Howard Dean To Become New Jim Cramer

Doctor Howard Dean got a new job! He will be a "regular contributor" on CNBC, the important business channel which features idiots screaming at each other all day as the stock market does whatever it does -- up some days, down some days, etc. Today he did a guest-hosting deal, on some CNBC show. Maybe he's on right now, who knows! You see, only idiots watch CNBC. It's a place for cocaine addicts and self-hating day traders and insane old people who think they can "beat the market" and actual retarded people who grab the phone away from the nurse and yell "BOO-YAH." In other teevee shout-y news, Chris Matthews will be on MSNBC for another four years, which means he won't be running for the Senate or whatever. [ Sam Stein / New York Times ]