Wonkette
Two recent incidents show that our nation’s proud elected officials all turn into COCKS OF RAGE at the sight of airport personnel. First David Vitter tries to hijack a plane to New Orleans, and then this Representative Pete DeFazio character, a common Democrat from Oregon, gets all shirty when a TSA screener in Portland wants to give him an Advanced Security Inspection with rubber gloves.
DeFazio says he wasn’t that mad and didn’t do the old, “Do you know who I am? I am that senator who likes to have diaper-sex with hookers,” because David Vitter already tried that trick with zero success. Instead he just huffed about how stupid the whole rigamarole was, which, to be fair, well yes. Airport security is a joke. DON’T TELL THE TERRORISTS.
Airport-screening check riles DeFazio [AP]
Airport Turbulence Appears to Be All the Rage [Washington Post]
At least I knew who Senator Shitter Vitter (R-Pampers/Brothel) was.
Who the fuck is Pete DeFazio?
The Big Ragu on Laverne & Shirley? God only knows.
DeFazio’s an intense little guy. In his defense, having flown through PDX too damned much… I’m inclined to take the good Congressman’s word on this one.
It’s infuriating what’s happened to Coffee People, by the way. <– clever local reference
…the owner of that dog deserves to be punched in the taint!!!
“Shirty” is way underused, and simply a fabulous word, almost as good as “shitty”.
So he didn’t get maced for that? I’m getting pretty fed up with this special treatment for our elected officials.
DeFazio kicking the Man in the nuts back in September. Don’t fuck with DeFazio.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6B5rtwRmf0
AngryBlakGuy: Probably, but how will you ever get the smell off your knuckles?
Of course the Republicans are piddling themselves like little puppies over this. The media stories seem to be having some accuracy issues on this one. It says in the fucking Constitution that you can’t arrest or detain members of Congress while they are in session or going to and from unless they commit a felony. So basically, TSA is too retarded to realize that a liberty loving Democrat from SW Oregon isn’t a security threat. But don’t tell the terrorists.
And he said he offered up that he was “kind of an expert on airport security,” telling the TSA screeners: “I helped create the TSA. I’m in Congress.”
…but he didn’t actually say the words, “Do you know who I am?”, so it’s cool.
Time for the body cavity search. What fun!
…“gets all shirty when a TSA screener in Portland wants to give him an Advanced Security Inspection with rubber gloves.”
Geez, you would think he has never had a prostate exam before?!
I WANT TO FLY LIKE A BEAGLE…
How disappointing. I thought the mention of rubber gloves meant he underwent a cavity search. Which, quite frankly, makes just about everyone a little shirty.
Um…De Fazio complained, whereas Vitter supposedly attempted to breech the boarding gate door, setting off alarms and causing extra security to be dispatched. The Vitter thing must be ugly if they are feeling the need to draw equivalencies.
Also the rubber gloves were never used to penetrate De Fazio in any way, so why is this story even on Wonkette?
freakishlystrong: As is “cocks of rage”.
I think Senator dude was making too much out of nothing.
Since I turned 40, my manly doctor puts his hairy forearm all the way up in search of that ever elusive male gland once a year. I’d like to believe that this yearly activity has brought us closer together.
Although, I imagine that the stress of having to make a connecting flight will make the procedure seem more like quick sex in the urine soaked alley behind the club than the deeply connecting act that occurs in my doctor’s office…
AngryBlakGuy: On the other hand, if that dog got into the Mexican leftovers, it could later get airbourne pretty easily.
freakishlystrong: The only other place I can remember seeing the word “shirty” is in John LeCarre novels.
rmontcal: I suppose it could be “Boehners of rage”.
…uh…which is, of course, pronounced “PAY-nuss”.
NoWireHangers: …by putting on THESE before you do it!
TGY: HaHaHaHaHaHa! Isn’t Boner always a raging, shirty motherfucker?!
Sheesh, the mob isn’t what it used to be since Disney chased them out of Vegas.
In his defense, he saw the rubber gloves and had Tom Delay flashbacks.
I wuv that widdle doggy.
“COCKS OF RAGE” = supergroup: Zach de la Rocha + Al Jourgensen.
Did they play SXSW, SKS?
DeFazio is just pissed because the TSA rubber-glover didn’t refer to the body cavity search by its proper name: “foreplay.”
ManchuCandidate: i thought he was a character on “happy days”? i’m not sure.
you now have the theme song to “happy days” in your head. you’re welcome.
Not a very arousing story. Does DeFazio have any sexytime diary excerpts we can delve into? Or perhaps we can expand a bit more on these COCKSOFRAGE?
he tried to prove it wasn’t funny by announcing that he wrote the joke? i like DeFazio, but i’m sending my mother over to his place so that she can stand over him with her hands on her hips and say, “just LISTEN to yourself, young man!”
Is that because they were on a no open fly list?
THe TSA gets all shirty when your elected member is all out in the open.
When I lived in Oregon, DeFazio was well known for being a non-bullshitting regular Joe who drove a POS ‘69 Dart or something. That, and and being a bit of a hothead. Everybody loved the guy.
Rary Guppert: Actually the song in my head is from Laverne (DeFazio) and Shirley. That’s much worse.
Somewhere, Larry Craig is crying is crying a Kerrigan river of tears: “Why not me?”
They might as well take this to the obvious conclusion and have Rick Astley waiting in the interrogation rooms to Rick-Roll unsuspecting passengers.
I will wait until Jim Cramer goes on an NBC-owned show to tell me what I should think about this.
Well, to be fair to the TSA, he was a Democrat, which is practically next thing to a terrorist.
widestanceromancer: He just wants to know where these COCKS OF RAGE can be found.
Bush to Host his own TV Show called, “Good Mornin’ Merka, Y’all”, projected
to be a smash hit in towns like Grand Dragon, Georgia and Doublewide,
Florida and Chemical Air, Ohio.
Slated to be guested on his first show, George will welcome Toby Keith, who
will demonstrate how to open a long-neck Bud bottle with your teeth, Al
Frankin and Bill O’Reilly will mudwrestle in assless chaps and Ann Coulter
will explain where’s the best places on Earth to have a sex change
operation.
Next week, Pope Sean Hannity will have a live interview with Sarah Palin
from the Motel 6 in Moonass, Alaska where she will torch an effigy of Katie
Couric in her room, burning the motel to the ground. Then Sean will take her confession live!
Also coming up, David Vitter shows where to stuff a .44 magnum when boarding a plane.
Neofessor Rush Limbaugh will Be George’s sidekick, where he’ll guffaw, gag,
stutter and sputter at everything George says.
George: “Hey Rush, y’all ‘member Katrina? Hey, Ah wuz in San Diego eatin’
b-day cakes an… an… crankin’ Saddam’s giant weather machine we found in
EYE-Rack ta hit dose Liebruls in N’Orlins wit dat Hurrkan, har, har, har”.
Limbaugh: ” “Cah… haw, haw, haw, hey George,
pass me those aspirins ”
Only on ABC.
“Pete DeFazio” sounds like a Seinfeld character.
Mustang: Agreed. Can we please have a day of articles all being accompanied by cute and slightly-relevant pictures of doggies?
12 terms, is it? Well, then, you were part of this. Welcome to the needless hell you’ve imposed on the rest of us, you whining ninny. There is no one I know who does not have at least half a dozen TSA/goon stories to tell, and they’re all infuriating.
Alt-text win, Ms. Sara! What would Noonan say?
Also, contrary to the headline, all members of Congress should be FORCED to travel by commercial air, AND undergo hours of pointless waiting and searches, AND handle the bags, AND serve the drinks, AND apologize profusely during every minute of it.
greatgooglymoogly: Enough coffee for you, my friend.
prophet1195: Hey! Toby Keith is a Democrat!
DeFazio is a one of the good guys who actually spoke out against the silly Bush bailout plan and much other wingtard nonsense besides. The Democratic Party would be in a lot better shape if he were in a leadership position instead of that milquetoast do-nothing Pelosi. However, since DeFazio doesn’t lick anyone’s boots he remains a lone, sane voice in the rainforest.
Rant on, DeFazio, rant on, you beautiful, pissed off crazy diamond.
On a flight to LA two weeks ago I was profiled as a CLEAN SHAVEN LIBERAL and taken to a dark death-bunker where hair gel is treated as a plastic explosive. Bin Laden walked by about 30 times with a 30 ton bomb on his back. He’s one determined mother-fucker.
Too bad these fancy air travelers (who can afford that anymore? actually everyone with a “job”–so almost no one–since airfares are obscenely low) aren’t part of a national lawmaking body which has the ability to change regulations about things like air travel and security. A shame.
ForTheTurnstiles: HA! i’ve been traveling through PDX way too much too.
last week, me and some other chick launched a PDX revolt. they were segregating the ‘liquids people’ from the ‘non-liquids people’. this could not stand.
VIVA LA REVOLUTION!!
Canuckledragger: +1000!
MARCdMan: They can be found anywhere there are overstuffed drunken Reese Witherspoon lookalikes.
DeFazio had plenty of reason to worry. Those dudes with blue gloves kill people and make them bleed uncontrollably from the nose.
/Firefly reference
Srsly, TSA screening is a joke. In half the airports, like Philly, they don’t give a flying fuck, and in the other half they are Nazis.
shortsshortsshorts: They looked at yer pubes?
Tommy Says Soooo, Jugdish!: BUT THEY DID NOT FIND MY SECRET TERRORIST CRABS.
President Beeblebrox: LAX is appropriately named.
I just got the SSSS treatment in Portland, meself!
For a simple matter like losing my driver’s license after I flew out.
Pffft!!!
P.S. For extra fun, I had to change flights (and terminal buildings) in BOS on the way home. Guess what happened again?
~
Everyone who’s been to Portland knows it’s run by communists. Everyone who knows about communists knows they like to “detain” people for no reason. He should be happy he didn’t get sent off to some Art Bell Memorial FEMA “reeducation” camp in Northern Idaho where people think Italian names sound Arabic.
greatgooglymoogly: DeFazio tried to put a stop to it the silliness during the post-9/11 freakout, but unsuccessfully because Republicans are fascist douches. DeFazio is one of the good guys. (He’s with us, not agin’ us).
hobospacejungle: Then why did he have that meltdown about the Dixie Chicks ripping Bush? Also, why does he have that awful, awful beard? I mean, I can’t grow a decent beard, so I don’t fucking grow one. It’s called self-respect Toby, for fuck’s sake! But I digress…
Ah, my old congressman Peter DeFazio of the People’s Republic of Eugene, OR. Keep fightin’ the man, Faz. Or, failing that, the schmucks of TSA, who seem to be extra-useless in all Oregon airports.
Canuckledragger: Man, I’d pay to see that, even if SxSW is becoming as lame as some previous posters have indicated. Al Jourgensen’s the man, even more so than Peter DeFazio.
Canuckledragger: Greetings from Austin. Unfortunately Cocks of Rage aren’t playing SXSW (or “South by” as the hipsters say) this year. But Fuckshovel plays tonight and AIDS Wolf play Saturday night.
prophet1195: I would watch that.
I though what the PDX TSA guys and I had together was special and now I come to find out their doing the same thing to some congressman! What was I PDX TSA? Just some cheap traveler for you to violate with your gloved fingers, then send on his way? I’m taking down all my pictures of you and breaking that mix tape you made me.
President Beeblebrox: Two by two, hands of blue…
le seul bon chien est un chien mort
Mad Farmer Manifest: we Canadians stand in awe of you folks. Pretty sure our constitution says all elected representatives must remember to say please and thank you when traveling.
President Beeblebrox: They call it security theater–the illusion of security. The fuckwads.
But any screener at PDX must have seen Sen Defazio about a zillion times–he flies so much between DC and EUG that he’s damn near type rated to fly the effing plane. DeFazio is great, and he represents a bizarro district that has a teeny corner full of liberal hacky sackers in the People’s Republic of Eugene, then he has the other half of his district, full of loggers, rural yahoos, and Christian Identity types waiting for the second coming of Hayden Lake. So he takes the moneys from the NRA and from the falafel eaters, who are muslins, ya morans, who hate ‘merica, also.
Min: Free Dental Care from TSA? Wow. And he got all pantsy about it?
DangerousLiberal: I mean, Rep. Defazio. That fourth scotch last night was one too many
freakishlystrong: Hear hear!