Wonkette
That hippie Obama family will set a fine example for America’s subsistence farmers by filling in a patch of dirt on the White House lawn with horse poop and bugs. Inside this hell-mound, they will grow warty vegetables for rabbits and worms to feast on before they are ripped half-rotten from the earth and land, unwashed, in an elite arugula salad. In conclusion, organic gardening is an offense against God. [Sara's NBC gig]
Where the hell did you get a photo of my fridge?
What’s that picture of my produce drawer doing on Wonkette?
Oh God, please no watermelons.
urk.
ManchuCandidate: AllHat: …JINX!
Sheesh, all good repugs know that the garden of eden was a Monsanto factory farm.
…if he is growing “vegetables” outside, then where the hell is he growing the weed?!
You can have my garden when you pry it from my dead green thumbs.
Something tells me that the readership of the NBC website is not quite ready for Ms. Smith’s humor.
On the other hand, mmm. Pigeon meat. Now I’m hungry.
Also. Why are they so mean to our SKS on that NBC site.
I love the angry comments from NBC readers. These people write angry letters to The Onion.
This is so not what Reagan would do.
THIS WOMAN IS DUMB I DON’T THINK SHE’S A HORTICULTURIST.
I just saved everyone from reading the comments thread over there. You’re welcome.
Formerly Preferred:
This first comment there is awesome.
Of course Sarah’s a horticulturalist. I happen to know for a fact that she’s got a fern in the Kitchen and a lilly next to the window.
Formerly Preferred: NBC’s readership totally doesn’t get it. Those people need to run to Whole Foods and see if they can buy a sense of humor.
If you add a laugh track we may end up with Movin’ on Up meets Green Acres. Hilarity ensues!
Who needed a Rose Garden, anyway?
If you follow the links, from Sara’s article to The Note to obamafoodarama, you can read about the portraits of Hopey and Honest Abe that were on display at the Smithsonian on Lincoln’s Birthday and were made of
28,000 cupcakes
You can read all of SKS’s righteous screeds (and enjoy the retarded comments) if you know where to look.
Awesome gig Sara K Smith! Very nice..
Fertilized by finely ground Republicans. Also, I hear elephant manure is great for gardens, so, you know: Rush.
hobospacejungle: Goddammit. All of SKS here:
http://www.nbcnewyork.com/results/?keywords=“SARA+K.+SMITH”&author=y&sort=date/
hobospacejungle: Goddammit just cut & paste. No idea why I can’t make the linky work. I HAVE DONE THIS BEFORE SUCCESSFULLY>
http://www.nbcnewyork.com/results/?keywords=“SARA+K.+SMITH”&author=y&sort=date
AngryBlakGuy: The OEOB has been converted to a giant grow-house
I’ll be honest, I kinda cringe whenever there’s a new SKS piece for NBC, only because I know 95% of the people who read it will react to it like dumb beasts. Maybe Wonkette should declare war on them for the lulz or something.
Holy shit, you’ve been writing for NBC for a while. Have they given you a WH press pass yet so you can steal Politico’s seat?
hobospacejungle: FUCK IT WE’LL DO IT LIVE
Obviously just click on Sara’s name under the headline to read all her winding-up-the-’tards offerings. She is one prolific writer. Which does not take away from the quality of the funny.
They just need some freshly turned over earth so Rahm can bury the bodies.
“…left to “ripen” on palettes in large warehouses…”
Pallets.
hobospacejungle: try single quotes instead of double
hobospacejungle:
http://www.nbcnewyork.com/results/?keywords=‘SARA+K.+SMITH’&author=y&sort=date
4tehlulz: YOU CAN’T WRITE ON ANY SUBJECT UNLESS YOU ARE A TRAINED EXPERT IN THE FIELD OR I AGREE WITH YOU!!!
Serolf Divad: “You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think…”
imarmcandy: They are palettes at Whole Foods, though, which is why they cost more.
http://www.nbcnewyork.com/results/?keywords=SARA+K.+SMITH&author=y&sort=date
AngryBlakGuy: …all “medicinal” herbs are grown in the Lincoln bedroom.
proudgrampa: Hm, I heard that one as “You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her bathe.” (We at GHOPAC would view this humor askance, but when we do, our eyes get stuck in ‘askance’ position just like mother always said.)
proudgrampa: I’d never heard that one before. Hilarious.
I SIGNED TEH PETITION TO GET A WH GARDEN!!! YOU CAN ALL THANKS ME NAO.
Somewhere, the wind carries the voice of David Denby howling, “Vile snark!”
JadedDIssonance: Dorothy Parker said it. Google on her. Every funny thing for the past hundred years that Oscar Wilde didn’t say, Dorothy Parker said.
thanks SKS!! here on the west coast that tomato-pointy head wormy thingee and warty arugula made breakfast extra special!!
Until recently, the vegetables was INSIDE the White House.
*heh*
well, I for one want — no, NEED — to know what SKS’s credentials are. I mean, are we just taking bloggers words for everything (well, ok, we are, but still …)
I’ll be impressed when I see a White House compost heap. I can see the WALNUTS! digging through it now, looking for dirt.
Organic produce is NOT covered in worms and filth. But I still don’t buy it, because I like the cheap buzz I get from licking the pesticides off the other stuff.
Mmmmmm… oh yeah. That’s the stuff.
Anyway, the increase in home gardens -especially organic ones- means we’ll have lots of rotting fruits/veggies to lob at unemployed CEO’s, who will scrape it off their hobo clothes and eat it and thank us for their 2011 ‘bonus’.
“the horticulturalist SKS…”
I think it should be “whore-ticulturalist,” no?
binarian: So all you had to do was remove the quotes? Or did you escape them or what?
JadedDIssonance: Old jokes become new again after a certain lifetime proportional to radioactive decay, or so says Nate Silver.
Jonah Goldberg believes that organic farming is fascist because Hitler liked organic farming, so I think this conclusively proves that OBAMA=HITLER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Remember on that episode of “The West Wing” where the Prez kind of threw a rod after an overdose of Do Not Want, and he marched his boots straight into an empty Catholic church and gave Jeebus a fairly loud and blunt piece of his mind, in American-Jesuit Latin? Didn’t that rock?
Yesterday I was catching up on the overseas press about how Obama has already blown any theoretical first 100 days by demonstrating his mastery of the Minimum Correct Thing principle, and then I caught the news about BHO giving a nothing speech in Cowshit County — running for his first term is clearly Obama’s way of clearing brush or choking on a pretzel when things get stressful — and I had a sad, thinking how this guy is going to spend his one term totally failing to “lead” horny sailors into a whorehouse… and now, this.
A goddamn vegetable garden. A symbolic solution to a looming problem, characteristically insufficient, good for a week of AM radio jabbering without inspiring a single supporter who isn’t ALREADY planting a garden in the hopes of having FOOD later this year, and yeah, the bully-pulpit time already wasted on this crap is worth $100 million a second and can never be regained. And he’s STILL better than McCain would have been.
When the country gets splattered with a hundred tons of crap, the exact moment things start collapsing like a wet taco, what’s a more embarrassing piece of Zapruder film for wiseasses to play over and over: the Chief reading a book to schoolchildren and his face going blank with incomprehension, or the Chief poking around in a fucking vegetable garden on the fucking White House grounds? Is there a statute of limitations on Executive Honeymoon Periods?
I just read a reader comment on Sara’s story. “Kyle” clicked on a link to the story because he thought it was a “news” story. “Kyle” says he is tired of “being tricked into reading satire.” bad news, Kyle! That was the ONLY story in the whole of media about the White House garden that will ever appear anywhere! And you wasted it on satire! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Fooled you again Kyle. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Sucker.
binarian: Thank you, Binarian, thank you.
iolanthe: If I could go back in time, Dorothy Parker is one of those liberated ladies I would love to meet.
GreenHalo: Concern troll is concerned.
Yay the white house will grow hobo beans!
GreenHalo: Jesus fucking Christ. Save that screed for HuffPo. Mmmmkay?
proudgrampa: One of my DP faves:
“It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.”
Vindication for the watermelon-picture-sending mayor!
they’ll be sorry once hopey is done ruining the economies and the zombie banks unite and converge on the white house lawn looking for veggies.
TGY: All we have to do is
Step 1: Wait for the classic jokes to expire like that group that re-publishes books once they slip into Public Domain
Step 2: ???
Step 3: Profit!!!
Step 4: Late-Nite-TEEVEE-Show!
GreenHalo: That’s the spirit!
I nominate GreenHalo for this week’s motivational speaking award.
GreenHalo: Is that a podium under your feet or are you just happy to see us?
GreenHalo: Never press “Submit Comment” again kthnxbai.
proudgrampa: Same here.
GreenHalo: Have another drink W.
GreenHalo:
Relax. Get a hobby. May I suggest gardening? Hmmmm?
I was always told that the best vegetables are grown inside women over forty who don’t believe in birth control.
GreenHalo: “Every year, back come Spring, with nasty little birds yapping their fool heads off and the ground all mucked up with plants.”
Your favorite Dorothy Parker quote?
Serolf Divad: Aha! I read about you in The Onion, “Serolf” - or should I say: Samuel Alioto.
What if I’m evicted before my victory garden matures? Does Hopey have a bailout plan for my moldy rutabagas and pomegranates and potatoes (or whatever that is in the photo)?
hobospacejungle: You get a treat for perfect timing on an lolspeak comment. Well played, sir.
GreenHalo: I don’t see anything embarrassing about poking around in the garden. You get ashamed of strange things. Did you once get caught having sex with a cantalope? You can tell us. We don’t judge about those kinds of things around here unless you once tried to ban sex with fruit. In that case, it’s on.
qwerty42: Just removed the quotes altogether. Seems to have worked.
hobospacejungle: Just my obsessive compulsion to solve minute technical problems.
….and you’re welcome…
Monsieur Grumpe: Oh, I dunno, Mr.G.H. DID wax sorta lyrical there….in a OMFG!!! kind of way.
Serolf Divad:
If I were him, I would totally grow huge watermellons, and arrange them in such a way so that they spelled oiut from the air: FUCK YOU, RACIST ASSHOLES, WHO’S THE DECIDER NOW?
ladymacbeth: You owe me a keyboard.
Sara, are you really a ‘baffoon’?
imarmcandy: Pfft. You obviously missed the meta-joke about organic produce being used by libtard “artists” to defile the Virgin Mary’s image….or, um, something.
Always remember that indica produces more THC than sativa, no matter what Rush Limbaugh says. Also avoid the organic because, really, have you ever seen a health food store with employees that look really healthy?
Combover: not only that, but her use of the word “defile” was not “humerous”. Clearly a reference to Michelle Obama’s arms.
proudgrampa: yuck yuck yuck…. culture….
This is just the kind of political grandstanding you might expect of a community organizer from Chicago who helped promote community gardens in poor inner city neighborhoods.
And you should know that I ripped out some of my totally useless lawn to make room for organic vegetables several years ago, way back when we were ruled by the Wartime Presidents.
I know, I know…it’s a horrible thing, but actually, I’m kinda glad. In the NY Times story, she talks about how fat her girls got during the early part of the campaign, and yes, I know actual food costs more than crap food, meaning it’s a horrible burden in the recession, but I think this is a good idea. For one thing, this is a real garden, not some trumped up Texas “ranch” where President Dingbat chops brush in a hunnert degree temperatures for NO GOOD reason. Secondly, it says to some parents “enough with pizza, Coke and candy…grow a plant, cook a meal, go outside (shudder)”. I dunno. It’s been a pretty tedious week for BHO and this is a tiny thing, but good ’nuff. I will now snap my fingers over my head and pronounce “you go girl”.
GreenHalo: I’m suddenly reminded of those shoe-gazing people who spray-painted “Mayor Jordan - there’s blood on your palms!” on San Francisco sidewalks when the city put up a row of gorgeous canary palms on upper Market street years ago.
I still cherish the memory of the crudely drawn handmade sign in one shop window along the street; it featured palm trees in green Magic Marker and, in an ecstatic cursive scrawl, the words “WELCOME PALMS!!!!”
Alice Waters rocks. Also.
Sara, your writing reminds me of the National Lampoon of the early 70’s.
And I mean that in the most complementary way.
I still think the best DP quote (and there are many great ones) is “I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.”