Wonkette
We’ll admit, we have some sympathy for the former Republican leadership and George W. Bush with regards to the “John McCain situation.” It was kind of fun for us communists to see John McCain (occasionally, arbitrarily) challenge the Bush administration on a handful of issues over the years, but now that he’s doing the same thing to Obama, and after his election behavior… the guy’s just annoying, right? All he likes to do is annoy everyone. Hovering. It’s creepy. And CURSE the person who ever introduced him to Twitter, jesus… so what unnecessary stand is he taking now for the sole purpose of annoying everyone? Sam Stein with the scoop: “Sen. John McCain is putting together a major economic plan that will be structured, in some ways, off of Newt Gingrich’s famous Contract With America.” Eh, needs more Reagan.
The Huffington Post “obtained” a secret e-mail that McCain’s chief of staff had sent to one outside adviser, so it’s impossible to tell who leaked this e-mail to HuffPo:
In an email obtained by the Huffington Post, the Arizona Republican’s chief of staff, Marc Buse, asked an outside adviser for help with a “ten principles” program that the senator could use as a “definitive” platform.
“We are looking for some guidance on a definitive plan (aka contract with america style) on the economy…principles,” writes Buse. “Ten principles that JSM could point to on what MUST BE DONE to address the problems our nation faces.”
Buse doesn’t offer specific suggestions of his own, save “NO TAX INCREASES.”
Sounds like a real motherfucker, HEHNGNN? We like the “ten” motif, too. Nice round number. “Ten,” this is John McCain’s new thing. Every day he goes on his Twitter robot machine and slowly unveils a “TOP TEN PORKIEST PROJECTS” list, and once it’s finished, he starts on the next day’s list until CSI comes on. This is the legislative equivalent of “trolling,” and good god, someone please get this troll some Lexapro.
Oh hey look, he’s just finished the latest list, let’s catch a bit of the action:
So it’s fair to presume that his New Ten-Point Contract With America once unveiled will just be a printout of random six-figure dollar amounts, each pegged to a wacky-sounding combination of proper nouns, and it will simply print and print and print while The Swedish Model looms on the horizon.
McCain Prepping ‘Contract With America’ Style Economic Plan [HuffPo]
So, just to be clear, McCain is pro-gang?
Did I just imagine the WND post about the bitterz and Wiki? Where did it go?
Yeah, but a lot of those things are supposed to either provide work for people or prevent others from getting raped/shot by gangs. Rednecks don’t use Twitter, do they? Oh gawd, tell me they don’t.
Please, please retired that animated .gif of McCain.
Walking on dirt was good enough for John Sidney McCain, why isn’t it good enough for you, Vienna VA? HEHNGNN?
He read “trolley purchase” as “trollop purchase,” so you can’t really blame him for tweeting that shit.
PengIn: Yes, haha! Way to keep out from under the finger of Big Charlotte PD there John. Asshat.
Did all his subscriptions to all his newspapers expire just before the election?
If you aren’t “Tweetering” from some form of internet, how the hell do you “Tweet?” Knowing this, why does Twitter say “from web” on every “TWEET” that people meticulously type out? Fucking lame.
That animated GIF of WALNUTS! is exactly what I look like whenever I see a Blingee.
So now McCain’s getting his principles from a consultant? We don’t need any more evidence that the Republicans are the party of no ideas.
Go to bed, old man.
“Does He Know That He Lost?” The Pony Express hasn’t got to Mr. Tech yet with the election news.
What about that damn volcano monitoring, Piyush?
PengIn: Maybe. Or maybe McBush just doesn’t realize that the mayor of Charlotte is a Republican, a Republican who just lost a race for Governor to somebody’s nice cheery grandmother.
Buffalodavid: Sarah Palin sent in change-of-address notices so she could read them.
I like that it HAS to be 10 principles. Rather than develop the principles and build a plan around those, they’re going to MAKE it come out to 10.
So if they can come up with only 6 valid, realistic, plausible, helpful ideas, the last 4 will just be stuff they pull out of their asses and stick on the list whether they make sense or not? Fucking brilliant, them.
#10. More Buttsex.
Walnuts has a pig fetish, for real.
yeah, yeah, if we give the money to the rich you see, then it will trickle down to the people in Charlotte and THEN they can throw money at this gang thing. yeah, that sounds like a great idea.
You see, Barack would have never thought of that!
chascates:
Ha Ha Sleepy, Sleepy, Warm milk.
According to his twit he gets no lovin’ from Cindy. I am sure we would see, “paid Cindy for a blowjob” if it really happened.
1. No earmarks
2. Capital gains tax cut
3. Tax Cut
4. How bouta tax cut
5. Cut them dang taxes down a little, HENGHGH!
6. Tax Cut
7. Cax Tut
8. Cat Tux
9. But Fux
10. Trux Nut
Obviously McCain is going to try to act like the government-in-exile or something. That or that crazy guy in California that declared himself “Emperor of these United States and Protector of Mexico” back in the day. http://i237.photobucket.com/albums/ff28/beatonna/4norton.jpg
shortsshortsshorts: why does Twitter say “from web” on every “TWEET” that people meticulously type out?
These won’t always just come via the web. The folks at Twitter are planning ahead and just leaving room for future expansion when they implant Twitter intracranially in every newborn so we all know what everyone in the world is doing every fucking minute, no matter how lame or boring it might be.
We’re giving money to Austrians and Puerto Ricans now? Why, they’re barely American!
#4 $50,000 for the City of Charlotte for Gang Prevention
Talk about a boondoggle! Aren’t gangs those khaki-pants/Izod shirt-wearing lads who stopped the recount in Florida? We need more of them!
SayItWithWookies: He will find his principles as soon as someone “twitters” (urge to kill rising!) them to him.
Excellent. Since John is pro-gang and anti-egg pasteurization, I will have a get-out-of-jail-free card when I form a youth group dedicated to egging his house.
#9. Get off my lawn.
That animated .gif of McCain is disturbing on several different levels. Between it and the PUMA movie from earlier today, I feel like I’m on a nitrous oxide bender…
You know, these “tweets” are fascinating. “I am on my way to policy lunch! I am speaking from the floor! Did I mention policy lunch? I am in no way totally irrelevant because I lost the election! Where is everyone going!”
teebob2000: If they need any extra ones, they’ll just choose them at random from the Ten Commandments. So it’ll look something like this:
1. No tax increases
2. Rebuild America!
3. Thou shalt not have other gods before me.
4. Pledge of Allegiance every morning!
5. Honor thy mother and thy father, so that the LORD doesn’t shiv thee mercilessly.
6. Military, military, military!
7. Personal responsibility!
8. Lorem ipsum
9. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors wife, nor his ox nor his ass. But his hot blonde lobbyist is another matter.
10. Love it or leave it!
teebob2000: That’s stem cell legislation we can believe in.
you cannot be serious: Besides, Vienna is in Communist Country, Northern Virginia (note: excludes McLean and Great Falls)!!!
McCain’s 10 principles:
1. blonde
2. slim
3. tall
4. caucasian
5. crazy eyes
6. plausibly human-like
7. likes well seasoned nuts
8.
9.
10.
Why can’t people in Vienna, VA walk around on dirt paths like the rest of us serfs?
As for the economic plan, I would advice classifying Meghan’s McCunt as a AAA-rated asset, and then proceed to highly leverage it. Then all that needs to happen is for one poor drunk frat boy to gain access to her festering chasm, thereby saving the world economy, and there’ll be plenty of money again for shoe shopping and hookers.
Spending 7 pennies per person to prevent the violence and terror associated with armed gangs? Ever heard of Wikipedia????
Beef Supreme: I have forwarded your comment to officers of the SEC and other affiliated government agencies. HENNGHHH!!!
I say we do a “Norma Desmond” and set up a fake country for him to run and appoint a fake cabinet with people like Lindsay Graham and Joe Lieberman to support his delusion. He would have to wear a turban and a mu-mu, though. Also.
did anyone else notice that mccain is following ana marie cox on twitter?!
…it’s fair to presume that his New Ten-Point Contract With America once unveiled will just be a printout of random six-figure dollar amounts, each pegged to a wacky-sounding combination of proper nouns
How right you are, Jimmy. Why, generating random WALNUTS! top ten lists could be the newest Facebook Internet Twitter meme. Just arbitrarily pluck words out of the air a la Sarah Palin, sprinkle with the USA!USA!USA! rhetoric of the GOP, and add a splash of Steele hip-hop for spice, and drink down teh crazy!
10. Reward real hardworking Joe-Americans with tax cuts for small business enterprises so they can become cash money millionaires.
9. Cut wasteful pork spending by 496,273 BILLION dollar-dollar bills by investing in the American worker, my friends.
etc…
Beef Supreme: Supreme is inadequate to describe the win.
Like everyone else the republicans have elected, or tried to elect, since the 80’s, he is either senile, stupid, or insane. Maybe he just really doesn’t KNOW he lost the election?
meghan mccain follows joan jett, diablo cody, britney spears and p. diddy, but not her own father
I’m just curious to know what one principle McCain expects to add to the nine that Glenn Beck has come up with for that “We Surround Them, Come Out With Our Hands Up” event.
And if there’s one place on the globe that could probably use a few more gangs, it’s Charlotte, North Carolina, so I’ll give him a pass on that one.
JohnnyMeatworth: did anyone else notice that mccain is following ana marie cox on twitter?!
He probably thought it was Twitter short for “Anal Married Cocks”
Suds McKenzie: She is the only pundit willing and able to translate “old man.”
McCain: “Keep your ball outta my goddamn yard, you punks!!!”
Ana Marie: “McCain has a long history of speaking out on the issue of tax reform….”
yorktronic: No! Play this gif at every opportunity! Nothing encapsulates McCains asshat-itude more. SayItWithWookies: totally was going to do ten commandments analogy. Ya beat me, and it ain’t funny twice. Stupid work. making me work. (justkiddingireallylikehavingajobdontbeatme)
problemwithcaring: Or
McCain: “Get over here and change my shitty diapers, you trollop faced cunt.”
Ana Marie: “McCain’s position on environmental issues is more nuanced than that of most Republicans.”
So if they came up with 11 really good ideas, and that’s a huge if, seeing how they’re struggling to offer anything - but stay with me here - they’d throw the 11th idea out because they want a list of ten?
Fuck you WALNUTS! and your sad, sad attempts to seem relevant. Why don’t you just ask Rush what his 10 priorities are? Of course, you’ll have to scrub hillbilly heroin and Dominican boys from the list.
$935,000 for Pasteurization of Shell Eggs!?!?
Dear lord, don’t people in Michigan know that salmonellas are the new black!?
Advocatus_Diaboli: And we all know what half of 11 principles is, don’t we? FIVE AND A HALF PRINCIPLES, Hennnggggghhhh?
Does anybody else notice that McCain left out the 3rd porkiest project?
sweetcandy: Nope.
Well, the Senate just put the A-OK on the $420 billion budget and sent it off to Hopey for signature. So, now the huge stimulus package is through, Obama got Bush’s budget passed, repealed the senseless stem cell ban, and, oh, looky, not even a hunnert days have passed.
Meanwhile, the dear old “no tax” GOP is so fractured that even Newsweek learned about it and put Rush on the cover with a mean story from David “Axis o’ Evil” Frum. I’ve said it before, but if Hopey gets even 70 percent of his budget through, then the Repubs are dead for a generation. And, all the President has to do is travel around the country in ‘10 and say, “they have been no help at all, please send me more Democrats to get things rolling again.” And, if the market shoots up another thousand points, then the Repubs are roadkill. Let us pray, right now, to Jebus that this is what happens.
gjdodger: Ha. I wish I had thought of that. Also.
Dinga dinga dee.
I would volunteer for this consulting gig at my normal $5000/day rate, but given I would have to deliver my recommendations via Twitter, I would only stand to make a couple bucks. Screw you Republicans, you’re not going to get my Twits on the cheap
He was there when his good buddy Moses came down from Mt. Sinai with ten commandments and he thought to himself, “If it’s good enough for the yid, it’s good enough for Admiral John McCain’s boy John McCain, HEHNGNN!” Also.
Why is it surprising that McCain likes to Twitter. Reading McCain’s tweets is no different than listening to my 80 year old father-in-law muttering at the Headline News stories that he finds offensive to his Real American Values, which is every story on Headline News.
Twitter, a dying party’s last-ditch attempt to connect with the rest of (non-ancient) society.
http://democralypsenow.blogspot.com/
#8 Find out who that girl is who talks about me on The Daily Beast.
Obvsly, he’s setting himself up for 2012 when he’ll run the most embalmed campaign in history. And dinga dinga dee. Also.
You know, I’m so effin’ sick and tired of the Repubes bellyaching! You lost! Suck it up and deal with it! Also, you don’t get to call the shots anymore and since you really FUBAR’d the last 8 years, you don’t get to say anything. Shut the BLANK up!
Fuck yeah, Vienna needs more sidewalks.
Ah yes, 10 ways to repair the entire global banking system without raising taxes. I’m sure they will come up with that list by the time I’m finished holding my breath, starting…..now.
In other news, there’s a Swedish Model looming on the horizon.
Raaawr!
The problem about most of these lists is that most Americans hear them and think…I like my eggs pasturized, I don’t hate sidewalks, I don’t hate trolleys, gang prevention is good, is there money to prevent a gang in my neighborhood?
These are supposed to lists of complaints, but they’re doing a better job selling the bill than the Dems are.
My tweet: Eating toast and reading wonkette.