DEVIOUS PLOTS  12:23 pm March 24, 2009

DNC Primary Commission To Abolish Florida, Michigan

by Sara K. Smith

The Clintonite factionRemember how awesome the news was this time last year, all full of “Hillary Clinton called Barack Obama a plagiarist” and “Mark Penn sucks balls” and that time the governor of New York got caught with an unimaginatively tattooed hooker who had a Hit Song on Myspace for like a day and a half? Jesus God, those were glorious days. We had no AIG to worry about, our dollars were still worth a dollar, and this here web site wrote about politics instead of boring financial news all the time.

In that spirit, we hope a new committee convened to hammer out the Democratic primary schedule in 2012 will quickly devolve into backbiting, recriminations, and heavy subterfuge. It’s unlikely, given that most of the committee appointees are Obama minions who will just move to permanently strip Florida and Michigan of all their delegates, plus who really cares about the primaries when the president is just going to run unopposed? Sure, there might be a few fun Senate and House run-offs, but nothing as exciting as Hillary Clinton stomping around South Texas in that awful yellow jacket and Barack Obama forever disgracing himself by talking about how bitter white people are so bitter and white.

A bunch of states will probably angle for a late primary placement the next time around so that even if 2012 is completely boring, 2016 can be another nail-biter. Of course, this only works if there are at least two (2) desirable and credible candidates who fail to establish an early and insurmountable primary lead (or, as in 2008, two candidates who manage to persuade the media that their rivalry is a story worth pursuing even though the primary was effectively wrapped up shortly after Super Tuesday). But everybody knows that 2016 is Hillary’s to lose, so who cares, unless she runs against Barney Frank or something.

It’s Never Too Soon to Think About 2012 [The Caucus]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 23 comments }

cranky March 24, 2009 at 12:27 pm

Granholm 2016!

shortsshortsshorts March 24, 2009 at 12:27 pm

Everybody knows that THE ILLUMINATI will choose Trig Palin in 2016.

TGY March 24, 2009 at 12:31 pm

Oh, not this shit again.

Keram2 March 24, 2009 at 12:32 pm

Frank/Random Bear he met at the bar ’16!

ManchuCandidate March 24, 2009 at 12:32 pm

Where have you gone, Mrs Christian,
Your nation turns it’s crazee eyes to you.
What’s that you say, Mrs. Christian.
The inadequate male has won and here to stay,
Hey hey hey.

Advocatus_Diaboli March 24, 2009 at 12:34 pm

Silly democrat party. There won’t be a 2012, 2016 or any other presidential election. Hopey’s been installed as communiesocialistmuslim dictator for life. Sheesh, where have you been.

jagorev March 24, 2009 at 12:35 pm

We had no AIG to worry about

We did, however, have Bear Stearns, which was going to cause the end of the world as we know it. Good times, man, good times.

comradepaulson March 24, 2009 at 12:36 pm

And thus, Hillary is forever dodging sniper fire in Bosnia, or so it goes in the eternal darkness of my spotty mind.

Delicious March 24, 2009 at 12:37 pm

Won’t Hillary be 90 years old in 2016?

gurukalehuru March 24, 2009 at 12:38 pm

“2016 is Hillary’s to lose,” and I sure hope she finds a way to do it.

queeraselvis v 2.0 March 24, 2009 at 12:40 pm

Palin/STFU 2016!

Tommmcatt March 24, 2009 at 12:43 pm

[re=271843]Delicious[/re]:

87, but she’ll keep her heart running on bile and the blood of innocent children like Cheney.

V572625694 March 24, 2009 at 12:45 pm

Never having previously been criticized for anything in his entire life, Geithner freaks out, sneaks a MAC-9 into the Oval Office…

Biden, to everyone’s surprise, is a highly effective president. AMTRAK is lavished with subsidies and runs high-speed rail everywhere. As oil falls back to $18/barrel, the Saudi regime can no longer withstand a populist uprising in its outstandlingly well-equipped-and-trained (by us) army. The People’s Republic of Arabia liberates Iraq, Iran, Syria and Egypt. Israel abandons the West Bank and Gaza. Gas drops to 75 cents a gallon. The Dow hits 12,000, then 13,000. Biden’s elected for the first time in 2012, and becomes a shoe-in for 2016, as the homebuilding industry recovers and grows.

Uncle Glenny March 24, 2009 at 12:48 pm

[re=271852]V572625694[/re]: I’ll have some of what you’re smoking.

McDuff March 24, 2009 at 1:03 pm

[re=271832]cranky[/re]: Sorry, the Jennifer admits to being born in Canada so its too late to “fix” her birth certificate.

AWOcoholic March 24, 2009 at 1:10 pm

[re=271832]cranky[/re]: Sorry, “Two Penny Jenny” is a Canadian. Admittedly. Or maybe Russian, who knows.

binarian March 24, 2009 at 1:30 pm

[re=271864]Uncle Glenny[/re]: Me three. Very Wizard of Oz-ie. “Wow…suddenly everything’s in color…and why are Hilary’s feet sticking out from under my house?”

masterdebater March 24, 2009 at 1:32 pm

[re=271835]TGY[/re]: Yeah, fun isn’t it?

sarcasticusername March 24, 2009 at 1:38 pm

We had no AIG to worry about um yeah because caring about AIG when they were actually setting fire to the economy would have been awfully silly; but paying attention to a couple hundred million in bonuses after the fact, is totally the way to go.

Leopolt March 24, 2009 at 1:42 pm

I thought Skynet was the frontrunner for 2016?

S.Luggo March 24, 2009 at 2:14 pm

[re=271884]McDuff[/re]: Isn’t that part of North Dakota?

Holding Out for a Hero March 24, 2009 at 2:37 pm

[re=271852]V572625694[/re]: I can haz hallucinations? Seriously, is not fair not to share the good drugz with fellow Wonkette folk.

Lionel Hutz Esq. March 24, 2009 at 4:29 pm

Hey, maybe we could just set the primaries to next Tuesday, and get this thing over quick and cheaply.

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