America’s favorite humorist, National Review Online blogger Kathryn Jean Lopez, would like Little Miss Hot Slut Bristol Palin to know that this whole “sex” and “hookee” (?) thing is irresponsible for us unmarried gals, because it’s super hard to remember to take those birth-control pills every day. And what if the condom breaks? Did you know that condom is likely filled with a boy’s spermlings? “So glamorous,” writes K-Lo. Yeah, she would know! Wait, she wouldn’t know at all, right?
You know what? We don’t want to know. We do not want to know if “The Corner” blogger Kathryn Jean Lopez does the sexytime thing, with anyone, ever. We are not interested, because we would really, really rather focus on “policy” and “substance” or “that bird outside on the fence” or “why is the fridge making that weird noise” or anything, really, absolutely anything. We, in effect, agree completely with whatever K-Lo has written here, in her livejournal:
How about: From where I sit, it’s a bloody shame that we don’t expect more of teenagers? Just happening to hook up is not cool. It suggests a lack of respect for oneself and one’s . . . hookee. Being a single mother isn’t a glamorous endeavor, but neither is randomly hooking up and hoping you remembered to take your pill at the same time today as every other day, or to have Plan B handy in case the condom breaks or otherwise fails. So glamorous.
I know that Heart (of Barracuda fame) wants nothing to do with Sarah Palin, but . . . what about love? (The next line works too: Don’t you want someone to care about you?) What about waiting? It’s only unrealistic if we keep saying it is and don’t offer alternatives to hooking up (and that doesn’t mean just talking about abstinence, by the way). Teenagers can actually do fun, fulfilling things that don’t involve possible pregnancy. (They can have creative, full, generous lives!) But they won’t bother with actual happiness as long as we tell them it’s unrealistic to do that.
Uhh.
Whatever she is going on about [K-Lo's Korner]
Read More:
- K-Lo Getting Hairy Palms Because of All the Nasty Sexytime On the 'Puter
- Jonah 'K-Lo' Goldberg Having LA Affair With Itself?
- Porn-Crazed Kathryn Jean Lopez Begs For 'Steady Stream of E-mails Coming Into My Inbox'
- As If Millions Of Voices Suddenly Cried Out In Terror ...
- Kathryn Jean Lopez Asks Someone To Tell Her About Being Married
{ 196 comments }
Teenagers can actually do fun, fulfilling things that don’t involve possible pregnancy.
KJL wants us to try anal?!
Obviously spoken by a woman who has never “hooked up” with anything but her Dustbuster.
From where she sits, it smells like ass and sardines.
I’d suggest that eating Tinkees by the carton also “suggests a lack of respect for oneself,” Ms. Lopez.
fun, fulfilling things that don’t involve possible pregnancy – like anal?
“Teenagers can actually do fun, fulfilling things that don’t involve possible pregnancy.”
Is she, is she talking about … (whispers) buttsex?
Have you ever really looked at your hand? I mean really looked at it. Now might be a good time.
It wasn’t unrealistic for me! Not that I had a choice…
[re=264224]shanemacgowan[/re]: Twinkees! Twinkees!
This made me so so sad, in my penis area. Now and forever.
“Teenagers can actually do fun, fulfilling things that don’t involve possible pregnancy.”
They can, but really, why would they? I mean, if the choice is a) all-night games of Hearts while drinking Hi-C and eating Oreos or b) fucking… everybody chooses fucking. Every time.
I find Finishing on the Face to be extremely fun and fulfilling. And I am not even a teenager.
[re=264221]StephanieInCA[/re]: [re=264225]expatinOz[/re]: [re=264226]greatgooglymoogly[/re]: Straight to anal? What is this– Wonkette?
Didn’t Heart also do the song “All I wanna do is make love to” which is about a woman who uses a guy to get pregnant?
[re=264233]The Station Manager[/re]: They could show horny teenagers pictures of K-Lo. Given that choice, they’ll choose Jeebus every time.
The broad has clearly forgotten that Jesus was born to an unwed mother and look at all the cool shit they built for her!
Did she write that leaning up against a washer/dryer?
Of the first 7 comments, at least 3 immediately thought K-Lo was suggesting anal to teens. Which is why I love my Wonkette.
Also…Bristol is 18 now, right? Because I would hit it. Repeatedly. Until I broke a condom.
[re=264237]stumpycuse[/re]: I believe they also did “Do me inna butt,” as well as “Rumpus room” and “Anal sex will not get you pregnant and is actually quite fulfillng for teenagers [oh yeah].” Some group, Heart.
Mwahaha I made the anal joke first. @StephanieInCA FTW!
“What about waiting? It’s only unrealistic if we keep saying it is…”
Damn you, reality, and your liberal bias!
When Mother Nature calls, no one is going to stop her (unless your unperforated hymen solidifies into a sort of makeshift chastity belt).
Bristol DID USE BIRTH CONTROL, K.Jo!!1! She used the abstinence method, DUH!
Hey – it’s not just about the anal. Oral’s a good no preggers option too.
[re=264224]shanemacgowan[/re]: congratulations for the first fat joke! you are the smartest and funniest!
K-Lo’s Guide to Abstinence:
1) Eat lots of good, healthy fatty foods like corn dogs, chicken fried steak with gravy and biscuits, deep fried ice cream, Outback Steak House Blooming onion, and Double Double Burgers from In/Out. Avoid unhealthy sexy foods like vegetables especially the weewee shaped ones like carrots and cucumbers–try explaining that to your gyno (oops, said too much.) Your subsequent weight gain will keep those boys and their nasty man love juice away from you.
2) Say lots of things that show you have no compassion for humans outside of those in your weight class and the rich who bankroll your employer. For the longest time, I thought that acting like a man would get me some, but apparently not.
3) Join an organization filled with self loathing in the closet types. That way, you get a gay male friend, but without any of the drama of actually being gay except during those times when he’s drunk and hits on the cute guy you were interested in. I’m still very upset with you Jonah.
4) Don’t exercise.
5) Wear frumpy clothes. The frumpier the better. Mumus are particularly good for keeping men at bay. Trackpants work too.
6) Avoid anything that vibrates. I recommend that you don’t lean next to the washer with an unbalanced load. Not going to tell you why.
7) When you feel frisky, think of bunnies or minks or dogs or the hot guy next door who you want to cover in chocolate sauce so you can lick it off but who won’t even look at you because you’re so fat and ugly or… uh, think of Bill Kristol. Yes that’s it. Associate the thought of Bill Kristol’s O-face with sex.
If you keep to these rules, then you will never have sex again.
[re=264249]StephanieInCA[/re]: no posts when I typed – i swears it
It’s always the ugly people telling us how easy it is to avoid the secks. Easy for them maybe.
What about us beautiful people with large penises and tight vaginas? What are we to do?
Saddlebacking is also fun, as Wonkette commenters have repeatedly pointed out. You dirty, dirty people.
“Teenagers can actually do fun, fulfilling things that don’t involve possible pregnancy…”
In addition to having never been a real teenager, K-Lo has also never been to Alaska in the winter.
[re=264260]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Hey, you’re right, it works! IT WORKS EVERYBODY!
[re=264262]rambone[/re]:
Hermaphrodite?
The only thing more hypocritical than this mean-spirited mouthbreathing fartsack pretending to know the fuck about “creative, full, generous lives” is pretending she has ever needed to think about contraception methods other than just turning up.
So, how is Heart involved??? Also.
[re=264261]expatinOz[/re]: oh i know. great lowbrow minds think alike, is all.
[re=264262]rambone[/re]: large penises AND tight vaginas?!? You can do anything you want I ‘spose.
[re=264261]expatinOz[/re]: Same here. Obviously, we 3 must never meet. Unless, in fact, we must.
[re=264233]The Station Manager[/re]:
Looking at K-Lo’s picture also made me very, very sad (in my penis area).
Thank God for the internet.. C’os I need to purge that image (and theres nothing like some good old fashioned porn)
[re=264262]rambone[/re]: Wow, with a large penis and a tight vagina, you don’t need anyone else to have hot sex.
Ohhh, anal. I thought she was referring to oxycontin.
[re=264234]comradepaulson[/re]: OMG, so true. That and weed. Sure, I could get high on life. Or I could just get high – it’s actually cheaper than mountain biking or surfing or whatever those “high on life” retards are always doing in the commercials. Also, I could get high and THEN fuck. Seriously. It’s fun.
On another note, that picture of Bristol and baby (Trig? Who knows?) always warms the cockles of my dark, blackened heart. It just does.
[re=264259]cranky[/re]: K-Lo? Is that you?
[re=264234]comradepaulson[/re]: Seriously, who doesn’t enjoy a little fucking once in a while?
Oh… K-Lo doesn’t.
Hmmm.
Why are you so puzzled about “hookee”? Bristol being the “hooker” and all.
http://www.boxhillnorthfc.com.au/files/boxhillnorth/lookalikes/jabba.jpg
[re=264258]expatinOz[/re]: But oral sex isn’t sex, remember. Bill Clinton said so. Did that not make it to Oz? Do you have a barrier that only allows common sense to penetrate.
[re=264260]ManchuCandidate[/re]: You said In/Out. That’s not a positive thing for kids to do.
[re=264262]rambone[/re]: Indeed, with my large penis AND tight vagina, it’s all I can do to keep from having sex with myself all the time.
[re=264258]expatinOz[/re]: But oral sex isn’t sex, remember. Bill Clinton said so. Did that not make it to Oz? Do you have a barrier that only allows common sense to penetrate.
[re=264260]ManchuCandidate[/re]: You said In/Out. That’s not a positive thing for kids to do.
Also, Bristol looks much happier in her photo than KJL looks in hers. Guess who got laid most recently.
I think K-Lo is just speaking from experience. She probably doesn’t know some folks actually face each other while doing the deed or do it without bags on their heads. Unfort. no one will do her any way but from behind or if they can just look down at the top of her head. Also.
[re=264262]rambone[/re]: Seriously! It’s hard to avoid sexytimes when the sexytimes seek you out. Man, it’s so hard being thin and beautiful and not poor and single and being surrounded by the same. My ‘lil Atlas gets tired. Won’t someone think of my penis?
Quite an informative article really. It’s now confirmed that K-Lo has a cooter….and she calls it Hookee.
“Hookee”? Could she possibly mean “Nookie”? As in “NanNookie of the North”? That fits our Bristol. Yes, that must be it.
[re=264260]ManchuCandidate[/re]: I got to the end of step 7 and started hyperventilating and having spasms, in an desperate unconscious attempt to get the thought of …his…O-face…ARH! It’s starting again!!
So is K-Lo referring to the vagina as a “Hookee”?
i have to confess, it’s better than “vajayjay”.
Why have dick, when you can have a whole bucket of KFC to yourself.
Is there any republican hangup that doesn’t revolve around latent sexual frustration? Do tax cuts have something to do with fucking? I’m sure they must.
[re=264298]El Pinche[/re]: My gawd, that was funny…(but only if it’s original recipe).
Maybe she ment “Wookie”.
I’ve got the perfect abstinence plan. We film a hardcore feature with Rush and K-Lo getting it on.
Guaranteed to turn everyone but Jenna Jameson and Ron Jeremy celibate, and they’re already lost causes.
The only thing more ridiculous than K Lo giving sex advice to teenagers is pretending she knows anything about living a “generous life.” FAIL!
Well, the best alternative is of course a meth party.
Not having been to one, I imagine they never end in sex?
An X party on the other hand does produce some interesting results.
[re=264303]El Pinche[/re]:
Is that what K-Lo calls her hooha?
Now that Levi’s a free man, presumably with no claim to the baby pixxx money, when will one of you publishing types get up to Alaska and sign a tell-all book deal.
For the love of god, his mom’s probably rotting away in some prison in Wasilla and I’m sure the Guv can get in there to taunt her when she’s feeling sad & lonely
You can’t get preggers from a Cleveland Steamer, also.
“Teenagers can actually do fun, fulfilling things that don’t involve possible pregnancy.”
I assumed she meant heroin.
[re=264307]ManchuCandidate[/re]: (answers like Chewbacca…arrrhhhhhgggghhg ahhhgggrrrr)
[re=264283]shanemacgowan[/re]: of course it is! who else could think you aren’t a genius? i mean, look at this comeback. brilliant!
[re=264291]DangerousLiberal[/re]: my barrier has been penetrated…it could have been common sense, I guess
All you who said it are right, she’s talking about anal — no lesbian has ever discovered their sexuality listening to K-Lo.
I know that Heart (of Barracuda fame) wants nothing to do with Sarah Palin…
What the fuck is her old ass talking about???
[re=264249]StephanieInCA[/re]: I bow before you. Just not to take it up the poop-chute…
Bristol to K-Lo – I see your “what about love” and raise you one “magic man”.
Gawd after that K-Lo pic I need to watch Sasha Grey videos for a solid week to revive teh ween.
[re=264259]cranky[/re]: If don’t like that, well then you’re definitely gonna hate what Laura the Purger said about MegMcC..
[re=264221]StephanieInCA[/re]: [re=264225]expatinOz[/re]: [re=264226]greatgooglymoogly[/re]: No, fisting.
[re=264319]problemwithcaring[/re]: During the campaign, they would play “Barracuda” by Heart to introduce the snowbilly grifter. Heart (the Wilson sisters) no likey & asked them to desist.
[re=264325]President Beeblebrox[/re]: You’re not my real mom! You can’t tell me what to do!
[re=264262]rambone[/re]: Choose a gender…for starters.
[re=264314]cranky[/re]: Yup. K-Lo is fat. And she likes telling teens not to have sex. Sex she probably doesn’t have. Not because she’s fat, but because she’s a horrible, uptight, religious nut. Only a complete moron would hit that, srsly.
Someone needs to go over to the Corner and post a sign that says “NO FUCKING THE WINGNUTS”. We don’t need their genes spreading. And gawd knows K-Lo probably thinks anal and oral are immoral. What a fucking drag.
[re=264325]President Beeblebrox[/re]: Sorry, not wearing my glasses. Read that as “no fisting” not “no, fisting”
[re=264305]turkey lurkey[/re]: If K-Lo were really generous, she’d be giving away her “hookee” to all “teh gays” they are trying to make “teh ex-gay.” Of course, we libtard abortionists know it would be a complete fail, and then there would be an army of gays who would never touch a “hookee” again. But, oh, what an army!
Or maybe she met her “hookah.” In that case, she should see a doctor. It’s not supposed to have smoke coming out of it.
no no no! You people have it all wrong! Anal sex/buttsechs still involves taking off your chastity belt, which means you could wind up accidentally having sex, and everyone knows if you have sex, your penis will fall off and land in another dimension populated entirely by dogs who will eat it.
She’s OBVIOUSLY talking about ear sex.
[re=264322]Dave J.[/re]: Lucky you. After seeing that picture my penis just literally fell off. It was replaced with the stigmata.
Teenagers can actually do fun, fulfilling things that don’t involve possible pregnancy.
She’s talking about either drugs or vandalism.
“So I think what I’m trying to say is this: next time just Saddleback. Take it in the mouth or the ass, like Jesus says, and this won’t ever be a problem again. K-Lo, out”
Umnm. What is a hookee? Ladies?
[re=264341]Redhead[/re]: she does aural? Hawt.
Maybe if K-Lo dressed up in Trig’s elephant furry costume, she would get some sexytime. There have to be some elephant furry fetishists out there somewhere. Republicans like elephants, right?
[re=264297]4tehlulz[/re]: “hookee” refers is the other person in the “hook up” session, not to be confused the “hooker”… Wait, that’s not right.
[re=264297]4tehlulz[/re]: Dunno, man. I hear something that sounds like “hook” associated with a vagina, and my peen gets the sadz.
Barack Obama said, “Dropping out of high school is no longer an option. It’s not just quitting on yourself, it’s quitting on your country – and this country needs and values the talents of every American.”
Sarah Palin coughed up a little bile.
[re=264329]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Riiight. And thank god she referenced it in a screed designed to reach out to teenagers about the dangers of lust. Because nothing gets there attention like Heart lyrics.
[re=264282]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Also, I could get high and THEN fuck.
You are really starting to turn me on.
[re=264339]comradepaulson[/re]:
I think Heart said it best:
Sell me sell you the porpoise said
Dive down deep down to save my head
You…i think you got the blues too.
Definitely.
*weeping* I love you all so, soo much.
[re=264226]greatgooglymoogly[/re]: [re=264225]expatinOz[/re]: [re=264236]Mad Farmer Manifest[/re]: [re=264320]Not_So_Much[/re]: [re=264325]President Beeblebrox[/re]:
There’s not many anal sex jokes left if one arrives to this party late. Even fisting jokes were taken. So… [fart]… he-he?
K Lo offers an effective means of avoiding sex–her image. I know I’ll be out of action for several weeks. Thanks, Wonk!
[re=264312]MisterLoki[/re]: Heroin and the buttsex can be combined to good effect
Besides the baby, isn’t Levi the real victim here?
By the by, didn’t Heart release that pro-single mother ditty “All I wanna do is make love to you” about planting the seed in the garden and all (yes, I used to work at a cheesy radio station).
I think the only one who should be allowed to give sex advice to teenagers is Megan Fox. “Go ahead, fall in love with a Russian stripper. You only live once.”
“It’s a bloody shame.” Is K-Lo channeling her inner Cockney (oo-er!) or is this a subtle anti-abortion message?
Related and completely true: the few times I’ve had to think of and identify Kathryn Jean as opposed other lady wingnuts, my memory prompt is “that one with the cat-lady name.” Cat ladies should never ever talk about sex.
As my wife’s grandmother used to point out (and it’s true!), a girl can have a lot of fun without smoking, drinking or dancing.
[re=264334]Cicada[/re]: Preach it! Focus the hate where it belongs, on her fetid, murdered humanity and her apparent need to destroy other women by attacking their sexualities.
Someone should go over to K-Lo’s blog and explain that uterine congestion is a real disorder and can lead to other ailments, like voting republican.
Additionally, I would appreciate it if K-Lo would stick to ruining politics and back off of the ruining sex.
[re=264385]WadISay[/re]: But she can’t have any fun without fucking. That’s how the phrase ends, right?
So when did NRO start posting the journals of fourteen year old girls? I’m surprised there is not a paragraph on how cool Elves and Unicorns are, since in their society, you are judged by your mind and not what you look like.
Damn it Wonkette, stop printing my journals!
And I’ll have everyone know that I, for one, have always respected my hookee.
[re=264221]StephanieInCA[/re]: I thought she wanted us all to do drugs.
[re=264258]expatinOz[/re]: We once had a President who led by example. Those were good times.
[re=264260]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Thanks a lot. Bill Kristol’s O face? How will I ever get to sleep again?
[re=264282]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: I need to come to one of your parties.
[re=264236]Mad Farmer Manifest[/re]: regarding Classic Wonkette subjects such as buttsex, apparently Jessica Cutler has been knocked up. Can you imagine her kids finding an archive of that blog? “Mommy, what does it mean that this guy wants nothing but anal?”
COULD THAT GUY HAVE BEEN K-LO IN DRAG?
Seriously though, I am wondering why anyone that morbidly obese feels they have a right to preach about “self-respect”. And I mean that without any snark at all.
Hookee? Is that what she calls her strap-on victim?
I thought good Christians didn’t talk about one’s naughty parts. Especially if their’s generates noises that will make the dog run and cower under the table.
okay, is that really a photo of K-lo or is that just an old Rush picture, like Norm Coleman’s hippie pic?
[re=264385]WadISay[/re]: Ooh, she must be from the same small, rural town in OK I’m from. It was illegal to dance there & there were about 5 different Baptist churches for a population of about 2,000, but by God there was no dancing (sex standing upright). There was also a lot of teen pregnancy & secret trips to TX for abortions (for the rich girls) & red dirt road drinking parties, but NO dancing.
LOL @ the race to be the FURST to post an anal joke.
But seriously, can we PLEASE never have a post involving both J-Lo and sex again, ever. Ever.
I WAS planning on jerking off this week. Fuck you, Wonkette.
[re=264334]Cicada[/re]: no no, Wonketteers, you’re falling for K-Lo’s attempt to make you think she’s a sexless harridan who likes to nail other womenfolks’ va-jay-jays shut… on the contrary, K-Lo’s just trying to divert attention from her preferred sexy time activity – PEGGING – but only the way a good Christian would do it…
[re=264304]CaliforniaMike[/re]: We’d have no problem finding camera, lighting and sound people, but who’s going to operate the winch?
[re=264222]CaliforniaMike[/re]:
Even her dustbuster had a headache, dude.
[re=264260]ManchuCandidate[/re]: “Bill Kristol’s O-Face.” FUCK YOU for tricking me in to picturing that.
It’s like she knew Dan Savage had just defined “saddlebacking” and decided to give us a reason to use the term in context. To give him linklove. Which could possibly impregnate us.
http://saddlebacking.com/
You people are all making me extremely jealous. I missed out on teenage sex because I didn’t have the opportunity/self-confidence/money to get any. If it weren’t for beer and college, I’d NEVER have gotten any.
It’s only unrealistic if we keep saying it is and don’t offer alternatives to hooking up (and that doesn’t mean just talking about abstinence, by the way). Teenagers can actually do fun, fulfilling things that don’t involve possible pregnancy.
She means masturbation, of course.
[re=264404]Bearbloke[/re]: Is “Pegging” related to Dame Pegasus Noonaningtonshire?
Also, Kitty Jean Lopez does kind of look like one of the gals* from this Heart video, don’t you think?
* = the fat one
Also, you do not have to take your BC at the same time every day anymore. Also.
[re=264413]loquaciousmusic[/re]: Our Gracious Lady, HSH Noonaningtonshire, is the very namesake of this delightfully refined endeavour…
It’s true teens should act more responsibly. For instance one good way to avoid condoms breaking is for girls to eschew simultaneous penetration by more than 5 men at a time. I mean, come one. That’s two in the pink, two in the stink, one in the mouth. Anything more than that is in poor taste, and the cramped space and increased heat could result in lots of ruptured latex.
Of course idle hands are the devil’s playground, so I suppose she could be polite and prime two other dudes while they each wait for a hole. If what we want is fun and fulfilling, 5 cocks in 3 orifices, with two hand jobs on the side, is the very definition of a full feeling. I mean lets not be pigs about it. I think that was K-Lo’s point.
[re=264404]Bearbloke[/re]: Nice to know that pegging isn’t technically sinful. Backed up by scripture, no less! I wonder if K-Lo uses this in her pegging sessions:
http://www.divine-interventions.com/jackhammer.html
Hooray for Anal Spice! Frottage is where I’m coming from.
[re=264418]Cicada[/re]: Not that particular style – it’s far too Catholic…
[re=264391]comradepaulson[/re]: Guy takes the Sunday School teacher out on a date. While they’re out, he offers her a cigarette. “Oh no!” she says, “Whatever would I tell the children?” Later, they’re at dinner, and he offers her a cocktail. “Oh no!” she says, “Whatever would I tell the children?” Same deal for dancing afterwards.
So he’s taking her home, thoroughly unsatisfied, when she points out the no-tell motel on the side of the road and asks if he’d like to stop before they go home.
“Whatever would you tell the children?” he asks her.
“The same thing I always tell them: you don’t have to drink, dance or smoke to have a good time.”
[re=264417]Mr Blifil[/re]: Levi, being the gentleman he is, often volunteered to do Bristol in her ear-hole…
[re=264417]Mr Blifil[/re]: Uhmmm…you might be watching a tad too much porn because is any of that even biologically possible unless you’re Jenna James?
Omigod. A combination of reading K-lo’s article, reading these comments, and watching the CPAC proceedings have caused me to have this awful image involving K-Lo, Rush, and anal sex!!!
I’d hate to be the closet case paying the donut bill at NRO. A lot of repressed sexuality there.
[re=264424]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Oops, I mean anatomically possible (damn Coors Light!).
[re=264428]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Dammit, Jenna Jameson (or however her fake name is spelled). I’m clearly not up on my porn stars.
[re=264417]Mr Blifil[/re]:
K-Lo’s obscure point almost certainly involves food.
[re=264403]AWOcoholic[/re]: you have to PLAN to jerk off? no,no…its me. i think i have a problem.
[re=264425]phineas_bounderby[/re]: Oh god. Take it back! Take it back! Damn you for ever making me think about that. I will never sleep again.
[re=264425]phineas_bounderby[/re]: Does that picture include the Kristol O-face? Or is this like “The Ring” in which everyone who sees that mental image dies seven days later by voluntarily putting their head in a meat grinder?
[re=264425]phineas_bounderby[/re]:
Would you like a cigar?
[re=264432]Servo[/re]: Yeah, kids! You can have lots of fun without sex! K-Lo recommends: ice-cream socials, pizza parties, helping Mom in the kitchen, bobbing for donuts, ‘selling’ Girl Guide cookies… Oh god, why won’t anyone touch me? MWAAAAAH!
[re=264376]2druk2phluq[/re]: Well, there’s always fellatio – it’s 100% pregnancy-proof, and it’s technically not sex anyway.
[re=264426]Pop Socket[/re]: Would you rather be the man in the barrel, in the broom-closet at NRO headquarters?
K-lo = circa 1978 Meat Loaf.
[re=264425]phineas_bounderby[/re]:
Rush and K-Lo having the buttsechs would be like smashing basketballs together to try and make them stick.
[re=264440]Bearbloke[/re]: …the man in the Barrel,…
Damn that Texan Bulldoggette’s Coors Light!
[re=264443]Servo[/re]: The mysterious stench of bad vagina and swamp-ass would linger through-out our great nation.
[re=264410]Lazy Media[/re]: I had both beer AND college, sometimes simultaneously, and I had big trouble getting lucky. Now I regret that my parents weren’t evangelical Christians – I would have been guaranteed to Get Some.
[re=264443]Servo[/re]: I know that I’d rather fuck a basketball than either of those two.
[re=264341]Redhead[/re]: Bah. Ear sex is so 2008. As Michael Stele knows, the hip-hopping, cool thing that happenin’, with-it kids do these days is nasal penetration.
[re=264425]phineas_bounderby[/re]: Sweet muslin jeebus. Narsty!!
That this woman is in ANY WAY associated with National Review,
must have Bill Buckley (he of the deliberate polysyllabic
eloquence) not just spinning, but burrowing deeper into his grave.
To equate this pea brain with Russell Kirk, or Joe Sobran, or
even George Will, who all once wrote for NR, is LAUGHABLE
(however much I hated ALL their politics).
They were all capable of coherent thought, speech, and writing —
NONE of which this pathetic woman can lay claim to.
[re=264402]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Reminds me of an old joke “Why don’t Baptists have sex standing up ?” “Because it could lead to dancing”.
[re=264443]Servo[/re]: That’s why they’ll use a good starchy gravy as lube!
[re=264451]NunnaTheSOBs[/re]: No offense, dude, but have you seen NR recently? Jonah Goldberg? Rich “Starbursts” Lowry? Lisa Schiffren? It’s a joke of a joke of a dirty limerick of a Joe McCarthy screed.
Oh Jesus, please let Heart write a K-Lo themed diatribe, a’ la their open letter to McCain? http://gawker.com/5052797/hearts-open-letter-to-john-mccain-up-yours-you-old-fart
Ken? You’re an unmarried gal?
[re=264455]Bearbloke[/re]:
Yet another excuse for the Country Buffet built into her bed.
[re=264392]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: I’m an expat IN Oz…only moved here after W was “reelected”…a land where health care is free, booze is cheap, and no one minds the buttsexers (see Sydney – Mardi Gras)
[re=264457]comradepaulson[/re]:
I stopped reading that rag when I
stopped pretending to listen to
what the right had to say — about
the same time Limbaugh became the
“philosopher king” of the GOPers.
In France everybody knows the political
bent of all papers and magazines, and
nobody PRETENDS not to have a bent.
Every literate Frenchman (at least
back in the 80s) reads Le Figaro, Le Monde,
and Liberation, knowing therE IS
a SLANT to what he was reading.
But no matter what the slant, the papers
seldom ignored or invented facts —-
because the editors knew that their
polar opposite would SKEWER them for
doing so.
Over here we pretend objectivity and
have to suffer with LOUSY WRITING.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/education/article5760138.ece
What about this take on the topic?
Anal sex birth control would make too much sense. The GOP hates logics so much that ten Republican Congressmen voted against PI today. PI. The number.
Is it okay to wash the taste of K-Lo out of our mouths (figuratively speaking) with the pretty picture of Prince William on Sully’s site http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/.
Also.
[re=264471]AWOcoholic[/re]: Link fail. You suck. http://www.yeahokthen.com/
In unrelated news: Stewart is interviewing Cramer right now. I seriously think Cramer might cry.
[re=264471]AWOcoholic[/re]: K-Lo would never vote against pie.
I’d like to hit Bristol and Meghan McCain at the same time, while K Lo watched on Tee Vee from another room, with nothing to entertain her but a tub of AstroGlide and pack of wieners
Women like K-Lo made me gay.
Bristol is a hookee mom.
Bill Kristol’s O-face: same Joker-faced grin, but scrunched brow, sweat dripping off of his face, and squinted eyes…
Ooops! K-Lo had a psycological orgasm just reading the first line.
Honestly, that’s not have as bad as John Holmes’ O-face…looks like a demented pink Kermit the frog with his Cocaine-bulged eyes…
@ Dreadful Gate: I will agree with the Meghan/Bristol tag-team, but my wedding tackle is Kaput from the last line about K-Lo…
[re=264424]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Porn is just a mirror to what is already prevalent in the cultural zeitgeist. At least that’s what I tell my wife when she discovers my stash.
[re=264431]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Suuuuurrreee you’re not.
169 comments! Hur-hur!
What about teabagging, K-Lo? Remember those hot nights of teabagging Walnuts in the back room on the Straight Secks Express? Num-num-num-num-ahhhh!
“So glamorous.”
That whole undead-nazi-convention-shotgun-wedding was just so chic!
I’ve done some research. It turns out that the ellipsis in the phrase “one’s . . . hookee” is actually from the editor. KLo actually wrote “one’s vibrator that you have named ‘hookee’.”
[re=264262]rambone[/re]: You have *both*?! Awesome. Call me.
[re=264306]Bruno[/re]: Oddly enough, meth parties often *do* end in sex! But Ecstasy parties, although they involve much cuddling and snuggling and petting and interminable burbling reminiscences and fatuous compliments, usually do not.
It’s a rare man who can get it up and keep it up on a dose of MDMA.
All this blog seems to do anymore is gripe about people who aren’t as liberal as the editors are and throw hissy fits every time some columnist suggests our culture should maybe try to be less promiscuous. I’m sure just by saying these words, Wonkette is going to label me a prude and block me, but honestly, I used to really enjoy this blog back before it was just an outlet for editors with vendettas against major columnists with notions that our culture should be less promiscuous. What happened to you, Wonkette?
I control my use of commas when I’m sober. I swear.
what words remind me of hookee?
hookah
hooky
hooah
WHORE
K-Lo.
[re=264393]PsycGirl[/re]: She has indeed. Married first, too. What is the world coming to?
[re=264245]assistant/atlas[/re]: Also…Bristol is 18 now, right? Because I would hit it. Repeatedly.
I’m glad I’m not the first to say it. I’d hit it. Way more attractive than her mom.
why did she dress her baby like endangered species that over consumes its environment and is known to kill humans? oh, wait..
By the way, that isn’t Bristol. It’s Willow.
[re=264552]iolanthe[/re]: “It’s a rare man who can get it up and keep it up on a dose of MDMA.”
Have people stopped doing sextasy while I wasn’t looking?
[re=264262]rambone[/re]: I am strangely intrigued by your anatomical claims.
I have found the daily cell phone alarm to be a far more effective method than “hoping you remembered.”
K-Lo! Whoa, I would hit that. And by “hit that” I mean with a seal club, and then kick it onto an ice floe full of hungry polar bears.
[re=264569]Guns,Religions,AndBitters[/re]: I believe the problem here is CONTEXT. K-Lo is a militant anti-abortion, anti-gay, anti-birth control, anti-sex kinda gal. This quaint little request for teens to hold hands and think about happiness is ridiculous in light of K-Lo’s assertions that the pill KILLS BABIES and that premarital sex is an AWFUL SIN and that GAYS ARE EVIL. Fuck her.
[re=264291]DangerousLiberal[/re]: John from season two of the Real World (San Francisco) said that on Oprah they said oral sex IS sex when he was talking to beth or that lesbian they replaced the molesting comic guy with. so, there’s the TRUE STORY
“Teenagers can actually do fun, fulfilling things that don’t involve possible pregnancy.”
Wait, does she mean Homoerotic asphyxiation? Or is she talking about blotter?
[re=264727]KilgoreTrout_XL[/re]: I figured it was urethral sounding…
I wouldn’t fuck K-Lo with Ken Layne’s dick…
What? No Bukakke Jokes? WTF?
[re=264491]Dreadful Gate[/re]: Ok, the first part, 100% agree…second part, wait a minit…yeah, just vommed in my mouth a little…I’m ok, I’ll walk it off…;-)
[re=264221]StephanieInCA[/re]: I hope you realize I downed a fifth of Tanqueray trying to get that image out of my head….
Why is it that all the people whose name involves Lo are a bunch of freaks? ahttp://democralypsenow.blogspot.com/2009/03/diamond-is-forever-bristol-palin-and.html
Why is it that all the people whose name involves Lo are a bunch of freaks?
http://democralypsenow.blogspot.com/2009/03/diamond-is-forever-bristol-palin-and.html
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