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Eliot Spitzer To Buy All Land, In Washington

Watch out America, because Eliot Spitzer is buying LAND, LAND we tell you! LAND! In Washington D.C., right near where he banged the gal that time in the hotel thing.

His first big real estate purchase — this is his new thing, “real estate,” a former American industry (right word?) that died in 2007 or so — was a $180 million glass-windowed fucktower at 1615 L St. NW, a block or so away from the Mayflower hotel, where he had sex with Kristen Dupre or whatever. Next he will buy your home, which… well that’s really great! It’s hard to sell property these days.

[Gawker]


3:20 PM on Fri March 6 2009
By Jim Newell
2996 Views

  1. miss_emish says at 3:23 pm, March 6th, 2009

    misty watercolor memories…..

  2. MARCdMan says at 3:24 pm, March 6th, 2009

    What’s a “Set Palace”?

  3. Hedley Lamar says at 3:27 pm, March 6th, 2009

    I feel a fondness for the places I’ve spawned as well.

  4. gurukalehuru says at 3:27 pm, March 6th, 2009

    He’s a civilian now. He can bag all the four diamond hookers he wants.

  5. Capt. Renault says at 3:27 pm, March 6th, 2009

    Land is the only thing that lasts. Not even whore diamonds are forever.

  6. snarkattack says at 3:29 pm, March 6th, 2009

    “a $180 million glass-windowed fucktower”

    Spitzer just bought DC’s most expensive brothel…Oh wait, that’s the Capitol!

  7. Hebrewzzi says at 3:30 pm, March 6th, 2009

    Shouldn’t he be buying land in Nevada? Say, right outside of Clark County?

  8. No doubt he plans to set up a free college. For hookers.

  9. BillyClubb says at 3:32 pm, March 6th, 2009

    Spitzer is probably planning D.C.’s first hooker ranch.

  10. Tommy Says Soooo, Jugdish! says at 3:37 pm, March 6th, 2009

    He could have saved a ton of dough and sublet Christopher Hitchens’ bathroom. Andrew Sullivan knows the way in.

  11. magic titty says at 3:41 pm, March 6th, 2009

    I’m sure he’s banged hookers in every building along that strip.

  12. Monsieur Grumpe says at 3:43 pm, March 6th, 2009

    The Love Shack is a little old place
    where we can get together
    Love Shack baby, Love Shack bay-bee.
    Love baby, that’s where it’s at,
    Ooo love baby, that’s where it’s at!

  13. freakishlystrong says at 3:45 pm, March 6th, 2009

    How soon before the Mrs. Spitzer owns that building? And his balls also.

  14. Fox News Light says at 3:52 pm, March 6th, 2009

    I need a get palace

  15. Cold War Unicorns says at 3:57 pm, March 6th, 2009

    In this rapidly declining economy, with the “buxom & slutty” demographic facing hard times and even harder cocks, what moment could be more propitious than right now to finally LEGALIZE, REGULATE AND TAX prostitution? Think of the warm, salty gush of revenues streaming into the government’s dry and neglected coffers? And who better to guide this lucrative, throbbing prospect through the taut, slippery canals of law into toe-curling, pillow-biting fruition than one of America’s top litigious— and lascivious— minds, Eliot Spitzer, the first Jon-in-Chief, the Whore Czar, the Dean of Dames, the Sultan of Sluts, the Tsar of Tush, the Poobah of Punani!!

    The time is now, Mr. President “O”: it’s a tough job, full of delicate decisions and sensitive issues, with many grim realities that a lesser man might find hard to swallow. But no, not Eliot. If we know one thing about Eliot, it’s that Spitzer swallows.

  16. widestanceromancer says at 4:04 pm, March 6th, 2009

    BillyClubb: Filthy Cock Jackal Town has a nice ring to it.

  17. DangerousLiberal says at 4:17 pm, March 6th, 2009

    At least he’ll know his way around the ‘hood. And where all the good coffee shops, free wi-fi, and restaurants are. And, also, five-diamond hookers.

  18. blackdontcrack says at 4:17 pm, March 6th, 2009

    damn..how many married men do i have to sleep with to get that kind of cheddah???

  19. DangerousLiberal says at 4:18 pm, March 6th, 2009

    Also, In fact, I am in Dupont Cir right now–I should trot over and check it out. “Oh, hel-LO Mr. Spitzer, fancy seeing you here…”

  20. WadISay says at 4:20 pm, March 6th, 2009

    He wants to be the Donald Trump of DC. Fortunately or unfortunately, this requires lady friends with “tits out to here.”

  21. widestanceromancer says at 5:28 pm, March 6th, 2009

    I love the fact that The Mayflower has an ad on this very page as I type. . .

  22. WalnutsThePlumber says at 6:37 pm, March 6th, 2009

    your WalnutsThePlumber works in spitzer’s new palace. i’ll be on the lookout for any shenanigans.

  23. arewethereyet says at 6:54 pm, March 6th, 2009

    Cold War Unicorns: Win! my man, Win!~

  24. donner_froh says at 7:04 pm, March 6th, 2009

    “fucktower”

    Not sure how I will use that neologism but I will be the envy of the Asian Movie Fanboy bloggers when I do.

    Another public service from Wonkette!

  25. hobospacejungle says at 8:18 pm, March 6th, 2009

    Cold War Unicorns: A literary classic. Congratulations, my friend.

  26. bitchincamaro says at 11:13 pm, March 6th, 2009

    “…where the carpet’s filthy, but the ice is free.”

    Fol Chen

  27. heathenish says at 11:58 pm, March 6th, 2009

    how many whore diamonds is he spending?

  28. Keram2 says at 3:23 am, March 7th, 2009

    Oh Holy Jesus I miss Spitzer. Sure he fucked a prostitute, but at least he wasn’t David Patterson.

  29. freerangemink says at 9:24 am, March 7th, 2009

    Will he be hiring new door/desk person?

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