Wonkette
The Senate, for those unfamiliar with the august body, is sort of like the US version of the House of Lords; and like the House of Lords it is populated with harelipped dauphins who make ribald jokes with each other between bouts of pleurisy, gout, and cavorting with fast women, such as each other’s spouses. After the jump: the Iowa Republican totally pwns the North Dakota Democrat, who is unable to pleasure his wife.
First in video form, for the illiterates out there:
And now the transcript, for easy scanning.
Grassley: “You remember, you asked me two years ago not to take a vote on it and you said if we did take a vote on it you might not get your budget resolution adopted. And so I did not ask for a vote on it and you said it was a very statesman-like thing for me to do at that particular time. And so I would hope you would return the favor.”
Conrad: “You know, I used to like you. Oh, you are good.”
Grassley: “Your wife said the same thing.”
[The Hill]
[CSPAN, our beloved national treasure]
This is why they call it “flyover country.”
MEOW! They must have worn the same dress to the Capitol that day or something.
RT @ChuckGrassley pwnage!
Senate discourse is basically rivaling old man smells and ‘yo momma’ jokes.
Geez, I would have thought senators knew that such liaisons will only produce inbred bastards.
Chuck Grassley is a sexual dynamo? thought this was common knowledge, among Iowa farmhouses.
I’m reasonably sure that, pursuant to state law, both Iowans and North Dakotans are required to beat to death with a shovel any dauphin they encounter. The same goes for bon vivants but not for dandies, who must be first be ritually mutilated.
Mr Blifil: I once drove across Iowa. The only good cup of coffee was in Iowa City (also got a pretty good reuben sandwich there). But shit, I can get good coffee and a sandwich anywhere. I just don’t see the point in Iowa.
JERK STORE!!!
Naturally I won’t believe any of this until Ed Henry covers it or Miss McConnell weighs in.
I for one would love to have seen Sen. Conrad go all Preston Brooks on Grassley’s geriatric ass. Rahm would have.
This is why Minnesota would be such a great place for wind farms, because North Dakota blows and Iowa sucks.
The world’s greatest deliberative body.
And it’s Wonkette that’s destroying political discourse in this country?
seriesoftubescleaner: Indeed.
I keep trying to post some snark, but this is literally too stupid for words.
Please. The thought of 2 old pasty white guys humping their equally old, pasty white wives (who are pretty much interchangeable at their age) is not settling well with my donut.
That is a horrifying and libido-killing exchange.
user-of-owls: Do they have the buttseks with Fops?
Come here a minute: This.
Also, tightening sphincters and now this? I’m much more apt to pay attention to congressional proceedings when our legislators speak with a saucy, dry wit rather than (or perhaps in addition to) their usual glacial affect.
ForTheTurnstiles: I just don’t see the point in Iowa.
The point is so you can say, if you’re driving West to East, “At least it won’t be as bad as Nebraska.”
If you’re driving East to West, there’s no point in Iowa at all.
I’m shocked, SHOCKED, that Grassley didn’t drop the “Bitch, PLEASE” bomb.
I’m glad to see that the US American deliberative process has basically turned into a game of the dozens. That’s what we get for ELEKTING A HALFBREED MUSLIN TERRIRST TLEMTPOTRPER USING PRZNIT!!1
WAKE UP SHEEPLE, THE AMERO IS COMING UR WAY!!!1
freakishlystrong: Do they have the buttseks with Fops?
No, silly, what do you think the livestock are for?
That is teh gross.
ForTheTurnstiles: I don’t think even Iowans see the point of Iowa.
If like me you couldn’t get the video to work click here then manually move the slider almost to the end.
Spoiler Alert: It’s actually a bit of a letdown, not quite the “that’s what your wife said last night when she wasn’t moaning ‘oh, God, don’t stop, oh God’” that I, personally, was hoping for.
user-of-owls: Yeah. Going west to east, I found Iowa to be something of a disappointment after South Dakota.
SWEET MORMON JESUS. This is not how grown men should behave! Wait for Craig to come out and say “That’s what you both said” to resolve this issue. These men usually it on, er get along.
Point of order, Mr. Conrad. Senate protocol requires you to duel the man with pistols.
It’s a shame that Senate rules of decorum prevented Grassley from adding “Ooooooooooooooh…..FACE!” and then start humping the lectern while telling Conrad “This is how I did it to her.” Perhaps more lenient edits need to be made to Robert’s Rules of Order.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
“Pleasuring your wife” in Iowa means separate vacations, out of state.
Serolf Divad: Thanks for the link because I couldn’t get it to work, either. Now I have to go kill myself. That has to be the most hideously boring thing I’ve ever sat through. Reading the yellow pages is more exciting.
Iowa has RAGBRAI, which is an interesting exercise in pies, and North Dakota has Greg Brown and Iris Dement, I think. That would make them at least as interesting as upstate New York any day, and moreso than Utah.
Stealing anti-Dauphin humor from Mark Twain is a mark of a good writer: stealing from the best. Ad libs from US Senators: worthless, not priceless.
Meh. Get a room hayseeds.
So Charles Grassley has been reduced to talking about seppuku and fucking his colleague’s wife.
Jim Bunning is no longer the most senile member of the Senate.
Texan Bulldoggette:
Yes. The only thing more tedious and un-exciting I can think of would be to actually be trapped in the closet, hiding while Grassley fucks Conrad’s wife.
The setup was unbearably long and prolix, but that’s a punchline that always delivers.
ZING! 6.5 points to the middle aged pasty white Grassman and his urban-hip Iowa sense o’ humor.
I don’t think the American people will be satisfied with this until Chuck Grassely takes the Japanese approach. He comes forward, takes the deep bow, says, “I’m sorry,” and then goes to commit suicide.
I think Dunder Mifflin may just have found the new regional manager of its Scranton branch.
The Senate is Pissing and Fart Contests.
to be fair to chuck, his teleprompter had just broken and he was forced to wing it.
Serolf Divad: Yep, no wonder they’re all twittering & tweeting & screwing the interns. I’d be looking for boy pages to screw too rather than sit through one excruciating minute of that shit.
Classy!
Serolf Divad: but Conrad’s response is so awkward and sad. Dude needs to learn that if you don’t have anything funny to say, don’t say anything at all.
Speaking of miles of vast empty spaces, is this Bring Your Hangover To Work Day or something? **tumbleweed slowly blows by**
Grassley is on a roll. Dude is all “suck a tit” and “go commit suicide assholes” and “ha ha i screwed your wife!”
If he had been talking to Larry Craig he would have had to say, “Your latest airport bathroom blowjob trick said the same thing.”
Well, maybe the point of Iowa is being the random rural state full of countrified white folks who still, inexplicably, draft a Hawaiian Muslin for Preznit.
For a bunch of uptight hard asses, the Republicans are sure obsessed with sex…of all kinds.
The Grassely/Conrad buddy movie is to be released in June. Orrin Hatch will play the wife.
Yeah, I guess Grassley got given the complete first season of The Office, and is now at the top of his game, quip-wise.
seriesoftubescleaner: WIN
Capitol Hillbilly: Yeah & for his finale, he’ll tell Harry Reid to go fuck himself ala Darth Cheney.
Ah. So many wonderful things for the library of congress to catalog.
Miller: Or…Teddy K should have walked by with a casual, “meh, who hasn’t”. With Harry Reid following up with the obligatory, “burn!”
Serolf Divad: The only thing Conrad’s wife is moaning is, “Fuck, this place! I’m drowning! Get me the hell out of here!”
City life in Iowa isn’t so bad, and luckily there are enough people in these cities to tip state support towards decent people like Obama and Harkin. The rural areas can be pretty backwards as evidenced by Rep. Steve King being elected on a platform of bigotry and KKK financing.
We at least deserve a little credit for kneecapping Hillary in the 08 Caucus.
assistant/atlas: Hey, at least Chuck is bringing the LOLZ. Albeit, they aren’t the best, or most clever LOLZ, but at least he is trying to make us here in Iowa seem funny. Plus he is getting some attention drawn to our sad little state. Also, with the impending flooding of Fargo, I like to think that Chuck is trying to remind Kent that Iowa already beat ND in the midwest epic flood of the millenia. So in conclusion, suck it ND, Cedar Rapids was more devastated by flooding than Fargo will be, so we win!
Gopherit:
I wonder if Congressmen’s wives sleep with the pages more than congressmen themselves do?
Less snaps, more cane-beatings, Senators!
lawrenceofthedesert: ANYTHING is more interesting than Utah!
Yep.
Hot damn, first the JournoList excerpts, and now Senatorial shit-talking.
DeLand DeLakes: You beat me to it. I shall love Iowa forever and ever, AMEN!
DeLand DeLakes: Still not interesting.
“That means I fucked her. It’s funny.”
Serolf Divad: Would that make them Marital aides? What a bunch of dildoes.
i’m too hung over for this.
eeeeech.