Wonkette
- Barack Obama has marshalled an army of sanctimonious libtard groups to help press for passage of his budget, thereby ensuring its failure. [Los Angeles Times]
- A Pennsylvania judge was found guilty of accepting cash from the owner of a juvenile detention center in exchange for sending innocent teenaged pranksters there for extended stays. [Guardian]
- In the US, we keep hearing about “stress tests” for banks. In the UK, they actually perform these stress tests, and one bank has reportedly passed, huzzah! [Bloomberg]
- E-medical records sound great and all, but they are expensive, so only 9 percent of American hospitals use them. [Wall Street Journal]
- The medical journal The Lancet has a bone to pick with the Pope for suggesting that condom use increases the incidence of AIDS. [Reuters UK]
- A suicide bombing at a mosque in northwest Pakistan killed at least 48 people. [New York Times]
Condoms increase the incidence of AIDS in much the same way helmets increase head injuries to Motorcycle riders and seat-belts increase traumatic injury to automobile accident victims. We’d all be much safer if we just jumped head first into an active volcano and prayed to Jesus on the way down.
Serolf Divad: and with that, comments are closed. Brilliant.
Papal sex advice should be it’s own category. What kind of loser can’t get laid when they have as much money as GOD?
A bone to pick with the Pop?
Serolf Divad: Volcanoes and Jesus? What are you, some kind of Christian Scientologist?
The Pope hates condoms and never used them while shagging altar boys and Hitler.
does this mean in about 9 months we’ll be seeing a rise in aids-infected catholic babies thanks to Pops advice? unless of course they resorts to buttsecks.
But the Pop wears such festive shoes.
When the going gets tough, the tough send annoying kids to your door asking for signatures on a petition. It’s like being back in the 7th grade and signing a petition asking for a smoking area out behind the gym.
So, who is this “Pop”? Is he the 21st century’s kinder, folksier “Big Brother”?
I only take sex advice from Jello Pudding Pops.
This just occurred to me. Isn’t “medical record transcriptionist” a job? What have these people been doing, forever?
Even mom told pop not to say that, how embarrasing.
In other news: marijuana leads to glaucoma and Wonkette causes anal.
This is what happens when virgins (the Pope, K-Lo) start ‘dropping knowledge’ on sexual activity.
Breaking news: Lancet hops on Pop.
Also: Fox in Socks. Also.
Nobody wants the Pop’s sex advice, either.
On that other story, I think the evidence is in. Private prisons are a really, really bad idea.
OK OK it is kind of hard to misspell “Pope,” but I did it, and now it is fixed so MAKE OTHER JOKES.
The judge issue has been going on for some time. Two judges have already pled guilty, and a third is the subject of an investigation.
http://www.philly.com/philly/hp/news_update/20090327_Judge_may_overturn_hundreds_of_cases_in_Luzerne_scandal.html
Sara K. Smith:
The Pope? is that who you were talking about? I thought you were going to regale us with a tale of the anguished, embarrassing 20 minutes you endured when Pop sat you down to have, you know… the talk.
SKS’s peek at the Pope popped after her Pop pooped out the principles about peter and pudenda popping.
Apologies, still asleep.
What? You have a problem putting innocent people in jail? What are you, some sort of pinko commie? Why do you hate America?
Damn, they fixed it, and I was all ready to go with a joke about how I hate copes because they won’t let me smoke dop.
mylesfromnowhere: Which would lead to a rise in AIDS-infected catholic baby lawyers.
Yes, hopping on typos is a very pope-ular pastime. Urp. But seriously, how ’bout them Libtards this season. Everybody talks about the weather but nobody does anything about it. I’ll leave you it then.
Serolf Divad: Couldn’t have said it better myself.
psilage: To continue your weather metaphor . . . is that better or worse than Repubs pissing up everyone’s legs and calling it rain?
The most confusing thing about Catholicism for me has always been the notion that I should take Sex Advice from men sworn to never have sex ever.
For a religion that concerns itself so much with copulation, you’d think they would have put out their own Kama Sutra by now. Then again, it would be “Page 1: THE MISSIONARY POSITION.” There is no Page 2.
A celibate old virgin man dispenses sex advice to the entire world, and, agree with him or not, the world pays attention. Can the human race be more god damned than that?
Birdcrash: If you roll with that whole strokey beard god thing, yeah. I hear there’s a whole bunch of virgins who kill for other virgins. Ah, passion.
When Barack Obama makes his visit to the Vatican and delivers a smackdown of scientifically valid ways of reducing abortion and disease (education and condoms) it will be Hop on Pop!
Sex+Pope=pop
I thought you all would have live blogged Barry’s speech on why we’ll be fighting wars until the world explodes in 2012 this morning. I listened in the car and it was depressing. Hillz was there. Why wasn’t Our Wonkette?
Zadig: Yeah, but they never swore not to have anal.
I’m pretty sure The Lancet is that limey propaganda ACoRN newsletter that ran a story trying to prove that lots of people were killed in the Iraq such as. So pay no attention and stick to your guns, Pope! Condoms cause AIDS! Guns don’t kill people, people kill guns! Jihad on fornicators!
Mr Blifil: Well, they didn’t swear about it, but any male orgasm that doesn’t lead directly to pregnancy basically means you’ll go to hell forever.
Just think. For about fifteen-hundred years, there were no alternatives to this denomination.
Zadig: Does this mean that, when I get my vasectomy and have to squeeze off a sample, I’m doubly doomed?
rmontcal: yes - when I lived in San Antonio, I knew a bunch of people who did it (big hospital system there). They were often typing up doctors’ audio-recorded notes - required extremely fast typing, didn’t pay very well.
and, on the bribed judge - yeah, privatized prisons - where could it go wrong?
Zadig: The most confusing thing about Catholicism for me has always been the notion that I should take Sex Advice from men sworn to never have sex ever with women. Nubile, prepubescent altar boys and livestock, however, are totally fair game.
/fixed and amended.
I’m not sure which is funnier, Mein Fuhrer Pope knocking condoms for diverting folks from that all-important Abstinence and Heaven (which I believe was an album by Paul McCartney & Wings), or Lancet grousing about a Liberace-costumed old zealot peeing on its Holy Science, which, as we all know, is the process of being wrong about everything and very gradually realizing the mistakes.
Lemming Caution: In Luzerne County, what Judges Ciavarella and Conahan did is called entrepreneurship. Besides, they did it for the kids.
—- In an interview with the Guardian last month Ciavarella insisted that his only concern had been to try “to help these kids straighten out their lives”. —
BTW: Why do you hate private enterprise?
The Penn judges story makes my skin crawl. And think, some crazed mom helps her daughter cyber-stalk and totally gaslight a teen into committing suicide via MySpace, and they have trouble finding a way to charge her. But some kid good-naturedly busts her teacher’s chops on MySpace and she goes to jail because a judge is on the take.
Next logical steps: Sarah Palin runs in 2012, and the Aztec apocalypse hits. It is fated. Start fornicating now.
Norbert: Guns don’t kill people. *Bullets* kill people.
DangerousLiberal: Not exactly double. After all, getting a vasectomy is basically getting INFINITE ABORTIONS.
Zadig: Yes there were. Islam. Eastern Orthodoxy. Manichaeism. Worshiping Glycon, the Anatolian glove-puppet snake god. The list goes on.
Someone should tell the Lancet that when it comes to picking bones, the papal always get first choice - and they always pick early.
magic titty: Isn’t that the truth. Everything that comes out of their mouths is spawned from sexual repression and compensation for the fact that no one would fuck either one of them - not even with either one of the other’s genitalia.