Wonkette
Every unemployed blogger knows how hard it is to find romance when you’re not doing much of anything except being supported by your parents. This alone could explain Meghan McCain’s dating predicament! But instead of just trolling for free or cheap sex on Craigslist like a normal human, she had to whine about it on Tina Brown’s Waughvian Internet Lark, which statistics show is a very unreliable means of getting laid.
This weekend John McCain was asked about his daughter’s BLISTERING CRITIQUE of his campaign (that it had ruined her sex life) and he just sort of uncomfortably chuckled and said, in effect, “She is an heir to a multimillion dollar beer distributorship fortune, she will be fine. Plus: blonde! HENNNGGHHN?”
This was posted on CNN, whose comments have been assiduously moderated in the aftermath. Writes Wonkette Meghan McCain Lonelyhearts Club Operative Gary: “Note, offensive comments have been removed. I imagine if you periodically check it, you’ll find a few fresh ones.”
This is why the Internet is ruining our discourse.
McCain laughs off daughter’s claim his run killed her love life [CNN]
I’ll bet that even her dildo tells her to stfu.
Donald Rumsfeld is 5′8″? ….oh Meghan? that’s right . ….uh….STFU you heiress unfuckable!!!
She’s got that healthy “youngest farm-girl bride of a Wild Bill Paxton polygamous collective” look about her.
Sorry Hall. Sorry Oates.
You’re a rich girl, and you’ve gone too far
‘Cause you know daddy’s so FAIL anyway
You can whine ’bout the old man’s campaign
You can rely on your momma’s money
It’s a bitch girl and it’s gone too far
‘Cause you know daddy’s so FAIL anyway
Say you’re horny but it won’t get you laid,
Won’t get you laid
High and dry, out in the ‘tubes
It’s so easy to hurt others when you can’t feel laid
And don’t you know that a love can’t grow
‘Cause there’s too much to give, ’cause you’d rather live
For the thrill of it all, oh
You’re a rich girl, and you’ve gone too far
‘Cause you know daddy’s so FAIL anyway
You can whine ’bout the old man’s campaign
You can rely on your momma’s money
It’s a bitch girl and it’s gone too far
‘Cause you know daddy’s so FAIL anyway
Say you’re horny but it won’t get you laid,
Say you’re horny but it won’t get you laid,
Say you’re horny but it won’t get you laid,
Won’t get you laid
Internet commenters are losers.
If she’d work on her biceps, I’d hit it.
Delicious:
For real. Get jobs, you COBRAS!
Be patient Meghan, I’m sure some up-and-coming young republican closet-case will sweep you off your feet soon.
Here’s my morning rant, Meghan, let me catch you up. I’ve lost a lot of money so I haven’t been sleeping much lately, but I finally fell off last night for 6 and woke to Morning Joe. We are so fucked (don’t worry, I won’t jump. I have a little grandson now and Manny signed so it’s cool). After over a year I’m unemployed still and my arm is in a sling after surgery…the Skittles work pretty good (thanks Doc) especially with a couple breakfast beers. It’s never good to let the poison build up so once my wife leaves for work I get out the porn, work it. I admit, I am attracted to Meghan McCain, but I swear, I don’t have any of her pics–I’m not weird. I hate Joe Scarborough. Mika is great, but she needs to gain some weight to measure up to Meghan. Even so, I would lay her down in a heartbeat. Old fuckhead Buchanan sucks. He’s as annoying as a pubic hair stuck in your foreskin. I don’t worry about socialism anymore. If all my investments evaporate, the government will take care of me in my old age, right? With all the coffee and beer in the morning I piss non-stop. I probably should smoke some weed, but I don’t know any dealers. I wish they would just legalize it so I could walk to the corner for a dime bag. Damn! I’d sell my fucking soul for a jay right now. You know that old saying, “weed will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no weed”? When there is neither you’re all the more fucked. Peggy Noonan is on right now and I’m suddenly flaccid. She’s droning about the stock market going to the bottom. Wait, now they are talking about optimism and it’s all rainbows, puppy dogs and unicorns. “Stabilization is the key,” they say, and “Republicans are irrelevant.” Good! Now that Dad has passed I’ll say it: Republicans tongue-ream elephant ass! And, Meghan, your mom’s beer sucks too!
Crimea river.
Poor Meghan — once you’ve had a slew of random hookups on a tourbus, settling down and dating just won’t cut it anymore. Especially when you can’t stop thinking about those Huckabee boys.
“This is why the Internet is ruining our discourse.”
And, evidently, our intercourse.
Meghan, you are no Chelsea.
A Fine National Imbalance: Great! Now I have to spend the rest of the day trying to figure out if that was all clap-trap & gibberish, or if you succinctly expressed all of my inner most feelings.
A Fine National Imbalance: Holy crap. Thanks for reminding me to start hoarding sleeping pills.
I smell a new FOX reality Tee Vee show coming out of this mess. Dating Meghan will have many young bachelors competing for Meghan’s love by kissing Rush’s pimply ass, listening to McCain’s war stories (without falling asleep) and singing tribute songs to Ronald Reagan. Coming soon!
If she didn’t look like John McCain in a wig, maybe…but still, she has his genes so what would stop her from trying to choke you in your sleep…unless you’re into that.
SayItWithWookies:
She wants to be able to lure them sans CheezWiz.
SayItWithWookies: Yeah, I guess I have cabin fever. Not the Jack Torrence-at-the-Overlook kind, however…sorry.
My understanding is that rich heirs don’t like to laze around and wake up in time for a late lunch with their friends and cousins who are also rich heirs. The chic thing for rich heirs these days is to get high-profile jobs with their fathers’ companies and do that sometimes, so they can have something to put on their résumés. I guess Meghan McCain could get a job as a Senate staffer and just never show up to it except to put in the occasional appearance for appearances’ sake, but that doesn’t seem to be her style. Can’t her dad or mom create a foundation for Meghan to be the titular head of or something?
When I was Meghan’s age, the internet was just starting to take off, but I was still unaware of it. Back then I was unemployed until I got a minimum-wage job when my parents started to get annoyed with footing the bill for my bohemian lifestyle. I would have been a blogger back then if there was such a thing in the early 1990s. Instead I was an amateur, unpublished poet and keeper of journals and short stories in spiral-bound notebooks. It paid as well as Meghan’s current career does, if you don’t include her parents’ charitable contributions. Eventually the notion of being unemployed and supported by my parents struck me as too embarrassing to bear, so I felt compelled to work a series of crappy temp jobs until I started working crappy permanent jobs, which is where I am today.
The point is, if my parents had been as supportive of me as the McCains are of Meghan, I too could be a professional unemployed blogger who drives around, hanging out with my friends between blog posts. This would be a decidedly viable lifestyle but for the fact that my parents were never incredibly wealthy or connected, and that they have died already leaving me with an inheiritance that wouldn’t even support a whole year of drinking all night, hitting the gym after lunch and blogging all afternoon, which is how I’d like to spend my entire life.
Anyone who wants to help me become the older, balder, male Meghan McCain can contact me at buttondownmind26@yahoo.com, so I can tell you where to send the checks. Looking forward to hearing from you!
A Fine National Imbalance: I don’t know how much longer until I get laid off. But I agree with you about Mika. After I get laid off, and if you live near Boston, maybe we can get a case of Sam Adams and put on a pot of coffee and watch Morning Joe sometime. I can see that happening with my life. I’d think of that as a better option, since compared to my other likely passtime of nonstop back-to-back games of Civilization IV, watching news-based TV shows would feel like actual productivity to me.
Meghan, your not going to get laid until find a way to get rid of the stench of defeat that permanates anyone near to your dad. Maybe you can see what Joe the plumber is doing these days.
Meghan has to realize that Paris Hilton plans to be on the scene for awhile and our nation doesn’t have enough collective titty to suckle two worthless, boring, unemployable, gross, (etc etc), young heiresses at the same time.
Sussemilch: If McGrampyPants had won, TY would not have been the outfit making “Meghan McCain Dolls.”
Just saying. I remember Meggie on the campaign trail, standing behind Pops and some woman from Alaska. I would mutter to the teevee: “Meggie, stand up straight! Meggie, don’t look down at the floor — flirt with that camera! Meggie, give the baby fat to Bristol!”
Certainly, it’s a nice trick to use a lap top to screen your pones, but you can’t make the social scene with an Apple held in front of you.
Enough! No one cares about this woman anymore! She just needs to shut up and get a job and do something productive! What a moron she is!
Oxygen thief.
OK.
“Waughvian” = Evelyn Waugh (British novelist of the last century)
In _Put Out More Flags_ the protagonist Basil Seal goes on a “Billeting Lark” (too subtle to spell out for a sodden Wonkette audience likely already drunk at 11 o’clock in the morning.)
FTW????
waste of skin and bandwidth
[insert disrespectful fat joke here]
A Fine National Imbalance: Strangely, I’d never heard the expression:
“weed will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no weed”
But it is very wise. To solve your J problem, come to California, we sell it in coffeeshops now! More or less.
Monsieur Grumpe: …Ryan Secrest from Dick Clark Productions on line 2.
SKS: props for ‘Waughvian.’ Pegs Noonanster aspires to Waughviana.
Two words: Jonathan Krohn.
The video of Chris Wallace asking John McCain about his daughter’s love life is one of the most uncomfortable things I’ve seen in a while. You can watch the video here:
http://gotchamedia.blogspot.com/2009/03/john-mccain-gets-very-uncomfortable-on.html
thefrontpage: that’s “moran.” Spot on otherwise…
Cunt.
A Fine National Imbalance: Something to brighten your day, possibly: Cheney chief of staff, torture advocate and known pigfucker David Addington can’t get a job, either.
SayItWithWookies:
Thanks, and I hope that’s all he’s worth in the end: a new pair o’ dimes.
CAT FIGHT!!
In a new blog post for the Daily Beast as Ann Coulter and HBO host Bill Maher are kicking off a week-long debate tour today in New York, Meghan McCain calls President Obama “the hippest politician around” and says being a Republican is “about as edgy as Donny Osmond.”
And she blasts Coulter for helping to “perpetuate negative stereotypes” about Republican women. “I straight up don’t understand this woman or her popularity,” says McCain. “I find her offensive, radical, insulting, and confusing all at the same time.”
chascates: well, meggy may have a chance to date my trucknutz afterall.
honkeyman: I figured out the Waugh reference, too, and was pleased, as I am a big fan of Evelyn Waugh.
That chick kicked ass.
She’d be very doable after only 6 beers.
chascates: Oh my — and I thought you were joking. Even more surprising, some of that essay is sarcastic and funny.
http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2009-03-09/my-beef-with-ann-coulter/
Schadenfried: Be patient Meghan, I’m sure some up-and-coming young republican closet-case will sweep you off your feet soon.
Indeed. It worked for Monica Goodling! Swish swish.
“Every unemployed blogger knows how hard it is to find romance…” Oh totally! Just ask Kathy Shaidle.
Meghan - the only advice the internet has for you is the same advice your mother’s been giving you for the past five years, honey: Clenbuterol.
SayItWithWookies: Based on that essay, it looks like she and David Frum, self-appointed voices of the ‘new’ Republican Party, think that if the Party just eases up on teh gayz a little, they can regain power and continue bombing brown people to their hearts’ content.
McCain laughs off daughter’s claim his run killed her love life.
“Nonsense”, the senator scoffed. “I tap that little minx all the time!”
Whatever, Wonkette. I would totally do her.
I would still assiduously do her!!
Does her sister Brigid have a job? I’m surprised how she’s not complaining about she took the job away from a “real American” like herself?