ’splody and turn into a drooling maw surrounded with writhing tentacles. Lots of tentacles.
Monsieur Grumpe: jesus christ.
bynrdskynrd: wait? what? i’m spending a whole hell of a lot of non quality time in oregon right now. usually i’m in — well, not OR.
can you dish on OR please cause i don’t get it.
also.
ladymacbeth: Oregon is 1/2 new-age yuppies, 1/2 survivalist loggers/cowboys, topped with just a sprinkle of serial killers.
These basic groupings have interbred some, but you can figure it out from there…
HuddledMass: Sounds alot like Washington - except we’ve got a dollop of serial killers.
I’m sure it’s been said a bajillion times but I really think these two should just collaborate and do a single blog called “Jonah and the Whale.” No fucking whatsoever allowed.
With the tagline: “Thar She Bloviates!”
Is this an ID Photo of a Israel-first AIPAC Neocon with his fake propaganda lapel pin on?
Atheist Nun: O.M.G! Congrats.
~
That picture is more disgusting than “tubgirl”.
Congratulations.
hobospacejungle: assistant/atlas: trondant: Mr Blifil: Hagar77: ifthethunderdontgetya” bakeneko
HELLS YEAH! I’ve done it!! I’ve successfully lowered the political discourse! I’m so fucking happy I could fart butterflies.
Cheers, everyone!
http://www.bartcop.com/lbj-bj.jpg
Loose Lucianne had Jonah as LBJ’s love child, too.
Oh hell, it’s back to therapy. It took me YEARs to get past the image of some heterosexual male actually getting an erection, pre-viagra, at the sight of a naked Lucianne Goldberg.
Now that image has been replaced by one of her crapulous kid playing stink-finger with that bubble butt bonita — I may give up sex forever.
Hmmm the K-Lo Jo-Go pic looks like something I’d probably try to bite. Or mate with. Depends on how much time I’ve gotten to spend with Kira that morning.