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INSIDER SECRETS

White House Briefing Room Just A Nest Of Lunatics

Where's Gibbs?It turns out that your Jake Tappers and Chuck Todds are in the minority when it comes to White House correspondents. Upwards of 98 percent of the people attending the White House’s daily press briefings are nutballs who don’t even write for news organizations and love to steal Politico’s chair. These insane people just like to hang out there, because it feels like “family” or “home” to them, spending hours in this cramped, low-ceilinged little bunker with Helen Thomas.

Every president participates in the grand tradition of handing out press passes to non-journalist types. For example, the Bush administration famously granted press privileges to a gay hooker who later became a famous celebrity when he asked Barack Obama about his plumbing license.

Who will the next Obama adminstration superstar be? Our money’s on the old lady who comes to every press briefing and sits in the back row, eating houseflies.

Wacky Wafers In the White House Briefing Room [Washington Post]


12:04 PM on Wed March 11 2009
By Sara K. Smith
5851 Views

  1. loquaciousmusic says at 12:06 pm, March 11th, 2009

    Wonkette needs a press pass, STAT.

  2. miss_emish says at 12:09 pm, March 11th, 2009

    I want to go to there!

  3. SayItWithWookies says at 12:11 pm, March 11th, 2009

    Fake journalists in the White House press corps? The CNBC

  4. SayItWithWookies says at 12:12 pm, March 11th, 2009

    Dammit — hitting the shift key is not supposed to click the submit button.

    Anyway — the CNBC financial reporters are going to be jealous.

  5. queeraselvis v 2.0 says at 12:16 pm, March 11th, 2009

    SayItWithWookies: Oh Wooks, I dunno. I think “The CNBC” pretty much qualifies as a bunch of fake journos, no matter the qualifier.

  6. V572625694 says at 12:18 pm, March 11th, 2009

    Good thing this story had a video and wasn’t too lengthy, because I almost quit after the first sentence: “There’s no more prestigious post for a Washington journalist than to be a member of the White House press corps. “

  7. NewSpence says at 12:19 pm, March 11th, 2009

    My money is on the silent lady holding the log.

  8. snideinplainsight says at 12:19 pm, March 11th, 2009

    It’s funny that “journo” rhymes with “porno”. Maybe the new hippity-hop GOP could do something with that.

  9. jagorev says at 12:20 pm, March 11th, 2009

    CSPAN ratings would skyrocket if only we could somehow get Sara K. Smith in there.

  10. shanemacgowan says at 12:21 pm, March 11th, 2009

    I want Goyal’s job. I too have spent thirty years asking inane, off topic questions. I have not yet found a way to get paid for it. http://www.composure1.com/goyal/goyal.html

  11. miss_emish says at 12:22 pm, March 11th, 2009

    SayItWithWookies: yeh. shift key gave you a comment that made me snort. “The CNBC” covers it preeeeeeetty well.

  12. masterdebater says at 12:23 pm, March 11th, 2009

    “Goyal, as he’s known, is the Washington correspondent for the India Globe. But you won’t find his stories online. The link to his Web site doesn’t work…”

    This is one of those life changing stories, one of those “stop the presses” moments, that The Post is so famous for! And they say print news is dead…I don’t THINK so!

  13. Lascauxcaveman says at 12:23 pm, March 11th, 2009

    spending hours in this cramped, low-ceilinged little bunker with Helen Thomas

    Whew. Is it just me, or is it kinda hot in here?

  14. Sussemilch says at 12:24 pm, March 11th, 2009

    How tempting it must be to deny FOX a pass.

  15. shellyboo98 says at 12:26 pm, March 11th, 2009

    I love the bit about the one guy who only asks questions about bestiality and pedophilia and yet he keeps passing the Secret Service clearence. So what the hell do you have to do to get off the list?

  16. jagorev says at 12:26 pm, March 11th, 2009

    The Washington Post complaining about Goyal’s irrelevant questions is a bit rich. It was their hack, Michael Fletcher, that asked the steroid question at Obama’s first Presidential press conference back in February.

    Fletcher should be first on the chopping block. Goyal has better credentials than anyone who works for the Post.

  17. Delicious says at 12:29 pm, March 11th, 2009

    What I wouldn’t give to be within smelling distance of Robert Gibbs.

  18. JadedDIssonance says at 12:29 pm, March 11th, 2009

    Fresh Mangoes?

  19. MarieDeGournay says at 12:32 pm, March 11th, 2009

    I just want to sit in the back and shoot spitballs at Fox News people.

  20. PsycGirl says at 12:34 pm, March 11th, 2009

    My daughter, a charter member of the Peace Out Cheese Doodle Obama Lovers’ Club, has her fingers crossed for the Weekly Reader or maybe even Highlights.

  21. DoctorCulturae says at 12:42 pm, March 11th, 2009

    Teh CNBC. Also.

  22. Lascauxcaveman says at 12:43 pm, March 11th, 2009

    PsycGirl: That would kick ass. Goofus and Galant could remind us all of our proper White House Briefing Room etiquette.

  23. MathewBrooks says at 12:43 pm, March 11th, 2009

    PsycGirl: YES! Scholastic News!!

  24. memzilla says at 12:44 pm, March 11th, 2009

    PsycGirl: Highlights is already represented: Faux News is Goofus. Politico is Gallant?

  25. AngryBlakGuy says at 12:49 pm, March 11th, 2009

    …I have a feeling that Helen Thomas is really an embalmed cadaver that they prop up in the front row, just so that they don’t have to give her seat to Fox news. Or at least that is what I would do!

  26. S.Luggo says at 12:52 pm, March 11th, 2009
  27. gjdodger says at 12:55 pm, March 11th, 2009

    memzilla: Politico is Gallant?
    Well, they have been known to give up their seat.

  28. One of the anchors of the Naked News Team should definitely be given a seat.

  29. MathewBrooks says at 1:01 pm, March 11th, 2009

    Delicious: Look, ever since Pierre Salinger’s crazy ass left, the press secretary has looked like shit. It is a fact of life. I’m not counting dee dee myers since stephanopalous never let her do the damn briefing anyway.

  30. shortsshortsshorts says at 1:01 pm, March 11th, 2009

    “Who will the next Obama adminstration superstar be?”

    Trig Palin.

  31. memzilla says at 1:02 pm, March 11th, 2009

    gjdodger: I should have added several question marks, thus better indicating a solicitation of opinion.

    However, you made the best point… you WIN on my FAIL!

  32. MathewBrooks says at 1:03 pm, March 11th, 2009

    they better not give one to self-hating homosexualist Pete Williams.

  33. Delicious says at 1:03 pm, March 11th, 2009

    And, of course, Goyal is a spy. We know he’s a spy. And he knows that we know that he’s a spy.

    Except for the dope at the Washington Post.

  34. MathewBrooks says at 1:03 pm, March 11th, 2009

    Also, can someone identify the pic in this post? is it Bosch?

  35. AngryBlakGuy:

    I think they should put a delicious marshmallow peep in each of the chairs and tell the Fox News correspondents that the peeps outrank them on the jouralistic ladder.

  36. DoctorCulturae says at 1:10 pm, March 11th, 2009

    MathewBrooks: Yep. Detail from “The Garden Of Earthly Delights.”

    http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/80/GardenED.jpg

  37. Gopherit says at 1:16 pm, March 11th, 2009

    Obama doesn’t get this whole press corps thing. You want the crazies and mouth-breathers to surround you……then you never really have to say anything important or useful.

  38. thefrontpage says at 1:18 pm, March 11th, 2009

    Here’s some other people with White House Press Credentials, accoridng to the official White House Press Credential Issuing Committee (WHPCIC):

    Lloyd Braun, Jay Peterman, George Vandelay, Cosmo Kramer, Julius Whipple, Wayne Newman, Hank Hill, Abe Vigoda, Luca Brassi, Fredo Corleone, Salvatore Barzini, Meadow Soprano, Yuri Yeshanko, Jason Bourne, Jack Bauer, Jack Ryan, Tom Clancy, Karza Solsay, Chazz Palmentieri, Ted Nugent, Bill Stromberg, Michael Scott, Tracy Morgan, Earl (no last name), Alfred E. Neuman, William Randolph Hearst, Paul Harvey, Edward R. Murrow, John Chancellor, and Charles Foster Kane.

  39. I smell a press lottery! We could use the money raised to fund the stimulus package.

  40. Mr Blifil says at 1:20 pm, March 11th, 2009

    I know the substance of the post is innocuous, but Mary Ann Akers is really not my cup of tea.

  41. V572625694 says at 1:26 pm, March 11th, 2009

    MathewBrooks: A few of us, perhaps only those of the heterozechsual persuasion, found Dana Perino desirable, notwithstanding her profound stupidity.

  42. PsycGirl says at 1:30 pm, March 11th, 2009

    memzilla: Think of the confusion that would cause little rightwing nutjob children at Drs’ offices: “Look Mommy! Goofus is questioning Obama’s birth certificat but Gallant listens to reason! That’s not what you and Dad said at dinner last night!”

  43. SayItWithWookies says at 1:32 pm, March 11th, 2009

    miss_emish: Yeah, that’s how memes are born — mostly by accident. Like Alaskan babies.

    Mr Blifil: She was on Washington Week in Review w/Gwen Ifill once — and is much cuter than that picture, which makes her look like some sort of human/giraffe hybrid. I wonder if such an animal would have the giraffe’s prehensile tongue.

  44. brown_recluse says at 1:32 pm, March 11th, 2009

    NewSpence: Maybe once she had national prominence, we’d find out what those damned owls are up to, once and for all.

  45. Lascauxcaveman says at 1:48 pm, March 11th, 2009

    V572625694: Blasphemy! Perino wasn’t stupid at all, just evil.

  46. assistant/atlas says at 2:06 pm, March 11th, 2009

    Journalism 101: No matter how strong, you must resist the urge to use “Wacky Wafers” in any and all headlines unless your story is literally about crazy crackers (the edible kind).

  47. MathewBrooks says at 2:16 pm, March 11th, 2009

    V572625694:
    that notwithtanding, wouldn’t you agree?

  48. qwerty42 says at 2:23 pm, March 11th, 2009

    loquaciousmusic: I thought Wonkette was there! Jim, Sara, isn’t at least one of you always at the WH?

  49. They should all be guillotined with Helen Thomas cackling, ‘Guillotine today!’, as she sits knitting a tri-color flag.

    Or perhaps not.

  50. ExecutorElassus says at 3:07 pm, March 11th, 2009

    DoctorCulturae: I’m very disappointed that Sara didn’t pick one of the parts of the painting featuring a buzzard-headed monster climbing up a ladder into a room made out of a person, or playing trumpets with its asshole or something. Hieronymous Bosch is the artist of our times.

  51. GreenHalo says at 3:20 pm, March 11th, 2009

    Pierre Salinger’s crazy ass got tired of the crap, and kinda-sorta blackmailed a couple people, and next thing you know he’s busy with Continental Airlines in Houston. Also, Mel Gibson starred in a movie about a CIA proprietary airline in Vietnam, which never ever existed, because Gibson got shitfaced and ranted about Jews at a traffic stop.

    Also Air America never existed. Also Continental Airlines did exist, but then didn’t, unless you’re crazy. Also Continental never flew a single aircraft out of Southeast Asia, as far as you know,and Salinger was last heard Truthing about missile tracks and Navy exercises and American jets shot down in US airspace, but what else can you expect from a Vietnam-crazed former government official who is probably gay and a Commie.

    Also Mel Gibson hates Jews, so he was never the Sexiest Man Alive, never mind any movie he ever starred in. Also.

  52. DoctorCulturae says at 4:06 pm, March 11th, 2009

    ExecutorElassus: Our Babe Sara has exquisite taste. She has many options for more Bosch in the future. Perhaps aside Dame Nooningtonshirehamptonsmithfieldbrookdale?

  53. WickedWitch says at 8:16 pm, March 11th, 2009

    The “reporter” chick from the Post — who hired her? Awful. Awful. Awful. She’s no Dana Milbank — who was blackballed by the Bush White House because he actually asked tough questions — and actually makes me laugh when he goes off to mock “official Washington.”

    Anyone who doesn’t appreciate the Goyals and the Saras of the Washington press corp clearly has no appreciation for the quirkyness of old Washington institutions.

    And oh yeah — Carol Brady called. Wants the haircut back!

  54. hobospacejungle says at 8:35 pm, March 11th, 2009

    Dana Milbank is dead to me since he cracked on all bloggers. He is a self-regarding pompous ass and a liar. Plus he pissed off Keith Olbermann, which is a plus or a minus depending upon your POV.

  55. WindbagCity says at 3:22 am, March 12th, 2009

    Plz continue w/the Inside Baseball column. Those of us who likes, LIKES.

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