AWW  3:36 pm March 5, 2009

Joe The Plumber Sues Ohio For Hurting His Feelings

by Jim Newell

'Joooooeeeee the Lion, went to the bar...'Joe the goddamn Plumber is suing a few gals in Ohio, state employees to be exact, for cheating with their computers! This latest publicity stunt of a civil action states that these three “violated his privacy when they gathered his personal information in a records search,” which they were not allowed to do. You may remember that this personal information included the revelations that his name was not Joe, that he was not a Plumber, and that he had a tax lien on his house. And it was only after the public learned about this things that Samuel Wurzelbacher really hit Jackpot!

Samuel J. Wurzelbacher says in the federal lawsuit filed Thursday that he suffered emotional distress, harassment, humiliation and embarrassment as a result of their actions. He’s seeking unspecified punitive damages.

Two cartons of Luckies and one a’them there, uh, dollar bills.

And just as a reminder, here’s how easy it is to become rich & famous in America: he “rose to fame during the presidential campaign after asking Barack Obama about his tax plan.”

Joe the Plumber sues over Ohio records probe [AP]

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Hola wonkerados.

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shortsshortsshorts March 5, 2009 at 3:40 pm

If he wins his lawsuit for “harassment,” or “embarrassment,” the American people should immediately cross-complain, because we have been forced to stare at him for almost a year.

randomsausage March 5, 2009 at 3:40 pm

Joe the Pussy

LittlePig March 5, 2009 at 3:40 pm

What a Whiny Ass Titty Baby. No one Republicans like him so much.

Serolf Divad March 5, 2009 at 3:40 pm

He criticized Obama for wanting to re-distribute teh rich peeples wealth after himself spending time living on food stamps. So, I’m pretty sure he’ll be pushing tort reform just as soon as he’s done with this little lawsuit.

Sussemilch March 5, 2009 at 3:40 pm

Tax information is public. You can call any records office in the country and get that info. Clerks R EZ.

Texan Bulldoggette March 5, 2009 at 3:41 pm

Joe, I’ll give you $1000 to just go the fuck away…forever!!!

Woodwards Friend March 5, 2009 at 3:41 pm

Way to run to a trial lawyer, Joe the Socialist.

snideinplainsight March 5, 2009 at 3:41 pm

That is not a lemur!

The Helvetica Scenario March 5, 2009 at 3:42 pm

So he’s suing them for using The Google?

loquaciousmusic March 5, 2009 at 3:44 pm

Screw a jury trial: if Joe the Plumber can spell “harassment” and “embarrassment” correctly, he wins. If not, he loses. (Spell check not allowed.)

comradepaulson March 5, 2009 at 3:44 pm

To be fair, Ohio has hurt my feelings before, too. See: 2004 Election Results.

Texan Bulldoggette March 5, 2009 at 3:45 pm

Didn’t someone rat him out that some previous girlfriends had filed restraining orders against him? Or is that just a happy dream I once had?

nmmagayar March 5, 2009 at 3:46 pm

Fuck you “Joe”, that shit is pretty much all public record, douchebag, also!!!11!

queeraselvis v 2.0 March 5, 2009 at 3:48 pm

What is this? Douchebags R Us week?

magic titty March 5, 2009 at 3:52 pm

Joe the Cyst on A-Rod’s Hip.

Not_So_Much March 5, 2009 at 3:53 pm

If paying him off will make him go the fuck away, I say do it.

bitchincamaro March 5, 2009 at 3:54 pm

Breaking: Newell does alt text!

magic titty March 5, 2009 at 3:54 pm

Joe the Frivolous Lawsuit.

bitchincamaro March 5, 2009 at 3:56 pm

[re=258806]magic titty[/re]: Ha! Now it all makes sense.

WagTehGod March 5, 2009 at 3:58 pm

Isn’t getting money from the government socialism?

blinky_twinkie March 5, 2009 at 4:00 pm

[re=258773]LittlePig[/re]: “Whiny Ass Titty Baby” might just be the best friggin’ epithet I’ve heard all year. I’m still laughing. WIN.

Jukesgrrl March 5, 2009 at 4:00 pm

[re=258790]loquaciousmusic[/re]: Your profound suggestion represents a brilliant idea for judicial reform. The spelling test could be applied to almost any court case for a speedy resolution. If Chris Brown can spell “harassment” and “embarrassment” he didn’t beat the shit out of Rihanna.

widestanceromancer March 5, 2009 at 4:02 pm

Somewhere, Joe’s sitting in a Ford Escort (his summer home) repeating to himself: “I will NOT be a victim, I will NOT be a victim.”

Monsieur Grumpe March 5, 2009 at 4:03 pm

Joe the Broke, Hypocritical, Butt Munching, Gravy Sucking Weasel.

DeLand DeLakes March 5, 2009 at 4:05 pm

I didn’t realize Joe the Cummer had emotions beyond impotent rage and repressed homosexuality.

CampbellBrown' March 5, 2009 at 4:07 pm

Doesn’t Joe know that only European socialists sue people for damages. Real Americans let the free-market work their magic.

FunkyPalmettoBug March 5, 2009 at 4:10 pm

In a related story, FunkyPalmettoBug is suing Joe the plumber for wasting his time.

twowheeljunkie March 5, 2009 at 4:11 pm

Joe the fucking hypocrite. Also

Tommmcatt March 5, 2009 at 4:12 pm

A rat snorting up a huge pile of meth really takes me back to when I was living in New York City. Good times.

PomPom March 5, 2009 at 4:19 pm

This will be great because then the court can hold him in contempt for just, you know, being contemptible.

Bruno March 5, 2009 at 4:20 pm

Joe is like some dizzy college intern (although I doubt he went to college) where he wants to “learn” and “get valuable experience” in all different positions. Fake plumber, fake reporter, now lawyer, infomercial guy, etc etc.

Joe, you’re never going to get anywhere without focus. The Hare Krishnas are still hiring and can keep you fully occupied. You won’t even need to shave your head.

Dr Tobias Funke March 5, 2009 at 4:22 pm

There is actually also a facebook application that can dig up the dirt on anyone called ‘Truscoop’


Here is SAMUEL’s record? The DOB lines up?!?

DOB: 3rd of December, 1973

Record ID: 71686775
Record Summary: FELONY – MISDEMEANOR – AZ : 05-11-1998–LOCAL CHARGE

Record Details:
CATEGORY: Criminal
Possible location: TUCSON
COURT: Tucson Municipal Court
DOB: 19731203
SOURCE: azaoc
SOURCENAME: AZ Admin Office of Courts
ZIP: 85715

Laura Palmer March 5, 2009 at 4:23 pm

Oh Joe, using the very system you so dearly “oppose!” Hope you don’t end up in a lake!

loquaciousmusic March 5, 2009 at 4:24 pm

[re=258857]Dr Tobias Funke[/re]: Bitch, you gettin’ sued.

snarkattack March 5, 2009 at 4:27 pm

[re=258832]CampbellBrown[/re]: No, real Merkins settle their differences with their Truck-Nutz!

Tra March 5, 2009 at 4:32 pm

Sam, we know it’s rough that no one wants to buy your crappy book or listen to you any more, but this is a pretty lame publicity stunt. Might I suggest moving into a Plexiglass cube in the lobby of the National Review and refusing to emerge until sales reach a minimum of 65 copies? Airholes are optional.

Capitol Hillbilly March 5, 2009 at 4:35 pm

Josephine the Lawsuit Queen. Poor baby.

NoWireHangers March 5, 2009 at 4:37 pm

Wow, none of Joe’s get rich quick schemes seem to be panning out:

1. Start plumbing business even though you have no license to practice said plumbing; pocket sweet cash.
REALITY: You have no license, start up money, or talent.
2. Pretend to make over $250,000 with the hope of pocketing sweet imaginary cash with which to start aforementioned business.
REALITY: “imaginary” cash is still in fact, imaginary.
3. Encouraged by an internet meme, sign on to the WALNUTS! campaign ticket in hopes of finally getting even with evil government; pocket Cindy’s beer money once WALNUTS! is president.
REALITY: WALNUTS! loses, you fade into obscurity.
4. Don’t pay taxes: pocket sweet cash.
REALITY: government finds you and makes you pay back taxes plus fines
5. Cell buk that shairs your’e learned insite on politikz
REALITY: You are a moron. Those who can read have read enough to hate you. Those who love you cannot read.
6. Sue people of Ohio who revealed your idiocy to the masses; pocket sweet cash.
REALITY: Everyone knew you were a loser from the start, and you end up deeper in the whole for legal fees related to said suit. People wonder when you will disappear and/or die

McDuff March 5, 2009 at 4:37 pm

During the campaign, McCann stopped in my hometown, Defiance, Ohio, but Joe forgot drive the 50 miles down from Toledo to meet McCann there, leaving Walnuts! twisting in the wind on National TV when he called on Joe the Unlicensed Handyman to take a bow. Did McCann sue Joe for “emotional distress, harassment, humiliation and embarrassment?” Of course not — real men take it out back and leave the lawyers out of it!

Keram2 March 5, 2009 at 4:41 pm

[re=258821]widestanceromancer[/re]: Heh heh. Joe the Plumber all sittin’ in the Escort — the camero was seized — mumbling to himself about past grievances and ex-girlfriends. He then puts the car in gear and heads to Blockbuster to return his unwatched copy of Jennifer Lopez’s Enough, which is two weeks overdue.

bureaucrap March 5, 2009 at 4:43 pm

I had no idea that emotional distress, humiliation and embarrassment were federal causes of action. Perhaps he meant “taking emotional distress, humiliation and embarrassment across state lines for immoral purposes.”

CaliforniaMike March 5, 2009 at 4:46 pm

Joe’s just pissed off because they promised him his very own Truck Nutz and then blew him off.

Gopherit March 5, 2009 at 4:48 pm

[re=258874]NoWireHangers[/re]: I am beginning to sense some latent hostility towards the good Mr Wurzelbacher.

Oh, you forgot his lame website, too. That can’t be making much money for him.

Dr Tobias Funke March 5, 2009 at 4:48 pm

[re=258861]loquaciousmusic[/re]: With facebook as my co-defendant- I think I am in the clear!

S.Luggo March 5, 2009 at 4:48 pm

[re=258870]Capitol Hillbilly[/re]: FWIW, the suit was brought by Judicial Watch on Joe the Plunger’s behalf. Judicial Watch’s major support comes from Richard Mellon Scaife, billionaire conserve nut-job who promoted the theory that the Clintons had Vince Foster whacked (when whole world knows that it is the Trilateral Commission what done it).

Complaint not yet available online.

BetterDaysAreComing March 5, 2009 at 4:49 pm

[re=258874]NoWireHangers[/re]: You forgot Joe the War Correspondent.

chascates March 5, 2009 at 5:00 pm

[re=258773]LittlePig[/re]: Whiny Ass Titty Baby is my favorite band!

Capitol Hillbilly March 5, 2009 at 5:03 pm

[re=258891]S.Luggo[/re]: I guess we should be careful lest they sue our asses!

KTHXBAI March 5, 2009 at 5:08 pm

He should be killed. Also.

Zadig March 5, 2009 at 5:17 pm

[re=258893]BetterDaysAreComing[/re]: An addendum, then.
4.5: Make a name for yourself (as though you hadn’t done enough of THAT already) covering the latest Israel/Palestinian atrocity. Become great Jurnulest, pocket sweet cash. Nobody will even remember Walter Cronkite after your meteoric ascendancy.
REALITY: Nobody, regardless of political affiliation, wants to hear your accusations against everybody on earth of not supporting Israel enough, especially not the actual Israeli reporters, who of course actually served in the Israeli military at some point. And even if you hadn’t said crazy and stupid things to the people you claim to support, it wouldn’t matter because nobody gives a shit about Pajamas Media.

tiger March 5, 2009 at 5:23 pm

Americans are SO stupid: you’re SUPPOSED to be “humiliated” when you lie again and again to the public. Another American Asshat who thinks he should have everything because he’s uh…American?

PrairiePossum March 5, 2009 at 5:32 pm

Before Joe the toilet turd filed his lawsuit, I’m sure 99.9% of America had forgotten all the stuff that was published about him during the campaign. Now, it will all be published again. Joe, you are truly a genius.

I hope the attorney representing the government employees makes sure all the embarrasing crap about Joe is published every day so we remember for the rest of our lives what a lyin’ sack of shit the man is.

problemwithcaring March 5, 2009 at 5:43 pm

Oh God, please bless the AP desk editor who is forced to write up the Joe the Plumber and OctoMom shit….

CaliforniaMike March 5, 2009 at 5:48 pm

Could we make JTP marry 8M? At least that would cut the number of stories about these two asshats in half.

Red Zeppelin March 5, 2009 at 6:23 pm

I think he should be brought up on public indecency charges, since his head looks exactly like a dick.

Mothra Stewart March 5, 2009 at 6:33 pm
Mothra Stewart March 5, 2009 at 6:37 pm

Oh well, I try to be fancy & embed something and fail! –, darn it.
(My wings and singing twins glow red with embarrassment and U238.)

zhubajie March 5, 2009 at 7:04 pm

Get your money, Joe, flee to Bangkok, turn it into gold. Avoid the Viagra overdose.

Mr Blifil March 5, 2009 at 7:08 pm

Isn’t this guy supposed to be related to someone related to the Keating Five? When is someone going to inquire about that slight unimportant fun fact?

An American in Toronto March 5, 2009 at 7:28 pm

[re=258993]CaliforniaMike[/re]: Oh, please yes! They’d be the alternate universe Brad ‘n Angelina.

Tony Wonder March 5, 2009 at 7:31 pm

Joe the Litigious Leaky Vagina.

Red Zeppelin March 5, 2009 at 8:05 pm

Well Mr. Newell smartypants. Nice alt.text with its Stagger Lee reference. Are you smoking a bong and listening to Working Man’s Dead right now? Hippie.

Giant Robot March 5, 2009 at 8:41 pm

Hey shithead, if you want to stay anonymous and protect your emotional life then make up an avatar and goofy name like everyone else! Even I know that and I’m an OLD!

CaliforniaMike March 5, 2009 at 8:53 pm

[re=259104]An American in Toronto[/re]: After delivering 14 kids, she could probably use some help with her plumbing.

Freelance Minion March 5, 2009 at 9:13 pm

I thought conservatives hated those whiny-ass lawsuits and preferred, I don’t know, to duel in the streets or something.

CaliforniaMike March 5, 2009 at 11:15 pm

[re=259172]Freelance Minion[/re]: No, they only hate being the defendants. When somebody dares to get in their shit, they’ll sue you from here to Grosse Pointe and back.

Boojum March 5, 2009 at 11:47 pm

Makes me think of another stupid sack who sued a woman because he got all embarrassed when people found out that he liked it when she spanked him, making the publicity it a ton worse….now what was his name?

keepintime March 6, 2009 at 4:00 am

No, conservatives only hate…virtually everyone else.

wolf_at_my_door March 6, 2009 at 10:24 am

If Joe keeps slinging something is bound to stick. Next we will find out he has a restraining order on McCain.

lumpenproletariat March 6, 2009 at 10:25 am

I think the suit should read that Joe was caused

“emotional distress, harassment, humiliation and embarrassment as a result of HIS OWN actions.”

The judge would probably rule in Joe’s favor and force him to pay himself a hundred G or so in services rendered. So he’d spend the rest of his life working–just like everybody the fuck else in the world!!!

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