Cheney/Bush Death Squads Just Go Randomly Into Whatever Country, For Assassination Purposes

  secret horrors

ShudderSeymour Hersh, the famous New Yorker reporter, surfaces once or twice a year to tell us about all the repulsive horrors the Bush administration authorized or perpetrated overseas. The latest: a special wing of the special operations community that used to report directly to Dick Cheney and now reports to no one is “an executive assassination ring essentially, and it’s been going on and on and on. Just today in the Times there was a story that its leaders, a three star admiral named [William H.] McRaven, ordered a stop to it because there were so many collateral deaths. Under President Bush’s authority, they’ve been going into countries, not talking to the ambassador or the CIA station chief, and finding people on a list and executing them and leaving.” So! Everybody just go back to bed, put a pillow over your head, and weep quietly for a while. [MinnPost.com]

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Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

View all articles by Sara K. Smith

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86 comments

  1. Paterlanger

    No doubt former VPOTUS Cheney, following the wisdom of Henry Kissinger, was accustomed to wearing this particular ring around his cock.

  2. Advocatus_Diaboli

    Isn’t the real traitor here Seymour Hersh? I mean, how dare he uncover this plot that has kept us safe since 9/11!!!!

  3. ManchuCandidate

    It’s GWOT’s Project Phoenix, or for you youngins, Gross Point Blank, on a global scale.

    Ex Navy SEAL Richard Marcinko among others have hinted at something like this so I’m not shocked. Nor am I shocked that Dick Cheney may have been involved. Nor would I surprised if they were used for domestic ops.

    Not shocked, but I haz a big sad.

  4. Cicada

    Okay. I just have to say:

    AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    That is all.

  5. PopeyesPipe

    Secret, international assassination squads? Pshaw!

    Lots of evil, baby-eating, alien-lizard, skull-and-bonesmen do that sort thing.

  6. iolanthe

    So now we know who took out Wellstone’s plane!

    I’m sorry … either God really *did* love Bush and Cheney extra-special, or … that wasn’t an accident.

  7. Toomush Infermashun

    [re=264706]iolanthe[/re]: I’d agree with you, but I’m not sure this is over yet and some of us Wonketteers are just so mean, we’re probably still on the VPOTUS-In-Abstentium list…. so, NO I DON”T THINK THIS COULD POSSIBLY BE TRU….

  8. iolanthe

    [re=264712]shanemacgowan[/re]: … and to the Florida journalist who made fun of Jenna Bush. He got a nice anthraxgram, too.

  9. iolanthe

    [re=264714]freakishlystrong[/re]: I am not a violent person, but I have fantasies about pulling Dick Cheney’s fingernails out, one by one, and screaming, “SO?” each time he whimpers.

    That man does not deserve to live out a peaceful old age.

    I’m surprised he hasn’t fled to Dubai.

  10. hobgoblin of little minds

    [re=264705]PopeyesPipe[/re]: All to protect Geronimo’s skeletal remains from falling into turrists’ hands…

  11. Formerly Preferred

    [re=264711]getoffmylawn[/re]: Oh, is that show about terrorism? I assumed it was about…something else.

  12. BigBrainOnBrad

    Was this authorized by the real President Bush or the Will Ferrell President Bush? Sometimes I’m not sure which one I despise more. One ruined America and the other has pretty much ruined comedy.

  13. AngryBlakGuy

    ….ummmmmm, did I miss a memo or something? When did we change this countries name to “Rawanda”?

  14. AngryBlakGuy

    …so what you are trying to tell me is the “Bourne Identity” was based on a true story?!

  15. getoffmylawn

    [re=264720]BruceLee5000[/re]: But we all know The Man From U.N.C.L.E. was pure fiction right? Yes?
    Leave your answer in the dressing room in the little tailor shop on Broome Street in the Village. Just don’t put any weight on the clothes hook. The Village? No, Number 6, it’s a different village we’re talking about. Snark.

  16. Serolf Divad

    Wait… so what’s wrong with killing a guy whose second cousin once knew a guy who’s pretty sure he saw the guy talking with a guy who might be a guy who shines the shoes of a terrorist once? Is it just because we also killed his wife and their five year old daughter who’d crawled into bed with her mommy and daddy earlier that night because she’d had a nightmare?

  17. freakishlystrong

    [re=264718]iolanthe[/re]: so?, I kid. Dubai wouldn’t have him, they have very little, if any terrorism there, and harboring a war criminal, especially this monster, would probably change all that.

  18. Monsieur Grumpe

    With a new administration in place I would assume that this alleged hit squad is unemployed. Any idea how much they work for? Just asking.

  19. Double Scorpion

    [re=264733]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: I was about to say “Didn’t they watch the Bourne Identity trilogy? It did not end well for the guys wearing suits.”

  20. Mad Farmer Manifest

    This is why I like Vladimir Putin. THAT crazy fucker has the balls to kill you himself or feed you to a motherfucking tiger.

  21. WadISay

    On the other hand, Hersch promised me a war with Iran last summer. I’m hoping he is wrong about this, too. Or maybe we had the war last summer and didn’t know it at the time.

  22. masterdebater

    It’s a good thing nothing like that could happen here in the U.S. My god if someone tried to shoot one of our leaders, we would be all over the bastards…you know, until someone called us “conspiracy theorists”. I mean, we can’t be expected to stand up to that kind of ridicule.

  23. Gopherit

    Right. Because they’d never do this domestically….just like the wiretapping. Right? RIGHT???

  24. El Pinche

    What’s next? Videos of cheney skull fucking Iraqi civilians? Wow, this guy is still not in the Hague and making the Rush and Fox News rounds.

  25. Iggy Plop

    Given these asshats’ reputation for quality intelligence, putting together a program like this is the government/intelligence equivalent of handing a flamethrower to a retarded baby. Lovely.

  26. El Vista

    I think we could get somebody like Johnny Knoxville to go around pranking people we didn’t like. It would be like the old CIA plots to cause Castro’s beard to fall out or “present Castro with a skin-diving suit dusted inside with a fungus that would produce a disabling and chronic skin disease.”

    Now that’s something we’d watch — and it would advance America’s foreign policy!

  27. AngryBlakGuy

    [re=264800]El Pinche[/re]: …of course not! He only skull fukks AMERICAN CITIZENS, you never know what kind of diseases those *whisper* “brown people” *whisper* are carrying!

  28. Guppy06

    [re=264729]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Actually, we’re Zimbabwe now. Weren’t you paying attention yesterday?

  29. SayItWithWookies

    You know, that kind of stuff is awful, but I think everyone would agree that as long as we brought Osama bin Laden to justice, it was worth it. Oh, wait.

  30. frumious_bandersnatch

    I’m still waiting for this story to show up in the MSM news, much like the domestic-terrorist-dirty-bomb story. Because I am averse to leaving the planet, however, I am not holding my breath.

    If only the assassin squad had changed genders, gotten pregnant and then given birth to eight babies all of whom were genetic clones of Anna Nicole Smith…

  31. Darkness

    Oh, THOSE kinds of executives. I assumed this explained what happened to Ken Lay… offed before he could weaken and talk.

  32. frumious_bandersnatch

    [re=264808]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Have I mentioned lately my passionate love for you? Also.

  33. bitchincamaro

    Oh, come on Mr. Hersch, without all those assassinations you know you would not have been able to deliver your remarks to Al Jazeera in Doha. Terrorists have died for YOUR FREEDOMS!

  34. McDuff

    Everybody just calm down. Tom Clancy says that John Clark never kills the innocent and ‘Ding’ Chavez always hits the right target.

  35. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=264690]ManchuCandidate[/re]: “If I show up at your door, chances are you did something to bring me there.”

    [/Martin Q. Blank]

  36. AngryBlakGuy

    [re=264820]frumious_bandersnatch[/re]: “If only the assassin squad had changed genders, gotten pregnant and then given birth to eight babies all of whom were genetic clones of Anna Nicole Smith…”

    …you left out the part where the “assassin squad” gets beaten senseless by its R&B singer boyfriend in the front seat of a Lamborghini and then goes off to rehab for some drug/alcohol related dependency.

  37. lumpenprole

    Don’t they have robots for this kind of work? If not, maybe we should be focusing our economic recovery efforts at creating better, greener, armies of killbot assassins.

  38. Baseproduct

    Really? No one else thinks Sy Herse might have finally boarded the night train to Dementiaville? Cause that war in Iran he told us about went so well I totally missed it.

  39. lumpenprole

    [re=264875]Baseproduct[/re]:
    They clearly, badly, wanted a mega-bombing of Iran in 2007, but then someone finally leaked that long-supressed NIE showing that Dick Cheney and his friends were the only people on earth who thought Iran’s nuclear program was a threat to anybody. It was 2003 all over again, but this time the intelligence community went public and said “this bomb bomb Iran stuff is just bullshit. Don’t let `em scare you.”

  40. frumious_bandersnatch

    [re=264859]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: I also insist there be a young dead or missing-then-dead white girl somewhere in there. One that is from a good, solid Christian family, who was fervently beloved by everyone who ever met her, just so chock full of hope and fun and spunky feistiness that there are no words to express the depth of the loss.

  41. DustBowlBlues

    [re=264706]iolanthe[/re]: Carnahan (sp?) went in a plane crash, as well. It seems to me that they weren’t the only two Democrats who died on their way to re-election.

  42. Violenza

    [re=264890]lumpenprole[/re]: Halliburton/XE/some subsidiary was the one selling nuclear material to the Iranians in the first place. Lovely circle jerk.

  43. DustBowlBlues

    [re=264806]El Vista[/re]: “Now that’s something we’d watch — and it would advance America’s foreign policy!”

    Watch? Hell, they could sell it on PPV.

  44. iolanthe

    [re=264905]DustBowlBlues[/re]: And how ’bout that Republican Neocon Rabid Antiabortion IT guy who probably helped fix the 2004 election and was rumored to be about to talk about that? Didn’t *he* also die recently in a plane crash? Curiouser and curiouser.

  45. iolanthe

    I sometimes wonder if Sandra Day O’Connor resigned when she did because, well, she was offered a menu of two choices:

    1. resignation
    2. plane crash

    I’m just conspiracy-blue-skying now, but … it sure seemed like a terrible time for one of our few honest judges to quit. Hell, she was the only one who stood up against the Eminent Domain thing being expanded to include confiscation of one’s property if somebody else might be able to make more *profit* off it. She pointed out that that practice gave the rich a hammer to abuse the lower classes. That didn’t occur to anyone else on the Court, apparently.

  46. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Wait, am I to understand that Cheney has human minions? Or did I miss the part of the article that explained that this was part of his zombie army of the undead?

    [re=264777]ManchuCandidate[/re]: I thought he was dead.

  47. DustBowlBlues

    [re=264875]Baseproduct[/re]: I think the war with Iran went off as well as it did because someone with an ounce of human decency leaked it to Hersh. I’ve been pissed at Seymour ever since that sell-out Kennedy tell-all, but with this one I will totally forgive him. Wonder if he’d like a do-over on writing that scandal shit now that he’s moved on to something larger.

    When Wes Clark was running for Pres, he said that he went to the Pentagon the day after the 9/11 attack to see if he could do anything and the first of his old-cronies he talked to said, “We’re invading Iraq.”

    It’s like the speed of producing the Patriot Act–you’re telling me that wasn’t a Republican wish list that had been kicking around for years?

    Let’s not forget how “Taxi to the Darkside” got its name–Cheney publicly announcing we were going to “the dark side,” we will do things we don’t talk about.

    The arrogant sumbitch announced all this shit ahead of time but no one thought they would go as far as this. Which is sort of stupid, when you consider that Kissinger is wanted for questioning about war crimes in 4 or 5 countries. I mean, we toppled a democratically elected govt to keep copper cheap. I predict that soon Cheney will have to consult with Kissinger’s attorney before leaving the country–when you’re wanted as a war criminal, you need a legal opinion about extradition treaties before you leave the country.

  48. TeddyS

    You’re either for us or against us, or somewhere in the middle, but in any case, we are going to hunt you down and shoot you dead with plenty of collateral damage. Then the survivors in you village will love America. If they don’t? Well…

  49. CivicHoliday

    I just now figured out what REALLY happened to put Cheney in a wheelchair for the inauguration. He was unplugging the bionic head of J. Edgar Hoover from its wireless network uplink, and was electrocuted. He suffered mild nervous damage as a result, and was immobilized for several weeks. The head, sadly, fell and rolled down the into the basement, where it is currently plotting a way to talk Jill Biden into giving it its own MySpace page.

  50. qwerty42

    [re=264890]lumpenprole[/re]: I believe there was some thought at the time the NIE release was kind of orchestrated by 41.

  51. bumfug

    The really weird part was when Cheney got Halliburton to test the electric shower weapon on our own troops…

  52. Global Cannibal

    It just keeps getting worse: Apparently there’s a wing of the government with the ability to conquer or destroy whole towns, cities, and even countries, supposedly for the sake of our security. And the icing on the cake is that the whole apparatus answers to a holdover from the Bush administration! Scary stuff. I bet the real Obama’s in a secret prison in Poland, or in a ditch somewhere with his throat slit. No way they would let our gleaming beacon of hope and change in on all this stuff.

    [re=264937]iolanthe[/re]: O’Connor was actually joined in her opposition to eminent domain in Kelo v. City of New London by two guys named Clarence Thomas and — am I getting this right? — “Antonin Scalia.” They must be champions of the working man as well! The other noble dissenter, William Rehnquist, unfortunately passed away — I’m sure you mourned his loss.

  53. populucious

    Taking over the White House for the Obama/Bidens must be like inheriting The House on Haunted Hill. The VP is opening doors looking for the rest room when his personal VP Death Squad falls out. “Oh Shit” must be used about 5.6 million times a day, closely followed by “What the Fuck?”

  54. plowman

    Well, there are a lot of scumbag motherfuckers in the world that need killing, only they won’t cooperate and show themselves on the field of battle… I suppose Obama will have better results sending the bad guys to a day-spa with maybe some self-esteem group therapy afterwards.

  55. Dolmance

    I would support hit squads if Obama approved them. If he said some guy needs to be whacked, you know that guy needs to be whacked.

    I’m serious. If Obama ever goes OJ, I’m with him all the way.

  56. kipperthegod

    Didn’t the Prince of Pop live in Dubai for a stretch? Hmmm. Who knows what goes on during those parties with Halliburton.

    What did Michael Jackson know to receive a kill shot in his bed do you think?

Comments are closed.