Wonkette
- ASSHOLES FROM POLITICAL BLOG RUIN JOURNALISM, AMERICA: People go so insane over words, on the Internet. [DCist]
YOU CAN ALWAYS CLICK THROUGH TO THE SOURCE ARTICLE
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2:23 PM
on Mon March 23 2009
By
Jim Newell
1544 Views
Wow, you guys are some pretty smart 12-year-olds.
NBC4 HAS MANY IMPORTANT STORIES. I AM SEARCHING:
HERE IS ONE ABOUT UNUSUAL CELEBRITY KID NAMES. IT IS VERY LEGITIMATE:
http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/entertainment/Weird_Celebrity_Kid_Names.html
OOO THERE ARE MANY OTHERS. THERE IS ONE ABOUT A CAB DRIVER WHO INSTALLED A KARAOKE MACHINE AND A SWIMMING DINOSAUR DISCOVERED IN THE SF BAY. THESE ARE THE IMPORTANT ISSUES. I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY ALLOW JIM NEWELL AND SKS TO POST THEIR LUDICROUS AND NON-RELEVANT MATERIAL ON THE FRONT PAGE, OR ANY PAGE. THERE ARE OBVIOUSLY MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO READ ABOUT, LIKE A FUCKING DINOSAUR IN THE SAN FRANCISCO BAY. YAH!
Y’all are moonlighting and are not poverty-stricken bloggers as advertised! I DEMAND YOU HAND OVER YOUR HOBOBEANS, NOW!
Also, if it’s comedy, NBC should designate it as such. Else the INNER SECRETS OF ASS-FUCKING WILL BE SPILLED! In conclusion: TruckNutz.
That was not Wonkette? I mean, I searched for something about buttsecks and did not find it.
Why are you including this serious news article in with a bunch of satire?!@? What is wrong with you people?!?//@??1!
Aww, Jim and Sara, you gave the MSM a sad
Ouch! — that snark can sting! Denby’s right!
Jim, you garden-hatin’ un-American!
Did you guys get to meet Pam Beasely ’cause it’s, you know, NBC.
I knew Sara at Harvard before I transferred to Georgetown. She got kicked out of that New Chastity movement for, ahem, indiscretions. I think she got Newell the job at Wonkette because he bought her drinks at some DC bar. It WAS Clay Aiken Night so you know how that worked out.
Excellent job at bringing down Western Civilization! Because as we all know, the websites for fluffy local TV stations are the bedrock of journalism and therefore civic virtues, everywhere.
“i see you’re still a waste of sperm jim. OINK OINK JIM! i didn’t realize they made that much food in the world jim. OINK OINK! PORKER. horphing everything down that moves JIM?i see you’re still a waste of sperm jim. OINK OINK JIM! i didn’t realize they made that much food in the world jim. OINK OINK! PORKER. horphing everything down that moves JIM?”
Fess up. Which one of y’all wrote that?
Someone needs to get rid of those fucking teeth on the side banner.
A non sequitor to be sure, but true anyway.
Please explain to the locals that you have to leave your teens to write the sort of nosebleed-inducing run-on sentences that Newell constructs.
So Newell has been writing there as well AND NOBODY TOLD ME ABOUT IT?
SKS has a direct line into the brains of the unwashed, whose buttons she knows verily how to push, and yea sayeth the Lord, it is brilliant.
DCist should shut the fuck up. You know all those loads of fucking comments posted below these wonderful bits of satire? That means lots of people are reading them. Pretty much the only standard by which to judge success or failure these days on big internet sites. JEALOUS MUCH?
NBC obviously knows where its bread is buttered (see Keith and/or Rachel.) This is merely an excellent extension of the snark/satire/cockpunch of the brand.
Just like the fatuous & irrelevant Tucker Carlson vis-a-vis Jon Stewart, me thinks DCist is trying to grab some eyeballs on the back of Wonkette with their faux controversy. These fucktaroons should instead try creating something people want to read. Like Wonkette & NBC have already done.
Dear NBC4:
Jim and Sara cannot help it if they are dick-magnets. They give teh funny, and NBC4 must deal with the dicks. That is how it works.
Thank you.
“Wonkette is a steaming diarrhea-flavored hot toddy these days. That blog jumped the shark what, three or four years ago?”
I see Denton is trolling the DCist boards.
“What a waste of my time reading this garbage! I guess I will also add NBC to my list of poorly reported media outlets!”
I imagine this person is Steve Buscemi in Billy Madison, applying red lipstick and keeping a list on his wall.
Welcome to “Tlön, Uqbar, Tertius” fellahs. Soon news organizations will only run snark and readers will write angry letters to the editor when a piece of “straight” journalism accidentally makes it past the filter.
But seriously, I feel like if your friend is all telling you how rowdy they got at this party on Saturday, and you’re all, “Wait…which party?”
And they’re like, “The NBC4 party, in DC.”
And you’re like, “Oh.”
They go, “What?”
And you go, “It’s just…I didn’t even know you were going to that. It’s cool, go on.”
Meaning, an invite maybe next time? I know we’re not, like, best friends, but still…
shortsshortsshorts: And Penn Jillette named his daughter Moxie Crime-Fighter Jillette!
Someone remind me of the subtitle of Denby’s book so i can laugh?
If I may sum it up: “How DARE you confuse the stupid people?”
Wonkette, why have you been hiding these horrible secrets from us? Are you afraid we’ll go over & cause trouble. Anyway, please give us some daily link to these awesome exclusive stories…we’ll be nice, we promise!
paparapapa: “Harvard before I transferred to Georgetown”
Does. Not. Compute.
This is gonna be awkward when teh Wonketz and teh Dcest run into each other at The Big Hunt at noon on a Tuesday.
Graphictruth: Yes, “stop trying to be something your not”.
paparapapa: no double posting allowed, fucktard. either here or DCist. i realize your pea brain can’t come up with two different bad ideas in the space of 24 hours so howza’ bout you fuck right off outta here and take your diseased, crusty penis with you.
hobospacejungle: I was set up. The original lamer was on DCist. While papa posted it here, you tell me.
Bruno:
Better basketball team.
I can’t believe I didn’t know about this new treasure chest of wonketteer goodness. I know how I’ll be spending my afternoon.
slithytoves: Those Teeth are paying the freight for our beloved TruckNutz.
Meh. All this “free-lancing” stuff, what with AOL’s Political Timewaster and NBC4’s Timewaster… you know what it MEANS, don’tcha people?
Your Wonketteers work here for FREE and the snark, no matter how sublime, don’t pay no rent nor lay in the groceries.
Cut ‘em some slack, wouldja?
Xcept for Newell. Fuckin’ ginger gets on my tits. And NOT the way I like….
I was sure this was going to be about Politico.
Wow. Any of the -ist sites would do well not to complain about teh snark. Also, like David Denby, they clearly don’t understand what Wonkette is all about. I did not see any mention on the NBC site about TRUCKNUTZ or buttsecks or any of the things that we hold dear.
Also, I put $20 on all the DCist editors having applied for the job of posting satirical stories on NBC.
Dear DCist,
Bad call to take on Wonkette. Just ask the Pumas.
ATB,
BitterPolitico.
Colander: Yes but who’s Monkeyrotica? The reply with Wonkette as Frozen Crappucino FTW.
Tommy Says Soooo, Jugdish!: And now the original DCist douchebag comment re-posted here by paparapapa has mysteriously disappeared. Strange. Actually not, DCist probably censored, cuz they is all about the freedumbs.
Hm. paparapa is banned, then?
CorkPopper: Ah, I missed that. Sometimes being hilarious/crazy is the best way to win a baseless argument.
hobospacejungle: Yes, that was my original mash note to SKS and Frodo. I don’t know why papa cared to post it here. In case of warblog (or perhaps Friendly Fire Blog), I usually ask myself what would shortshortshorts do?
Yes, they deleted me pretty quick. Perhaps it was the Newell-Clay Aiken thing, who knows?
DCist? Sounds like a loser-grade tumour.
do read the comments over at dcist! I had no idea that there was soo much love for wonkette out there! like this…..
“…I read in the Washington Business Journal that Wonkette was rebranding itself as a low-end fast-casual competitor to Starbucks in the steaming-diarrhea-flavored hot toddy purveyor department. And while their Frozen Crappuccino® reminds one of a hazelnut tour of Dante’s Inferno, their Tall Skim Dumpio® leaves much to be desired, predominately an absence of corn, “floaters,” and “lazy susans.”
Breaking News! Losers angry more often.
To wit
Haha. Foolish 12-year-old.
Serolf Divad: Tion, Uqbar, Tertius? My curiosity is piqued.
Colander:
we pump the snark
don’t jump no shark
now that we’re licked,
you can get off yer knees,
bitchiz.
e.e. cummings
I love how DCist is assuming that a handful of commenters on NBCWashington.com reflect the majority opinion of people with basic intelligence. That’s like saying NYC is full of racist gun-loving hicks after reading a Gothamist post where any white person is shot by a non-white person.
gurukalehuru: It’s a literary reference to a short story about a fictional world created by intellectuals. Wikapedia. I piqued.
Bette Midler put it best: “Fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke”.
Tommy Says Soooo, Jugdish!: Oh. Me so sorry. Didn’t unnerstan at first that you was fuckin’ with DCist then pooparoopoo re-posted your schtick over here. Duh. Good on you, bad on pooparoopoo.
The many levels of irony confuse me sometimes.
I’m a little jealous. I thought Jim and Sara were exclusive to Wonkette! They can’t just go write on other sites which I never read (without at least linking the articles they wrote for their new boyfriend). This must be what it feels like to be cheated on. I’m going to go listen to The Cure now.
They had to hate on Blingee too? Why do they hate Amercia?
Unfortunately, the world is full of self-righteous blockheads who work themselves into Incredible Hulk like rages and bombard editors with angry missives about articles that any intelligent twelve year old would immediately recognise as satire.
Jim, Sara; there’s only one suitable response- Give ‘em TruckNutz!