Wonkette
Rendered in delightful AOL wingnut allcaps. The remarks are brief and uninformative and do not go into any great detail about the bonus scandal besides saying, “Compensation, we are looking into it.” [House of Representatives (PDF)]
TRANSPARENCY IN GOVERNMENT
In short, please don’t hang us by the nearest lightpole. Thanks.
Is this the guy sucking on my nipple?
It’s easier to read ALL CAPS through crocodile tears.
wingnut allcaps? hmmmmm
I think true wingnut allcaps are done in courier, not times new roman.
…TRANSLATION: “Gimme the money or the bitch gets it!”
I liked the first draft better: “I’m rich, beeeeeeeeeeeeeatch!”
I can accept this as long as he doesn’t read it off a teleprompter.
Contracts were signed a while ago. $165M is actually a drop in the bucket. Some people make shit for salary and live off bonuses. We don’t know how many people this money is going to.
The end.
If he strangles the AFLAC duck with his bare hands, I say let him go.
….”And we now bow down to our GOP Sacrifice God Limbie, does anyone have any lambs. baby chicks or kittens we can feed him it’s Easter”
Really, he should GO GALT….
That isn’t a message written in CAPS. It’s a message written for a telegraph. It’s hilarious because 1) douche thinks he can telegraph America and 2) douche is using tax payer funds to send a six line telegraph message. STOP.
This was taken from a teleprompter script, yes?
Thin? THIN??? Tissue paper is “thin.” Spiderweb is “thin.” I think the word you are looking for here, you incredible clueless idiot, is “gone.” Bring-Back-the-Guillotine, Heads-On-A-Pike Gone.
Here, let me use it in a sentence: “My patience is gone, not unlike all the money we shoved into the gaping pit of unspeakable disaster created by the people you just paid millions of our dollars, you dumb *&^@$.”
Does that help?
yorktronic:
Um, we do know. Seventy three of them got more than a million dollars apiece. Eleven of those people have already left the company, making the claim that they’re retaining talent ever more increasingly hilarious. All of these people are in the division responsible for creating this mess.
Comment fail.
I’d like to see his remarks with Mola Ram standing before him. “Kali Maa! Kali Maa!”
Hmmmmmmmm these CEO dudes always look tan in the winter, golfing in Palm Springs I suppose. I cry a river for you. May you, Madoff with everyone’s money, his wife & kids all join in the same jail cell for the same amount of years that your bonuses are, around a mill (an old Irish proverb). Oh, & you wouldn’t want to bring any of those golf clubs into Attica. I’m just sayin’.
I always thought it was the government’s job to safeguard taxpayers money. I guess we’ve outsourced that now.
“COMPENSATION. UR DOIN’ IT RONG.”
Damn. This has been such a shock to me that AIG employees are lying greedy thieving bastards. They are giving the insurance industry a bad name.
Tra: Joe Cassano, the theif in AIG’s London shop, most commonly believed to be responsible for taking down the company, received $ 1 million per month (post-FAILURE) in consulting fees, from AIG. It doesn’t even show up on the radar.
Contracts were signed a while ago.
Yes, it’s not like any other failing business ever broke a contract. This would be a totally unprecedented move in the history of WHAT’S THAT YOU SAY? ENRON? POLAROID?
“…THE PATIENCE OF THE AMERICA’S TAXPAYERS IS WEARING THIN.”
I think that what he is trying to say here, is that he would do just about anything to keep the torch bearing, pitch fork wielding, enraged citizenry, off of his front lawn. Expect more of these speeches, from alot more C.E.O’s, in the near future.
This topic is sad. Now I miss the guy with the stomach-ass.
Tra: Nonetheless, most thoughtful observers believe the real outrage should be directed at the fact that Treasury’s agreed (on the taxpayer’s behalf) to pay 100 cents on the dollar for AIG’s payouts to banks for toxic assets. Also.
I, for one, was disappointed that he didn’t answer the burning question of whether it’s fun to be a billionaire.
53 pages. 53 pages of generalities, mock apologies, false humility, platitudes and dreck. Read it - it’s funny. You will laugh as you sharpen your scythe.
bitchincamaro: Peter MacNicol Geithner is loving this; now he can go back to marathon D&D sessions while Treasury drones shovel large piles of money into a furnace.
Super fine blog, I love it!!!!
http://anyafibby.blogspot.com
He fails to point out that Manchester United is at the top of the table. Missed opportunity.
norbizness: Once a Goldman bot, always a Goldman bot.
Tra: I’m thinking the same thing. Must be a slow day over at AIG, but the connections to teh internets are still working.
yorktronic: The end? Pretty please?
anya: I clicked on the link and immediately smelled queef.
Mr. Liddy, why don’t you do the decent thing, listen to Sen. Grassley and pull a Budd Dwyer at your appearance? It is the one thing you could do that would actually make everyone very happy - yes, even your family; they hate you now too.
yorktronic: 418
Oh, haha, he thinks that congress is going to bop him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper, like a puppy that diddled on the rug. Wait to see his fat a$$ shiver as he runs down the halls of the Capitol, pursued by the dogs. Big, slavering, baying Escape-from-Witch-Mountain style dobermans. Instead of frog-marching him to prison, the DC police have opted to broadcast on live TV the spectacle of his being eaten alive, in HD, as a warning to other AIG employees can see the bits of flesh between the teeth of -
I’m sorry, I must’ve just dozed off there. My dreams have been so vivid lately. What was the question?
And then Barney Frank says “In lieu of repaying the bonuses, the Congress and the American People will accept as reconspence (is that a word?) one finger for every $50 million in bonuses paid out…”
Mr Blifil: He fails to point out that Manchester United is at the top of the table
But were just embarrassed at home by Liverpool, arguably (to Liverpool supporters) re-opening the championship race. And C. Ronaldo uses a teleprompter. Also.
Wait, wat? I thought that Liddy was a tough motherfucker … he once held his hand over an open flame and bragged he could take anyone out on any street corner, any time, and even was going to firebomb the Brookings Institution and expose Daniel Ellsberg as a transvestite cocaine dealer. What manner of pussy faggotry is this?
anya: Thanks for the linkspam to the boobies blog. It sez you’re from Vladivostok - can you see Sarah Palin’s house from there?
Where’s the promised live blog? Am I missing the heading or did Sara get bored with all the waiting and leave?
I like G. Gordon Liddy as evil villain much better. He had the porn-stache, plus he hated John Lennon. This guy just whinges about being a “steward.” NOT EVIL ENOUGH!
I don’t buy this bullshit about Americans running out of patience and demanding accountability. I am so accustomed to incompetence that I am numb to it. When I buy shit at Home Depot I expect it to break. When I ask the Staples kid for 50 copies, one sided, black and white, I expect him to fuck it up. Incompetence and greed is the best I ever hope for and I’m surprised AIG didn’t spend more on hookers. Only the Wonkette is pure and good and full of love.
The “extended remarks” at the end are hilarious.
“Insurance is the oxygen of free enterprise. Without the promise of protection against life’s adversities, the fundamentals of capitalism are undermined.”
It should be more like this:
“Insurance is the oxygen of huge law firms like Saul Ewing and Wachtell Lipton. Without the ability to collect premiums on insurance policies for which we will fight you tooth and nail to pay claims, the fundamentals of the insurance business are undermined.”
Not evil enough?! Look how big his head is, and how closely his eyes are spaced! He looks like a Botero come to life!
Well, now I know why their genius is needed. If we fire them, who’ll write the corporate mission statements?
bitchincamaro: I find I have plenty of rage to go around.
Memo to the President of the United States.
Attn: B. Obama Re: Three Problems – Three Solutions:
Problem 1: AIG
Solution: NO MORE PUBLIC MONEY
Problem 2: The Banks
Solution: NO MORE PUBLIC MONEY
3. Problem 3: The Auto Industry
Solution: NO MORE PUBLIC MONEY
These douchebags have spent years extolling the virtues of the Free Market. The first rule of the Free Market is that incompetently run businesses go out of business. The argument that these companies are somehow “too big to fail” is utter nonsense, peddled by these same swindlers. These pustules of bad paper are not “propping up the Market”; they are, in fact, holding the Market back from beginning a proper recovery.
The point is, these companies have FAILED. Pumping public money into them is simply postponing the inevitable. The taxpayer is merely propping up the bonus pools of these pompous leeches, and can only do that for as long as the public purse holds out. When this happens, your country will have expended both its private and its public capital, and will be utterly defenceless against inflation (have you ever heard of Zimbabwe?). How dare they squander their shareholders’ money, and then expect to be given public money so that they can go on doing exactly the same thing – AND HOW DARE THE GOVERNMENT LET THEM.
Let these stinking, rotten ships of bad business sink, and let their scurvy captains and crews go down with them. Then you can re-capitalize the Market, backed up with a proper regulatory framework, and let the world truly get back to business.
Sorry about the rant, Mr President, but on this issue, I haz the madz as well as the sadz.
Best Regards
The Captain.