Thank you, Capital Segway, for giving DCites another thing to cringe about: Segway sightseeing tours. Now that the weather is warming up, flocks of fanny-packed tourists are just rolling around town (these people in the photo above were in front of the White House) in their Segways, giving Our Fine City a bad name.

The Segway tour does have a benefit; it allows you to “cover an entire day’s worth of sightseeing in under three hours,” but whatever happened to the ol’ leisurely walk? Do you really need to free up that much time for the Air and Space museum? The website boasts that it’s the “highest rated tour of the Washington sites in a fraction of the time.” Umm, wat?

One woman, in Capitol Segway’s testimonials, says it’s the “most fun she’s had standing up.”

But no matter how “fun” the Segway seems, riding one makes you look like a lazy douchebag showoff. Even if you’re a gramma and it’s your first trip to DC. Or if you’re an eight-year-old kid. Or if you’re a pregnant mom.

Besides speedy tours, the company sells Segway PTs (they supply the DC Police) and gift certificates. In case you want to purchase one, click here.

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  1. I want to start giving DC Segway Safeway tours…A days worth of sketchy supermarkets from Unsafeway to Soviet Safeway in under 3 hours!

  2. Polo games are now being played on these things. You have no horse shit to clean up but you have to put up with the horses’s asses riding them.

  3. I will admit I have done it twice. Two main reasons:

    1. I am tired of lugging fat visitors around town listening to them bitching about how far everything is apart.
    2. I am tired of lugging fat visitors around town listening to them bitching about how hot it is here in the summer.

  4. Can’t someone find some reason to ban these due to national security or terrorism? Dubya would have found a way (so long as Cheney wasn’t a shareholder)

  5. you clown. i’m no tourist, but as a dc newbie i enjoyed the segway tour. i saw a fellow in adams morgen going to the store on one though, that looked really stupid.

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