Sometimes people say mean things about political entertainment show host Bill O’Reilly, and he responds by dispatching clownish minions to stalk them for a while. Usually the targets are liberal opinion writers, like Cynthia Tucker of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution or The New Yorker‘s Hendrik “Rik” Hertzberg. Oftentimes they call O’Reilly hypocritical and are attacked on the sidewalk or their driveway by the Fox goons, who DEMAND an apology without ever explaining what for. Well this weekend there was another ambush — but this time targeted at a simple blogger for the communist Think Progress website, while she was on vacation.

Think Progress editor Amanda Terkel is a nice lady who recently wrote something about how Bill O’Reilly is a hypocrite for accepting an invitation to speak to a group of rape victims even though he secretly thinks they are sluts, or something. It is not important. But here’s Terkel’s account of how the Fox goons caught her, which is very important for the purposes of comedy:

– The Stalking: Watters and his camera man accosted me at approximately 3:45 p.m. on Saturday, March 21, in Winchester, VA, which is a two-hour drive from Washington, DC. My friend and I were in this small town for a short weekend vacation and had told no one about where we were going. I can only infer that the two men staked out my apartment and then followed me for two hours. Looking back, my friend and I remember seeing their tan SUV following us for much of the trip.

There must be some charges to file here. Restraining orders and such? Oh damnit, now there is probably a tan SUV outside our “Wonkette house.”

I Was Followed, Harassed, And Ambushed By Bill O’Reilly’s Producer [ThinkProgress]

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  1. I for one would not be surprised if O’Reilly huffs Helium and masturbating into a loofa while watching this footage with the Police’s “Every Breath You Take.”

  2. [re=271076]MarieDeGournay[/re]: Doh, you beat me to it.

    I esp. like the part where they ask her if she’d like to apologize for insulting rape victims. WTF??

  3. If our Wonkette has a house I hope it’s eccentric manse with a colorful history — at the very least it should have been used as a bordello at some point (recently?).

  4. Keith O. is going to have to come up with stronger language that Worst. Person. (Keith, it’s going to get even crazier)…he lurks here.

  5. “My friend and I were in this small town for a short weekend vacation and had told no one about where we were going.”

    EXACTLY! That’s why Papa Bear rulez!!11!!!! Who do these people think they ARE, Republican staffers!!!

    FTW!!!!!!!1!! Roger Ailes is my co-pilot!!!!!1

    I often cup my groin and cry like Glenn Beck!!!1

    Teleprompter! Also.

  6. I don’t know which is the saddest – the guy who is the huffing idiot on the teevee show, or the guy who goes out and stalks vacationing women for him.
    Now that I’ve insulted you, Bill-O, come on out and stalk me for your show. I promise that you will shat your own teeth out of your metrosexual arse.

  7. The next time I’m caught stalking a woman with a cam-corder, I’m going to tell them I’m a Fox News Journalist. It’s gotta work, just like when you tell the embattled Middle-Eastern freedom-fighters who take control of your flight that you’re Canadian instead of American. They totally leave you alone and offer you a pillow.

  8. [re=271106]Colander[/re]: I see a rambling Gothic Revival manor with dark rooms, heavy draperies, lots of florid red wall coverings, and an extensive collection of taxidermy in glass cases.

  9. So what, now everyone who hates O’Reilly gets a camera and a mic and stalks him around?

    That would be hilarious, there are so many of us. He wouldn’t be able to take a step.

  10. Will someone be brave enough to troll his site? Will someone have the courage to offer a cyber-sex opportunity to O’Reilly? Where have the true warriors gone?

    [re=271093]jagorev[/re]: Yes, but it’s in the name of DIEHARD journalism.

  11. [re=271076]MarieDeGournay[/re]: Great idea! Repeat that over and over and give the camera nothing else to report. Even better, have a friend video the whole thing, post it on youtube and give Wonkette the link.

  12. There is a tan SUV hanging out in front of my house, but I don’t think it’s from o’reilly. Oh wait — there are men masturbating inside. It is from o’reilly. Oh wait — they’re trying to sell people computer textbooks. Different ‘oreilly.

  13. O’Reilly is doing a magnificent job of restoring dignity to the journalism profession. Nothing says “fair and balanced” like hunting someone down and intimidating them.

  14. The scene: A frightened woman, pulls out cell phone: “Hello, 911?! Yes two strange men are following me, they have a camera and keep shouting something about rape — send help!”

    15 minutes later . . .

    Sheriff Deputy: “The light glinted off it just like off a gun barrel, but it turned out to a fucking camera, damn! I kept yelling DROP IT and he kept shouting what sounded to me like “fux youse” … the guy had a really strong New York accent, but I guess it could’ve been “Fox News.” He just wouldn’t put it down–Jesus!

    Local sheriff, looking down at dead suspect, two bullet holes in his chest, broken camera at his side: “Well, Smith, it looks like a real rightous shooting to me. The D.A. will have this creep’s partner indicted by sundown, so don’t worry about a thing. Remember, no jury in Billy Bubba County is gonna take the word of some New York “journalist” over one of my deputies.”

  15. [re=271090]freakishlystrong[/re]:

    I hope he does lurk here. Keith O. is my secret boyfriend, along with Bruce Springsteen and Serolf Diviad.

  16. I, too, would like to be confronted by O’Reilly’s goons. “Hey, actually, I’d like to ask you a few questions first! Is it embarrassing to work for a man who doesn’t know the difference between a loofah and a falafel? Is it wise to smear the unwilling object of your attraction with Middle Eastern food? Aren’t you afraid that’ll attract the terrorists?”

  17. Terkel was wearing a miniskirt and a slutty halter top. Conclusion: Andrea definitely provoked the otherwise gentlemanly O’Reilly lads into stalking and harassing her like wild dogs in heat.

  18. Of all the people who criticized him, he picks the smallest woman (5 feet nothing, 100 pounds) to stalk while she’s away from her home and car. What a brave man. What a very strong, brave man.

  19. I could of actually counted the number of threatened beat-downs so far, but that would have been… um… work. Any reason why the shedding of teeth is such a prominent aspect of these narratives? Is this because of teh whole red-meat metroverse Faux occupies, or is it a Washington thing? Just curious. Also a bit nervous.

  20. “Oh damnit, now there is probably a tan SUV outside our ‘Wonkette house.'”

    look out the window. can you see me? i’m the one waving.

  21. I’m actually kind of surprised that none of the O’Reilly goons come back to the Fox News headquarters with backwards Bs carved in their cheeks and tears streaming down their faces. I would assume that it has occurred to them to pretend to get beat up by people who hate them (i.e. everyone).

  22. I work with a former TV producer. He says the best way to piss of stalker TV reporters is to mutter to the camera over and over again “Jesus Loves You” until they leave. There was some crooked Alderman who pulled that trick after a camera crew burst into his office and they couldn’t use any of the footage.

  23. [re=271247]CumaeanSibyl[/re]: Not your private army, unfortunately. Although you’re no doubt familiar with their spanking of Hal Turner, there’s no way of telling in advance what will capture the collective imagination of the intarwebz haet machine.

  24. A rape victims’ group asked Bill O’Reilly to come and speak to them? Eww. That sounds dangerously close to going for a two-fer.

  25. [re=271077]Carrie_Okie[/re]: Word. I’d love to meet up with these free mofos. One of the two–either the producer or cameraman–is gonna get a free colonoscopy, in HD living color. Some day, in reality, there will be a beat down, and no jury in America would convict. Even in Winchester, VA.

  26. Five words to use if stalked by an O’Reilly goon: Andrea, Mackris, loofah, falafel and vibrator. You can throw in “Thai sex workers” if you like?

  27. Ever notice that the subjects of his attacks are usually women or very polite men? Some day they will jump out of the bushes at the wrong person and be found a few hours later with a TV camera and microphone sticking out of their butts.

  28. The great thing about working at Fox News is that you can have your minions carry out your fetishes for you. Then they bring you back the video tape and you can masturbate to it in the evening, saving tons of time. And you doubt the brilliance of Bill O’Reilly?

    Or maybe he just sent out the crew to work out a scene in his upcoming book, The Bullying Talking Head that was also a Perverted Stalking Sex Machine. All proceeds go to helping child prostitutes get their start.

    [re=271142]Terry[/re]: Bruce Springsteen = Serolf Diviad. Don’t tell anyone!

  29. Yo Bill, come on down to Georgia and pose a threat to this lady, Show your balls and get up close and personal in real time. You coward fucker. you change the reply of the 101st Commander in the Argone, NUTS, is what you get, to nuts, what I ain’t got, may I please lick yours, or somebody’s. Every Irishman on the planet takes a Bill O’Reilly at about 7:00 am, me, I use Glade to clear the air, and a bacterial agent once a month to destroy previous Bill O’Reilly movements in the septic tank. Bill O’Reilly, dickweed.

  30. CampbellBrown (for some reason, I can’t reply properly to your comment), the particular words to say when confronted by O’ Reilly’s crew are “Andrea Mackris hates you”.

    Other things to do:

    *Carry a loofah (a small one) around to whip out as necessary. Or some falfels. Or perhaps both, and do a demonstration for the cameras on the difference between the two.

    *Ask the camera if Mr. O’Reilly is sitting with a vibrator up his bum while watching this footage.

    *Phone the police while the cameras are watching. Tell the police there are some suspicious men with cameras filming you. Make sure they can hear and catch the audio.

    *Carry a camera (or a phone with one) and take pictures of them. Post on your popular blog and spread around the internet as photos of pests to women.

    It’s a shame one woman was caught by surprise without preparation, but hopefully other popular bloggers will be able to benefit from this knowledge that these people are out there – and hopefully, we will see more public condemnation of these shameful tactics. Oh, and funny pictures of surprised stalkers with media equipment.

  31. [re=271645]Jollity[/re]: Phone the police while the cameras are watching. Tell the police there are some suspicious men with cameras filming you. Make sure they can hear and catch the audio.

    I have found, through personal experience in fucking with asshole neighbors that the quickest way to get cops out to the scene is to tell them you can see a person nearby waving a gun around. They drop their donuts & hustle their asses off. This worked particularly well when I saw a hated, frat-boy neighbor remove his hunting rifle from the trunk of his car & “wave it around” while showing some friend how cool he was. Cops gave him the once over while I watched from next door. That was extremely satisfying.

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