Spastic curmudgeonly warmonger Richard Cohen, political columnist for the Washington Post, has noticed a number of things in the news over the course of the last week, and he simply does not care for many of these things. He lists these things, one after another, just like that. You young journalists… you go on and get excited now. Here is the master of writing. Richard Cohen. So let’s read a number of things that Richard Cohen wrote today for the local newspaper.

Richard Cohen’s column today compares and contrasts the traits of Barack Obama and Nancy Pelosi. Oh boy. If only it had been accompanied by a Venn diagram. That would have been swell. Oh boy.

As for Obama, around the time this extremely ill-considered piece of legislation was flying through Congress and Pelosi was waxing very hot indeed on television, the cool president went on the Jay Leno show. His appearance was historic, we were solemnly told, but it also turned out to be useful for him to get out of town. The most toxic asset in Washington was fast becoming Congress, where the Democratic leadership was threatening to send him an awful bill that could be very hard to veto. With friends like these…

Notice how Barack Obama and Nancy Pelosi are contrasted with the imagery of “cool” and “hot.” How neat is that. And Jay Leno is also in the paragraph. Richard Cohen refers to Congress as a “toxic asset” which is pertinent and clever. Toxic assets are a major problem facing banks today and Richard Cohen uses it in the context of Congressional legislation. Oh boy.

In foreign policy, where a president is monarch, Obama has been a change agent. But in domestic matters, Obama’s image has become muddled. He remains more popular than credible. Where does he draw the line? Not at tax delinquency, clearly, and not at earmarks, clearly, and not at real school reform, which he advocates but has done little to implement. He sometimes says he’s angry, as with the AIG bonuses, but it’s a parental pose designed to fool children and is not a genuine emotion. Obama eschews symbolic politics.


With Friends Like Pelosi… [WP]

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  • ManchuCandidate

    Dickie Cohen: Old man yells at clouds.

  • Serolf Divad

    The only thing I got out of that article was that Pelosi got a Brazilian wax on television.

  • cranky

    OT: michelle bachman? deranged. her questions today, of geithner and bernanke, were embarrassing to humans.

  • Dave J.

    and not at real school reform, which he advocates but has done little to implement

    Ahem…hmm…how to say this politely….er…oh yeah: HE HAS BEEN PRESIDENT FOR TWO MONTHS, YOU TWAT.

  • magic titty

    Sometimes I read Cohen and just find myself nodding in agreement.

    Haha. I just wanted to say that.

  • TimesUp

    [re=271796]Dave J.[/re]: I tend to agree, but two months is two months. We should have had the dictatorship of the proletariat by now.

  • cranky

    [re=271796]Dave J.[/re]: school is session right now, and i haven’t seen Obama teaching even one class! exactly how long are we supposed to wait? HOW LONG?!?!?!

  • comradepaulson

    Congress isn’t a toxic asset. Assets are things that supposedly, at one point at least, had value.

  • FMA

    [re=271794]Serolf Divad[/re]: Dude, I’m trying to eat lunch here.

  • you cannot be serious

    Vizzini: No more rhyming and I mean it!
    Fezzik: Anybody want a peanut?

  • El Pinche

    Kudos to WaPO!! For giving equal opportunity to columnists with Alzheimer’s !!

  • shanemacgowan

    “Pelosi was waxing very hot indeed on television”


  • cranky

    [re=271797]magic titty[/re]: have you ever offered proof of the magic titty? are you seeking or do you possess?

  • hockeymom

    [re=271795]cranky[/re]: Bachman suggested in an interview that the people of Minnesota become “armed and dangerous” and that it’s time for a “revolution”. This was over global warming. She also told her peeps, that she’s a “foreign correspondent on enemy lines”.

    Seriously, someone needs to shine a bright light on Bachman again.

  • Not_So_Much

    I don’t ever want to see the words ‘Pelosi’, ‘waxing’ and ‘hot’ in the same sentence again.

  • Sussemilch

    Isn’t this stuff fixed already? I want my instant recovery plan now, and it better be wrapped in bacon.

  • Rary Guppert

    ew. you tried to trick me into reading richard cohen. please dont do that again!

  • Cape Clod

    How quant for Richard Cohen to be concerned about the slow pace of school reform, WHILE EVEN NOW THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION IS CONTRUCTING FEMA CONCENTRATION CAMPS!!!!!

  • cranky

    [re=271806]hockeymom[/re]: i know. her efforts are daily, she is like an ocean of crazy, but it’s all fucked up and the tide only comes in, and never goes out.

  • El Pinche

    To be fair, I won’t start judging Barry’s performance until after Sept 11, 2009. Just like everyone did with Dubya.

  • Marlowe

    I remember Richard doesn’t like black men in jewelry shops.

  • The Cold Sea


  • Tommy Says Soooo, Jugdish!

    Pelosi….I’d hit it if I could wear a Richard Cohen mask.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    “Obama eschews…” Yes, yes he does. Every night, in fact. And Michelle couldn’t be happier.

  • V572625694

    Yeah, WTF, why hasn’t Hopey fixed the schools yet? What a loser!

    Wait….oh, really? You can’t pay the teachers keep the schools open if local governments go broke paying lavish pensions to public employees?

    Sorry, already finished that column. Next week: What’s the deal with those little bars of soap they give you in hotels? You drop one in the shower and it practically goes down the drain.

  • dougbob

    please, richard cohen, take that buyout from wapo. i’ll bet politico will give you a gig.

  • gjdodger

    [re=271815]The Cold Sea[/re]: There is nothing wrong with cats. Rep. Loretta Sanchez (D-Puta Diamonds) used to pose in various states of undress with her stoopid cat for Christmas Cards all the time. This was so you didn’t need tape to hang your Christmas Cards on the wall; they were already sticky.

  • teebob2000

    >>Obama eschews

    I hope somebody told him “bless you”.

  • masterdebater

    I just don’t see why we care about what some musician thinks about…what?. Not Leonard Cohen? Sorry…

  • american mutt

    HA! Obama doesn’t show genuine emotion because he was never born! He’s a robot sent here to destroy earth! You fools. I voted for Kodos.

  • sati demise

    Richard, Richard, Richard… you do know teh childrens have the enhanced bull shit detector?

  • jagorev

    I hope Michelle Bachmann and Maxine Waters team up to run together on an Independent/Batshit Crazy ticket in 2012.

  • snideinplainsight

    and Wonkette called Paul Krugman a beard clown!? Have they tooked a good look at that Cohen pik?

  • gjdodger

    When Obama eschews, Emanuel says, “Fuckin’ Gesundheit.”

  • Delicious

    [re=271809]Rary Guppert[/re]: Me too.

    Once again, I’ve been tricked by the women at Wonkette.

  • Dave J.

    [re=271826]jagorev[/re]: I think Bachmann/Conyers (John’s wife, the crazy councilwoman from Detroit) would be a MUCH more entertaining ticket.

  • gurukalehuru

    Has anyone noticed that the letters in Richard Cohen’s name can be rearranged to spell “Go Choke On A Dick,” with only a couple of minor alterations?

  • Rukasu

    I look at Dick Cohen and the type of voice I imagine coming out of his mouth is a cross between Andy Rooney, the kid that plays Walnuts on those interweb videos, and Harry Carey

  • The Cold Sea


  • stopmebeforeitypeagain

    [re=271803]El Pinche[/re]: In re WaPo-Cohen: hire the cognitively-handicapped: they’re fun to read.

    Besides, the WaPo is fast turning into the Titanic of American journalism. Going down fast into those icy waters, while the band plays on. Also.

  • comradepaulson

    [re=271827]snideinplainsight[/re]: If only Cohen was simply a beard clown. He’s an ass clown fuck face douche bag royal shit stain. Put simply, he’s a WaPo columnist.

  • snideinplainsight

    You people – you cheer me up.

  • TestRat1

    Does he make movies like his brothers? Oh man i took the
    wrong pills again.

  • Red Zeppelin

    [re=271807]Not_So_Much[/re]: Why not? She’s the ultimate cougar. All that power and those surprised eyes–she’s got it goin’ on.

  • Biscuit

    Admit it – this site needs people like Michelle Bachmann. How lame would it be if we had to make fun of Chris Dodd all the time?

  • AWOcoholic

    I simply do not care for this Cohen character. At least I could read Kristol and have fun hating him. Cohen, I usually just pity, for the first paragraph. After that, I feel sorry for me for having read his malarkey (malarkey I say!). By the end I start wishing this Cohen fellow would fall to the Polio epidemic.

  • sidkrofft

    if you read this cohen humanoid’s writing in a nasally 30s crack-talking reporter voice, it’s actually not bloody-stool inducing.

    so there’s that.

  • ella

    Cohen sounds like a man who’s run out of Viagra and can’t get more.

  • Mustang

    Masterful snark, Mr. Newell! It is to laugh. I still can’t scythe my way through even one of the excessively verbose embellishments that Mr. Cohen mistakenly believes to be communication, so I’ll have to take your word for it that he is, truly, a gasbag.

  • cranky

    [re=271897]Biscuit[/re]: i prefer my crazy people to not hold national office. i could just as easily mock the nutter cashier at my local grocery, without the gnawing in the pit of my stomach and the generalized anxiety.

  • Moleman v2.5

    Cohen looks like Mike Nelson impersonating Jack Perkins.

  • Pizzuti

    Cut him some slack Wonkette, you don’t know how hard it is to be on deadline and have to write thoughts you haven’t really developed just because you have to produce something to fill a space by the end of the week!

  • bago

    Oh my fucking christ. Seriously. I am listening to San Francisco dubstep hippies and they are making way more sense than these idiots.

  • xaviero

    the bill came blinged with extra spending

    Michael Steele’s off the hook PR campaign is bearing fruit.

  • problemwithcaring

    [re=271810]Cape Clod[/re]: HA! Laughing loudly in my cubicle isn’t helping my attempts to look like I am doing work. Shame on you.

  • Joey Ratz

    I alawys thought Cohen disliked Barry and Pelosi because of their profusion of vulgar tattoos; clearly, I was wrong. Thank you for point out the error of my ways, Richard.

    [re=271834]Dave J.[/re]: C’mon, let’s (metaphorically) go whole hog here – the ticket should clearly be Bachmann and Sugarland, TX’s finest, Shirley Sekula-Gibbs!

  • Mr Blifil

    I got something for Cohen to eschew.

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