yes we can has a commerce secretary

Locke Is New Winner Of Latino Consolation Prize!

Now pls end the drought in CASure, Gary Locke isn’t even half-Mexican, but today he officially won the plum job first promised to the known Latino Bill Richardson, and then to known Republican Judd Gregg. He will be our new Commerce Secretary, which means that he gets to outsource the administration of the Census Bureau to ACORN, while handing over control of the National Weather Service and indeed the weather itself to Bill Ayers. Locke will oversee our shabby trade imbalance, and will put millions of Americans to work farming small pebbles for us to sell overseas. [Bloomberg]

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Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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15 comments

  1. Internally valid

    OH NOES! THE CHINEES R TAKING OVR OUR COMMERS! ONE WOLRD CURRENSY COMMING UP! SOMMONE TEL MISHELL BOCKMAN!!1! (SHE”S HOTT BUY TEH WAY, O YA!)

  2. Uncle Glenny

    Will he put teh gayz back in the census?

    (I read somewhere not too long ago that questions that allow them to determine how many gay couples live together had been eliminated. Anyone know?)

  3. user-of-owls

    will put millions of Americans to work farming small pebbles

    I’m pretty sure he’ll actually put us to work on building railroads. He’s got a pretty strong streak of irony.

    Oh, and I think you meant “alleged” Latino Bill Richardson, cuz, c’mon…no way.

  4. Serolf Divad

    We’ll know this was all part of a clever ruse when the next census shows 23% of the population to be Chi-Coms!

  5. assistant/atlas

    I’d hit it.

    Wait, no…sorry, I’m still a little horny from the Czech hottie pic.

  6. masterdebater

    Don’t panic! He’s asian, sort of, which means he is good with numbers and got A’s in math…he can probably fool folks into giving us more credit. Let the good times roll!

  7. prizepig

    Hey! Our trade imbalance isn’t shabby. It’s tremendous, fantastic, one of the greatest trade imbalances in the world.

  8. dougbob

    Well of course you’d give the Weather Bureau to a Weatherman. Now if they can just figure out which way the wind blows…..

  9. saggyboobedhag

    Are we SURE this guy paid all his taxes and doesn’t fondle women in public?

    And will someone tell me which one of these characters is Faye: 駱家輝

  10. Red Zeppelin

    The plan is clear: to enslave us all and send us to sweatshops, where we work 12 hour days making salad shooters and Barbies. If we work hard, and our one child does well on his college entrance exam, one day we can retire to the country with a Shanghai-made Buick. Obv. Mexicans become our Tibetans. But our trade deficit goes away in no time.

  11. Custerwolf

    Obama seems to like what we of “the other” Washington have to offer. Mr. President, if you’re ever looking for an intern with good dicktasting – er, I mean – DICTATING skills, please consider my resume.

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