unlikely heroes

George W. Bush Shows Some Dignity

Dance!Remember the guy who used to be president? Yeah, him! Well, it’s going to take a little more than showing a bit of polite restraint if he wants forgiveness for … well, pretty much everything between November of 2000 and now, this very moment. But we will acknowledge the ability of even a dumb & dangerous clown to redeem himself in his final moments, as we learned from that one time when what’s his name killed his father, Darth Vader, and then Darth Vader was really just a silly old bald-headed fat guy, and then he was nice for half a second before he died, so Jesus accepted him into Heaven.

Bush declined to critique the Obama administration in his first speech since leaving office in January. Former Vice President Dick Cheney has said that Obama’s decisions threatened America’s safety.

“I’m not going to spend my time criticizing him. There are plenty of critics in the arena,” Bush said. “He deserves my silence.”

But doesn’t he, like RNC Chairman Rush Limbaugh, want Obama to FAIL? “I love my country a lot more than I love politics,” said Dubya. “I think it is essential that he be helped in office.”

Thanks, George, for not being a complete dildo like your old boss, Dick Cheney. Please keep annoying Cheney, because there is absolutely no chance that he will be redeemed after being killed by The Emperor. (Okay we actually don’t know who killed Vader in that Ewok movie, because come on, Ewoks.)

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Bush says Obama ‘deserves my silence’ [MSNBC]

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A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

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63 comments

  1. The Helvetica Scenario

    I think he understands that, if he criticizes Obama, he actually gives Obama credibility.

  2. Chief Grinning Eagle

    When George W. Bush is silent is when he is most likely to cut a really stinky one.

  3. SayItWithWookies

    You give him too much credit. He would say something — but he’s not familiar enough with the issues to form an opinion.

  4. SayItWithWookies

    “I’m going to put people in my place, so when the history of this administration is written at least there’s an authoritarian voice saying exactly what happened,” Bush said.

    Just like old times — I still only believe him when he’s misspeaking.

  5. Fivetree

    It is SO like the current Republican party to be at each other’s throats lately that this is just one more delicious cherry on an already tasty frosted cake: Limbslob v. Steele, Limbslob v. Newt, Meghan v. Coulter, Ingraham v. Meghan, Frum v. Limbslob, – the list goes on and on. Add to that W. v. Vader. The word is that Vader is still seething over the lack of a Libby pardon. One can only hope the pent up rage stops his icy cold heart dead.

  6. Pat Pending

    [re=267600]Chief Grinning Eagle[/re]: jeez, that’s just what I was thinking! I mean, he’s a mean-spirited, dumbass frat-boy who tries to get everyone to like him by laughing first, but does he really have the stones to be Darth Cheney? The veep must’ve made him crap his boxers more than once in the last eight years! If you look closely any photo of The Dick smiling too wide, you can clearly see the exoskeleton peeking out of the corners of his false mouth.

  7. Nigerian Business Executive

    I Darth Vader was killed by whoever it was who shot JR. Farah Fawcett? Raquel Welch maybe? Anyways, something like that.

  8. shanemacgowan

    I don’t care what the Warren Commission says, I never beleive that Emperor Palpatine acted alone when he killed Darth Vadar.

  9. hamletta

    Well, good on ‘im, and God bless ‘im.

    I can’t hate the sumbitch, because he always seems so lost.

  10. Keram2

    The real question is whether or not you believe Boba Fett died in the Sarlacc Pit. My opinion: Fuck the expanded universe. Dude died. Han shot first. THE END.

  11. Lascauxcaveman

    President Bush, I knew Darth Vader. Darth Vader was a friend of mine.

    President Bush; you’re no Darth Vader…

  12. steve

    Ewoks aside, ‘Jedi’ was a great American film that documented once and for all that Yoda is all powerful and Princess Leia rocks the metal bikini that I still can’t get my girlfriend to wear even for my fucking birthday I mean what the hell?

    Was there something about the perznit in there? I get lost when the force is mentioned…

  13. 2druk2phluq

    [re=267615]hamletta[/re]: Frakk that. He gets no pity from me. God bless ‘im? I stead fastly hold the line that the Devil (whoever TFTI) needs to come get Dubya’s ass. He’ll face no justice on this Earth, so he’s got a lot of bad posthumous-Karma coming his way one day.

    Bush did nothing to make amends during his administration for all of the horrible facets of their neocon hyper neuroses. So now he declines to comment on a few things with a desire to keep himself relevant. He probably had at least the brains to know that to criticize Obama would be to make himself look like even more of a jackass.

  14. Monkeyhawk

    I think Shrub suffers from post-partum depression.

    A few short weeks ago he could summon up a private helicopter and Air Force One and be taken seriously. He’s coming to grips with being George WMD Bush again.

    It’s gotta be a come-down.

    And it’s really gotta hurt someone with Dumbya’s ego.

  15. comradepaulson

    I’m willing to applaud an ass-hat when he does something slightly less ass-hatish than normal.

    So golf claps, Dubya. You are not as much of a toolbag as your Veep. But remember, that’s a low standard.

  16. Bruno

    So it took him to be out of office to finally act presidential? I’ll bet he needed no freakin telepropter for those remarks…or did he?

    So this means in a hallucinogenic fit of co-dependency Laura removed the subcutaneous Cheney mind-control device implanted behind W’s left ear with her teeth.

  17. Gallowglass

    [re=267620]2druk2phluq[/re]: Agreed. He can get out there barefoot in the snow with Carter and build some fucking houses for poor folks for the rest of his life and I still wont forgive him.

  18. hobospacejungle

    Weird how when he says “I love my country a lot more than I love politics” he sounds almost sincere. Whereas if he had said it as president we all would’ve thought “fuck you, insincere asshole.”

    I’m still rooting for Pickles to chuck him in the wood chipper “accidentally” one of these days. Probably we’ll have to wait 10 years for when the SS protection expires.

  19. AngryBlakGuy

    …as much as I am a sci-fi fanboy, I’m gonna have to take exception to people calling Dick Cheney “Darth Vader”. Because this would imply that at one time he was actually a good guy! I think we should just stick to historical comparisons instead:

    George Bush = Nero, watching as Rome burned to the ground!

    Dick Cheney = Vlad the Impaler, insane, blood thirsty and power hungry!

    Condoleeza Rice = Marie Antoinette, completely disconnected from the plight of her people.

    Donald Rumsfeld = ???, that weird senile uncle no one wants to sit next to during Thanksgiving.

  20. greywindz

    [re=267638]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Donald Rumsfeld = Hitler with a hippy half cycle handle moustache, who fucked up Afghanistan, Pakistan, and in the process increased terrorist attacks in India…

    Also, the photo of Bush…the same gobsmacked expression, when he tries to finger the what-is-it…

  21. nader paul kucinich gravel

    Hangman, hangman, hold it a little while
    I think I see my friends coming
    Ridin’ many mile

    A-friends, d’ you get some silver?
    Did you get a little gold?
    What did you bring me my dear friends
    To keep me from the gallows pole?

    What did you bring me, to keep me from the gallows pole ~

  22. freakishlystrong

    We misunderestimated how much damage that frat-boy could actually do, he just didn’t say anything so he wouldn’t have to apologize to Rush later.

  23. amuseinc

    just think there are people so frozen brained from the cold that they will sit through George’s mush-mouthed attempt at candor. Do you suppose they all just ate quietly while looking at him like the first clown in the circus? Waiting patiently for the car accident.

    I hope they paid him in Monopoly Money for his speech. Or Canadian I suppose is the same thing…

  24. JDHART

    Bush and dignity. Two words that are never used in the same sentence, unless there a ‘doesn’t have a shred of’ thrown in somewhere.

    Give him 10 minutes, he’ll think of something stupid to say.

  25. BetterDaysAreComing

    He loves this country? He loves this country!?! If what he did to this country was love, we were really lucky he didn’t hate it.

  26. arewethereyet

    Bush aboard air force one, june 4, 2003. “I am the master of low expectations.” Also.

  27. iwillsavethispatient

    No matter what you say, you still want to have a beer with him don’t you? Come on, it’d off the hook. Or whatever phrase you kids say these days.

  28. friendlyskies

    You know, since the Republicans are fighting this bizarre Jenny-Craig-Oxycontin death match with each other, punctuated with furious keyboard-destroying comments about Obama being a Messiah socialist Manchurian candidate who should take full responsibility for the global economic collapse or else, I think we may get their rejects. Meghan McCain, that Steele fellow, maybe even Bush Jr. I’m OK with that. Even Bush, really, as long as he goes on teevee and tells the truth about all the bullshit that went down while he was kept hopped up on pretzels and near beer, sort of like Anna Nicole Smith but not as busty. Then he can be a Democrat. But first he has to marry a gay Muslim illegal immigrant, for fun. He can think of it as lefty frat hazing. Meghan, on the other hand, just has to pose in a bikini for the car magazine of her choice, and she’s in. Boy is she ever in.

  29. Tommy Says Soooo, Jugdish!

    The reason Bushie doesn’t want to say anything bad about Hopey due to Laura’s jungle fever.

  30. Monsieur Grumpe

    [re=267632]Gallowglass[/re]:
    Would you want to live in a house built by Bush?

    [re=267649]iwillsavethispatient[/re]:
    No. Even if he was buying. No.

  31. TGY

    [re=267615]hamletta[/re]: Yes. It might emerge that he was the clueless figurehead of an evil cabal. Part of me wants to say, “Jesus may forgive him, but then Jesus is easily pleased.” But heck! We have Dick Cheney to hate, so whatevs.

  32. DoctorCulturae

    iwillsavethispatient: Yes, just for “history’s sake” it is good to recall Dub got elected because the wingnuts could “have a beer with him.” Funny (as in not funny) how clear it is getting that his inability to deal with his alcohol problem got projected onto the world. Call it an 8-year bender…on us. And now no one kind find the car keys.

  33. TGY

    [re=267655]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Heck, I’d have a beer with anybody as long as I could be reasonably assured of having the same amount of bodily fluid afterwards as before.

  34. TGY

    [re=267656]TGY[/re]: Then again, leave it to a pretend Southerner to be both stupid *and* gracious.

  35. Roger the Shrubber

    I went through this with G.H.W.Bush. He gets you thinking he’s an okay guy, then SNAP! It turns out he killed JFK.

  36. Zadig

    [re=267649]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: Except his fridge is full of O’Doul’s, so fuck that.

  37. Nerdalicious

    dumbya is silent but his brain has been unplugged from rovian & the horned buck shot one so he can no longer have any opinions on any subject. What is it with dumbya & darth vadar at the skull & bones romulun conventions? The Secret Society of People That Completely Ruin Countrys.

    http://www.jordanhoffman.com/archives/romulan.jpg

  38. norbizness

    Well, to be fair, what the Beltway calls “propriety” is also called “analogous to unpopular little ratfaced Bobby Hurley not talking shit about Michael Jordan after getting dunked on by him 118 times in a row.”

  39. Bowdoin

    There were three giant crosses, one front and center and slightly larger, in front of the 7th & Main Baptist Church when I was young. And they’re still there! This means the Baptists worship bad thieves as well as good ones. (See the text for reference – Readers Digest.) So everybody has a chance in the afterlife, at least down south.

  40. CthuNHu

    [re=267646]allainjules[/re]: Holy Trinities, Batman! I can’t read French (though “L’extrémiste du Vatican” and “hypocrite de Roma” are pretty hard to misunderstand) but this pic is just screaming out Caption Me!

  41. CthuNHu

    [re=267804]nestor[/re]: You’re saying you wouldn’t make a “large donation” to her, uh, “SarahPAC”? SRSLY?

  42. masterdebater

    “I’m not going to spend my time criticizing him.”

    Translation: “I’m way too busy tryin’ to stay one step ahead of those war crimes guys”.

  43. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=267603]SayItWithWookies[/re]: That’s never stopped him before from standing and starting stupidly into the camera. BECAUSE HE DIDN’T HAVE A TELEPROMPTERS!

  44. Kathie

    Good for him! I think I will take his advice and be silent about his last eight years and watch the next eight years!

  45. heathenish

    I’m with Wookies, he probably didn’t know HE wasn’t still president, of if so, he doesn’t know who is

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