by Ken Layne

They ride on the USS Tardis.OH NOES, TEEVEE DOCTOR WON’T WORK FOR OBAMA: Whatever happened with what’s-his-name, the CNN doctor character Sanjay Gupta, who was maybe going to join the Obama Administration as Ceremonial Doctor, in January? HE IS NOT DOING IT, THAT’S WHAT (because John Conyers said he couldn’t, months ago). And if you want to know why, in March 2009 (tonight), you are expected to watch Larry fucking King, no thank you. [CNN]

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DeLand DeLakes March 5, 2009 at 6:20 pm

Jeebus Christ, who or what is depicted in that icon?!?!

Serolf Divad March 5, 2009 at 6:22 pm

My sources tell me that Gupta is waiting to join Bobby Jindall’s all Indian-American presidential administration in 2012.

iwillsavethispatient March 5, 2009 at 6:28 pm

Ken, kudos for the alt-text. You win 5 nerd points. Unfortunately, that means you lose. Try not cry into your twelve-sided die too much.

Snarkfest March 5, 2009 at 6:28 pm

Who cares. Sanjay sounds like a feminine hygiene thingy anyway.

WeirdInWimberley March 5, 2009 at 6:30 pm

He shouldn’t have changed his first name. What was wrong with Tommy?

grevillea March 5, 2009 at 6:32 pm

Cos he doesn’t want to be confused with the Secretary of Gmail and asked about sick computers all the time.

chascates March 5, 2009 at 6:32 pm

What about Dr. House? He usually solves things in less than an hour.

V572625694 March 5, 2009 at 6:36 pm

As Jon Stewart says, when it looks like Larry King is getting too old, they just tighten his suspenders a little more. Who watches that show, besides the families of his guests? “Tonight, for the hour: Loni Anderson!”

comradepaulson March 5, 2009 at 6:37 pm

This nomination’s dead, Jim.

DustBowlBlues March 5, 2009 at 6:37 pm

Can someone watch Larry King and give us the highlights? LK gives me a creep. But that’s just me.

Hey–Here’s an idea. If we want a handsome foreign doctor who’ll make us all want to be slim and good looking, how about that guy from ER? You know–the Croatian with the pisser of a name. He’s really cute and more foreign that Sanjay.

AnnieGetYourFun March 5, 2009 at 6:39 pm

[re=259047]chascates[/re]: And he’s a cripple, so bonus points with the Association of Americans with Disabilities or whatever. Plus, snarky!

AnnieGetYourFun March 5, 2009 at 6:40 pm

Is the guy at the top of that… illustration… supposed to look like ET? I only watch teh Battlestar Galactica.

cheeto_jeebus March 5, 2009 at 6:41 pm

In case anyone was wondering, I’d totally hit that borg robot chick. thing. also.

Clancy_Pants March 5, 2009 at 6:42 pm

Fuckin’ Larry King’s spent so much time in surgery they should nominate his wrinkled ass.

L Urchin March 5, 2009 at 6:43 pm

[re=259051]comradepaulson[/re]: Listen, he’s just a country doctor!

grevillea March 5, 2009 at 6:45 pm

[re=259052]DustBowlBlues[/re]: No, it really, really is not just you.

Scandalabra March 5, 2009 at 6:48 pm

Doogie Howser’s chances just got a whole lot better.

Mothra Stewart March 5, 2009 at 6:49 pm

[re=259029]DeLand DeLakes[/re]: Is that James Coco on the left side of that Star Trek boomerang? Is Neil Young a KLINGON?

grevillea March 5, 2009 at 6:49 pm

Also, why does that one alien have buttocks instead of a forehead? Or are they intergalactic Trucknutz?

ManchuCandidate March 5, 2009 at 6:52 pm

Win for US America because they can find another Surgeon General doctor guy (of Indian descent if you will) who won’t just make up shit in an EPIC FAIL attempt to discredit Big Healthcare’s boogey man Michael Moore.

Lascauxcaveman March 5, 2009 at 6:53 pm

As a big fan of Star Trek, I gotta marvel at how that graphic is so lame, yet simultaneously incredibly creepy. Quite an accomplishment.

V572625694 March 5, 2009 at 6:56 pm

Do you suppose Doc Sanjay’s 1040 might not be, uh….complete?

randomsausage March 5, 2009 at 6:58 pm

The administration’s di-lithium crystals cannie tak it any more cap’n….it’s breakin’ up, breakin’ up.

NoWireHangers March 5, 2009 at 7:04 pm

I never believed in my heart that Barry would gupta us.

Now Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman can take her rightful place as our next surgeon general.

Red Zeppelin March 5, 2009 at 7:05 pm


Yes, Mom, I am talking to friends down here.

shortsshortsshorts March 5, 2009 at 7:05 pm

[re=259075]V572625694[/re]: It’s either that, or they realized he is a terrible failure of a Doctor (I mean, er, an excellent Professor at Princeton or whatever).

CaliforniaMike March 5, 2009 at 7:07 pm

We need Doctor Kildare.

Scandalabra March 5, 2009 at 7:11 pm

Dang, a Dunk’n Donuts banner ad! Wonkette is the only sector of the market showing signs of improvement. Can you spot me ten until Tuesday?

ManchuCandidate March 5, 2009 at 7:11 pm

It explains a lot.

Gives Vulcan salute.

The only doc who I’d want to check my prostate is Beverly Crusher.

Barrett808 March 5, 2009 at 7:16 pm

[re=259073]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: That has to be the worst fan art I have ever seen. To the point of physical pain.

randomsausage March 5, 2009 at 7:19 pm

[re=259092]ManchuCandidate[/re]: She had her head so far up Picard’s ass, that Lt. Cmdr Worf would be the one to probe you, laddie

recharged95 March 5, 2009 at 7:25 pm

No news here. Please move along:
I preferred Dr. Zoidberg, he’s a much better TV
candidate for the administration anyway and can challenge
Republicans to “clawplach”.

fuckinredneck March 5, 2009 at 7:25 pm

It’s because Biden tried to order a Slurpee from him, isn’t it? ISN’T IT???

Colander March 5, 2009 at 7:29 pm

[re=259101]fuckinredneck[/re]: I think he asked him why his router wasn’t working even though the green light was on. Gupta hates that shit.

recharged95 March 5, 2009 at 7:29 pm

[re=259073]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Yeah, sort of like this one for SW fans:

ManchuCandidate March 5, 2009 at 7:29 pm

Dr. Zoidberg: I don’t trust that doctor. I bet I’ve lost more patients than he’s even treated.

Dr. Zoidberg: Be careful with that athlete Leela. He is a doctor. They are very poor.
Leela: Actually most doctors are rich.
Dr. Zoidberg: What?! When did this happen? You are joking, right? That’s not funny!

Rush March 5, 2009 at 7:34 pm

Sanjay is too busy getting ready to deliver Campbell’s love child

randomsausage March 5, 2009 at 7:37 pm

[re=259106]recharged95[/re]: that is truly class. Imagine going to a Star Wars concert!! Whoo-hoooooo. Mind you, I’d have Han as the axe-man and early Luke as your pretty boy front-man.

Links March 5, 2009 at 7:38 pm

I don’t speak nerd. I don’t understand anything here. I has the sad.

DustBowlBlues March 5, 2009 at 7:38 pm

[re=259072]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Aah, a wonkeratti in his snarky, profane way getting to the heart of the matter. In the middle of the Health Care Summit, it could be an embarrassing moment. On the other hand, I still think he’s hot.

DustBowlBlues March 5, 2009 at 7:41 pm

[re=259089]CaliforniaMike[/re]: You say Dr. Kildare? Then I raise you Ben Casey. He scowled better.

DustBowlBlues March 5, 2009 at 7:44 pm

Okay, this thread went from the Surgeon General and health care to fan boy shit in, what, two posts?. Am I the only one not living in my mother’s basement? Nor mine, either. The grown kids are all calling home asking if they can move back. Fuck this economy and the horse it rode on.

ManchuCandidate March 5, 2009 at 7:50 pm

Hey now! I live above ground away from my parents. And yes, I’ve even been laid. By a WOMAN!

randomsausage March 5, 2009 at 7:54 pm

[re=259119]DustBowlBlues[/re]: I copy, Gold Leader

AutomaticPilot March 5, 2009 at 8:12 pm

[re=259071]grevillea[/re]: Truck Nutz: The Universal Language

Servo March 5, 2009 at 8:14 pm

It’ll be damn hard to top Galactica.

wheelie March 5, 2009 at 8:15 pm

[re=259122]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Really – what was it like?

ph7 March 5, 2009 at 8:20 pm

Surgeon General can’t do buttsex. He probably just learned this in the debriefing. They added this rule after Dr. Koop.

ManchuCandidate March 5, 2009 at 8:22 pm

It was like I was in Pon Farr because I used to get laid at the same rate as Vulcans did (once every seven years.)

Also remembered it involved lots of begging and promises of a better performance.

DustBowlBlues March 5, 2009 at 8:29 pm

Ken, Sara, Jim, Juli, Wonkeratti: Ooh, ooh, ooh, Nothing to do with this thread, but I have just had a great idea.The Repugs are already calling for Steele to step down (damn, the Democratic negro is doing so well. What’s wrong with ours?). Judging by the pain they went through coming up with a loser like Steele, the next vote could be really long, painful (for them) and fun (for us). We could do a wonkette marathon, with wonkeratti getting sponsors to pony up a buck an hour for each hour we spend watching C-Span and live blogging the election. Then we send the money to Ken, and he sends it to the cause that the Repugs hate the most. What could that be? Hmmm….I know! The Employee Free Choice Act.

Hot investing tip from my union organizer days: If the Act passes, but stock in a company that makes tire tools.

Red Zeppelin March 5, 2009 at 8:33 pm

I think that’s Piyush at the bottom in the middle (nudge, nudge, etc)

Jukesgrrl March 5, 2009 at 8:38 pm

[re=259117]DustBowlBlues[/re]: I agree. Dr. Kildare’s had as much plastic surgery as Larry King, so he’s disqualified from anything except being Michael Douglas’ doctor. Ben Casey, however, in addition to scowling, had the hopey liberal thing going for him (that “man, woman, birth, death, infinity” crap). Pretend you don’t remember that or someone will know you’re as old as I am. But it’s OK to be old because we can still have eight babies each compliments of Kaiser Permanante and the current Republican health care system.

cal March 5, 2009 at 8:45 pm

What, nothing about Dr. Who? Really?

chascates March 5, 2009 at 8:49 pm

What’s the name of the doctor that was after that one-armed guy?

DustBowlBlues March 5, 2009 at 8:50 pm

[re=259147]Jukesgrrl[/re]: Yes, but you’re forgetting the very sad thing about being old–no more abortions. Hard to be fulfilled as a Democratic woman, once those golden moments are behind you.

ManchuCandidate March 5, 2009 at 8:53 pm


chascates March 5, 2009 at 9:01 pm

[re=259160]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Thanks! Ah, Richard Janssen.

chascates March 5, 2009 at 9:02 pm

[re=259160]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Sweet Jeebus! Whilst Googling Kimble I found:
Richard Kimble is vice president of Young America’s Foundation. Having worked for over twenty years in the field of development for the conservative movement, Kimble provides experienced leadership, especially in the area of major gifts. Previous work experience includes serving as major gifts development director for National Right to Life; co-founder and former finance director of Media Research Center; national finance director, Buchanan for President (1992); council director, National Conservative Political Action Committee and finance director, National Conservative Foundation.

I hope someone is trying to put him in jail.

Jukesgrrl March 5, 2009 at 9:20 pm

[re=259159]DustBowlBlues[/re]: You’re right again. But there’s still euthenasia ahead of me. That’ll really drive ‘em crazy.

Red Zeppelin March 5, 2009 at 9:23 pm

We need someone who has the Noble Peace Prize for Medicine, according to Rep. Conyers.

stopmebeforeitypeagain March 5, 2009 at 9:30 pm

[re=259168]chascates[/re]: “I hope someone is trying to put him in jail.”

Maybe he could share a cell with Zach Whatshisname when Zach has to do a bit as a three-time loser for his coke habit.

And when Wamp and Kimble — has a ring to it, no? — give each other head lice and STDs they could try to figure out whether medical care is a right or a privilege.

Does Sanjay make socialist house calls to prison?

slinkimalinki March 5, 2009 at 9:51 pm

[re=259047]chascates[/re]: drug habit. that’s only acceptable for republican wives. acceptable, compulsory…whatever.

zhubajie March 5, 2009 at 10:27 pm

[re=259075]V572625694[/re]: Got caught selling “Anne” Coulter’s manly bits to collectors!

Zhu Bajie

Nora-charles March 5, 2009 at 10:34 pm

[re=259029]DeLand DeLakes[/re]: Star Trek Voyager characters…

Magnus Maximus March 5, 2009 at 10:37 pm

That’s right, “Bones” McCoy BETTER DAMN WELL be at the top of the painting.

Recognize the real!

wickedlittledoll March 5, 2009 at 11:00 pm

Here’s an idea for a replacement surgeon general sure to satisfy even the hardest-to-please Republicans: Everyone’s fave Dr. Phil!

Pop Socket March 5, 2009 at 11:16 pm

[re=259152]cal[/re]: Read the alt-text.[re=259138]

randomsausage[/re]: Punchline to my favorite ST joke: It’s Klingon courage ritual Wesley and you must never tell your mom about it.

DustBowlBlues[/re]: Your ranting is harshing our geekfest.[re=259097]

J-Man March 5, 2009 at 11:20 pm

[re=259101]fuckinredneck[/re]: Maybe, but I think it was because Biden called him “Dr. Slumdog” once too often.

J-Man March 5, 2009 at 11:21 pm

[re=259167]chascates[/re]: That would be DAVID Janssen. (Or Harrison Ford, in the movie.)

Aurelio March 6, 2009 at 12:16 am

Maybe Sanjay’s H-1B visa got revoked.

Lascauxcaveman March 6, 2009 at 2:28 am

[re=259119]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Yeah I understand the stereotype, but some people who like Star Trek are actually mostly-normal, with a few peccadilloes on the side (Star Trek, Wonkette, alcoholism).

Personally, I’m a reasonably well adjusted father of two terrifically bright and happy kids with a smart, good looking wife who mostly appreciates me. (Ha! She’s built like Deanna Troi and she’s a bigger Trekkie than I am – and no, we don’t have any costumes or go to conventions or any of that sort of thing).

If I had a dermal regenerator I’d take care of that palsy that’s always making you so grumpy. Also.

turbo March 6, 2009 at 2:29 am

Thank you Jeezus! The last dot-head gupta doc that treated me, for severe abdomincal pains, diagnosed me with stress (after charging me 400 dollars) and told me to stop whining and take ibuprofin. Two days later, my ectopic pregnancy ruptured, and I nearly bled to death before paramdedics could get me to the hospital.

turbo March 6, 2009 at 2:32 am

[re=259333]turbo[/re]: But, I realize it’s all Obama’s fault, of course!

turbo March 6, 2009 at 2:45 am

Oh well. I didn’t die. All’s well! Blood transfusions are cheap compared to HB1 visas, and I’m all for importing some docs who AREN’T addicted to 14,000,000 salaries. Ok. Not 14 million, but I have 4 docs in my family (all republican) and they each make well over a million….and I’m one of four nurses in the family who makes WELL under 60K….and we won’t send you home with a bad stomache ache, missed period, and hypotension!

turbo March 6, 2009 at 3:03 am

Oh…and those four docs that make over a million dollars a year? Oh, don’t blame them. The elevators in their homes impair their judgment..the heights, you know. as well as the cost of au pairs these days. Good God…nobody can expect them to pay for all these things without milking the insurance companies, who host their golf tournaments and subsidize their parties! The horses, and stables are costly. Their investments are “killing them”. The dinners they host at the “country” clubs in Myrtle Beach (The Dunes) and in Georgia..well, those cost! One is coming to stay with me this month, for one day, (but staying in the nicest hotel in Mobile, AL…as a guest of a pharmaceutical co.), but he has to actually pay for his own gas! How can we serfs justify crying for healthcare for all, when it will cost our docs their lavish lifestyles. It isn’t fair, I tell you. (I’m disowned at this point).

jennx March 6, 2009 at 3:13 am

I don’t know who the bottom right hand side dude is in the picture which makes me a star trek failure.

hobospacejungle March 6, 2009 at 3:23 am

Doctor Zaius Doctor Zaius
Doctor Zaius Doctor Zaius
Doctor Zaius Doctor Zaius

Help me Doctor Zaius!!

TGY March 6, 2009 at 5:46 am

His surgical career? Well, yes, he *would* have to give up the successful cashectomy procedures he administers to suffering TV stations. It’s all about the Hippocratic oath.

gurukalehuru March 6, 2009 at 8:20 am

I got four out of 4 out of 6 nerd points. Didn’t recognize the alien in the lower right hand corner or the bushy blonde.
Picard was the best captain, but Bones was far and away the best doctor.
“I’m a doctor, Jim, not a fucking bricklayer!”

CrazyCatLady March 6, 2009 at 11:21 am

I can name ‘em all, and have never been more proud.

I nominate Dr. Feelgood.

Jewdishoowary Square March 6, 2009 at 11:49 am

[re=259038]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: Psh. Twelve-sided dice are totally useless in 4th edition, NERD.

problemwithcaring March 6, 2009 at 12:29 pm

[re=259260]wickedlittledoll[/re]: Dr. Phil is 2004. Oprah get her diet advice from Dr. Oz .

LittlePig March 6, 2009 at 1:31 pm

[re=259469]CrazyCatLady[/re]: Ahh, but is that the holographic doctor or the original?


CrazyCatLady March 6, 2009 at 3:58 pm

[re=259613]LittlePig[/re]: Nice. I gift you with 5 extra Nerd Points!

nader paul kucinich gravel March 8, 2009 at 9:03 pm

Sanjay Gupta decided not to be the Bird Flu patsy.

Carrie_Okie March 9, 2009 at 2:22 pm

[re=259117]DustBowlBlues[/re]: MAAAAATLOCK!

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