Wonkette
Hey all you elite cocktail-sipping Georgetown dandies gumming your cucumber sandwiches at tea time: Barack Obama is NOT overexposing himself with the daily live-teevee appearances and “town halls” and Jay Leno guest spots. In fact, this is how you make Americans love you, in this country. You just show up on every teevee show, laughing weirdly, dancing, saying vaguely untrue things, smiling, etc., and then your approval ratings just go up, up, up.
Now, if you are a reasonable, intelligent person capable of doing some basic analysis of current events, then you don’t work in the Washington media. (ZING!) Also, you might be thinking, “Uh, Hopey’s hands are not exactly clean with this whole AIG bonus outrage pitchfork mob bullshit, so he should be taking a lot of heat for this, even if it’s true this administration has inherited a whole lot of shady multi-trillion-dollar outrages from the previous administration, and is it really productive to be focusing the entire nation’s limited attention span on this bonus thing which really makes up a fraction of a percent of the money Treasury has loaned, printed and pumped into failed banks and failing markets since the unraveling began well over a year ago,” etc.
Just stop all that. This is America. These people need a Simple Narrative. The most beloved show on television for the past decade has been a fucking low-rent Gong Show, with people singing karaoke. You want to explain leverage and derivatives and equity ratios and Glass-Steagall and whatever to this crowd? Good luck.
This is why Obama’s approval rating has gone up several points, to 64%, while he was simultaneously feigning outrage about the AIG bonuses his Treasury Secretary approved, and making fun of Sarah Palin’s retarded bowling team.
Over-Exposure? [Political Wire]
Wait…am I supposed to disapprove or approve of Obama because of this?
I NEED GUIDANCE!?!?!
I do believe 64% of Americans are in favor of making for fun of Sarah Palin’s retarded bowling team.
One thing hasn’t changed in the last 9 years (or ever I suppose): The American People are Stupid. That said, it’s good that stupid voted the right way in 2008.
Although the brush at his row-home in Chicago needs to be cleared.
NoWireHangers: That said, it’s good that stupid voted the right way in 2008.
Broken clock right every 8 years or so?
comradepaulson: Just leave my balls out of this. Also.
-SP
NoWireHangers: Even a broken clock is right once in sixteen years.
Blago, this is how you do it. Take notes.
Can I haz attention span monies for my inferstructure?
NoWireHangers: They’re stupid because Barry hasn’t fixed the schoolz yet. Just ask Richard Cohen.
Is Cohen ever on the teevee? Why not, one wonders.
Ken, why don’t you liveblog the embarassment that is the congressional hearings. Who elected these clowns. At least put the video of lunatic Mihelle Bachmann - I cannot believe she actually asked Geithner “where in the Constitution do you find the authority” to develop financial rescue strategy . Geithner just looked at her with visible amusement and said I get my authority “from this body” Minnesotans should hung their collective heads in shame — this lunatic is representing them.
I’m waiting for him to pop out 8 babies, ask the public for donations in feeding them and then sign off on a reality show…only then can America TRULY love him.
Wait until next Monday, when his previous day’s appearance singing “Me and Mrs. Jones” on Soul Train will drive the market into a death spiral…
Wait… where can I get one of these Glass Seagull things? One of those would go perfect next to my Precious Moments collection.
Don’t blame me. I voted for Spence and Heidi.
Damn! You managed to zing the Wash Elite Media (WEM) and the entire audience of American Idol! Nice.
NoWireHangers: Sometimes, on the darkest nights, I think about the fact that I have refused to watch even a single episode of American Idol, and that the only time since middle school that I have changed the channel to MTV, I have immediately pressed the channel button once again, and shivered. I note that everyone else seems to enjoy this sort of programming. They are, allegedly, happy. Maybe I, not they, am the stupid one. Then I wake up with a hangover and a recollection of a terrible nightmare.
It’s a good thing that American pop culture is so obviously retarded, and leaves one with the impression that you’re the last sane person on earth. Otherwise, I’d worry that I’d gotten it backwards.
NoWireHangers: We are also horny. And hungry. And we hate condoms.
God Bless us Stupid.
Wait, I thought The Gong Show was already a low rent version of The Gong Show.
How on earth did we wind up taking people with names like “Taegan Goddard” seriously? What’s next, Atticus Hubble?
Zadig: I’ve never watched American Idol, just like you. I don’t even know when it is on. I have never seen Survivor, or Lost, or Please Sell My Children or whatever the fuk else is on teevee at night.
I have read some good books though.
Incredulicious: That was until American Idol came out.
Gorillionaire:
Communist.
Instead of insulting Sarah Palin’s retarded Hockey team – Michelle should get pregnant. There is a great chance Hopey will have his own retarded child to use as a campaign prop in 2012.
shortsshortsshorts: Of course we hate condoms. El Pontifico del Nazi says they don’t prevent AIDS, so why bother?
Gorillionaire: I watch TV for Maddow and BSG, play WOW and read Renaissance poetry. Yet for some reason, I know about all the rest. I hate osmosis.
Gorillionaire: Cosign.
NoWireHangers: Exactly. People who bitched and complained about Hopey winning voters who knew nothing about him were idiots. To be president you need to win the “stupid” vote and this time we got a decent guy for that.
i’ve personally been enjoying barry and joey’s comedy stylings; they make for much better tv than the brush clearing/baby eating duo we just had.
Dreamer: My response to Michelle would have been, “Do you mean the actual Constitution or do you mean the Declaration of Independence, you know, that document which your party leader recently confused with the Constitution and still misquoted? Oh, and to answer your question, Article I, Section 8, bitch.”
You’re all missing the point. Old fart Red Americans are the only ones still afraid of Socialist/Communists (Onion Headline: “Communists 264th Most Dangerous Group, Just Ahead of Belgians”); they are the only viewers of shitty, canned “news” programs like “60 Minutes”; they are the only viewers of the fat corpse that used to be Jay Leno (motto: “Comedy Free Since 1987″); they are the only ones still wary (or flat-out afraid) of the Great Mocha Hope; and they are the only ones who consistently vote in midterm elections. And they will all, within this next decade, be on Medicare, so they have their fucking national health care already, screw who is in Congress. So. Work the boob tube, my man. Cock block the Repubs in the only arena they have left. And by the way, quit fucking apologizing. The only thing that made Bush look remotely like an iron-jawed, stoic leader to shit-for-brains TV America was that he never, ever apologized. That exact segment he’s trying to massage completely, wholly mistakes reflection for weakness.
He is never going to spend enough time on his ranch to suit the red staters.
Zadig: It’s good to know that I’m not the only one who has never seen one episode of American Idol.
kipperthegod: i like when hopey says he’s sorry — sometimes. And you’re confusing iron-jawed with slack-jawed.
WAKE UP AMERICA AND YOUR PHONY OUTRAGE AND DISTRACTIONS AND TELEPROMPTERZ AND GET REAL OUTRAGE & ARMED AND DANGEROUS!!1
The U.S. Americans obviously don’t know he has shredded teh Constitution to make mulch for his pot garden. Or they just don’t care.
shortsshortsshorts: Suuuuure, but are you ‘Joe’-the-’plumber’ horny? - like a Real American?!?!1?1!
Zadig: Gorillionaire: June Cleaver 2.0: I’m with you. Interesting that the only four people in the world who have NOT watched Idol are all here…
McDuff: Am going to explain this once and slowly so listen up:
1.government powers are divided into 3 areas by the constitution
2.The Congress passes laws
3.The Treasury Secretary enforces applicable laws and that is why I am here.
pondscum: I tried but it bored me to death.
Gorillionaire: You sir or madame are an elitist snob with your fancy reading and such! Real Americans only read tabloids while standing in line at the grocery store!
pondscum: Five. During my last loonie-bin stint it got voted on one night (in preference to the usual men-in-funny-clothes-playing-with-balls) but I hid in the kitchen and made an imaginary croquembouche.
Zadig: The last TV series I made a effort to view weekly was Bonanza, in my high school years, except for NYPD in the early 80’s because my hot girlfriend insisted on it, but there was great sex afterward, so it was a Pavlovian thing.
Barry only has those approval ratings because we text our votes in after each episode.
GreyPanter: What is this ‘TV’ thing you speak of, O Aged One? Is it some sort of ancient and barbaric 20th century device? Some stone-age version of an Internet Comm Channel? No wonder you poor pre-moderns were mad and wicked and miserable!
pondscum: Six!
Bearbloke: It’s difficult for you young folks to imagine. All real Americans watched one of three available channels, seeing the “shows” in real time. There was no interaction with the “TV” device, because World War II had just ended and we all agreed about everything. Oh, and another difference is that each of us had sex with one person after watching TV, rather than alone while watching online porn the way you modern folks do.
Bramlet Abercrombie: Seven! (I hate network TV.)
I was also one of the few people on earth who did not buy the Michael Jackson Thriller album. I think I should get an extra whore diamond for that as well. Also.
Dreamer: I hope that’s on video somewhere. I’m starting to like this Timmeh fellow a tad more; I think he needs to grow some huge testicles & slap Michelle Bachmann in the face with them! Oh wait, I bet she thinks that’s foreplay.
Simple Narrative? A friend who works for Universal said they had to explain the meaning of “Duplicity” in certain ads for the film’s opening weekend because most people don’t know what it means.
Texan Bulldoggette: Eight. And I didn’t buy “Thriller” either
Bentpost: Kinda like how they had to spell out Ratatouille on the ads for the movie because they didn’t think people would go to a movie they didn’t know how to pronounce
GreyPanter: … and I am watching Wonkette on black and white TV, and posting via US mail.
GreyPanter: One Person?! But, every one belongs to every one else, after all!
(*One hundred repetitions three nights a week for four years, thought Bernard Marx, who was a specialist on hypnopaedia. Sixty-two thousand four hundred repetitions make one truth.*)
pondscum: I haven’t watched Idol nor any reality show. Do I get brownie points? I still watch hella lots of TV, though. As Homer (or someone) said, TV is the best invention ever invented.
Dreamer: I agree that Michelle should get pregnant, but I propose she be artificially inseminated with Bill Clinton’s sperm. Nobody tells Hopey … yet. And let’s see if Flavor Flav is available for a voice-over narration. He has such a way with words. A national contest will be held to name the baby, which will guarantee it being called Colbert.
Re: what you said about American Idol:
Take it back, bitch!!