EAT THE POOR  12:12 pm March 19, 2009

Fat-Cat President Signs Big Book Deal While People Starve

by Sara K. Smith

Barack Obama once again demonstrated his callous unconcern for the American people by signing a major book deal right before he was sworn into office. Obama received a $500,000 advance for a middle-school reader’s version of Dreams From My Father on January 15. This obscene amount calls for a congressional investigation, and harsh words from Christopher Dodd! It also suggests that the only way to secure a decent book advance these days is to get elected president — a process that is only slightly more difficult than getting a publisher to look at your manuscript. [Washington Times]

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EnBuenOra March 19, 2009 at 12:19 pm

We need to hurry up and protect our middle schoolers from government propaganda to turn them into gay-marrying Muslim Kenyan Luo tribesman medical marijuana using abortionists.

SayItWithWookies March 19, 2009 at 12:21 pm

But he’s not doing any actual work on the book, and he’s splitting the advance with the publisher. So by those calculations, Dubya can expect a quarter mil from his book, too.

shortsshortsshorts March 19, 2009 at 12:23 pm

Another way to get a book deal in this economy is to be a crazed serial killer, so get out there and start slashing and dashing!


Gorillionaire March 19, 2009 at 12:25 pm

US American middle schoolers can read?

norbizness March 19, 2009 at 12:27 pm

What is LOVE? Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more!

rambone March 19, 2009 at 12:28 pm

This is why I only vote for trust fund babies. Our politicians are so much more dignified when they don’t need to earn their keep.

Bring back the House of Lords, I say!

american mutt March 19, 2009 at 12:28 pm


widestanceromancer March 19, 2009 at 12:28 pm

And how much will he pocket when it’s translated into Muslic?

Serolf Divad March 19, 2009 at 12:30 pm

The book is basically a toned down version of “Dreams for my Father” for kids. So, for instance, instead of experimenting with coke the young Obama experiments with weed. And the heroic pastor/father figure, instead of yelling “God Damn America” says “gosh darn America.” Etc.

AngryBlakGuy March 19, 2009 at 12:31 pm

…I can just imagine what Sean Insanity will headline tonight: Barack Hussein Obama is receiving a 5 million dollar BONUS from AIG for a middle-school version of his autobiography; titled: Mein Kampf!!!

bhosp March 19, 2009 at 12:32 pm

“For middle school kids” means “take out the parts where he snorts coke and says ‘motherfucker’,” right?

Tommy Says Soooo, Jugdish! March 19, 2009 at 12:32 pm

Kathy Griffin got $2 mil so Hopey is worth 25% of an unfunny comedian who only has a career thanks to the gehz….

Sounds about right for Americans.

Canmon (the Inadequate) March 19, 2009 at 12:32 pm

I propose a 90% tax on book advances to sitting Presidents.

Schadenfried March 19, 2009 at 12:35 pm

Our President doing the chicken neck? OMG NOT RASHUL TRANSENDUNCE!!11. Also.

TGY March 19, 2009 at 12:36 pm

At least *this* president knows what a book is. An ‘unauthoritarian’ one, anyway.

Schadenfried March 19, 2009 at 12:36 pm

[re=268976]Tommy Says Soooo, Jugdish![/re]: Don’t forget about telling people how she doesn’t come to their jobs and smacks dicks out of their mouths.

I think she’s funny though.

ph7 March 19, 2009 at 12:41 pm

Audio b[re=268972]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Audio book version to be read by William Ayers!

AngryBlakGuy March 19, 2009 at 12:45 pm

[re=268962]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: …there are plenty of other ways to get a book deal!

For example:

-Run a failed bid to become Vice President
-Be born the fat daughter of a Vietnam POW
-Give birth to octuplets
-Pretend to be a plumber and sell digital conversion boxes on public access T.V.

Mr Blifil March 19, 2009 at 12:45 pm

My alt-text for that animated gif would have been “Swingin’ Pipe.”

suchsweetthunder March 19, 2009 at 12:46 pm

Wait a second. Doesn’t this mean Nate Silver is more important than the Preznit? He got like $800,000, didn’t he?

Mr Blifil March 19, 2009 at 12:50 pm

It will be a very thin volume. The sections of the book which prefigure his ascendency to the presidency have been cut and the remaining portion will be an encapsulation of his victory over Comrade McCain, his preference for a modest tea ceremony instead of the garish “Inaugral Ball,” the establishment of the totalitarianism of the proletariat, and his sale of the contents of the Lincoln bedroom on eBay. After that will be an epilogue of 10 pages upon each of which is printed the word “OBEY” in 72 pt. boldface.

momus March 19, 2009 at 12:54 pm

Blago got “six figures,” too.

Country Club Jihadi March 19, 2009 at 12:54 pm

“Are you there God, it’s me, Barry”.

ManchuCandidate March 19, 2009 at 12:55 pm

Don’t mind me. I’m clutching my crappy manuscript in a pool of rage tears.

Zadig March 19, 2009 at 1:00 pm

Get your facts straight, SKS. Chris Dodd would only be allowed to make a mean statement about this book deal if it was made with some sort of federal artsy grant money, and Dodd had written the law that provided it.

[re=268991]Mr Blifil[/re]: Maybe we can get Shepard Fairey to make an updated-for-Obama version of his Andre poster, with an AP photo as reference?

Tommy Says Soooo, Jugdish! March 19, 2009 at 1:01 pm

If Barry gets $500K, then his TELEPROMPTER should get ten times that for making the magic happen.

TELEPROMPTERZ TELL-ALL, excerpt in Weekly Standard!!11!! FTW!~!!!

Zadig March 19, 2009 at 1:04 pm

[re=269003]Zadig[/re]: Oh nevermind, I just realized that Dodd has a loophole because of his book deal about how he ended the recession within thirteen days. Criticize away, Senator.

CaliforniaMike March 19, 2009 at 1:06 pm

In the early ’90s, an oxy-snorting, three-times-divorced (only two then), sex-tripping radio host (narrows it down a bit, doesn’t it?) made millions for “writing” two books that were nothing more than transcribed monologues from his show.

That was the day the reading died, as we will learn when Don McLean comes out of retirement (I know, you thought he was dead) and writes his sequel to “American Pie.” He’ll call it “American Tub o’ Lard” and it will sell millions.

Compared to that, anything Hopey writes is Shakespeare.

Now all we need to do is convince Rush the skiing is great in Canada.

shanemacgowan March 19, 2009 at 1:12 pm

Does the middle school version include the part where the drunken fat version of Halle Berry gnaws on his neck?

Mr Blifil March 19, 2009 at 1:12 pm

[re=269009]CaliforniaMike[/re]: Rush is not allowed on the bunny slope, where he is a danger to either fuck or eat the children, if not both.

The Cold Sea March 19, 2009 at 1:14 pm

[re=269009]CaliforniaMike[/re]: you mean teh reading died. Also.

WastingTheDawn March 19, 2009 at 1:20 pm

[re=268963]Gorillionaire[/re]: US American middle schoolers can read. American middle schoolers and US middle schoolers can’t.

Canuckledragger March 19, 2009 at 1:29 pm

I was hoping for a sequel to “My Pet Goat.” I know a Texan who barely got to finish the first one and wants to know how it all ends.

iowabosox March 19, 2009 at 1:49 pm

I remember reading somewhere that he signed a contract for three books. I hope this isn’t the third, because I was hoping for a sequel after his presidency ends.

Hopefully that one will have less coke snorting.

Hooray For Anything March 19, 2009 at 1:52 pm

Will Barry finally mention how ACORN stole the election for him and admit that he was really born in Indonesia or will these be another book full of lies?

gurukalehuru March 19, 2009 at 1:52 pm

Is that Barack Obama, Jamie Fox doing Barack Obama or Barack Obama doing Jamie Fox doing Barack Obama?

Graphictruth March 19, 2009 at 1:53 pm

Damn elitist parading his islofactoid literacy fetish, in public! And inflicting it on our children!

ProfessorJukes March 19, 2009 at 1:54 pm

[re=269013]Mr Blifil[/re]: He’s also a danger to fuck and/or eat the bunnies.

Screw this book deal stuff – the money is obviously still in Palin-Porn. The actress who played her is set for a sequel and is makin’ a whole buncha money stripping as the SnowBilly Queen.

“Six months after its release, [Who's Nailin' Paylin] is one of Hustler Video’s all-time bestsellers — something unprecedented in company history.
Hustler says it can’t keep up with orders for the DVD and is already planning a sequel — with Lisa Ann reprising her starring role. “Hollywood’s Nailin’ Paylin”, shooting this spring for a late-summer release, will parody Palin’s imagined new career as book author and talk-show.”

June Cleaver 2.0 March 19, 2009 at 1:55 pm

[re=268988]Mr Blifil[/re]: Yeah, but it’s cute, and it’s pathetic that I know where he was (at the DNC back stage) joking with Michelle about Malia’s crush on the Jonas brothers. Whenever I’m at my computer in my classroom, my students yell, “I know you’re looking at Obama. Sad.

ProfessorJukes March 19, 2009 at 1:55 pm

host.” Also.

sarcasticusername March 19, 2009 at 2:02 pm

@iowabosox: when he first got super famous back in ’04 he signed a deal to re-release his first book, and then write 3 more, one of which would be for kids. instead he only wrote the one, audacity of hope, became president and then signed a new deal to make up for what he was already supposed to write, by dumbing down the book he wrote before he was famous. he’s a smart cookie this one, repeatedly getting paid to not write anything new, the whole thing is very american of him.

rcdl March 19, 2009 at 2:07 pm

That picture moves perfectly with Lady GaGa’s “Just Dance” which I happen to be listening to right now.

norbizness March 19, 2009 at 2:08 pm

Re: discrepancies in advance. The book at issue has been out for years and years, they’re only talking about a limited edition for middle schoolers, who will all immediately become Marxist Muslins and kill us all in their sleep.

suchsweetthunder March 19, 2009 at 2:09 pm

[re=269057]June Cleaver 2.0[/re]: Do you post on Wonkette when you’re supposed to be teaching children? That would be totally level two.

WadISay March 19, 2009 at 2:20 pm

Only the version in Arabic will be definitive.

June Cleaver 2.0 March 19, 2009 at 2:36 pm

[re=269073]suchsweetthunder[/re]: I’ve got smarty pants 8th graders. The other class needs a teacher.

HuddledMass March 19, 2009 at 2:38 pm

[re=269067]norbizness[/re]: In their sleep? Or our sleep? Just so I can be ready….

norbizness March 19, 2009 at 3:06 pm

Both, and neither.

Gallowglass March 19, 2009 at 3:48 pm

Is this the one where the “You ain’t my bitch,” soundbite came from? ‘Cause I think that’s something I could have related to in middle school.

rk March 19, 2009 at 6:52 pm

Who cares if he’s making money from a book deal? He wrote the book… it wouldn’t exist if he didn’t write it. So he’s getting paid for it. Why is everyone so upset?

expatinOz March 19, 2009 at 10:40 pm

I wrote a book. It wouldn’t exist if I didn’t write it. No one has paid me for my book. I has a sad.

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