Wonkette
Turns out Barack Obama is making some jobs for us, after all! Sure, none of those fancy Obama Administration positions really “trickled down” to you unemployed libtards with the Hope sticker on your MacBook, but that’s okay — the administration is now proposing all kinds of exciting foreign service civilian positions. Sexytime, right?! Romantic café dinners, wine-fueled fucking in the sweet spring grass of the Jardin du Luxembourg, getting high under Karlov Most in the summertime, etc. Well ….
The jobs are actually in exciting Afghanistan — so at least the “getting high” part is possible, and opium is one hell of a drug.
But the only ass you’re going get is from some unwashed Taliban boy with lice in his mustache, and then you’ll probably be stoned to death, for homosexuality. Also, not much in the way of restaurants. If you want good Afghan food, try Little Kabul in the San Francisco suburb of Fremont.
In other words, JOBS! Good luck, friends. Death and dysentery is a small price to pay for a, uhm, paycheck.
Hundreds of New Civilian Employees Proposed for Afghanistan [Washington Post]
Those two guys in the picture look familiar… are they afraid of chucky Reese Witherspoon’s spilling titties, too?
I know where I’d be sending some wall street execs currently suckling contentedly on the government teat.
Sign me up to run a banana stand because of the poetry of it all.
And ACORN!!!11!
TGY: There’s always money in the banana stand.
As long as Kaiser Permanente is involved, I’m hired.
What is it with these Islamists and eyeliner? The whole problem with teh muslins is teh sexual repressions!
Gopherit:
Laugh all you want, but it will come back to haunt you when the Afghan drug lords buy the US America in an overleveraged deal using their drug profits and some camel dung backed derivatives.
comradepaulson: Ain’t it the truth.
chascates:
It gets very lonely in the mountains. VERY lonely.
Hey, Afghanistan is sexy again. That hasn’t happened since — oh, January of 2002. Looks like somebody’s taking his PDBs seriously.
“Other civilian officials are to be drawn from government departments such as Agriculture and Justice”
Typical Chicago Pol giving out no show jobs. Everyone knows that Afghanistan has neither Agriculture nor Justice.
Thank you for adding to my very long list of fears: Moustache lice.
:shudder:
“Join the US Army. Learn skills for a career, travel to exotic foreign lands, meet interesting people and kill them.
“…so at least the “getting high” part is possible…”
Yes, and Afghan hash, and weed, are some of the best in the world…or so I once read. In a magazine. At a doctor’s office.
The Federal Civil Service pension is lavish, if you live to get it.
That’s David Bowie, right?
I’m struggling to keep up with the cultural references here…
Pomegranates and poppies, where do I sign up?
I am holding out for a job as viceroy, but will settle for praetorian prefect.
Fuck yeah! let the “Go Galt” asshats begin their libertarian utopia there. Fun for all.
V572625694: So I’m not banned? Rats…
V572625694: Yeah, but the pay package may come with 72 virgins…so there’s that.
I’ll do it.
ManchuCandidate: They could probably do that now. But you’re right, they need the real evil to compel them.
masterdebater:
Yeah, 72 horny masticating chubby Reese Witherspoon look a likes who are on the pill and have their boobs popping out of their pink PJs. Who wants that? Besides Ross Asshat that is.
No, thank you, Mr. President! I actually prefer to fight them over here.
Home court advantage, and all that.
comradepaulson: “chucky Reese Witherspoon”? Ross Douthat stars in the latest offering of the Child’s Play franchise, “Breasts of Chucky”.
I call dibs on Kafiristan. I’m stocking up on Masonic (or Mormon, seems like they’re interchangable after viewing last Sunday’s Big Love expose on official LDS hoohahrahrah) paraphenalia. Hopefully, there are still some Alexander Megos cargo cultists up in the high passes.
Presto change-o! Shake-and-bake Guy Who Would Be King…
schvitzatura: Queen Victoria’s bugle boy, Rudyard Kipling. Clever mashup, mate.
Hell year Hobgoblin, go Galt!
Is it bad that I would really like to do this? Like, for reals. Maybe the syphilis ate away the fearful parts of my brain.
i never get the devendra banhart and vincent gallo photo. are they lovers?
chascates: It’s not just the Muslins; it’s fundamentalists of all stripes (witness the conservative literary musings cropping up on Wonkette like a field full of opium poppies). However, in Istanbul I watched in unsurprised fascination as two women in full black chador stood in the passageway under the Galata Bridge, completely obsessed by these battery-operated blonde bikini-clad dolls dancing on a vendor’s table.
And from what I hear, Damascus is pretty much nothing but lingerie shops.
comradepaulson: “How much clearer can I say, ‘THERE’S ALWAYS MONEY IN THE BANANA STAND’???”
Ah, good times. Good times.
Well, I consider places where everybody hates me to be pretty much fungible.
Don Diego Gallo del Pollo: Yeah, I was hoping no one would notice that I masticated the “N” in “chunky.” Oh well, chunky, chucky, either way Wonder Boy shivers his timber in fear.
Tra: NO TOUCHING!
Your Fuckinredneck just got a job with the Obamas, passing out little red books at middle schools and smoking out eight year olds. Vive la revolution!
You forgot to mention the beautiful mountain scenery.
tunamelt: And a small Chihuahua sheds a single tear.
Times are bad. I’m considering this. Ummm…do you think they have a use for an ex-community organizer now-campaign hack?
chascates: They don’t have any food, but the place is swimming in kohl, henna, and opium. Maybe the government could sign up some anorectics from West Hollywood.
masterdebater: Me, too, and well outside of the 3-mile (?) coastal limit.
Hmmm. I’ve seen these two before, somewhere…..
WHAM? Nope.
Belle & Sebastian? Mmm, don’t think so.
Of course!!1!1!
It’s Black Rebel Motorcyle Club working their new look.
Too much eyeliner, guys…
FREMONT REPRESENT! We had the highest population of Afghans in the US on 9/11. Good times, noodle salad.
I think we’re more of a Silicon Valley suburb, though.
Canuckledragger: I’m getting a Human League vibe off of these two.
This picture is actually from some long essay somewhere about how the only sex a lot of Afghan men can get is with other Afghan men, due to the high price of brides these days. They are not necessarily gay, just need some sexy time, but can’t afford marriage.
Actually, this picture reminds me of a painting of what Lord Byron looked like when he fought in the Greek War of Independence. Whilst in Greece, he developed the flu, was treated with leeches, then died. He should have just more ouzo and sexytimes, and gyros.
The picture is from a Kabul photographer’s studio that was active during the Taliban’s rule. Those Talibs just loved that old, hand-tinted photo look — and who can blame them? Those two lads are pretty enough to make an imam lay the Good Book down! Maybe ol’ Charlie Wilson was on to somethin’ that he ain’t lettin’ on about with us back here in the US of A…
A couple guys that I used work with got sent to Afghanistan with the National Guard and one of them told me that opium is everywhere. He said when they had time off they would go down into the town where there were old-school opium dens. Guys would play drums and sing in Pashtu while everyone else lay around bombed on opium. And while a civil servant salary might not go very far in the US, you’d be rich as hell in that shithole. So there’s that.
Isn’t that a photo of the famous early-’70s Kabul glam rock duo Sharia Sweet?
One Yield Regular: I’m actually in Kabul and it’s women in Burqa’s with hooker heels and painted toes.
There are some decent, but overpriced restaurants and the expat community engages in rampant casual sex. However, if you work at the embassy you will never see any of this, because your asses are not allowed off the compound.