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Not that Bill Kristol can ever be replaced, but the New York Times has finally found a new conservative friend for David Brooks on the op-ed page! As usual, the pick is a white male, but for the first time it’s a young and dashing white male (sorry, Tom Friedman!) So let the record show that after Wonkette wrote in a post about the Times on October 23, 2008, “Just hire Ross Douthat and get it over with,” the Newspaper of Record had no choice but to comply. Congratulations, Ross! [Sigh] Why did they have to pick such a non-clown? [NYT]

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120 COMMENTS

  1. Okay, no. I think we’ve all got lower standards for teh sex when it comes to conservatives, but this man is not dashing. Maybe here, but all of the other pictures on the first page of a Google images search are
    disappointing.

  2. I guess the future non-wackiness of the NYT conservatives will force the Wonkette editors to start reading the Washington Times and similar publications for their conservatard fix. Damn NYT elitists.

  3. This guy looks 50. Do Republicans all start like 13-year-old-going-on-40 who wowed the crowd at CPAC, then just get older-seeming from there?

  4. I nominate WaPo’s Michael Gerson for new idiot Republican blatherer. He’s on a tear today about how keeping abortion legal is the same thing as not allowing a fundie pharmacist to fill your prescription for Plan B wich is — you guessed it — coercion and an infringement of freedom of religion.

  5. Young and dashing? Two hands on the keyboard, Newell.

    I’d only hit it with a bat. Repeatedly. He’s got a bit of cro-magnon brow, and there’s that whole Republican thing which is always a deal breaker.

  6. [I know this is off-topic, but . . . ]

    Was I the only person who saw this MSNBC headline, and immediately thought that Rush-bo had gone down to the Dominican Republic for another ocean vacation?:

    “It’s a first: Whale sedated to disentangle rope
    Crews were able to calm it, then remove 380 feet of rope around it”

    I guess I should have realized it was a reference to a real whale.

    No sane person would remove a rope from around The Fat One’s neck.

    Not until rigor had set in, I mean.

  7. Pfsh
    He was born in connecticut, went to harvard, writes for the atlantic, and is a center of the road republican. Another wonderful circle-jerk move by the NYTimes. He’ll provide a really new perspective here, that’s for sure. With a grasp of liberalism v. conservatism as he’s seen from Boston to New York, and maybe heard about from San Francisco.
    There are other parts of the United States. Big cities with running water and electricity, like Houston or Denver, where people understand politics and write about them, too!

  8. No, no. Reading Douthat is too much work I tells you. Kristol’s articles crushed themselves under the weight of obvious factual inaccuracies and transparent belligerence and warmongering. Douthat makes actual arguments that I have to consider and think about! This simply will not do.

  9. Hey, I actually enjoy reading Douthat! He still has a good 20 years before he starts writing anecdotes about Applebee’s from the perspective of the young Kierkegaard.

  10. He voted for the war before he voted against it… sound familiar?

    Leering pubtards would probably vote for that pretty mouth, before they vote against it. Also.

  11. Its nice that Ross was able to find a pretty good job after Starfleet downsized its workforce.
    I’m sure the letter of recommendation from Captain Picard helped a lot.
    Engage.

  12. All he needs is a backwards baseball cap, a trenchcoat and Jason Mewes:

    Noinch, Noinch, Noinch, Schmokin Weed, Schmokin’ Weed, Doin’ Coke, Drinkin’ Beers…

  13. He’s conservative and his writing/logic doesn’t suck?!!?

    Holy shit. If that’s true David Brooks better start polishing his cv.

  14. I do not have to have read a word from his pen in order to pass judgement on this new hire: FAIL. A twenty-nine year old conservative is by definition a dunderhead since for his entire miserable life, conservatives in power have done nothing BUT FAIL! I look forward to passing many future judgements based upon not reading his columns. Good day!*

    *a la Paul Harvey

  15. [re=263063]Country Club Jihadi[/re]: Jeez, I thought I was the only one who thought so….Orson was probably much more interesting. He DID snag Rita Hayworth.

  16. I knew Ross at Harvard. Personally, he is a nice guy. In print he is a douchebag, although somewhat less than Brooks and vastly less than Kristol.

  17. [re=263084]Godot[/re]: Jesus fuck! Lazy Media called first dibs. I’ll just go back to my well-worn fantasy of being Mr Rachel Maddow and riding on a unicorn through a field of sunflowers.

  18. Twenty-nine? “Ms. Dowd, please stop lifting your skirt and get back to writing.” I’m sure she will be “hanging out” in his cubicle talking about Mick Jagger and Bono while this poor guy thinks “you poor liberal dingbat”. Meanwhile, if Ross is as he bills himself, Dave Brooks may be full time over to the NewsHour soon. The Grey Lady doesn’t need two of the same thing (white male conservatives who criticize the GOP). At least they didn’t turn this over to Frum or some other Safire wannabe.

  19. [re=263119]windupbird[/re]: Same here.

    And you know what the Bard says. “Some are born clowns, some achieve clowndom, some have clowndom thrust upon them.”

    I’m going with option 3.

  20. [re=263128]Citizen Kang[/re]: I agree. Or that’s a really bad headshot that got mixed up with the one he was sending to Hollywood for a Quasimodo casting call.

  21. There’s no way that Do-that is his real name. It’s not possible.

    I’d only do that if there were a handlebar ‘stache involved. The Goat’ just doesn’t do it for me

  22. ♪Douthis, don’t Douthat, can’t you read the signs.♫

    [re=263098]RobPetrified[/re]:
    He’ll also walk around the cubicle farm like he was going to knock down a door with his head.

    [re=263102]sarahconnor[/re]:
    “C’mon! Mime is money!”

  23. [re=263133]smellyal8r[/re]: I was hoping for Frum, because he fills the “whiny dude with a freaky facial expression” quota that has been suffering since Kristol done left.

  24. When I read in the NYT article that is name is pronounced “DOW-thut” I read that as a description of the stock market.

    I don’t find him dashing. Friedman, moreso. I think Krugman is kind of cute (mainly from watching his expressions being interviewed by Colbert).

    Of course, Levi Johnston…

  25. [re=263218]Uncle Glenny[/re]: Will he be any good? I – heh heh get this – DOW-thut very much.

    Heh.

    Ok. I’ll just go to my room for the rest of the day.

  26. [re=263236]wheelie[/re]: You idiot, that lame joke has been made several times already in this thread, now that I have read it in full. Seriously: go to your room. Good night.

  27. [re=263204]WickedWitch[/re]: Be careful what you wish for. The NYT was supposedly eyeing Megan McArdle, the dumbest fucking professional blogger in the universe, before they picked Douthat.

  28. PORNOGRAPHY IS ADULTERY.

    If you want to think Douthat is not a social right fringer, then know that he things PORNOGRAPHY IS ADULTERY. Not just performing in it, viewing it.

  29. [re=263245]tiny mexican[/re]: I can not believe the talent pool is shallow enough for Megan McArdle to make anybody’s short list. I’d rather have Meghan McCain (and not just in the biblical sense).

  30. [re=263249]josereyes.theroof[/re]: And if South Dakota passes that law stating that seeing a fetus is child pornography, then abortion is adultery too, against Jeebus.

  31. Jeebus what a moran. Here’s the genius on stem cells:

    “Yes, a frozen embryo will probably be destroyed eventually, and the pro-life gesture involved in freezing it is probably just an empty gesture. But there’s still a difference between a situation in which death is probable and a situation where it’s inevitable…”

    So…we’re supposed to save the fertilized embryos of couples and single women, for implantation in other women, biologically unrelated to the baby? Certainly some people would avail themselves of such a program were it offered, but how many people are willing to let strangers raise their biological children, rather than simply discarding the extras? Oh and the reason those embryos are “extras?” Usually it’s because they are deemed insufficiently robust and mature by the in vitro specialist. In other words, they are junior varsity, not likely to thrive in the womb. Sort of like how Douthat’s column is unlikely to thrive at the Times during the Obama years.

  32. [re=263343]Mr Blifil[/re]: “and the pro-life gesture” in freezing the embryo. He writes like Leo XIII.
    “Pro-life” or “self-centered”?

  33. [re=263063]Country Club Jihadi[/re]: Welles, but locked into Catholic orthodoxy. Each Easter, Ross, in search of re-affirmation and re-birth, looks forward to finding chocolate eggs hidden in a nest of green cellophane straw. But I mean this in a good way.

  34. [re=263371]Jukesgrrl[/re]: However, one must admire Ross’ subtle use of kohl and soft eye-liner pencil about the eyes.
    Surely, must have made the little girls of CPAC swoon.

  35. [re=263343]Mr Blifil[/re]: the extra embryos from fertility enhancement. first, the dashing guy does not address why it should even be ethical for anyone to create embryos at all in the name of “fertility,” if they are just going to wind up frozen. why should one embryo be created and chosen to be born, and other embryos be created and chozen to be frozen? the obvious ethical solution, if you accept the christians at their own principles, is to outlaw fertility enhancement. if a woman is not fertile, god did not make her fertile. period. if the christians can accept millions of people dying and suffering from diseases because they are denying stem cell research, they should be able to accept millions (i guess, or maybe thousands – i don’t know) of women unable to have children, in order to avoid destruction of embryos.

    but this is just another way their hypocrisy is exposed. the whole so-called “christian religion,” at least in the usa, is just a right wing ultra rich propaganda machine, to manipulate the uneducated into supporting their rape of the nation.

    and also, ross douthat’s pic looks like one of those “i send my pic over the internet to your teenage daughter” pics. it is really creepy.

  36. [re=263309]S.Luggo[/re]: That’s not a hate-fuck. Those two have a tender loving mutual admiration society going on. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

  37. That receding hairline, bulging forehead, furrowed brow.. he’s in to win, man!

    “Young and dashing?” Hand me the smelling salts, please!

  38. [re=263265]hobgoblin of little minds[/re]:
    Nah, not a Paultard… they wore costumes. A republitard. They just look like they could such the oxygen out of any room.

  39. That’s at least a 5.3head. Like Peter Lorre mixed with that dude who works in accounting but by night puts on a fake goatee and plays bass in an Alice in Chains cover band.

  40. This might Ross’s 15 minutes of fame here, because he usually avoids the overt goofiness and newspeak that made Kristol’s column such fodder for this site. Plus the wingnuts hate him because he didn’t get his degree from ITT tech in fake plumbing and would likely be as creeped out by an average tea party attendee as we would. But becoming a columnist for the NYT has a tendency to make one a dork over time. Witness Maureen Dowd; I bet she was cool at some point.

    Let Brooks be a warning to you, young Dooowthuut. He too was a sensible, moderate Republican voice. Now he writes about salad bars at Applebees. You have been warned.

  41. All the apologia I’m reading seems to defend his writing as “tolerable,” not “desirable for reading.” Are we holding fire because of Gen-X/Y solidarity?

  42. Young and dashing? He appears to be on the same diet as Jonah “The Bloat” Goldberg.
    If he is only 29 (!) I shudder to think what 40 will look like.

  43. Re: Non-clown status, I think not.

    I will admit, Jim’s post in this instance does have more factual errors per run-on sentence than even Little Billy Kristol’s average, extinct column.

  44. P.S. “Last July, I argued that Louisiana’s David Vitter ought to resign his office after he more or less admitted to having frequented prostitutes. I stand by that position. However, if David Vitter – having conspicuously failed to resign – were to face off in a Presidential race against Barack Obama, I would be inclined to hold my nose and vote for Vitter.” Google that shit.

  45. Douthat isn’t only not a non-clown; I believe he could safely be called an ass-clown. A misogynist assclown, at that.

    To wit:

    “You could spin this out further and point out that it also makes adaptive sense for women to have a certain amount of difficulty having orgasms, because then they’re more likely to seek out a long-term monogamous partner who knows their body well, which in turn dovetails nicely with the general female interest in having only one partner, the better to keep that partner around when the children come along.”

    “Jennifer Aniston isn’t a bad icon for this shift [to “modern women taking their sexual cues from pornography”]: [She’s] a weird, porn-like parody of a beautiful woman – skinny, over-tanned, and all angles except for her still-pneumatic breasts. The waxing is just a small part of the pantomime, a final insult to the natural body she gave up on long ago.”

    It almost makes me miss Bill Kristol. Almost.

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