Wonkette
The Czech government collapsed, which means current prime minister — and current president of the European Union, whoops! — Mirek Topolanek is now powerless and will soon be jobless, but that doesn’t mean he can’t deliver an apocalyptically Slavic-ly gloomy sermon against the United States and its terrible bailout plan, which is just like the American response to the previous Great Depression, which sort of led to … Hitler? Yes, Hitler. Depression + Czech troubles = Hitler. Works every time.
Prague’s collapse is now the fourth Euro-ish government failure from this particular Global Crisis, following Iceland and Latvia and, last week, Hungary. Financial experts around the world are saying, in their various comical languages, “This shit is bananas.”
Now, Mireku, what was that you wanted to say, about America?
Topolanek, whose country holds the European Union presidency, told the bloc’s parliament in Strasbourg that Obama’s plans to stimulate the US economy would “undermine the stability of the global financial market.”
Topolanek said: “The United States did not take the right path. All of these steps, these combinations and permanency is the way to hell. We need to read the history books and the lessons of history and the biggest success of the [EU] is the refusal to go this way.”
And as the British never tire of reminding us, it was Britain’s fault that a Czechoslovakia in crisis during the 1930s Great Depression was given to Hitler, in hopes Hitler would just hang out in Karlovy Vary and keep his genocide limited to, say, the Czechs. But nooooo!
Well, the former British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain once dismissed Czechoslovakia as a “small country about which we know nothing”. The Czech Republic is even smaller than Czechoslovakia, but it is rather important at the moment. What happens in Prague could have far-reaching consequences beyond Czech borders.
This is the biggest outrage from Prague since the dirty Czechs installed that terrible art at EU headquarters showing all the various European Races to be comical ethnic stereotypes.
Oh, also, this endangers the Lisbon Treaty — the Czech Republic is one of four EU states yet to ratify it, along with Poland and Ireland and Germany, where Hitler used to be in charge — and might be some kind of Russian fuckanova deal, and noted dickwad Vaclav Klaus will stand in for Mirek at the EU-Russia summit, and Barack Obama is supposed to be in Prague next month to meet with this loser, the soon-to-be-ex Prime Minister Mirek Topolanek, and one of the Major Issues is the U.S./NATO missile shield on Czech ground that is outraging Putin and what’s his name, his pet president.
The lights are going out all over Europe, etc.
I’ve got something SHE can Czech out. In my pants!!!1!!.1!
It’s not really a “collapse” in Prague until people start falling out of windows.
Important things first. How will this affect their production of Budvar?
It’s true. The EU never spends money on roads, health care, or the unemployed.
I loves me a good fuckanova.
So does that mean we get Sudetenland now?
Delicious: Ah yes, the best of which come out of Fuckivino.
Barry has us on the Highway to Hell? Hey momma, look at me! I’m on my way to the promised land.
Formerly Preferred: It’s not really a “collapse” in Prague until people start falling out of windows.
Do Czechs bounce?
That photo serves as a reminder as to why I still regret not going to the Czech Republic to teach English for a summer.
What will be the impact on their major industries, porno movies and prostitution?
Hey Ken - what’s shakin’ ?
(So Cal joke, OT)
Never trust a chick whose upper arms are the same diameter as her forearms.
I’d hit it.
user-of-owls: silly puns ftw
user-of-owls: that’s a groaner. high five.
Looks like that balanced budget shit worked out real good for the Czechs.
(Incidentally, Topolanek’s boss Vaclav Klaus is a fellow at the European Center of Austrian Economics Foundation, making him technically a Paultard).
Czech please.
Wait… when did we hand over the Sudetenland to Merkel?
What about Pilsner Urquell?
Financial meltdown? - Czech!
Iceland? - The banks are on ice!
Hungary? - Financiers are gonna be hungry!
Latvian bankruptcy? - Uh, I got nothin’ that goes with Latvia.
rmontcal: Czech mate?
…oh god, make it stop…
ManchuCandidate: No no, they all leave–the hot guys end up doing porn in Chatsworth and the girls go to England or something.
And if you do land a hottie, you have to worry that you get presented with a bill in the morning.
Mild Midwesterner: Hey, quit bitin’ my style. user-of-owls:
reading the commentaries i understand why the europeans consider the us people so ignorant.
user-of-owls: I’ll try to keep it in Czech.
user-of-owls: Badum-boom!
Auggieclown: Thank you. But what about the US Americans? And The Iraq?
Doesn’t being the head of a government in total collapse revoke your right to commentary on how things should work? I mean, George Bush did it all the time, but, you know, fucktard and all, so why should HE get to make the rules for autocrats in decline?
They never got over their breakup with the Slovaks, and had taken to just sitting around the house all day, eating bonbons and watching weird Eastern European cartoons like “Worker and Parasite.”
The lights are going out all over Europe, etc.
But the trains are running on time?
Lascauxcaveman: They just need some enact a few more “Riga”-lations!
Hey good looking, we’ll be back to Czech you out later.
Canuck13652:
This was just when Czechs were opening up to the west and before it became the Porno Valley of Eastern Europe.
It’s a parliamentary system government. There are more governments where that one came from. It’s not like mail deliveries will stop, hookers will cease to get medical check-ups, or beauty queens will lose their bikinis.
Lascauxcaveman: Labia.
Dinga-dinga dee!
Lascauxcaveman: “Latvian bankruptcy? - Uh, I got nothin’ that goes with Latvia.”
Latvia: all banks and homes are now to Lett
You know, “to let” as in “for rent” and Lett as in Latvian? Well, I tried…
What’s going on? I’m suddenly very interested in whatever is happening over there in … uh … breasts. I mean, Czechoslovakia or whatever.
Lascauxcaveman: Poor bastards.
And Jeebus, Ken — don’t put blind links to Al Jazeera. Don’t you know NSA is monitoring the intertubes for terroristical activity?
Auggieclown:
GOOD THING IS THAT BOLSHEVIK NOOBAMA AND HIS COMUNIST MANAFESTO WILL TAKE OUT FANCY PANTS FRRANCE. SERVE THEM BACK SOME OF THERE OWN FREEDUMB FRIES!!!1!!! AMERIIKKA FUCK YEAH!
Well, the important thing is that wingnuts can’t claim this as another MASSIVE FAILURE of the Obama administration as it would force them to pretend they care about Europe and they would have to know about the existence of places like Latvia and Hungary…
Hurrah for another picture of Sarah K. Smith!!!!
(Ken Layne to self, before posting this one) “Hmmm… how the fuck will I get people to click on a story about the Czech government going under?? I mean, really, outside of Czechs, who fucking cares??”
žluté plavky žertovat čas wonkette
Formerly Preferred: Ahh, a good old fashioned Bohemian defenestration, it has been a long time.
there once was a girl from latvia….
norbizness: Man, when I was a kid, I LOVED “Worker and Parasite”! I used to watch it every Saturday morning, right after “World’s Funniest Struggle Sessions” and before “When Workers Attack!”…good times.
V572625694: Barry is shutting down the intertubes and our freedoms of speeches, anyways. هكذا [فوك] [غرج] دغل! !!!!
Dunston czechs in, but he won’t czech out.
The outerlying areas around Prague, last time I was there, were sinful stewpots. I remember driving from Austria to Prague and passing a giant tent wherein it was certain live sex acts were being performed for money. So hopefully we’ll be seeing much much more of that kind of thing, since sexytime distracts one from being poor.
Also, El Pinche: I heartily concur with you also.
tunamelt: Fuck that shit. The real brands are Budovice, where Adolph Busch literally stole the name, and Radegast. Sweet, sweet Radegast.
I assure you everthing within human power will be done to protect the sanctity of the beer.
Ooh la la, Miss Buckova, I’d bail out her toxic assets.
assistant/atlas: No, no, you’ve got it all wrong. There are Brests in Belarus, France, Germany and Macedonia, but not the Czech Republic. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brest
Thank God for the EU. Now instead of the US being blamed for destroying each European country individually, we can get credit for exploding the whole caboodle.
Auggieclown: I HATE clowns Auggie. The only thing funny about them is the way they smell when you light them on fire.
That girl needs to czech out KFC or hang with a PUMA for a couple weeks before getting with El Pinche. 40-25-36 at 5′5″ .im flexible.
HipHopOpotamus: As the EU simply states to Russia “Czech-mate”
i can haz inexpensive romance explosion trip?
Not hard to figure. Can’t blame their problems on the Russians anymore, can’t blame them on the EU cuz they’re in charge this week. No border with Mexico. No container ship docks for China. Who does that leave? Besides, we stole their “Budweiser” brand and put it on awful tasting stuff.
El Pinche: Hmm, I was hoping that said “Big Sale on Truck Nutz!” in Arabic, but translate.google.com returns gibberish. Clues for the clueless?
Formerly Preferred: Nice. Any post that prompts the use of an old-time Wonkette favorite word like, defenestration, is a good post, AFAIC.
I assume this means that there will be lots more models looking for work with William Higgins and czechboys.com - except they will probably mostly be pudgy ex-government employees?
IFB Czech is like check in English.
“Don’t bogart the cabbage! Don’t bogart the cabbage!”
Custerwolf: What about Ms. Coulter, whose thighs are the same diameter as her wrists?
Barry had better stay away from the Czech republic, or he will be thrown in the Bear Moat:
http://www.castle.ckrumlov.cz/docs/en/zamek_1nadvori_mpriko.xml
Gnaeus: Uh, I see you went there first. Huzza.
Maybe it’s just me, but it seems as if all the countries that became good little soldiers of the free market revolution are now taking it on the chin.
HA-HA!
Oh yay. Another delay on the Lisbon Treaty. Hans-Gert Pöttering is going to be fucking pissssssssed.
Oh… and boobs or something.
This is the sexiest collapse I have ever witnessed. Czech-iest collapse??
V572625694: Yeah, it translate at all (this way jungle?) . It was supposed to say “G.W Bush sucks balls” or something simplistic like , i forgot. Haha..oh well.
bitchincamaro: Of all that things Wonkette has taught me, THAT is my favorite.
Mr Blifil: PIVO!
umm… this is the most important story ever to appear on the wonkettes. you should replace the homepage and the right side scrawl with this story. Oh, p.s., I would knock the czech off that!!! More miss Czech!1!1
Hasn’t the Czech Republic been renamed Czechkia yet?
Also: My god, Ken, was that a Divine Comedy reference? (The band, not the poem).
tunamelt: You’re right! We’ve GOT to save them! Or at least get the recipe!
I’m just glad that Wonkette hasn’t completely gone in the gutter like other media sites by posting articles on “Vibrator-gate” and Mika Brzezinski. great job!
He better stop writing writing Czechs his country can’t cash.
Mentos + Diet Coke = Hitler.
Also! Topolanek is in thick with [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Libertas_Party_Limited]this[/url] dodgy pan-Euro conspiracy.
ManchuCandidate: Not too late. Come on over, I’ll give you a job.
The Czech economy should be entrusted to their endless supply of stunning porn models,
from Kyla Cole to Karolina Mirasova to Lucie Malkrabova to Jana Cova. I could go on all day.
teebob2000: The Czechs don’t even care. Governments collapse here all the time. It’s how they roll.
Condi video = 800+ ‘views’
Czech Chich in bikini = 2800+ ‘views’
Hmmmmmm?
Condi video = 800+ ‘views’
Czech Chick in bikini = 2800+ ‘views’
Hmmmmmm?
All this shit may be bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S, but Miss Unpronounceable Czech Name ain’t no hollah back girl, G. Mirek Topolanek is, however, someone’s bitch right now.
nutcracker: PLease do! I want names, damm you, give me names!!also.
teebob2000: If that is the case, success!
Also! I’d hit it until my dick fell off.
wonkette should compromise its principles and splash cheesecake all over its front page more often.
Lascauxcaveman:
“latvia ’bout five years before you have a job again?”
The lights are going out all over Europe, etc.
I thought Earth Hour was the 28th?
The Czechs will never catch up to the Italians, collapsing government-wise.
I thought I was done here, but I remembered the Topolanek beat down of the papparazzi in Praha last year.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eC27qqc0fxU
Fucker had it coming.
Tsk tsk. All that snark, and not one “canceled Czech.”
The anointed land that gave us the likes of Petra Nemcova must be defended at all costs. That raises the question, from what? In the meantime, we must send them vowels — millions and millions of vowels, which they are direly in need of. Once vowels have been implanted, democracy and capitalism will grow.
Actually, isn’t Vaclav Havel the President of the EU now? Eh, whatever, all Czechs look the same to me anyway
Rary Guppert: Like the Week of Campbell Brown, except not even arguably highbrow.
jagorev: No, wait, Havel’s retired, and there is no President of the EU, according to wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/President_of_the_European_Union
When will these Czech jokers stop making up grandiose titles for themselves?
Czech yo’self before you rickety-wreck yo’self
Barry’s stimulus plan is bad fo’ yo’ healf
Formerly Preferred: Or getting thrown out of them… http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defenestration_of_Prague
So, umm, no topless pics on the click-through? Just checking . . .
jagorev: Maybe the Germans can contain Czech aggression again, and then get the Poles back into line.
My Pole is in line.
Custerwolf: Never trust a chick whose upper arms are the same diameter as her forearms.
I don’t think any of the straight dudes here would have ‘trusting’ very high on their list when face-to-face with this kind of out-of-our-league hawtness.
From Šluknov in Bohemia to Lanžhot in South Moravia, an “shite curtain” has descended across the Czechovia.
If Martina Navratilova was in charge of the Czech Republic, she would get together with Secretary of State Clinton and together they would lick this problem! Perhaps even on live streaming video from Prague’s greatest contribution to the cyber-revolution, http://www.bigsister.com...
Ooops! That’s a URL for some obscure rock act. The URL on my comment should be: http://www.bigsisterlive.com/free/
Please run many more pictures of this hot chick in the yellow bikini! She is definately hot! And please run less pictures and articles about Britney Spears–who is not hot. Yech.
Does this mean that if their banks tank, they’ll have to shift to a Julie Silver-based economy?
hey didn’t that lady in the picture get busted for gun running and drugs and extortion and cats and dogs sleeping together or something?
Cranky Old Batt: No you dork, that was Nuestra Belleza. All this big tittied chicks look teh same to you cos you’re a cranky old battle axe.
Does this mean I won’t be able to make Czechs Mix for my Dow Jones crash party?
CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us: FAIL!
Custerwolf: They taste funny too.