WILDLIFE DECISIONS  5:15 pm March 6, 2009

Why Does Barack Obama Hate Gray Wolves So Much?

by Sara K. Smith

Ken Salazar is a Wolf Furry.President Obama told the Interior Secretary, a comical desert elf in a bolo tie, to review the Bush administration’s removal of the gray wolf from the federal endangered species list for certain areas of the US. The Interior Secretary Salazar reviewed and decided to uphold the decision. So basically, the answer is that Barack Obama hates gray wolves because they do not stimulate the economy. [AP]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 61 comments }

Serolf Divad March 6, 2009 at 5:17 pm

I didn’t know there were gay wolves!

ManchuCandidate March 6, 2009 at 5:19 pm

I suspect that one of Obama’s ancestors was Little Red Riding Hood.

DoctorCulturae March 6, 2009 at 5:22 pm

I’m so confused. I thought he liked Sebelius.

thatonegirlsays March 6, 2009 at 5:22 pm

RE: The usage of the word “furry”
My mom asked me about CPAC last week and I said “nothing but furries.” She now believes that “furries” is slang for foreigners and everytime I talk to her, she mentions just how many furries there are in Houston.

steve March 6, 2009 at 5:24 pm

Were there words to go with… the gayest picture of all time? I tried to read the words… but my eyes kept turning back to the gayest picture of all time… How does one even find the gayest picture of all time? Is Sara a witch?

The Cold Sea March 6, 2009 at 5:26 pm

Gay wolves are always looking for special treatment. Like we owe them something for 10,000 years of brutal repression of self expression. Get over it girl. Have a cocktail and a Ketamine.

shanemacgowan March 6, 2009 at 5:28 pm

[re=259937]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Did she wear a burka?

BklynIlluminati March 6, 2009 at 5:28 pm

[re=259944]thatonegirlsays[/re]: Tell mom the correct usage is…Why they be all these furries up in here!

SayItWithWookies March 6, 2009 at 5:30 pm

Great — lesbian endangered species slash fiction. And the article states that wolves will still be protected in Wyoming. Is Lynne Cheney somehow behind this decision?

Gopherit March 6, 2009 at 5:31 pm

Why is everyone assuming these are male? I see a hin of teats there.

Oh, right. Furries are totes dudes. Nevermind.

Tra March 6, 2009 at 5:36 pm

Let us all have a moment of silence for Sara, struck blind by whatever site she visited to find that picture.

Colander March 6, 2009 at 5:36 pm

I guess Gus Van Sant knows what his next film will be about.

magic titty March 6, 2009 at 5:39 pm

that picture is just not cool.

proudgrampa March 6, 2009 at 5:49 pm

Very strange…

randomsausage March 6, 2009 at 5:51 pm

[re=259976]magic titty[/re]: possibly more disturbing that the “Doctors of Star Trek” pic yesterday

Yes You Can Own A Piece of History March 6, 2009 at 5:52 pm

I kind of want to take the test to find out what kind of furry I am.

Naked Bunny with a Whip March 6, 2009 at 5:57 pm

Oh God, that’s hawt. I need to get home fast.

Tommmcatt March 6, 2009 at 5:59 pm

[re=260002]Yes You Can Own A Piece of History[/re]:

Totally. I bet I’m a turtle or porcupine.

ManchuCandidate March 6, 2009 at 5:59 pm

[re=259952]shanemacgowan[/re]:
Considering his “Irish” side and his Muslin side. Yes.

problemwithcaring March 6, 2009 at 6:03 pm

If the economy was into bestiality, this would help stimulate it. Unfortunately, the economy is into milf scat bukkake gang bangs – a place no one can save it

bitchincamaro March 6, 2009 at 6:15 pm

Wait, why am I sporting wood while gazing upon an illustration of members of a Bulgarian terrorist organization who tried to kill a Polish pope? ‘camaro is confused.

http://www.fas.org/irp/world/para/grey_wolves.htm

bitchincamaro March 6, 2009 at 6:20 pm

[re=260031]bitchincamaro[/re]: Bulgarian Turkish

/fixed

Custerwolf March 6, 2009 at 6:38 pm

So I guess that puts the human-wolf ratio in this country at about 1 wolf for every 10 miliion people? Too bad that wolves seem to fair the best in the states that most want to shoot them.

Mac W Cheese March 6, 2009 at 6:41 pm

Woof!

assistant/atlas March 6, 2009 at 6:45 pm

Pffft–Real furries don’t wear totally gay armbands.

(do they?)

Custerwolf March 6, 2009 at 6:47 pm

[re=259958]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Protection in Wyoming means shoot, shovel and shut-up. Only when these idiots get their shit together enough to come up with a good management plan will they be allowed to kill wolves publicly and with pride [i.e., necessary photo of dead wolf next to grinning douchebag).

PAbitter March 6, 2009 at 6:49 pm

[re=260000]randomsausage[/re]: Sadly, this isn’t that disturbing, considering that it shows two members of the same species AND they’re only embracing.

catsquatch March 6, 2009 at 6:57 pm

[re=260009]Tommmcatt[/re]: Behold: the quiz!

http://www.quizilla.com/quizzes/918827/what-kind-of-furry-are-you-with-lovely-images

Now I need to start drinking quickly before that memory consolidates and is stuck there forever unless I am fortunate enough to have a stroke or an overdose of propranolol.

thatonegirlsays March 6, 2009 at 7:02 pm

[re=260077]catsquatch[/re]:
I am a Big Cat furry. I need to find other Wonkette Big Cat furries. Or Reptile furries. Also.

catsquatch March 6, 2009 at 7:21 pm

I am a wolf or a big cat depending on how much I lie about my antisocial personality. I was secretly hoping to be a republican bear furry like Andrew Sullivan.

El Pinche March 6, 2009 at 7:58 pm

I find the Royal Seal of RiverDaughter’s chastity belt extremely offensive and misogynistic.

President Beeblebrox March 6, 2009 at 8:04 pm

Jesus Christ. Yiff in Hell, furfags!

Tommmcatt March 6, 2009 at 8:49 pm

[re=260077]catsquatch[/re]:

Dammit, I am a wolf furry. I was hoping for “Warthog” ,

sanantonerose March 6, 2009 at 8:56 pm

Well, apparently I am a domestic furry featuring a feline face, Bettie Page haircut, and humongous eyes and ears.

Lascauxcaveman March 6, 2009 at 9:33 pm

Ha! I’m a lion furry. And if you go by the graphic, I’ve got a pretty nice set of tits, and “I’m excited as a little giiiirrrrll.”

StupidGeek March 6, 2009 at 9:37 pm

OMG! Sarah Palin is sooo excited right now!

Custerwolf March 6, 2009 at 9:38 pm

[re=260129]Tommmcatt[/re]: I’m a wolf furry too, but I have NO affiliation with those two pretentious beasts portrayed in the above picture. “Most compatible with herbivore…” indeed, like what wolf ISN’T going to say that?

Custerwolf March 6, 2009 at 9:41 pm

….this is exactly why I spell it “g-r-e-y.”

Mr Blifil March 6, 2009 at 9:41 pm

I like canines, including wolves. I live in a heavily populated city and have been exposed to leather bears walking arm in arm in the gay districts. I regard them with complete equanimity on those moments when our paths cross.

But that picture is just wrong.

Custerwolf March 6, 2009 at 9:49 pm

[re=260146]StupidGeek[/re]: Actually she’ll be quite disappointed once she realizes it’ll cut down on out-of staters coming to Alaska to hunt wolves. Although there’ll still be those sporty types who like to hunt their wolves the good old frontier way – by plane or copter.

Iggy Plop March 6, 2009 at 10:18 pm

Furry interpersonal relations: “You are most compatible with herbivore …” WTF? Isn’t that what a wolf, gay or straight, would eat? Do you fuck it first or after? CPAC should have had a panel on that. Furry Sex and the Food Chain: Questions of Principle.

NYNYNY March 6, 2009 at 10:29 pm

That pick is nsfw, because I got fired today when my boss saw it.

Yes You Can Own A Piece of History March 6, 2009 at 10:56 pm

[re=260130]sanantonerose[/re]: Me too! I’m bummed because it’s not very interesting.

S.Luggo March 6, 2009 at 11:10 pm

Salazar is a “Blue Dog Dem” from Colorado. As a rancher, he never a met mammalian quadruped that he wouldn’t want to run to ground, corner and shoot, that includes the neighbor’s Black Lab, his grandkids’ whimpering, faggot golden hamsters … and the local postal worker crawling under his barbed wire to get to his mailbox.
Enuf, enuf of this “bi-partisan” shit.

HuskyMescan March 6, 2009 at 11:14 pm

[re=260171]S.Luggo[/re]:
“..his grandkids’ whimpering, faggot golden hamsters”

Hahaha! Yes, enough of this bipartisan horseshit. Stomp repug guts out NOW.

chascates March 6, 2009 at 11:17 pm

According to the quiz I’m a Big Cat Furry but I can’t see reptiles furries. Either for me or for anyone.

catsquatch March 7, 2009 at 1:22 am

Judging from the above answers the quiz is designed to maximize the number of wolves and cats available for fucking. Protect yourselves people; always dress as a lizard person if you will be around large numbers of Paultards or Republicans. Elmer Fudd is a good choice also.

Lionel Hutz Esq. March 7, 2009 at 5:10 am

But I had heard that Ken Salazar was a bear.

Colander March 7, 2009 at 8:33 am

I am a ‘reptile furry’, via the quiz. So, I’m basically myself.

gurukalehuru March 7, 2009 at 10:51 am

eh, I am apparently a boring domestic furry. Disappointing, but not necessarily inaccurate.

windupbird March 7, 2009 at 11:13 am

I still don’t get what furries are? I took the quiz – apparently I am a centaur-type thing with a buck deer’s head and torso, with two man-legs?

Colander March 7, 2009 at 12:02 pm

[re=260227]windupbird[/re]: Wow, your answers must have been awesome.

CivicHoliday March 7, 2009 at 12:24 pm

Has Sarah Palin been secretly lobbying Salazar to end wolf protection? Guess that’s why she’s been so quiet of late…she was fellating him in his office.

windupbird March 7, 2009 at 3:11 pm

[re=260231]Colander[/re]: Not really……..I’m a bird/girl, not a (John) Deer(e) Man……..also the legs on my furry were in this provocative, Playgirl type of pose. Highly disturbing.

Custerwolf March 7, 2009 at 3:12 pm

Actually, this is part of a broader appeasement issue. Salazar figured it would be a good idea to let the good folks from Idaho blow off some steam by by allowing them to freely kill their SECOND most hated nemesis.

dennymcden March 7, 2009 at 5:35 pm

Yowza, I’m an Herbivore Furry, which isn’t surprising given that it was by far the hottest version.

Ew, I just grossed myself out.

decora March 7, 2009 at 9:55 pm

[re=260066]Custerwolf[/re]: have any of you ever been to wyoming?

FamilyLost March 8, 2009 at 1:04 am

I’m an Herbivore Furry…why would I be compatible with a wolf or fox? Won’t they eat me?…wait…

Darkness March 8, 2009 at 9:49 am

Furries? I saw a zebra striped shirt today in a store window . . . is EVERYTHING that went out in 1985 back in again?

lawrenceofthedesert March 8, 2009 at 3:33 pm

4,000 wolves in the North Woods, no hunt planned; 1,600 in Cowboy Nut World, and they want to shoot the Big Bad Wolf on sight. When did cowpokes turn into such wusses? Perhaps they are worried that the wolves are Jewish (“Dollface, are they the Yonkers Wolf’s?”).

Custerwolf March 9, 2009 at 11:31 am

[re=260267]decora[/re]: When you say “any of you” – are you insinuating I have multiple personalities? Yeah, we’ve all been to Wyoming. Even lived there a short while. Years later I’m still trying to scrub the red off my neck and the blackness out of my soul. Talk about furries – if you want to know what the offspring of sheep and cowboys look like you really have to visit there sometime.

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