TOURISTS ON WHEELS!  5:59 pm March 25, 2009

Why DCites Hate Tourists, Part One

by Malaka Gharib

Thank you, Capital Segway, for giving DCites another thing to cringe about: Segway sightseeing tours. Now that the weather is warming up, flocks of fanny-packed tourists are just rolling around town (these people in the photo above were in front of the White House) in their Segways, giving Our Fine City a bad name.

The Segway tour does have a benefit; it allows you to “cover an entire day’s worth of sightseeing in under three hours,” but whatever happened to the ol’ leisurely walk? Do you really need to free up that much time for the Air and Space museum? The website boasts that it’s the “highest rated tour of the Washington sites in a fraction of the time.” Umm, wat?

One woman, in Capitol Segway’s testimonials, says it’s the “most fun she’s had standing up.”

But no matter how “fun” the Segway seems, riding one makes you look like a lazy douchebag showoff. Even if you’re a gramma and it’s your first trip to DC. Or if you’re an eight-year-old kid. Or if you’re a pregnant mom.

Besides speedy tours, the company sells Segway PTs (they supply the DC Police) and gift certificates. In case you want to purchase one, click here.

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Hola wonkerados.

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DangerousLiberal March 25, 2009 at 6:08 pm

This makes you look even more like a douche if you look like a pregnant dad which I do. Time for another brewski.

Gurkman March 25, 2009 at 6:28 pm

i can’t wait until high school debate teams start doing this.

Rukasu March 25, 2009 at 6:30 pm

I want to start giving DC Segway Safeway tours…A days worth of sketchy supermarkets from Unsafeway to Soviet Safeway in under 3 hours!

chascates March 25, 2009 at 6:39 pm

Polo games are now being played on these things. You have no horse shit to clean up but you have to put up with the horses’s asses riding them.

HipHopOpotamus March 25, 2009 at 6:46 pm

Can there e a Snuggie Bar Crawl-Segway Tour hybrid?

CankleBiter March 25, 2009 at 8:34 pm

I will admit I have done it twice. Two main reasons:

1. I am tired of lugging fat visitors around town listening to them bitching about how far everything is apart.
2. I am tired of lugging fat visitors around town listening to them bitching about how hot it is here in the summer.

Pop Socket March 26, 2009 at 5:23 am

It’s the same reason all the obese people at DisneyWorld get wheelchair scooters.

Boondock Saint March 26, 2009 at 7:50 am

Douche? I’m glad to see that our Malikalaka is in the fold now! Nicely done!

specialed March 26, 2009 at 8:13 am

The only thing douchier (?) would be to also wear knee pads.

Bruno March 26, 2009 at 7:15 pm

Can’t someone find some reason to ban these due to national security or terrorism? Dubya would have found a way (so long as Cheney wasn’t a shareholder)

notalan March 26, 2009 at 9:59 pm

you clown. i’m no tourist, but as a dc newbie i enjoyed the segway tour. i saw a fellow in adams morgen going to the store on one though, that looked really stupid.

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