Diaperman Throws A Tantrum

  chronicles of pre-adolescent behavior

Bwah bwah bwahHooker-using diaper fetishist Senator David Vitter freaked out at Dulles airport after he missed his flight back to New Orleans. He arrived at his gate to discover that doors had closed and he could not board his flight. A normal person would say, “Oh well, can you try to get me on the next flight then?” but Senator Vitter yelled about how he was a senator and therefore endowed with special powers of douchebaggery. Then he opened the security door, which set off an alarm, and the airline employee he’d been chewing out was all Hey man that is really not cool, and David Vitter ran off like a pussy while the employee looked for a security guard. What an awful human. [Raw Story]

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Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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87 comments

  1. JDHART

    Ok, let me get this straight, he’s a diaper-wearing, hooker-visiting senator from a state that has a city that was almost wiped out a couple of years ago who throws a baby tantrum in the airport when HE’S late catching a flight. Why do they keep voting for him?

    Maybe he does have special powers of douchebaggery. And maybe he needs that diaper more than we know.

  2. MARCdMan

    Turns out he couldn’t take the flight anyway, it was one of those small planes and it didn’t have a changing table.

  3. Terry

    This is why I prefer BWI over National. Sure, National is Metro accessible, but you have a good chance of being stuck on a flight with a frickin political prima donna. No, you cannot cut the line. No, the plane will not wait for you. No, I am NOT impressed at who you are.

    Strangely enough, though, some of the highest profile and most powerful folks you see at National DO seem to follow the rules.

  4. Capitol Hillbilly

    If this guy hadn’t been a client of those hookers, the case never would have attracted the media attention it got. Because of that attention two women killed themselves. This fuckface walked.

    Never forget.

  5. Uncle Glenny

    He probably doesn’t even realize that he got special treatment: if I’d done that I’d have been tased.

  6. queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=262368]JDHART[/re]: Because he’s from Metairie, the Republican stronghold in Louisiana (if you don’t count the northern reaches of the state). Folks from Metairie don’t give a shit what happens to their Chocolate City neighbors.

  7. Doglessliberal

    I am sure this dork voted for ultra-repressive and 4th-Amendment-violating laws to Protect The American People From Terrorists after 9-11, too. He apparently thinks there’s an exemption in the rules for dickhead Senators. And you know if a dark-skinned person had opened that security door, he’d have a bullet in him, and Vitter would probably think that was A-Ok.

    [re=262368]JDHART[/re]: You do wonder how bad the person running against Vitter would have to be to lose to Diaperman.

  8. magic titty

    Alright. I dont understand this diaper photo. I mean, did Al Franken pose like that, or did this Vitter character? I’ve seen them both attached. I’m confused. Someone please enlighten me.

  9. ph7

    Why was the dumbass at Dulles in the first place? Senators flying to Phoenix (thanks McCain!) or closer use National. Gotta figure he was boning some hooker at the Dulles Marriott before he flew home – much more discrete than a Crystal City hotel. He took a little too long to clean up, it seems.

  10. AngryBlakGuy

    [re=262388]Doglessliberal[/re]: And you know if a dark-skinned person had opened that security door, he’d have a bullet in him, and Vitter would probably think that was A-Ok.

    …yeah, 2 warning shots to the back of the head!

  11. WIDTAP

    Ok, you can understand his being upset that United closed the doors 20 minutes before departure, although boarding time starts 30 minutes before departure. Usually they just give away your seat at 20 minutes before departure.

    On the other hand, if you aren’t acting like a complete dick and they haven’t yet pulled the jet way away from the plane, you can usually schmooze the agent into calling down the jet way to hold it for you.

    But his approach is, of course, the usual Republican approach to working with other people, so no surprises here.

  12. MathewBrooks

    Has Politico reported on this yet? I want to read republicans defending him in the comments

  13. entropy

    at least he’s open about being an arse-hat. it’s rather refreshing, when you think about it.

  14. Aquannissiwamissoo

    Diapers are only hawt if worn by female NASA astronauts driving 900 miles to administer a beat down on a bitch who deserves it.

  15. WadISay

    I find that starting conversations with “Do you know who I am?” always ensures that I get special treatment.

  16. mylesfromnowhere

    his “mile-high” hooker was ON that plane. That was the issue. and the bag o’dicks he needed to eat also.

  17. Jazzman

    Oh geez, if it was United we might have to cut the douchebag a break. Those folks are so understaffed that if they get 90% of the people on the plane they close the damn door no matter what, and may hell take the hindmost. They’re not supposed to close it until 10 minutes before departure, but often do it early so they can get to the next gate in time for the next group of screaming pissed off passengers. Vitter is still one of the ten creepiest Senators of course, and that is saying something.

  18. irativ

    Hah you and your normal people club. When the plane is sitting there and they say they “can’t open the door” I’d throw a tantrum too.

    Minus the diapers.

  19. gjdodger

    Maybe American Express ought to bring back those old “Do You Know Me?” ads. Vitter would look great sitting in the Senate chamber wearing a diaper. “Don’t hire whores without it!” Anyhow, I guess Wendy has to dry clean that dress that looks like fish scales for the public apology again. She must get tired of that shit, but it beats changing his didie.

  20. totoro

    So you can’t even utter the word bomb, even if referring to a french dresser, without being immediately shot in the medula oblongata, and then having your body blown up by a robot in front of a high school french class—but this jerk lunges for the “security door” and lives to tell about it?

    Jazzman, I am cutting United no slack; not since one of their Flight “attendants” told me “I don’t care what you do with it” when I refused one of their nasty snack packs, and then slammed it down on my tray. Of course I had no devastating riposte—because I didn’t want to be arrested upon landing and shot in the back of the head.

  21. factnorfiction

    “After setting off the security alarm, the Louisiana senator proceeded to dress down an airline employee…”

    Oh, Davie, always dressing people down.

  22. shortsshortsshorts

    GOD DAMMIT CAN’T A MAN GET TO HIS HOOKERS ON TIME WITHOUT SOME TYPE OF AIRLINE INTERRUPTION? THIS IS A TERRIBLE INJUSTICE.

  23. Gallowglass

    This tool is the first Republican elected to the Senate from Louisiana since they appointed Senators during Reconstruction. His constant douche-baggery is not really selling us on another one.

    [re=262368]JDHART[/re]: I would have to check but I think he’s a first term Senator.

  24. Schadenfried

    [re=262388]Doglessliberal[/re]: from what JDHART said, you’d have to one of them colored folk to lose to Diaper hooker.

    Off topic, his wife is a hypocrite. Also.

  25. Cicada

    [re=262438]Gallowglass[/re]: Yup. He won in 2004, but is planning to run again in 2010. If only there was a way to work diapers and prostitutes into a political ad without being accused of mud-slinging! Vitter doesn’t have any problem attacking gays for being moral degenerates, so I’d say he’s fair game.

  26. hobospacejungle

    I did this in Denver a few years ago, late due to the Pizza Hut Security Detail (TSA,) after running about a mile (I’m a pack a day smoker, ack) as fast as I could to the terminal. I threw a hissy fit at the Frontier chick working the desk (on behalf of me and several others who were similarly held up by “security”) and the eventually relented, opened the doors and told the people on the plane to let us on.

    I guess it worked because I wasn’t wearing a diaper, didn’t pull the senator card, and generally begged rather than shouted & screamed. My lungs still ache from the run.

  27. Mara47

    Well, he just better not show up at a PNC bank wearing a scarf or we’ll have to send him to Gitmo for however much longer there’s gonna be a Gitmo. Clearly a terrorist threat. G-O-POUF.

  28. El Pinche

    He’s lucky he ran into the right airline employee. I used to work at an airport. It would have been alot different.

    airline employee: “Are you done whining now, Mr. Senator?….Are your huggies on too tight, is that it? We have a baby changing facility in restrooms throughout airport at your disposal. Hahaha ‘disposal’….GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE, FILTHY DIAPER JACKAL!!”

  29. McDuff

    A story to demonstrate the difference between a Senator and a Jerk: I once worked at the Holocaust Museum and had to tell an elderly gentleman that we were out of admission tickets for the day. The gentleman merely said he’d come back another day, and turned around to leave. He was halfway out the door before I realized he was Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan of New York. Because he didn’t yell “Do you know who I am”, he got one of extra tickets we kept under the desk for “emergencies.”

  30. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=262409]WadISay[/re]:I Guess my little airport was too far off the beaten path, but in my three years as an airline employee (ticket counter, gate, security) I was actually a little disappointed that I never once had some self-important jerk ask me if I knew who he was. I was sooo ready to respond “Yes. So what?”

  31. Not_So_Much

    This would have been more awesome had he run down the jetway and jumped out the end after the plane had already been pushed back. I’d pay money to watch that shit.

  32. WickedWitch

    Love McDuff’s story.

    He wasn’t perfect, but Moynihan showed some class.

    GOP’ers in Congress — they wouldn’t know class if it came up and licked their cheeks.

    They would however ask if they could pay with a credit card.

  33. El Vista

    The little fellow was just out of sorts. Diaper rash will certainly do that — but it is also easy to prevent and treat.

    The key to preventing and treating diaper rash is to keep your senator’s diaper area clean, cool and dry.

    Change your senator’s diaper often, and let him or her go without a diaper when possible to let the air dry his skin.

    Try placing your senator on an open cloth diaper during nap time. Check the diaper shortly after your senator falls asleep and replace it if it’s wet. Senators often urinate right after falling asleep.

  34. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=262529]El Vista[/re]: If you are in a hurry, you can dry your little senator’s privates with a blow dryer after wiping them clean with a wet wipe.

    My little senators always enjoyed that part. Er, perhaps too much.

  35. masterdebater

    It just is not that shocking to me that someone with the senators background was just a little put off at not getting special treatment. Why didn’t someone let this important republican get on the plane…or, you know, kick his ass or something.

  36. pat robertsons personal trainer

    i doubt diaper rash was the cause. just pure, unadulterated douchebaggery. he’s from Louisiana after all, home of Boudreaux’s Butt Paste. see http://www.buttpaste.com Sen. Pantshitter hasn’t had a diaper rash in 5 1/2 YEARS, Alan!!!! Also.

  37. Sazerac

    Dulles? This is the guy we elected? All of the best directs to NOLA are out of National (or even Baltimore) and they are much cheaper (saving hard earned cash in these hard times for hookers and Pampers).

  38. Keram2

    Vitter’s name appeared on the call logs of Deborah Jeane Palfrey, the notorious DC madam who later committed suicide. Following the logs’ publication in July 2007, Vitter acknowledged that he had used Palfrey’s escort services and apologized for a “very serious sin” in his past.

    It makes me extremely happy that David Vitter could cure cancer, resurrect Mother Teresa, and bring about total world peace, and this paragraph would still end up somewhere in the article about his gifts to humanity.

  39. Atheist Nun

    You know that hackneyed saying: “I just threw up in my mouth a little bit”? That actually happens to me every time I am forced to envision David Vitter paying a hooker to wipe him down after he’s done crapping himself. Somehow, I would have thought that being publicly disgraced as a Paraphilic Infantilism fetishist would end one’s political career, but maybe that particular interest is considered tame in comparison to the majority of paraphilias enjoyed by Vitter’s peers?

    Also, I was very disappointed to learn that Dulles airport is not named after the notoriously paranoid CIA Monster Allen Dulles.

  40. glamourdammerung

    [re=262364]DangerousLiberal[/re]: Because a shitting, er sitting senator probably just broke the law. Usually, forcing your way into a secure area gets you into trouble.

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