Wonkette
WE MUST KNOW THE GENDER(S) OF THE HOOKERS: “Cook County GOP chair and onetime aide to Gov. Jim Thompson, Gary Skoien …. had a restraining order taken out against his wife when she beat him senseless with his electric guitar after finding him in the kids’ playroom frolicking about with not one, but two prostitutes.” [Patriot's Quill]
God, I love Chicago.
That is NOT the way a whammy bar is supposed to be used.
OMFG! OMFG! OMFG! I always dreamed this day would come!
What is really going to give me nightmare’s about this post isn’t (aren’t?) the prostitutes in the kid’s playroom. It’s the proximity of a Republican to an electric guitar. Flashback to Lee Atwater. Gaahhh!
This man has some seriously huge stones to try this with wife & kids at home. Or he’s seriously deranged and stupid. Those these are not mutually-exclusive concepts.
…why don’t we err on the side of caution and assume they were Transsexual?! Fair?
Ken, are you suggesting that Fred Garvin: Male Prostitute lurks about?
Sorry, but “Cook County GOP Chair” is a job the same way “Official Federal Boob Inspector” is a job, or a title like “World’s Greatest Grandpa” is an actual honor. There are no Republicans in Cook County, unless their in protective confinement in Western Springs.
V572625694: “unless they’re in…” Sorry.
Come on guys, this is nothing. There is no evidence that the guy was a lifestyle nazi, nor that the hookers were underaged, nor that they used diapers or other unsavory props. By Republican standards, this guy is Andy of Mayberry. Plus, I would say he has already paid for his sins rather heavily.
Since he’s a Republican you can bet it was a flashy, expensive guitar that he didn’t know how to play.
You just don’t throw away two hookers for nothing.
AngryBlakGuy: I was going to say that 2 gets you 10 he was with two Brazilian trannies.
Can we get a few consonants for this guy’s last name please? I’m sure CHI has plenty of citizens who could spare a few.
And btw, Skoieaeioun says no one was there with him, but his wife came home drunk. He has a restraining order on her.
AngryBlakGuy: FTW!
Serolf Divad: You have been made, Serolf.
What were they doing in the playroom? Was there a changing table in close proximity?
SayItWithWookies: HuffPo says the guitar was a toy, which makes this story lamer by .004%.
I want a brand new house on an episode of Cops
And a kid’s room I can bang hookers in
And a king size tub big enough for two plus me
(Tell me watchya need)
I’ll need a
good housewife that’s out all night
And a big door lock with an alarm in it
Gonna join the threesome club at 1 a. m. in the damn morning
(Been there, done that)
I want a new kid room full of old guitars
My mug in The Smoking Gun Dot Com
Somewhere between Charles Barkley and Nick Nolte is fine for me
(So how you gonna do it)
I’m gonna trade this life for ridicule and shame
I’d even cut my hair and change my name
‘Cause we all just wanna be Repubs
And fuck in kid play rooms banging two hookers
The girls come easy and the shame comes cheap
We’ll all stay skinny as we just won’t eat
And we’ll
Hang out in the coolest jails
In the VIP with the banker boys
Every good kid diddler’s gonna wind up there
Every closet case fundie with his meth habit and well,
Hey hey I wanna be a Repub
Hey hey I wanna be a Repub
Mrs. Gary Skoien, a true guitar HERO
“Ohai honey! My friends Bambi and Shankerpants here were just helping me nail YYZ on Expert, and then- [OUCH THAT HURT]“
President Beeblebrox: …nah, I’m not talking about the high quality “oops I had too much to drink and I didn’t know she was a dude” type of trannies. I’m talking about the “12 o’clock shadow, James L. Jones sounding, 6 foot 3 with hands big enough to palm a basketball” type of trannies!
tunamelt: Use # 598 in “1000 Creative Uses For Lego Blocks”. . . .
tunamelt: …generally the word “playroom” when used in the same sentence with “republican” refers to something similar to the basement in “Silence of the Lambs”. IT PUTS THE LOTION ON ITS SKIN, OR IT GETS THE HOSE AGAIN!!!
I can’t read that story without picturing the wife as the Mink Stole character in the first part of “Desperate Living.”
She channeled her inner Townshend.
Lizard People have no gender.
GHOPAC would like to reassure our members that none of our card-carrying hookers were harmed in this brouhaha. Our records show no ‘workpersons comp’ awards were given for having a wah-wah pedal extracted from a bodily orifice.
Kid’s playroom? Were diapers involved? Also.
Seeing that this douche was an (R),
Male Prostitutes *check
Furries *check
Diapers *natch
Serolf Divad: You sir, have arrived. Also.
Serolf Divad: I am so proud for you Serolf!
…@Ken Layne: being that he is a Republican, you may want to verify not just the “gender” but the SPECIES as well.
shortsshortsshorts: Jealous?
And yet, he would still get more votes statewide than Alan Keyes did back in the day.
I’ll take Miss Scarlett in the playroom with the toy guitar.
I’m just t-t-t-talkin’ ’bout my g-g-d-d-degenerate dad.
Serolf Divad: Congrats, but fix yr headline, dude. Your moment of glory is otherwise tarnished.
What we were just playin’ guitar hero??!!
shortsshortsshorts:
And I didn’t even have to off a lousy rat, stool pigeon.
AngryBlakGuy: In other words, a TV, not a TS. Yeah, I can see that.
Cicada: Ah, bummer. I was hoping for a bright red Rickenbacker hollow-body, since you could wreck one of those fairly easily. Although a Dobro would’ve inflicted a lot of damage. Next time, Mrs. Skoien, don’t act so impulsively — go to the fireplace and get the poker. It’s worth it to do the job with the proper tools.
Serolf Divad: You won the lunchtime!
Another news story mentioned that Eni Skoien had survived a bought of breast cancer in 2007. Maybe there’s some Newt Gingrich clause at work here.
Here’s the really sad part (other than the fact a fireplace poker wasn’t handy): Mrs. Skoien spent two days in jail; she now has a restraining order prohibiting her from contact with her kids. The same children whose playroom will now have to be power-cleaned to remove Daddy’s body fluids.
I think it would be prudent to make sure no dirty bombs were left behind.
I totally saw that dragon sitting on a toilet while flipping through the paper…
Serolf Divad: Jolly good Man
Gopherit: Of course I am jealous. RAGE!!11!! RAGE!11!!!
It is nice to see the internets succeed, if only for a moment.
SayItWithWookies: Yes, a Dobro or National steel would have made a suitable weapon. I have to object to destroying a Ric on a Republican. That’s a terrible waste of a perfectly good guitar. If the idea is to inflict as much damage as possible, a Les Paul or a Tele would have to be the weapon of choice. You could pummel a Republican into a spot of grease with a Tele and not only would the guitar survive, it would stay in tune.
Hduck: Now if they had been in Bangor, Maine she could’ve hung his nuts outside on the clothesline and been done with it.
But seriously. That is fucked up.
If he’d hacd had a GUN instead of a prostitute, the bitch wouldn’t have beat him with that guitar.
Of course if SHE had had a gun……
Wouldn’t it be great if everybody carried a gun?
FMA:
Les Pauls are light, hollow bodied guitars.
A Fender, preferably a bass, would make a formidable weapon
Hence the nickname: Axe.
I’m guessing tgmf.
Wait there’s a Cook County GOP? The other three members of the organization must be shocked by this revelation.
This guy is obviously a GENIUS. First, he goes out of his way to become an enemy of Mayor Daley. Then he continues to reside in Cook County. Then he calls the local cops when he’s with 2 hookers and his drunk, enraged wife wallops him with a Guitar Hero controller. I can’t IMAGINE how that story leaked.
Wake up, dude. The arc of Daley’s memory is long and it bends toward revenge. And he runs this bitch.
El Kabong strikes again.
RobPetrified:
Les Pauls are solid and very heavy.
RobPetrified: Les Pauls are HEAVY, solid guitars. (Some do have a ‘chamber’) I have a Les Paul Custom (’81) and it’s the heaviest guitar of the many I own, apart from a oak Ibanez bass and a bass I made out of purple heart. (That stuff is heavy.
KTHXBAI: nah. two of them were caught nekkid with him
Today we are all drunken deranged spinners.
Forget genders, how about the ages of the hookers in the kids’ room. Given this is Chicago, where political perversion is field tested, they could be anywhere from 8 to 100. Also, was the guitar involved….sexually, or did the wife have to go and get it so she could hit her husband with it? Where’s the newsmedia when you need it?
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
Yet another example of the republican philosophy that family values are very important….for someone elses family.
RobPetrified: A Les Paul, as others have said would make a good weapon. But you have to give props to the Tele.
Check out Keef in this clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3f3kHZfH-I
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the next Senator from the Great State of Illinois!
Monsieur Grumpe: Too bad he wasn’t playing a grand piano.
Lascauxcaveman:
Guitar nerd.
Me, Carvin, Ibanez, Fender, Martin ,Traveller and something with no name.
freakishlystrong: Ergo, he is a diaperfur. Also.
PS: That link will make you cry for our nation’s future. A country which put men on the moon and invented teh Internets is now relegated to producing people with infantile-furry-fetishes.
And what the hell was wrong with the wife? He was in the play room. Where the hell else are you supposed to frolic?
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Governor. A toy guitar can be a fucking valuable thing.
RobPetrified: Not this.
Lascauxcaveman: THIS.
A Les Paul, at around 9-10 lbs., would be the ultimate “Bash In My Cheating Husband’s Stupid Republican Head In The Children’s Playroom Where He Is Fucking Hookers” weapon. Although, if you’re going with a Gibson, nothing beats the flair of swinging around a Flying V, you can also use the ‘V’ shape to pin them to the floor by the neck and kick them repeatedly.
BTW: Any official count yet on the number of wetsuits he was wearing?
mwahahaha: The arc of Daley’s memory is long and it bends toward revenge.
That would make a good album title.
FMA you rock. Love the clip. Coolest thing? Keef goes right back to playing. Also, in addition, an acoustic, while lacking heft would give one that desired EL KABONG effect. Also
Monsieur Grumpe: You wouldn’t believe my Ibanez bass. It’s fuckin’ made out of oak, man. The first instrument I ever played. I thought they were all supposed to weigh a ton.
Monsieur Grumpe: Duh.
I blame the Bacardi and antihistamine diet I’m on today.
This guy was my boss in the early 80’s when to be a Illinois department head under James R. Thompson it was enough to be young and male. If you know what I mean.
Rock on GOP rock on….
FMA: I suggested a hollow body because it would probably have been his, and thus okay to destroy. Also, hollow-body Rickenbackers seem to be very popular with flashy poseurs who don’t know how to play them — and thus eminently destroyable. Don’t worry — they’ll make more.
SayItWithWookies: You have a very good point there. The splintering effect would also inflict multiple lacerations and would make for more blood, which is always good.
Most of the poseurs I’ve seen seem to favor Rics, or Pauls, or some lame-ass signature Strat, like a Clapton or something, in other words, that’s a status symbol with strings.
Awesome! She went all Keith Richards on his ass!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3f3kHZfH-I
That’s why I have a Telecaster.
Maybe there was one male and one female hooker and they were teaching Skoien a new sex trick to surprise his (5′4″ 110 lb) wife with! And as a special surprise they were going to turn him into this guy .
Serolf Divad: That’s called “coming on your dreams.”
New meaning to the term: Rock out with your cock out.
slavojzizek: You have apparently never heard of Ted Nugent …
And no one here has yet voted for the Ovation? Brainchild of Kaman Aircraft and made with the same technology as helicopter blades; you had to send back to Kaman to get the frets done because they were molded with the neck. It won’t play any better after you beat the ever-loving frolic out of your errant hubby with it, but it won’t be any worse either.
My take away here is that the wives of Chicago politicians (of any stripe)
aren’t people to mess wit’.
Cicada: Who the fuck hires hookers to play Guitar Hero with?
mwahahaha: Win.
I feel bad for the guitar. Also.
“A hooker is only a hooker, but a good guitar is a [insert witty conclusion].”
stopmebeforeitypeagain: “A hooker is only a hooker, but a good guitar is a great substitute for a penis.
There seems to be a raging epidemic of guitar related violence in the USA.
We obviously need stronger, better enforced guitar control laws in this country.
Police beat for Feb. 4, 2009
Published: Wednesday, February 4, 2009 at 6:30 a.m.
Last Modified: Wednesday, February 4, 2009 at 6:07 a.m.
Deputies: Man shot by stepfather is likely OK
OCALA - Sheriff’s deputies say a 43-year-old Summerfield man shot twice by his stepfather, in the mouth and in the stomach, is expected to recover from his injuries.
Officials said Richard Frary was transported to Shands at the University of Florida on Monday after he was shot with a .380-caliber handgun.
His stepfather, George William Cakoyanis, was charged with attempted murder and two counts of aggravated assault.
The shooting occurred at the home in Summerfield shred by Frary; his mother, Susan Cakoyanis; and her husband.
Deputies went to the home after receiving two 911 calls about a man being shot. Frary’s mother told a sheriff’s deputy her husband had shot her son during an argument.
According to a Sheriff’s Office report, the suspect said: “I didn’t mean to shoot him. He made me mad.”
He told investigators he shot his stepson, but that Frary was the aggressor. He denied shooting the victim a second time.
The suspect’s wife told investigators she and a friend were talking in the living room when her husband walked out of his bedroom with his guitar and sat in a recliner. The woman said he began cursing at them.
She said Frary told his stepfather that the conversation they needed to have could wait until the next day.
Frary’s mother said her husband tried to hit him with the guitar, but didn’t because she stood between them. She said she then forced her husband to go into his bedroom.
Her son followed. She told investigators that when Cakoyanis reached the bedroom, he took the gun from the nightstand and threatened to shoot everyone in the home. The woman said he then pointed the gun at her son’s head and pulled the trigger, according to the report.
http://www.ocala.com/article/20090204/ARTICLES/902041000?Title=Police_beat_for_Feb__4__2009
RobPetrified: He denied shooting the victim a second time.
This redneck’s explanation of how his son was shot a second time should be worth mucho ameros.
Where’s Chuck Heston when we need him? The National Guitar Association needs a leader in their time of trouble.
“Take your stinking paws off my guitar, you damn dirty ape!”
DO YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS, GARY, WHEN YOU FUCK A HOOKER IN THE HOUSE?
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS, GARY!
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FUCK A HOOKER IN THE HOUSE!
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FUCK A HOOKER IN THE HOUSE!