Wonkette
A smart person at the RedState blog has discovered an article on the secret website “CNET” about how Barack Obama plans to capture the Internet and run it, more or less. “Total control is their only goal,” warns the intrepid Kenny Solomon. “The uber-geek-lib-techies under the spell of President TelePrompTer will do anything asked of them, legal or not and probably are already anyway. This will just make it all nice and legal-like.” Obama knows nothing about the “law” anyway, unless it comes from his teleprompter, haw haw haw. (Fortunately Mr. Solomon also provides two bits of comic relief to soften this terrifying piece of news. “Snarky note number one” is the funniest fucking thing ever.) [RedState]
does being that stupid hurt? it has to right?
Oh noes! No more Conservipedia!
It almost sounds like a good thing. Making the intertubes safe from homo erotica disguised as homophobia and Scat porn.
Is it really nice to mock these RedStaters? Isn’t it enough that they have to wake up every morning, look in the mirror, and realize that they’re going to write things like this on the internet?
Fortunately, as the late Dick Cheney always said, if the president does it, that means it is not illegal.
I don’t think the word “snark” means what this guy thinks it means.
Ken, Jim, Sarah? Back me up on this one. You guys are the experts.
Soon we will be able to collect all this bullshit the wingnuts pull completely out of their ass in one massive tome, and sell it as a dystopian fantasy novel- like something penned by that old Wonkette contributor Nadine, only more paranoid and less tethered to reality.
ManchuCandidate:
You say “Scat Porn” like it’s a bad thing.
Torn between desire to mock and nearly physical aversion to RedState.
Serolf Divad: nothing means what they think it means.
Why didn’t a single one of those idiots scream bloody murder when bush was actually doing all of the things that they fear Barry will do? Oh, that’s right, because they’re dumb fucks.
You guys, RedStaters just want to be loved, just like everyone else.
jagorev:
Yes. The problem is that they (typical RedStater) think they’re fucking brilliant. Cognitive Dissonance must be seen to be believed.
It’s amazing what inhaling Cheeto dust does to the human brain.
Tommmcatt: But what will we troll on, Tommmcat? WHAT WILL WE TROLL ON?
When the internet is outlawed only outlaws will watch 2 girls 1 cup…
Tommmcatt:
My apologies. I should have said Diaper Pr0n.
I like to imagine how the internetz work in Galt Gulch. All content would have to be behind paywalls because you can’t just give away this kind of productive work. And you’d have to stick your gold dollars in a special slot in your computer, because no credit cards. Also, the porn would be awful.
Obama doesn’t have a heart. He’s powered by an engine fueled with burning pieces of The Constitution and Bill Of Rights.
A Jewish NASCAR fan? I call bullshit.
Serolf Divad: Snark requires a sense of humor. Erick The Red surgically removes any vestigial sense of humor before allowing his diarists access to the Dark Tower (not that Redstaters typically have any humor remnants to begin with…)
Sigh. I clicked the link. I thought Jim was making one of his funny jokes about President TelePrompTer. Once again, I underestimate the wingnut mind.
Can anyone explain the random capitalization in teleprompter? Do they think posts are supposed to look like those notes you send to people after you cut the letters out of magazine and glue them to the page along with a small amount of suspicious white powder?
ManchuCandidate:
Sick bastard.
Why do they resist us? Resistance is futile! Kenny will be assimilated.
Advocatus_Diaboli: No shit. “powered by burning pieces of the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution”? Do they just take everything that Bush did and project it onto Barry? These people are a psychological study in disconnection from reality.
I love that after eight years of Bush mangling the English language on an hourly basis, these guys think it is some sort of ZING! to point out that Obama uses a teleprompter. Just like….uh….every other US President in the last 40 years. Touché, guys.
lovekills: Yes, we await the great influx of RedStaters to the ACLU.
As long as he leaves teh pron alone, what’s the problem?
It was only a matter of time till the black helicopter crowd would be back.
They’re really making a go of this whole “Teleprompter” thing. The things these wingnuts choose to get “OUTRAGED!!1!” over really are random and fascinating.
Teleprompter flag pin birth certificate n00bama!!1!
Also.
Ah, the black helicopter crowd is back — 60 Minutes should do a story about how they were oh-so-right about Bill Clinton declaring a national emergency and cancelling the 2000 election because of Y2K.
Oh you guys, he made a pretty good point that Obama might appoint Bill Ayers as head of the census.
THINK ABOUT IT, ZOMG.
Kenneth L Solomon
Typical, Bitter, Jewish, God-Clinging, Small-Thinking, Prejudicial, Bigoted, Multiple Gun Owner and Barking Mad Insane NASCAR Fan.
So…he agrees with us?
Comment from one of their posters:
WE do have standing in this country and WE must stop the SILENCE! WE MUST GET LOUD and NASTY and take it to these BROWNSHIRTS!
Who knew Larry Craig was posting over at RedState?
Noodle Salad: Galt Gulch porn? It would be all Randian rape fantasies or perhaps Ayn Rand blowing Alan Greenspan. Something like that. Whatever.
“Obama is a Marxist, needs to be called on it and …………….”
OH NOES THE SOCIALIST MARXIST OBAMATARDS WILL FIND ME AND SEND ME TO GITMO!
Now that there’s Twitter, I think the internet is over. So, much like the Geithner bank plan, this seizure of the internets is just the government taking an “asset” no one wants.
The average Red Staters believes that the Internet is a series of tubes, something you can cherish and hold.
Obama will physically grab thh tubes and hoard them in his underground Hawaiian lair.
Obama will physically grab thh tubes and hoard them in his underground Hawaiian lair.
This is all getting kind of ooky and repressed-gay now…
OH WAIT IT’S REDSTATE. BUSINESS AS USUAL, CARRY ON.
sarcasticusername: I think they’ve reached that level of stupidity where you blissfully feel nothing, pain or otherwise.
RedState’s slogan is cribbed from the old Ren and Stimpy Show: “They don’t call us stupid for nothin’!”
Kenny is really impressed by a website (http://faultlineusa.blogspot.com/2009/03/taking-law-to-lawless.html) which says all the bitters should go out and “sue congress” because they passed a law they think is unconstitutional.
I’m pretty sure that’s not really how it works, guys.
Oh btw Kenny is in Florida, a hellhole of foreclosed houses, orange trees and probably some scary Mexicans.
And ACORN!!!!!!111!
You mean this ISN’T a fake site? That was real?? OMG…
What a planet!
Shorts is obviously there trolling as ‘KennySolomon’, right?
Right?
II JUST WAN TO SIT HOME AND WATCH MY STORIES
Dave J.: That would have been more profound if they hadn’t spelled Ayers “Ayres”.
I think Obama should give a speech declaring that he’s actually going to do one of those things that the paranoid conspiracy whackadoodles think he’s going to do just to watch their heads explode.
A curse upon you, you “uber-geek-lib-techies”!!! Here’s a funny line from the Wikipedia entry on RedState:
“RedState is not a standard blog, but an interactive site which was formerly powered by the collaborative media application Drupal. It moved to a Django-powered platform after discovering an overwhelmingly liberal Drupal developer base.”
The Wingnuts just can’t seem to carve out their space on this internet thingy without being beset upon by uber-geek-lib-techies.
RedState is a beautiful, special kind of crazy. I love’em
I never go on rightwing sites, but Redstate is almost as funny as Wonkette.
magic titty: They banned the hell out of me months ago.
Dave J.: One of these dumbfucks is going to take a shot at a Democratic politician. Only a matter of time. And they’ll think it was a noble blow for freedom. (Insert Bill Clinton joke here.)
These are probably the same assholes that drive WAY too fast on my country road. Time for some natural selection to kick in to remove teh stoopid.
ACORN, TELEPROMTARZ, SOCIALISM, ETC!!!!1!!!1!
OBAMA AIN’T NO AMERICAN CAUSE HE’S TOO SKINNY LIKE THEM ARABS
Fox n Fiends: Glenn Beck would like you on his show, tonight.
LittlePig: “The fervent don’t DO jokes.” - James Hamilton-Paterson
I could only manage to read Snarky One and Snarky Two, then I got really, really discouraged….
Isn’t it about time to ration oxygen? In the full understanding that all those RedState moroons have far exceeded their allotment, no more to spare?
Hmmm, then … wouldn’t they turn blue?
If only……..
What gives the government the idea that it has the power to conduct a census anyway? Oh…right.
ManchuCandidate: Neal Peart is the best fucking drumber EVER!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4cV5D3MCp8
Bronkers: I do wish the Christian Exodus people had their way, and crammed everyone who buys their line of bullshit into the sovereign state of South Carolina. We can then build a nice Mexican/Palestinian wall around it and let them have their peculiar worker’s paradise in Jesus name amen White Power.
All the liberals I know get their news off the internet with is NOT controlled by the government, and all the conservatives get their news from AM radio which IS controlled - by the FCC at least. What the hell?
Advocatus_Diaboli: The G(r)OPers are just jealous that their effort to seize the tubes and turn them into 24/7 Sunday Morning Services(tm) at the Holy Jesus Christ Almighty Church was an epic fail. That was the communications “decency” act, which, as one judge in Philly noted, proposed to reduce the intertubes to a level suitable for 8-year-olds. Which, given the G(r)OPers command of logic, evidence, and orthography, is just about right. Oops, sorry…I think I just insulted the 8-year-olds who can spell.
Your boyfriend Nate Silver must be their Anti-Christ.
shortsshortsshorts: Bastards. If it makes you feel better, Gawker banned me from commenting just this morning.
We need not only look to the right for the crazy. Them bitches at Gawker are a bit maladjusted themselves. They has problems.
You have to be impressed with the commenter who tries to bring in both Dr. Zhivago and Max Weber.
The fact that he is batshit crazy didn’t lessen my appreciation of what ever “point” he was trying to make
Why is it that every Rethuglican/Libertardian wingnut includes the phrase a “I and my family will personally be fine BUT …!” in their comments about America’s impending doom at the hands of a Black secret-Muslin Ghetto Terror-bot?
With every rich, retired, racists, xenophobic Doctor/Scientist/Engineering/Mathematician with survivalist skills and ample ammo busy taking an unwholesome interest in educating ignorant liberals on the internet, who is left to run Orange County?
warblog!!!
They know they are so fucked. Wait, here’s more fail!! :
Send in Piyush the Clown and Exorcist!
“Seeing that the anti-Americanists have managed to subvert the judiciary in this nation to the extent that more unconstitutional laws have been passed than constitutional ones, I was wondering…”
It’s really hard to snark in the face of such overwhelming stupids.
Luke Warm: …or for that matter, what makes the executive branch think they can take on the job of homeland security?
Don’t we have checks & balances anymore?!
I thought the funniest part was this: “Anybody’s IP address can already be singled out for shut-down or siphoning. Dissenters beware.”
I guess they missed the part where it was the Republican president who made this happen. Dumbasses.
i can’t get over these shitbirds, who watched the last administration shred their rights and fuel their Jack Bauer masturbatory fantasies for the past 8 years, now suddenly give a shit about any perceived slight about these same issues. OH NOES, dat socialist gon’ take my internets. go die in a fucking fire.
Noodle Salad: No, no! The porn has to be excellent because it will be your only solace. Remember that in Galt Gulch the alpha chick keeps sleeping around ’till she finds the alpha dude and she’ll settle for nothing less. Therefore if you do score a mate and your initials aren’t J.G. then you know your sweety is just “settling” because what else can she do. So your relationship is objective but demoralizing. But wouldn’t some nice porn make you feel better? Insert one gold bar now please.
Should they be considered teh gehz if they practice self-sod0my?
What is with the habit of righty commenters to end with a pithy tag quote? It’s like, OK, the foregoing comment didn’t make any damn sense at all, but take this…
Wow.
To quote Lewis Black: “Clinically psychotic….Stone.Cold.Fuck.Nuts.”
Anybody’s IP address can already be singled out for shut-down or siphoning. Dissenters beware.
Oh..and…hello, stupid…the ISP hands out a new IP address every time you log in…dumbass.
Tra: I couldn’t do it. I tried to read the article, got literally sick to my stomach (I mean literally in the literal sense, not the SportsCetner sense. “He’s literally on fire!” No he’s not! He’s just playing well! But I digress). Then I tried to read the comments, and it made my eyes hurt. My brain can’t comprehend that level of stupidity, ignorance and obtuseness.
My brain has an Epic Fail when that stuff goes in through my eyes.
Colander: No, they want to be loved by strange men in public restrooms.
That said, if it’ll bring back the old Facebook layout, I completely support ObamaNet, at least until if becomes sentient and tries to KILL ALL HUMANS.
Will work for shoes: I guess they missed the part where it was the Republican president who made this happen. Dumbasses.
Only 4 of the smartest “republican” schizophrenic paranoids have realized yet what dastardly, morally corrupt horrors were put into place by Dick “Lil’ Mephistopheles” Cheney, and were then handed over to Nice Barry when he became The President. They are all cowering together in a cold, muddy abandoned mineshaft somewhere in Appalachia, with their guns and some surplus freeze-dried turkey MRE’s. The rest of them will think whatever The Fox TeeVee People tell them to think, which right now is: “TeLeProMpTerSz!”
Tommy Says Soooo, Jugdish!: Well, it is by definition same-sex activity… Ohmigod, everybody who masturbates is a homo! They’re everywhere!
Why is he doing this? Does he plan to turn every computer into a TELEPROMPTER?
Well, at least Mr. Solomon and I have one thing in common: neither of us is laughing.
It’s amazing to me how quickly these losers have switched over. So, this whole government take over and suppression of rights, and giving billions to Wall Street was cool when Bush was doing it, but its Armageddon itself if Obama is in charge. Plus the whole idea that Obama will be leading a mob of black and brown people to take all their shit.
Newsflash, losers: Nobody wants your shit. They’re too busy trying to hold onto their own shit.
But then I feel better, because they had the chance to rally all their angry, braindead friends and vote against Obama a few months ago and they lost. Which makes them losers. Losers in the minority of the electorate. Because they lost. Ahhhhhhh…
It gets even funnier:
http://www.first-draft.com/2009/03/today-on-tommy-ts-obsession-with-the-freeperati—sob-edition.html
Tommy
This teleprompter brou-ha ha is just the definition of reaching. Plus, you know, no teleprompters at the town halls, no teleprompters during Leno…or 60 minutes…so what the f-ing a are you talking about??
The page is headed “ETCartman’s Blog”? C’mon, paranoid. How can hippies be organized enough to take over the internet?
Noodle Salad: I’m imagining skinny, fairly plain girls with long, slightly frizzy black hair, no makeup, and bags under their eyes. And they’re not posing sexily, they’re just sitting around naked and looking bored.
Tra: Megadildos!
For the last fucking time. WHERE WERE THESE RETARDS FOR THE LAST 8 YEARS when the Chimpster was making all their wild conspiracy theories reality? Project much?
Kenneth L Solomon……………..Typical, Bitter, Jewish, God-Clinging Gun Owner and Barking Mad Insane NASCAR Fan…………Please support the Jamie McMurray Foundation For Autism Speaks…………Obama doesn’t actually have a heart. He’s powered by an engine fueled with burning pieces of the Constitution and The Bill Of Rights.
Christ.
thatonegirlsays: Yeah, i was about to bring that one. That one’s a real doosy.
K-K-Ken, a wet match in a dark cave.
I don’t see how Obama can secretly control the Inter-nets when the Inter-nets already secretly control him!
It is again people giving way too much credit to the government. If government really could regulate the Interwebs that well, there wouldn’t be piracy or porn - Puhlease! China is about as close are you can get to total government censorship of the internet and even they can’t stop porn and illegal downloads. The only way to “seize” the internet would be to EMP blast all the data centers in the US and shoot down all the communications satellites as well.
I’d pay good heavily-leveraged no-recourse Geithner taxpayer money to see a Smackdown Death Cage Match between Redstate and Free Republic.
No ass-holes barred. Also.
no way, snarky note number 2 is even better. actually, i think the signature is my favorite part.
They lost me at wrest.
IP siphoning. I know my icon is a WTF, but it’s not enough WTF for that sentence, much less the whole post.
IP siphoning? I presume an army of ACORN volunteers will be sucking on one end of each Intertube to accomplish this futile maneuver. Obviously, Goopers were the kids who flunked Computer Science - every attempt to regulate the Interwebz so far has been like wrestling with Jell-O … if Obama’s giving it yet another shot he may as well give up now & save himself the regret later. Herding cats would be easier.
RedState comment threads = why evolution is still only a theory.
Somehow, I don’t think there’s anything typical about a “Typical, Bitter, Jewish, God-Clinging, Small-Thinking, Prejudicial, Bigoted, Multiple Gun Owner and Barking Mad Insane NASCAR Fan.”
He wins my poll of “guy I’d like to have a beer with.”