what would the reagans think!

Mark Sanford Is Queen Of Welfare Queens

Let us consider the latest squirming from South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, an ass. Like Texas’ Rick Perry, Sanford has gone out of his way to criticize the stimulus package as actual legislative trash that should be shat on by hobos and blown up and shot. And yet, he has still been considering accepting his state’s stimulus funds — or at least the parts over which he has control — because he is a dick. He wrote a letter yesterday to state legislators briefing them on his latest plan: he wants to use the chunk of the STIMULUS MONEY over which he has discretion — you know, because governors should be able to choose some of the BUSINESS INVESTMENTS and JOB-CREATING PROJECTS in their states that will receive ECONOMIC STIMULUS money, a GIFT from OBAMA — to pay down the state debt, and he will write a strongly worded letter to this socialist president demanding permission.

(CNN) – South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford plans to ask President Obama for permission to use part of his state’s stimulus money to pay down its debt, not on new spending, according to a letter he sent state legislators Tuesday.

A longtime opponent of the president’s nearly $800 billion stimulus package, the Republican governor told his state’s lawmakers that spending approximately $700 million in money coming from the federal government would only make the state’s financial situation worse in the long term.

“[W]hen one is in a hole, the first order of business is to stop digging,” Sanford wrote in the letter obtained by CNN Tuesday.

And the second order of business is to sit in the damn hole and refuse to leave until Obama personally comes to fish you out, after which you should kick him in the groin.

If the ass does not want to take this federal money flagged for *stimulus,* then he shouldn’t, but that doesn’t mean he should then try to shake down the President! This is like if some guy offered to pay your college tuition and you responded “fuck those nerds,” punched the benefactor in the jaw, ran off with his gal, and then wrote a strongly worded letter from a motel in Charleston that you still want $700 million dollars, but to pay off your bookie.

Just read this bit from Sanford’s letter, which is an embarrassment to the country:

He had to throw that last little bit in there just in case you thought he was getting soft and giving money to lazy bums who won’t GET A DAMN JOB.

In sum: Mark Sanford has reasoned that spending $700 million in federal grant money — another entity’s money! Not from the state budget! — to invest in the rebuilding of his shit-poor state would… ruin the state’s finances forever?

S.C. gov wants to use some stimulus funds to pay down debt [CNN]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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87 comments

  1. Terry

    Did y’all notice that South Carolina is one of four states with double digit unemployment? Of course, the governor doesn’t want to create jobs. The unemployed are probably predominantly black people, who don’t vote for him anyway.

  2. Fox News Light

    I really should have skipped work today to protest him in Spartanburg..but I need this job, because I know there isn’t another one i could get in SC…..

  3. Terry

    on a different subject, I love it that the two ads running on the side of this page are for the movie Milk and for Sarah Palin’s PAC. Nice balance there.

  4. V572625694

    This is the “different dollars” nonsense argument that AIG uses to lavish bonuses and perks on themselves: Well, we’re not using that money, so it’s okay, right?

    And how will paying off bonds stimulate the economy? Just fine if you’re a bondholder!

    What a jerk, although utterly representative of his gamecocky state.

  5. Dave J.

    The best thing will be when he uses the federal money to balance his budget, and then runs for Prez. in 2012 as a “fiscal conservative” who was able to balance his state’s budget, all the while criticizing Obama for being reckless with the spending.

  6. shortsshortsshorts

    THANK GOD. Everyone knows that being unemployed is for socialists. I wonder if he’ll give himself and the legislature a raise, to “pay off debt?”

    Sometimes you simply see an asshole in the flesh, other times you just want to bend it over and finish (too much?)
    DISCLAIMER: THIS DOES NOT PERTAIN TO RAPE, SODOMY, OR BACON.

  7. Advocatus_Diaboli

    And South Carolina is in debt because? If Sanford’s from the party of fiscal responsibility, why has his state maxed out its 47.5% APR Capital One credit cards?

  8. worrytron

    Is it just me or did his letter just say that sending the letter would be a profound mistake?

  9. DoctorCulturae

    [re=262569]Terry[/re]: This is the Guv’s own “southern strategy,” compassionate conservative that he is.

  10. Capitol Hillbilly

    I heard the real story: Lindsay Graham has some hott video of Sanford and is blackmailing her for all the stimuluz monie$.

  11. user-of-owls

    He wrote a letter yesterday to state legislatures

    Does SC have multiple law-making bodies? Like a Confederate Legislature, and a Jesus Legislature and a DC-like legislature that doesn’t actually have a vote for the black peoples?

  12. Mustang

    I can’t understand. Help me out here. The whole problem with the stimulus package is that it creates a huge debt for taxpayers’ and future taxpayers. So, why is it okay to put a burden on taxpayers to pay for past irresonsible spending in Doofus’s state? Isn’t that like a BAILOUT? Why is he in a hole? Because he’s a turd, that’s why. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  13. SayItWithWookies

    A compromise: in the interests of fiscal responsibility (which I hear Republicans are so concerned about), President Obama (will I ever get tired of typing that? Probably not) should offer to grant the waiver as long as the Fed is given a $700 million bond issuance that SC will repay.
    And if they don’t like that, all the unemployed South Carolinians can just go join a gang or something.

  14. DustBowlBlues

    Multiple choice test. Who said,
    “Prosperity can not be restored by raids upon the public treasury.”

    a) Herbert Hoover
    b) Jesus
    c) Mark Sanford
    d) Every Republican douchebag who holds public office

  15. NoWireHangers

    Wingnuts: they never CEASE to amaze. It’s like a never ending CYCLE of the most idiotic logic imaginable. Let’s see, it’s something like this:

    Poverty, racism, lack of education more prevalent in South -> South blames minorities/Democrats/Liberals -> South votes Republican -> Republican agenda exacerbates poverty, racism, lack of education -> South gets angrier -> South vote Republican -> Republican agenda exacerbates poverty, racism, lack of education -> South gets angrier -> South vote Republican -> Republican agenda exacerbates poverty, racism, lack of education…

  16. Gopherit

    Hmm, how to say this politely? You conservative asstards talk about living within your means? Do it then, Turn your little shithole state into a third world country…..you’re half way there anyway. If you want your economy stimulated, belly up to the bar. If you want to pay your debt, raise your fucking taxes.

  17. Serolf Divad

    South Carolina has six counties where unemployment is above 15% and two of those show unemployment figures above 19%. So, basically, Sanford is a piece of shit, no better than a piece of shit plantation owner sipping mint juleps on his porch, complaining about how it wears him out just to watch the nigra’s working in the fields.

  18. 4tehlulz

    [re=262597]Serolf Divad[/re]: You’re being unfair to the plantation owner. Sanford just doesn’t want the black hoards to be able to have jobs to allow him to sip his mint juleps and complain about the lazy shiftless blacks.

  19. DustBowlBlues

    [re=262586]Capitol Hillbilly[/re]: You somehow forgot to identify Senator Graham as dictated by a wonkeratti of yore:

    Lindsay Graham (R-Closet).

  20. amyazz

    [re=262571]Terry[/re]: i enjoy the idea that sarahpac thinks it might get donations from wonkette readers. this is why the reps can’t balance a budget!!!

  21. AfghanVet

    Obama should send a very simple note with the following reply:

    No.

    Sincerely,

    B. H. Obama
    President, US

  22. AngryBlakGuy

    …congratulation Mississippi, you may not be the only 3rd world country in U.S. much longer!

  23. Delicious

    [re=262589]Mustang[/re]: “spending this money we don’t have…will prove to be a profound mistake…” But I would like the money for “paying down our very sizeable state debt…”

    Yep, that’s the gist of it.

    How do people like this become governors?

    Oh yeah, nation of morans…

  24. SayItWithWookies

    [re=262587]user-of-owls[/re]: [re=262593]Jim Newell[/re]: I just figured he sent one to the legislature and one to Rush Limbaugh, the de facto head of the SC Republican party.

  25. ChernobylSoup

    You know, last year my mom said she’d repay my student loans. I would have been much better off had she paid off my credit card debt (even though it was much less than what that bitch Sallie Mae was demanding). Did I complain? Hell no; I forwarded her Sallie’s bitchy payment address and said THANK YOU.

    Take the money and use it as you’ve been instructed, there Governor Dickhead.

  26. DustBowlBlues

    [re=262569]Terry[/re]: Things aren’t quite as bad in Oklahoma, where we didn’t have prosperity in the so-called good times. Can’t lose something you don’t have. But the dumb okies are happy because there ain’t no fucking gay marriages and they’re teaching abstinence in high school. Did I mention we have one of the highest teen pregnancy rates in the US?

    Hoover called the Emergency Banking Act “socialism”. It’s time to tag these douche bags with Hoover as their patron saint.

    BTW–Damn you Wonkette!!! (Shaking fist) On the verge of having a productive afternoon in spite of the Bell’s Palsy (3 gdamn months) YOU PULL ME BACK with your potty mouth ironic humor.

  27. NoWireHangers

    I think Sanfords rage stems from the fact that he has to take charity from a liberal black man to patch up his shit-show state. Ditto on that asshat governor in Texas. If W was handing them a golden stimulus, they’d shit smiles and eat it.

  28. user-of-owls

    [re=262604]AfghanVet[/re]: Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of those idiotic bets between governors during World Series, Super Bowls, etc., with whoever backs down first having to ‘pay up.’

    If Sanford loses, he could send the President some BBQ or Boiled Goobers or whatever the hell they eat.

    If Obama wins, he could send Sanford a bag of dicks.

  29. silversilver

    I would like to thank Mark Sanford for taking some of the attention off of my idiot governor Rick Perry.

  30. Cicada

    Okay, I think I finally get it. This is all part of Sanford’s master plan to make the stimulus fail by diverting stimulus money into debt payment (which stimulates nothing). This will pave the way for the glorious Republican revolution of 2010.

    It’s either that or that Sanford is just a complete moron when it comes to economics.

    Oh, right.

  31. DustBowlBlues

    [re=262592]SayItWithWookies[/re]: ” President Obama (will I ever get tired of typing that? Probably not)” I get a thrill every time someone says that. I love it. I still can’t believe it.

  32. Hooray For Anything

    [re=262595]NoWireHangers[/re]: You Democratic, liberal, minority

    [re=262592]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I’m not sure a gang will work. Maybe let it be known that if Sanford doesn’t pay up, Guido the Killer Pimp or Paulie Walnuts or somebody like that will make sure Sanford sleeps with the fishes.

  33. Formerly Preferred

    [re=262604]AfghanVet[/re]: I was going to say that you have to be careful with that, because SC is prone to secede at the drop of a hat and this kind of directness might just prompt them to demand satisfaction, field of honor, Fort Sumpter, &c. But then I thought, meh. So they secede. This time we won’t make the mistake that we did before and actually fight them for it. In conclusion, I heartily endorse your plan.

  34. DustBowlBlues

    [re=262607]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: “you may not be the only 3rd world country in U.S. ”

    I beg your pardon.

    Sincerely, State of Oklahoma

  35. Gin-o-saurus

    I personally believe that some US South Carolinans are unable to do so everwhere and such as… pay their bills because Mark Sanford is a fucktard.

  36. V572625694

    [re=262600]4tehlulz[/re]: [re=262597]Serolf Divad[/re]: But listen to the darkies singin’ their spirituals as they pick the cotton [or loom the fabric]! They sound so happy!

  37. One Yield Regular

    I’m envisioning a sort of reality-TV version of “Suddenly Last Summer,” with Sanford as Sebastian, and with hordes of unemployed South Carolinians playing the role of the children who attack and eat him at the end, for real.

  38. ProfessorJukes

    [re=262575]shortsshortsshorts[/re]:
    If it doesn’t apply to sodomy or bacon, I’m not really interested. Just sayin’.

  39. ProfessorJukes

    [re=262637]ProfessorJukes[/re]: [re=262575]shortsshortsshorts[/re]:
    I meant ‘pertain to’. Also.

  40. Giant Robot

    I called George Bush an asshole for sending out stimulus checks. Then I cashed mine and took the money to Bolivia where I spent it mostly on coca leaves, beer, and pirated software. So who am I to judge?

  41. norbizness

    Sanford was about to accept all of the money, no questions asked, and then his imagination was set afire by the “CASH4GOLD” commercials. It’s so EASY!

  42. queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=262595]NoWireHangers[/re]: Isn’t the definition of insanity doing something over and over and over again and hoping for different results every time? See thus, South Carolina.

  43. S.Luggo

    I sympathize, governor. South Carolina has outstanding obligations remaining from the War of Northern Agressions:
    - The cost of cannons used to blast Fort Sumpter.
    - Uniforms.
    - Corn whiskey.
    - Whips, chains.
    - Compensation due plantation owners for property that up and ran away.

    Current contingent liabilities include: potential cost of suppressing a darkie rebellion.

  44. El Pinche

    Perhaps we can trick Sanford and tell him the money would go to an endless and meaningless war. That always works on those stupid fucks.

  45. qwerty42

    [re=262595]NoWireHangers[/re]: an odd part of this, but partly the result of being a one-party region for so long, is that the whole south liked the New Deal. They liked FDR and all he did. The region was in even worse shape by the 30′s than most of the country, and the Hoover remedy (do nothing) was very hard. It took racism (’64 and ’65 Civil Rights bills) to break that grip (even Strom Thurmond returned to the Democrats after his run against HST, though he would eventually switch to the Republicans). A lot of old timers are reflexive Democrats even now because of that.

  46. totoro

    And I wonder what Rick Perry thinks about all that money Texas sends to the U.S. Treasury but never sees coming back being vacuumed up by Sanford to bail out SC. Stand up for your state, Rick!

    Its amazing how the “principles” these idiots stand on seem to produce so many varied but always starkly self-serving results.

  47. Botswana Meat Commission FC

    I always like gettting lectured about debt FROM PEOPLE WHO ARE ALREADY IN DEBT.

    Fuck off and die, Sanford and Son.

  48. CampbellBrown'

    I’d give SC residents who flee South Carolina the stimulus money so they can buy condos in NC and then tell Sanford to go build his independent utopia based on CPAC talking points and stop wasting our time and money. Our national unemployement rate would probably drop a point or two with South Carolina out of the union.

  49. Terry

    [re=262623]freakishlystrong[/re]:

    You’ll know when they start talking about seeing invisible alien cat like creatures scurrying on the walls, just on the edges of their vision.

  50. IslandGirlFL

    [re=262634]One Yield Regular[/re]: Can anyone talk about the South without a Tennessee Williams reference? For fun, who would play the Liz Taylor character? Liddy Dole could play the Katharine Hepburn character…

  51. IslandGirlFL

    [re=262680]qwerty42[/re]: Ummm yes, but a black guy didn’t send them their new deal checks. Also.

  52. McDuff

    [re=262680]qwerty42[/re]: Yep, ya’ll can be sure all those Real Americans down in the Southland will be glad to get rid of all that socialist TVA electricity.

  53. Pop Socket

    Which of these southern governors is the secretly closeted gay one? All of them? Okay, nevermind.

  54. DustBowlBlues

    [re=262680]qwerty42[/re]: An old time at my church is a New Deal Democrat because his widowed mother always told her kids that without FDR, they all would have starved to death. Curiously, some good Democrats are lukewarm (or spreading racist emails) about Pres. Obama. Go figure. Racists all need to eat shit and die. In the south, it would eliminate the Permanently Stupid class and solve our chicken poop disposal problem at the same time.

  55. IslandGirlFL

    [re=262760]One Yield Regular[/re]: BWWWWHAHAHAHAHAHA! WIth John McCain playing the Montgomery Clift character, of course….

  56. qwerty42

    [re=262770]McDuff[/re]: I have heard that is never brought up in campaigns. Ever. At least not if you want to win; it would be political suicide in the Volunteer state.
    In Catch-22, Major Major’s father was strongly of the opinion that “any form of government assistance, except aid to farmers, was creeping socialism.”

  57. Hooray For Anything

    CampbellBrown’- It’ll be the Bizarro Galt Revolt in which all the creative and entrepreneurial types leave someplace because the person in charge is some sort of Randian dillweed.

  58. nornus

    Come on Wonkette, if someone asks you if you’d like them to withdraw $2000 from you bank account to give to various hobos in the next town over and you reply in the negative it doesn’t make you a hypocrite to want the funds to at least go to hobos -in your own town- if they go ahead and take the $2000 at gunpoint. We’re all paying for that 700 bill whether we agree with it or not.

    Thankfully SC isn’t quite the bankrupt, sinking libtopia that California has become, though maybe if we’re lucky Barack will bring the “California experience” to the currently prosperous southern states of NC, VA and Georgia. Oh but we can hope!

  59. Come here a minute

    [re=262885]nornus[/re]: Whaaaa? More like they give you money for rent but you want to spend it on crack! Well, or your credit card that you can’t afford, but hey this is rent money take it or leave it.

  60. McDuff

    [re=262862]qwerty42[/re]: I always thought conservatives were “traditionalists,” you know, they want things done like granddad did. My granddad, God Rest His Soul, was a bricklayer who got hired to help build the hometown’s WPA-funded post office, which allowed him to support his family until the private sector recovered. Funny how I don’t recall conservative ol’ granddad ever saying, “Damn socialist government — how dare they fund projects that put people to work when the invisble hand says they should starve!” But, I do recall how he always said FDR took him “from a dollar a day to a dollar an hour.”

  61. Gallowglass

    Obama is free to send that extra SC money over here to Oregon, America’s poorhouse. We could most definitely find some use for it.

  62. jagorev

    I miss Reconstruction. We’d all be better off if the Deep South were under military rule.

  63. Cicada

    [re=262885]nornus[/re]: Hey- as a California native I can attest that our douchetard governor and his Republican pals have REFUSED to raise taxes while simultaneously REFUSING to cut spending (except for social programs, natch). This led to many late budgets where REPUBLICANS blocked any budget that even hinted at a tax increase. The Repubs were all gung-ho for borrowing for ever until the economic meltdown happened and they got “fiscal responsibility” (it’s like getting Jeebus, but you hate the meek and the poors). I suppose you can’t blame them, they were only following the national leadership of their party.

    Seriously, any Republican who sat silent during the Bush administration and now tries to claim “fiscal responsibility” should be ass-raped by a chainsaw.

  64. slinkimalinki

    [re=262652]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: nah, i’m pretty sure that’s the definition of stupidity. the definition of insanity is something along the lines of “believing you are personally being issued instructions about how everyone should live their lives by a giant invisible sky entity.”

  65. DustBowlBlues

    I’ve lost count–how many of these assholes think they’re going to beat Pres. Obama in the next election? They can’t do anything positive for the country because they’re all so busy aiming to corner the vote of The Base. Like the 26-29% of the voters who are in the Permanently Stupid class are enough to elect a president. It didn’t work for McCain, even though the sumbitch was running against a negro.

    Political posturing is a piss-poor way to run a railroad. Also.

  66. NextGenMom

    The definition of insanity is to keep doing what you have been doing and somehow expect different results. Two critical principles to begin with folks—when you are in financial trouble STOP SPENDING and then evaluate your current budget for things to cut so that you can begin to pay down your debt. California has not learned this, nor have most of the states. Reform of many programs is a great idea, but throwing more money at a problem does NOT equal reform! It takes more work than that.

  67. themightysea

    [re=262595]NoWireHangers[/re]: Holy crap dude, that’s an interesting point. I thought it just had something to do with Nascar, and melting your brain for 6 hours in the hot sun and exhaust. I want to see some Dem say, ‘if republican policies are so great, what the fuck is wrong with the south?’

  68. KittyLitter

    He was a lot more fun in the men’s room, that’s for sure. There, he was all, oh yeah fuck my ass and make it BLEEEEEEEDOHOHOHOHYEAHHHHHHHH…

    I miss that Mark Sanford.

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