Wonkette
Hey so what’s going on with our old chums in crazytown these days? Oh how convenient, a reader e-mail: “Someone put TeamSarah on the Pumasphere.com blogroll. They also link to this incredibly stupid video.” Ha ha you MUST watch this magnificent film! It’s a standard recruitment tape for a suicide cult or the Dharma Initiative or whatever. TRUTH: “The PUMA movement was thought of as a bunch of disgruntled voters when in reality, it was the Taj Mahal of consciousness reforming political mathematics.” [VodPod]
Wow Chuck Schumer needs to lay off the sauce.
Good lord, they are batshit crazy. When do they start talking about Thetans?
“It’s no secret that we flaunt our perceptions on others with a vorosity(?) that is unequaled.” What language is this in?
uhhm…wow?
Did he say “fraudian” for Freudian?
Aardvark Gumbo: It’s this shit.
http://wilberwatch.blogspot.com/2008/05/integral-politics-integral-political.html
I’m telling you, this intelligent design crap is the future of the Republican Party.
I guess this explains why Clinton won the primary.
Oh nevermind, this is just more of “teh crazy”.
Can someone splice some porn into that seizure montage and put it back on youtube? Come on, I know one of you has the internet capabilities.
“The PUMA movement was thought of as a bunch of disgruntled voters when in reality, it was the Taj Mahal of consciousness reforming political mathematics.”
Exactly what I would expect to hear from a group that got it’s name from “Party Unity My Ass.” Go eat a monumentally stinky turd, crones.
u suck at premier
I get the whole “creepy cult of batshit crazies” part, but what about the mass suicide part? When’s that coming?
Wait….this makes PUMAs the new basis for the Ron Paul resurrection….right?…where’s that rum bottle… is it after anything o’clock?….
Pure, unadulterated macular degeneration of the cerebral cortex. What is the sound of one hand furiously masturbating?
So was that an indoctrination film, or a cautionary tale about the danger of touching your feminine side too much? Because believe me, if I had a feminine side, I’d sit around touching it all day.
“Disgruntled Voters”
I really thought he said “disgruntled OLDS.” Damn. So close.
I’m pretty sure this was conceived in a lukewarm bathtub. Scented candles were lit, and the creator was drunk. A thesaurus and a new age self help book were mercilessly sacrificed and mutilated to write the voice over.
The overuse of video transitions is a warning sign in the same family of ALL CAPS writing. After the second bubble dissolve and the third vertical flip, I go to DEFCON: full whackjob alert.
WTF?!? The idea that somebody spent hours writing and editing this is just…so sad! Reminds me of the schizophrenic roomie ex-Marine I once, briefly, had who began a conversation with me by asking “Do you know what it’s like when there is too much milk sugar in the air?”
Now I want the “master race”, more stem cell research
“Produced by Q’zeromen”
Mmmmhmmm. Bust out the purple sheets and black Nikes, folks. It’s time to reach the next level.
It’s 2009. Parties are for drink, movements are for symphonies, and rallies are for baseball. I’m entirely out of sympathy or patience for anyone who isn’t making jobs.
Why the hell didn’t they use the circle wipe when the script was talking about circles? Poor producing and editing.
Also, I did not know that there are giant breasts with large nipples floating about in outer space. Weird.
I want to get some French feminists to put out cigarettes on their hands.
Did I miss something? Why are we watching a 9th grader’s power point assignment?
Dreadful Gate: Fappity fappity fap, one hears.
“When one person rises above the crowd they are transformed by the truth. The crowd sees this as an intrusion and human instinct reacts with a form of suppression we teach ourselves to suppress.”
Meh. Puma grief & despair is not pretty to behold. Get thee to a nunnery.
PRRRR!!
GROWL!!!
FUCK MY ASS!!!!
PUMA 4eva
Was that a voiced over powerpoint slideshow? They almost had me convinced but I can’t get behind such low production values, sorry PUMA.
As I understand, when a PUMA sees an accident on the road they stop to help because they know they are the only ones who can help.
NoWireHangers: I think that part comes when Hills gets taken away by a comet, or gets caught mouth-kissing Hopey in the oval.
hockeymom: Wait, boobs are involved? Fuck, now I’m going to have to watch the whole thing now.
saggyboobedhag: Totally agree on the use of rudimentary level wipes. Even worse, though, is the crazy imagery between the wipes…STARCHILD…SOUPCAN…HAIRBAND…ALEX P KEATON….
demtard:
OMG, that’s the accent exactly. I had been thinking the narrator sounded like he might do commercials for law firms specializing in malpractice claims, but it’s actually the senior senator from NY.
Gopherit: I thought it stood for People Unhinged Making Acronyms.
Am I the only one who gets that PUMA = Cougar or has that been obvious to everyone forever?
The voiceover by Ralphie Ziffaretto totally made the credibility of this piece for me.
Anybody else having the urge to make lolPUMA captions?
And I still don’t know what PUMA stands for (if it is, in fact, an acronym). All this is lost on me. Sigh…
After viewing that video i am filled with a sense of well-being and total contentedness and i just want to drive my car into a large gas station at 105 mph see you on the other side
jesus fuck…
so the PUMAs now have the Time Cube guy making inspirational videos for them.
Awesome. They should totally get together with Glen Beck’s insane We asSurround Them bullshit and get their Heaven’s Gate action on. Fucking A what a pathetic bunch of baby bitches.
I had to stop it had “..Taj Mahal” because I shart myself from laughing so hard.
“There are no republicans disguised as democrats…” Hahahaha , right.
So… Puma is some sort of special effects video software from 1998?
norbizness: I’m ready to sell Amway.
ivenson: They’re called wipes? See, how little I know. And yet I know these people. I know them. Just as I know that their double-wides reek from the urine stench of 50 cats (and counting.)
Keep in mind that the Taj Mahal is a mausoleum — like Burris’s, but with more room to write stuff.
BTW, a friend of mine was a co-worker of PUMA’s “founder”; according to him, the founder is just another twenty-something gayboy who was bored at work.
norbizness: Are you Thelma or Louise?
Zorg: Ooh, did he tell you what it is like? Because I haven’t experienced that before.
What in the name of all that is holy was that? Are these people serious? I need to start drinking early today to get those images out of my head
If the Washington Times didn’t underwrite the video then there is no God.
Wow. Living outside the circle. What a concept.
Does Hillary live outside the circle, too?
Maybe we can be neighbors.
That new Depeche Mode video was so boring.
Why is the “from infancy” image a freaky scary looking 20-week old fetus monster? Are there not enough pictures of, I don’t know, babies? To pick from in the world?
Not only is the philosophy incoherent, it’s also trying to operate at the level of a dog whistle. Way to win hearst and minds, PUMAs.
It’s funny how the colors of the real world only seem really real when you viddy them on the screen.
No. No! NO! Stop it! Stop it, please! I beg you! This is sin! This is sin! This is sin! It’s a sin, it’s a sin!
You needn’t take it any further, sir. You’ve proved to me that all this ultraviolence and killing is wrong, wrong, and terribly wrong. I’ve learned me lesson, sir. I’ve seen now what I’ve never seen before. I’m cured! Praise god!
Make it STTTTOOOOPPPPP!!!!!!
saggyboobedhag: win
And I know whereof I speak. I’m applying gratuitous transitions to the cut I’m editing right now. Well, not RIGHT now, as I had to come here and comment after all. Also.
Now Hurry! Drink, children. Drink drink drink. No more pain. No more pain…..
Holy shit. I thought you were totally kidding about that whole “Taj Mahal of consciousness reforming political mathematics” thing.
Boojum: Make no mistake, my friends. There’s a big difference between a PUMA and a cougar. ….on average about 120 lbs. Cougars usually don’t smell like stale mold that gets caught in between body fat rolls.
Don’t be an inside-the-beltway “comprehender”. Step outside the circle.
Holy shit. All that’s missing is a crying baby panda…which would make as much as sense as the images of the robots or hemorrhoid pillow.
That video is just in a new grammatical person: First person schizophrenic.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grammatical_person
Oh gosh, I can’t believe nobody’s picked up on “The Circle” this dude keeps talking about! “Only the few live outside the circle”, “The Circle controls us”– He even keeps a familiar shaped circle on the screen for a few moments.
Wait– that’s not a circle, it’s the Obama ‘O’! Hah hah losers– you all live in Obama’s Orwellian O and only PUMA’S run freeeee!
That was, without a doubt, the most batshit crazy thing I’ve seen in a long while.
Bravo, crazy internet puma person. Bravo.
Anonymous Office Zombie: Wonkette only kids around when the truth isn’t stranger than fiction.
“DO PEOPLE THINK YOU’RE STRANGE?
DO YOU??
…THEN YOU MAY BE ON THE RIGHT TRACK!”
- http://www.subgenius.com/pam1/pamphlet_p1.html
barneyfunk: Noted. I read it as PUMAs attempting to live outside their professed IQ.
“Specializing in Fraudulent but Profound Explanations for Inexplicable Manifestations Since The Future Began.”
Also now the music has stuck in my head by changed into “I Did It My Way” covered by the Sex Pistols.
uh-oh. Looks Bo and Peep are back.
They couldn’t find someone without a speech impediment to narrate this clip art slideshow? “PUMWA was twaught of as a bunch of disgwuntaled vowters when in wreality…”
I liked it. That may be because I had no idea what the fuck that dude was talking about.
WHY NO USE OF STAR WIPES!
El Pinche: Yes, but cougarity has complexity as well:
http://www.hulu.com/watch/57940/saturday-night-live-cougar-den
Did Larry Johnson narrate?
I knew the comments on this would make me laugh and I was not disappointed. I know a PUMA in real life. She really is just as batshit crazy as this video suggests. I could imagine her watching it and whispering “yesyesyes” with those scary eyes. She totally believes with all her being that:
1. Obama is the anti-Christ.
2. Hillary is a goddess, if not THE Goddess.
3. Everyone who does not agree with both 1 and 2 are demons of a lesser level than Obama, but demons nonetheless.
4. Everything everyone does leads to death and destruction. Except Hillary, because she’s a Goddess.
I wish I were kidding about all that, but I’m not. I can’t even talk to her anymore.
Chain Tattoo: Outside the circle? My cats frequently think outside the box. Is that what they mean?
As Don DeLillo said in White Noise:
All plots move toward shitty powerpoints on u-tube.
they’re looking to “Forward Real World Tools”… Tools like the “ripple fade” effect in a pirated copy of AfterEffects.
Okay, that was a really funny spoof. Now please post the real PUMA video.
Mustang:
I guess we who have yet to transcend the cirle using the our self-forged real world tools in order to move beyond the virtual trappings of politics and become metallic androids touching the water gate to Dimension X just don’t understand.
badmuthagoose: Well, you just tell that little missy that Obama is not the anti-christ…Tim LaHaye said so. Obama’s not popular enough, he said. So if those damn
PUMAs hadn’t broken off from the Dem party, then he would have been that much more popular
and we’d be that much closer to the second coming. Damn those rapture thwarting fat broads!
I didn’t know Commodore VIC-20s had that much video capability in their cassette tape memory system.
And I love how the images really have nothing to do with what the voice was saying, which has nothing to do with anything.
Has PUMA gone Warhol and Derrida without us even knowing?
DADA-PUMA ?
I lasted until 1:13 — the Warhol soup can. I would have quit earlier, but the cat was pretty. I like cats.
That wasn’t real, right? RIGHT?!??!
Oh god. Someone hold me. I’m scared.
Curse you Wonkette! I’m sure that video was putting some subliminal hypnotic shit into me so that I’ll drive my car into a tanker truck when some trigger phrase comes on the radio.
On the other hand, production value was still tons better than that looney Meg Whitman for Governor video, at least the PUMA-aliens-from-the-mothership know better than to use a $99 Chinese ebay webcam for their video
From the PumaSphere site: “Hillary Clinton, the best Democratic candidate for President in a generation”
Crazytown, indeed.
frailamerica: You have to go all the way back to Ed Muskie to find a better one.
Credit where credit is due:
The video does mention ‘real life tools’ at one point.
I had a video game open in the background by mistake. The Smooth Jazz added a nice touch.
Wow, that was SO heavy. My question is: when do they swallow a whole bottle of clonazepam, shed their earthly skins and reunite with the Mother Ship?
As a second rate intellectual (& proud of it!), I would like to apologize for the 3rd rate intellectual who wrote & or performed this “piece.” I didn’t let him in the club.
&, um buttseks.
bluevelvetelvis: Hey!
So who are the hair-band guys?
That was really really great. I really liked the penguins and the michelangelo parts.
He should have stayed away from the brown LSD.
Tomato soup!
The end.
Anonymous Office Zombie: Amen!
Made me think of this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_fuzLTrwVbc
It’s a trap, PUMAs! Once you leave the circle(jerk), you will just be solitary wanker(ette)s.
Fuck you for making me lose 2 minutes of my life I’ll never get back. (Had to stop at 2:00 after the steady progression of hideous grade school-quality post effects in the video or I would have gone all loopy, permanently.)
Who picked the insipid string quartet soundtrack that adds nothing to the message?
Who’s the New York-born jamoke reading the copy like a stage-frighted fuck? Did they just use whoever they found sweeping the floors at PUMA-HQ?
And what of the subtle subconscious suggestions? Like at 1:20 when they show the pretty young man with the voice-over saying, “we have GAY-ged ourselves into a coma.”
What the fuck does all this mean? It’s so pointless it’s upsetting.
bluevelvetelvis: That Time Cube shit shit may actually be the craziest thing I have ever seen on the internets. For serious. Also.
Are they “rec-ing” this shit over on confluence?
Hello Fans,
I am still wiping away the tears of laughter reading about the response to the PUMA VIDEO. You actually made the whole affair successful as you actually responded to this surreal adventure.
I am a surreal artist (painter) and created the piece in such a manner. It was never meant to get as far on the chopping block as it did here. I am still snickering, because the replies on this site are incredibly funny. If you want to see my paintings your welcome to come to: http://www.maydayonthehudson.com and I promise I won’t open my mouth or write anything. This effort was done in one hour, but you have given me countless hours of enjoyment. If I was to publish a book, this is where I would go first. I think the world should experience this comedy, after all, I was your leading star! Regards - Q’zeromen…
Take your pills please Q.
Q’: Somehow finding out this was done by a “surrealist” has taken all the fun out of it. Are you at least a PUMA surrealist? That would be some consolation.
No. I thought the essence was noble, but it got to become Utopian.
Kind of like Lennons (Imagine). I took a shot at it. I was amazed how
people flocked to it, and how many hated it. For me, it matured my artistic
senses in knowing how fragile an idea can be. It was fun.