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The actual central Democratic party apparatus introduced a wacky prank last week to stick it to farty ol’ Rush Limbaugh: they’d come up with a funny slogan about Rush being weird and place it on a billboard in Rush’s hometown. Then Rush would see it all the time and feel embarrassed! UBER-PWNAGE MUCH? Well today we (and approximately 150 of our tipsters) received an e-mail from the Democrat party listing the five finalist slogans. They are all hilarious and, uh, Rush will feel so stupid. Hint: apparently the word “Rush” can be used to form puns!

Wonkette Obama —

Last week, I asked if you had a message you’d like to send Rush Limbaugh. The response was overwhelming. We received tens of thousands of submissions, and we picked the top five [Consider these statistics after reading the selections — Ed.]:

* “Americans didn’t vote for a Rush to failure”

* “Hope and change cannot be Rush’d”

* “Failure is not an option for America’s future”

* “We can fix America, just don’t Rush it”

* “Rush: Say yes to America”

Now, we’re putting it up for a vote. Decide which slogan Rush will see in his home town.

The slogan with the most votes will be put on a billboard where Rush can’t miss it.

HA HA TAKE THAT, YOU FAT LEPER.

Can you even imagine how foolish Rush Limbaugh would feel if he saw a billboard that said, “Failure is not an option for America’s future”? He’d read that shit and be like… “I agree.” What a spazz!!

Vote on our Rush billboard [Democrats.org]

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  • Doglessliberal

    Gee, I got that email but wasn’t smart enough to forward it my My Wonkette. Luckily 150 other people were smarter than I! My bill board suggestion would be:

    “Changing America Gives You a Bigger Rush Than Oxy!”

    I don’t think they’d use that one.

  • Zorg

    Apparently, the Dems didn’t like my suggestion — “Aw, go fuck yourself, lard ass!”

  • frumious_bandersnatch

    oh… the plummeting towards rock-bottom lameness from the dizzy highs of schadenfreude abuse… I need some form of political methadone, plz?

  • Carrie_Okie

    They should just run your giant blingee.

  • cal

    Worst. Billboards. Ever.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    Those are the lamest ones they could have possibly chosen. I mean Jeebus they might be doing better than the GOP, but with bullshit like that it’s hard to see why.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …who the hell chose these?!

  • StephanieInCA

    Okay, can we all step back and just admit that Jim Bunning is the true head of the Republican Party?

  • ManchuCandidate

    Why not just put a Viagra ad on the billboard. I’ll sure limpdick will appreciate it when he flies down to the DR for some, uh, “tourism.”

  • ProfessorJukes

    You don’t need a maid to buy liquid Rush. Also.

  • freakishlystrong

    “Fat is the new White”.

  • cranky

    think of all the really funny ones they ignored to get to these five. i will go cry now for that aborted laughter.

  • keepinitrealyo

    I say just put up a picture of Jeb Bush, to remind Rush to force him to apologize.

  • Violenza

    “How long have you been shopping the Torrid Johnny Cash collection?”

  • Da Derga

    I wonder what Geddy Lee thinks of all this.

  • Judas Peckerwood

    Apparently the Dems look back wistfully on their days in the political wilderness and can’t wait to get back there.

  • Neon Trotsky

    It is Florida though, the place where to cross the I-4 corridor near Tampa one had to pass a massive billboard of Charlie Christ in all his orange-skinned glory with the caption “THE PEOPLE’S GOVERNOR

    Additionally, I recall a billboard off of I-75 near Ocala with a pistol that’s been twisted in a knot and the caption “THE UN WANTS TO TAKE YOUR GUN!”

    So, really, however bad the DNC wants their stupid Rush billboard to be, it could never be the lamest/creepiest/most insane in the ol’ Sunshine State…

  • miss_emish

    pansies. always backin’ down from potential defamation/libel suits. C’mon guys, lets start our OWN fund for a billboard in Rushville. The voice of the people!

  • wheelie

    “Rush: say Yes to America”. That is not witty. That’s just name-checking a lot of 70s rock bands.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=261855]Neon Trotsky[/re]: I have always hated your state. I don’t know how you live through it.

  • Fox n Fiends

    They should photoshop a pic with Rush & Bin Laden with the caption “Down With America!” Is it that hard?

  • chascates

    [re=261855]Neon Trotsky[/re]: In the less populated parts of Texas you sometimes see the billboards:
    “Get U.S. OUT of the UN”
    “Why Do the Heathen Rage?”

  • Mr Blifil

    Is that list the best 5 of the thousands of entries, or merely the first 5?

  • loudmouthredhead

    Ok, the idea was rather lame. Fine.
    If you’re actually going through with it, at least don’t make it worse!
    Really, fellow Dems? REALLY? That’s the best our intellectual snark can come up with in official circles?

    How about:

    Rush: Past a certain point, black is NOT slimming.

  • cal

    [re=261867]chascates[/re]: OK, so why DO the heathen rage?

  • Mustang

    Darn it. They didn’t pick mine. It was “Rush, you are a bad person!” I didn’t know we had to be like a professional writer or something. Not fair!

  • gjdodger

    Jesus Christ. They might as well have chosen, “Hey, Rush, us weenie Democrats say, ‘Neener neener neener!” Tell them to shove their billboard where even Rush couldn’t find it without a compass.

  • NoWireHangers

    These are ridiculously shitty and bad. However, clearly the reason for this is that 99.9% of the TENS OF THOUSANDS of submission were basically “Bring me Solo and the Wookie” and “Need MOAR Truck NUTZ”. So we are to blame. That said “Failure is not an option for America’s future” is the reasonable answer as it is respectable, but not a bad pun.

    “Don’t RUSH it” ????

    Puns are crying. What an insult to the pun.

  • Neon Trotsky

    [re=261865]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Oh, believe you me, I bailed the hell out of there two years ago and swore never to return, no matter how cheap a beach vacation may present itself…

  • loudmouthredhead

    [re=261867]chascates[/re]: I don’t get that Heathen one…is that a Kris’chun joke?

  • Hooray For Anything

    I kinda wish Michael Steel was the head of the DNC just for something like this because I’d bet he’d come up with something a little bit less FAIL-like. Like “Hope and change cannot be Rush’d, Baby”

  • Gopherit

    Mine was way better than that, and prob would have made the fat bastard OD on oxy to hide the shame. Booo Democrats! Boo, I say!!!

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=261867]chascates[/re]: Holy hell! I saw that “Get U.S. out of U.N.” sign in Central California as well. Jeebus.

  • shanemacgowan

    [re=261862]wheelie[/re]: Thank you.

  • El Pinche

    Awwww, they didnt accept mine!

    Rush is scatmuncher. The End.

  • Cyg.net

    [re=261862]wheelie[/re]: That would cause them to say “yes” to Canada.

  • jokahmon

    actually, this a real insult to Geddy, Alex, and Neil, but they’re Canuckistani’s, so maybe it doesn’t really matter. But still. Also and.

  • Gorillionaire

    I actually kinda like “hope and change can’t be rush’d”, as long as it is backgrounded by the Rush Blingee.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    I personally like the “HA HA TAKE THAT, YOU FAT LEPER” for the billboard slogan. It’s subtle, but not too far from innocence.

  • norbizness

    What a load of milquetoasty sloganeering bollocks. Those selections are even worse than the cod-flavored microwavable self-enclosed pastry-meal that was advertised with “Are you a HOT POCKET FISHERMAN?”

  • Terry

    “Bring me Solo and the Wookie”

    Is there an area for write-in votes?

  • gjdodger

    Hey, I’ve got a great pun!

    “Billboard?
    Bag it!”

    Get it?

  • chascates

    [re=261879]loudmouthredhead[/re]: [re=261873]cal[/re]: Apparently they are irrational for not believing the highly plausible and convincing arguments of the non-heathens:

    http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/End%20of%20the%20World/why_do_the_heathen_rage.htm
    http://triablogue.blogspot.com/2004/11/why-do-heathen-rage.html

    Most of these arguments make as much sense as the PUMA video.

  • NoWireHangers

    [re=261862]wheelie[/re]: Oh have a Heart. Life’s a Journey. That’s what the Queen said.

  • Zipperupus

    Rush: drugs made you deaf, and your beliefs make you dumb.

  • Gopherit

    [re=261904]NoWireHangers[/re]: You’re a Super Tramp for those awful puns. I hope that’s what we can expect en Toto from you.

  • JohnnyMeatworth

    [re=261890]jokahmon[/re]: I dunno, I think they might be okay with a billboard that had the above Blingee picture and the caption “RUSH: A Farewell To Kings”

  • shanemacgowan

    [re=261907]Zipperupus[/re]: don’t forget “Food made you fat.”

  • ProfessorJukes

    [re=261873]cal[/re]:
    Psalm 2: Why do the heathen rage and the people imagine a vain thing?
    Also a short story by Flannery O’Connor, but without teh Google I would have only known it as a song by Guadalcanal Diary.

    If only we were imagining Rush.

  • Tra

    DNC — I take it back. Send out all the fundraising e-mails you want, just never again try to be wacky and “fun.”

  • WadISay

    If this is the best the Dems can do, this country is totally doomed.

    [re=261862]wheelie[/re]: Brilliant!

  • TGY

    Maybe the Dems can vote themselves a sense of humor or something.

    Too bad Joe Biden was probably excluded from this contest.

  • KilgoreTrout_XL

    “All your base are belong to us.”

  • Cold War Unicorns

    Agh. “Rush: say yes to America” sounds like it could be an ad for his program or something. If these go up, someone has to clamber up there and spraypaint a big jizzy cock and a chicken drumstick and a passel of oxycodone go into Rush’s rapacious maw.

  • Toomush Infermashun

    This is your brain on Rush…(with blingee, of course…)

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=261862]wheelie[/re]: “Rush: say Yes to America”. That is not witty. That’s just name-checking a lot of 70s rock bands.

    Yeah, but awesome. The Say was my fave band from the seventies. Way ahead of its time, so underrated…

  • Woodwards Friend

    What’s your with a short, simple FAT SLOB? Maybe with a Oxy pill in the background? If the Democrats are going to do an insulting billboard then do a fucking insulting billboard. No one this inelegant, Lilith Fair-earnest attempt at insults that aren’t too mean. Fucking Democrats.

  • threeb

    My suggestion was “I ate a baby!”

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=261884]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Those “Get US out of the UN” signs are fundamental nationwide project of the John Birch Society (Or at least they used to be).

    You’d be surprised how much they can be improved with a few beer bottles filled with various color paints. And how easily beer bottles explode, when launched at the proper velocity. Takes me back to my highschool days, before the internets began keeping us indoors all the time.

  • assistant/atlas

    [re=261828]cal[/re]: Usually that’s hyperbole, but these in fact may be the worst, least creative, most totally pussy slogans ever conceived for a billboard with this purpose.

    I would say I expected better and you’d think that lefty creative energy would help, but it is Democrats we’re talking about here. Republican anger is scary and lynch-y. Democrat anger is colorful signs and rhyme-y chants.

  • S.Luggo

    SUDETENLAND IS OURS!!!!

    “Ein Volk, ein Reich!”

    “Der one-eyed trouser snake ist der Garant des Sieges”

    “Jedem das Seine”

  • tinybubbles

    [re=261878]Neon Trotsky[/re]: Lucky you left when you did. I have the pleasure of driving by a “FOOLS make a MOCK of SIN” board on a daily basis. I don’t know if your travels ever took you north on 95, but long about Fort Pierce the “We need to talk. –God” billboards begin. Florida is bizzaroworld for the aged and infirm.

    Definitely not the Dems’ wittiest or most creative moment with these egg-sucking slogans.

  • One Yield Regular

    Did Rush write those himself? Because the effect of any of those will be the same as if he did.

  • cal

    [re=261899]chascates[/re]: Ugh, why did I click on that link?

    On the other hand, “Raging Heathens” would be a great band name.

  • Zadig

    Ugh, this is literally the worst they could possibly do. I don’t expect them to delve into “mud-slinging” territory like oxycontin/viagra and sex tourism, but is it too much to ask that they just make a fat joke? Like “Rush: the [i]biggest[/i] emblem of the Republican Party”

    It’d follow the original objective of aggrandizing Rush at the expense of the entire Republican Party.

  • SarahPalins2HeadedLovechild

    Jeebus those all suck. Mine was: Dear Rush, We want our President to succeed. Signed, America

    I mean, obviously, you can’t put a crude one up there but the message has to address him directly. The ones they selected seem like they were going for a more passive-aggressive approach. A namby-pamby timid one at that. And what the hell is with the picture? It’s the torso of a slim guy with a cigar! WTF is the point of that?? Put Lardass’s picture on it, full-frontal in the CPAC Johnny Cash get-up. Preferably at that cringe-inducing moment at the beginning when he was bouncing up and down and pumping his arms.

    And so, and also,

    SP2HLC

  • i is on ur blogz, redin ur wordz

    Paraphrasing …

    “Hey Rush…

    When you win the election, you do what you want. Until then, shut up! Just shut up! Just go away! Bury your Viagra-sodden lard ass in your Dominican gay sex slave and don’t come out until you win an election”

    too verbose?

  • Zadig

    [re=261940]Zadig[/re]: Jebus, why are the formatting tags here different from every other comment section I go to? And what are they?
    How do I do such complicated tasks as making ITALICS?

  • Fivetree

    I voted for “Free Princess Leia”. Someone obviously threw out all the really funny ones and saddled us with a bunch of lame ones. It won’t matter – he’ll just ignore it, it’s a waste of money that could be better spent.

    [re=261928]S.Luggo[/re]: Don’t forget “Arbeit macht frei”

  • Chain Tattoo

    Wow, there’s a degree of lameness in those slogans that I haven’t seen since…. I dunno … since Lame rode into Lametown for the LameOlympics.

  • edgydrifter

    I disagree. Rush only speaks crude because he only thinks crude, hence crude is a must if you want to get through to him. Sadly, I didn’t see “Scarf Pecker, Fat Junkie!” because that’s the slogan I would have voted for.

  • TGY

    [re=261947]Fivetree[/re]: And “Kraft durch Freude”

    Not to mention “Hitler, he only had one Rush”.

  • Gnaeus

    I don’t know why they didn’t go with:

    Dear Rush: You goddamned motherfucking chemical hard-on fucking fuck. GodDAMMIT!

  • Atheist Nun

    “When you start pouring your lunch into your fat piehole from a cement mixer, it’s probably time to seek therapy to try and fix the metaphorical hole inside yourself that is larger than your own Grand Canyon-sized asshole.”

    Eh…. Naw, that’s not very catchy… how about:

    Rush Limbaugh: The physical manifestation of all of the 7 Deadly Sins: Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy and Pride.

  • Capitol Hillbilly

    Ha these are hilarious! I can’t wait to see this billboard in The Family Circus!

  • smoke10els

    Rush Rush get the yayo?

  • wheelie

    [re=261946]Zadig[/re]: Use angle brackets, baby.

  • Packherd

    I suggest putting a close-up of Glenn Beck’s eyes with the caption, “He’s coming for you, Rush.”

  • snarkattack

    Hmmm…None of these makes me want to say “Burn!” after hearing them.

    I prefer the simple direct approach. How’s about:

    SUCK IT, FAT BOY!!

    Natch, the quote would be accompanied by a gigantic middle finger that would protrude ever so gracefully above the top of the billboard.

    Classy!

  • Styrofoam Boots

    I still say it should reference him giving America a giant bukkake.

  • iolanthe

    [re=261896]norbizness[/re]: Are we sure Michael Steele didn’t write all 5 of these? They seem to reflect his general level of cutting-edge hipness.

  • iolanthe

    [re=261857]miss_emish[/re]: I’m with you! I like the old standby “Rush Limbaugh = Oxy Moron”

  • bearbait

    Rush For President!

    This message paid for by the National Association of Drug Addicted Fat Sex Tourists (NADFEAST)

  • aflurry

    [re=261873]cal[/re]: Why did Heathen Rage break up, anyway? Also.

  • Aquannissiwamissoo

    These all suck.

    Democrats do not know how to be funny.

  • Aquannissiwamissoo

    These “lose-slogans” are why Democrats always ultimately lose and Daily Kos and Firedoglake have the most pathetically lame and non-funny contributors and readers on the entire fucking planet.

    Jokes are for people who don’t have a sense of humor.

  • gurukalehuru

    How about a simple “What kind of a stupid fucking name is ‘Rush?’ Were your parents retarded, too?”

  • Aquannissiwamissoo

    Kerry 04 !!!

    Can you feel the power ?

    Go Mondale !!!!

  • wheelie

    [re=261984]aflurry[/re]: They were upstaged by The Say.

  • Atheist Nun

    [re=261994]Aquannissiwamissoo[/re]: “…why Democrats always ultimately lose…

    Except for the last time that they won, you mean. Oh, yeah, and the time before that…

    “I’m a driver, I’m a winner.
    Things are going to change, I can feel it.”

    soy un perdedor…

    …or, actually that should be:
    ‘usted es un perdedor’

    (Ask an illegal alien who took your job what that means… his laughter should indicate that it is a funny joke.)

  • Fivetree

    [re=262001]Aquannissiwamissoo[/re]: How about “Suck my Dukakis you Sick, Fat FUCK!”

  • S.Luggo
  • Itsjustme

    [re=261876]gjdodger[/re]: Would that be in Ann Coulter’s Vajayjay?

  • S.Luggo

    [re=262066]Itsjustme[/re]: I believe that you mean, “surgically invaginated man-part”.

  • i is on ur blogz, redin ur wordz

    Or:

    Half-time score:

    Half breed muslins: 1
    Fascist fat-sacks: 0

  • problemwithcaring

    I’d rather that spent the money at Neiman Marcus.

  • tawaen

    [re=261873]cal[/re]: No good mead distributors deliver to the local liquor store, and blue laws. Any other questions?

  • Gopherit

    [re=262001]Aquannissiwamissoo[/re]: I remember the halcyon days of the Paultards. Really, wingers, this is the best you can do in the troll department? Sigh.

    Palin ’12 bitchez!!! Keep teh dreem alive!!!

  • masterdebater

    I’m SHOCKED! The words, fat, limp dick, and drug addict are nowhere to be found. How will America know which Rush we are talking about?

  • Mr Blifil

    [re=261928]S.Luggo[/re]: How ’bout: “Arbeit Macht Fries.”

  • Guppy06

    Considering the nature of the idea in general and these “leading” slogans in particular… this has the Congressional leadership written all over it. Is it a rule somewhere that no Democrat anywhere can have a good idea, ever, or at least recognize that their idea is a bad one and should probably not make it off the drawing board? Or am I asking too much?

  • NancyBotwin

    DO IT!

  • zhubajie

    He still lives in Cape Girardeau?

  • malo-ji

    “oxycontin, what a rush!”

  • goldfishswirling

    Dear Rush,
    My name is Butters.
    I’m 8 years old.
    I’m type O positive and I’m bi-curious…

  • AutomaticPilot

    [re=261982]bearbait[/re]: LOL! Now that’s a winner!

  • goldfishswirling

    Dear Rush,
    Walk into the light.
    Love,
    Blue eyed baby Jesus

  • Advocatus_Diaboli

    If we’re going to get anything done, then really the only billboard is:

    Hey Republitards! Shut Up. You Lost.

  • hansdog

    But the ones you have in the top five are like advertisements for the radio show- you might as well put the station and times at the bottom and leave it at that.
    If you have to be lame and boring, then “Rush – Ur doin it rong” should suffice. All people would get your message.

  • steverino247

    Well, here’s my billboard entry:

    “The only difference between Rush Limbaugh and Julius Streicher is their choice of neckties.”

    This shit they sent me in the e-mail isn’t worth voting for. Much like some D candidates I can think of. Show some balls, people!

  • CampbellBrown’sBaby

    How ’bout Rush is so fat, they call his ass porkupus. I’d donate to the DNC if they used that

  • Dean Booth

    Democrats = Principal Skinner

  • Mr. Todd

    Jesus these are fucking lame. Democrats were almost funny there for a second.

  • infowars

    RUSH. Like BUSH, only with an “R”

  • Edywin

    Nobody used the words Rush and pants together did they? I’m surprised. Rush in my Pants. I dropped a Rush in the drain on the way here. My Rush got caught in my zipper. My date made my Rush drip for days. The doctor said I had Rush on my upper lip. Rush my ass, please. Rush on over here and grab my wobbly knob.
    Ok, I’m done. Are there any Berliners left?

  • Custerwolf

    Let Rush know when you’re done with that there billboard – he’ll need it to wipe his ass.

  • SpikeyDog

    Just something simple would do.

    ☞Rush Limbaugh -Leader of the Republican Party☜
    Seik Heil!

  • Icecycle

    GOD CALLED HE WANTS HIS TALENT BACK!!!

    Because I stopped riding TARC when I saw that fucking retarded poster on the side of a bus.
    So, not only is he a more or less NAZI sounding druggee; he is also responsible for me caring less about the environment.
    and haven’t been able to eat at Pizza Hut for years; what Godamn genius thought he would make an appetizing mental reference

  • specialed

    Wow….those all suck. Everyone of them.

    You use his face and slap a don’t use drugs warning under it.

    Just use pictures of the slob over the years the way they do those meth addicts. You’ll see him turn from from a young weasel into an old one.

  • Crapola

    Can someone with any talent please come up with an animated gif of Rush doing his fat man jiggle before speaking at CPAC and incorporate some variation of the dancing fat kid into it? http://www.supermotors.net/getfile/260762/fullsize/animated-fat-kid-dancing-happy.gif

    I will love you long time if you can do this.

  • AfghanVet

    “Rush this!”

  • Londonian

    I’m really disappointed I didn’t get through with “Fat or slim, Rush is dim”

  • Brendan M.

    “This is your brain on drugs.”

    Or, why not go with the good old “Rush Limbaugh is a big fat idiot?” I’m sure Al Franken will give the DNC permission to use it.

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