DNC Primary Commission To Abolish Florida, Michigan

  devious plots

The Clintonite factionRemember how awesome the news was this time last year, all full of “Hillary Clinton called Barack Obama a plagiarist” and “Mark Penn sucks balls” and that time the governor of New York got caught with an unimaginatively tattooed hooker who had a Hit Song on Myspace for like a day and a half? Jesus God, those were glorious days. We had no AIG to worry about, our dollars were still worth a dollar, and this here web site wrote about politics instead of boring financial news all the time.

In that spirit, we hope a new committee convened to hammer out the Democratic primary schedule in 2012 will quickly devolve into backbiting, recriminations, and heavy subterfuge. It’s unlikely, given that most of the committee appointees are Obama minions who will just move to permanently strip Florida and Michigan of all their delegates, plus who really cares about the primaries when the president is just going to run unopposed? Sure, there might be a few fun Senate and House run-offs, but nothing as exciting as Hillary Clinton stomping around South Texas in that awful yellow jacket and Barack Obama forever disgracing himself by talking about how bitter white people are so bitter and white.

A bunch of states will probably angle for a late primary placement the next time around so that even if 2012 is completely boring, 2016 can be another nail-biter. Of course, this only works if there are at least two (2) desirable and credible candidates who fail to establish an early and insurmountable primary lead (or, as in 2008, two candidates who manage to persuade the media that their rivalry is a story worth pursuing even though the primary was effectively wrapped up shortly after Super Tuesday). But everybody knows that 2016 is Hillary’s to lose, so who cares, unless she runs against Barney Frank or something.

It’s Never Too Soon to Think About 2012 [The Caucus]

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Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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