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Joe The Plumber Sues Ohio For Hurting His Feelings

'Joooooeeeee the Lion, went to the bar...'Joe the goddamn Plumber is suing a few gals in Ohio, state employees to be exact, for cheating with their computers! This latest publicity stunt of a civil action states that these three “violated his privacy when they gathered his personal information in a records search,” which they were not allowed to do. You may remember that this personal information included the revelations that his name was not Joe, that he was not a Plumber, and that he had a tax lien on his house. And it was only after the public learned about this things that Samuel Wurzelbacher really hit Jackpot!

Samuel J. Wurzelbacher says in the federal lawsuit filed Thursday that he suffered emotional distress, harassment, humiliation and embarrassment as a result of their actions. He’s seeking unspecified punitive damages.

Two cartons of Luckies and one a’them there, uh, dollar bills.

And just as a reminder, here’s how easy it is to become rich & famous in America: he “rose to fame during the presidential campaign after asking Barack Obama about his tax plan.”

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Joe the Plumber sues over Ohio records probe [AP]

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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Hola wonkerados.

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70 comments

  1. shortsshortsshorts

    If he wins his lawsuit for “harassment,” or “embarrassment,” the American people should immediately cross-complain, because we have been forced to stare at him for almost a year.

  2. Serolf Divad

    He criticized Obama for wanting to re-distribute teh rich peeples wealth after himself spending time living on food stamps. So, I’m pretty sure he’ll be pushing tort reform just as soon as he’s done with this little lawsuit.

  3. Sussemilch

    Tax information is public. You can call any records office in the country and get that info. Clerks R EZ.

  4. loquaciousmusic

    Screw a jury trial: if Joe the Plumber can spell “harassment” and “embarrassment” correctly, he wins. If not, he loses. (Spell check not allowed.)

  5. Texan Bulldoggette

    Didn’t someone rat him out that some previous girlfriends had filed restraining orders against him? Or is that just a happy dream I once had?

  6. nmmagayar

    Fuck you “Joe”, that shit is pretty much all public record, douchebag, also!!!11!

  7. blinky_twinkie

    [re=258773]LittlePig[/re]: “Whiny Ass Titty Baby” might just be the best friggin’ epithet I’ve heard all year. I’m still laughing. WIN.

  8. Jukesgrrl

    [re=258790]loquaciousmusic[/re]: Your profound suggestion represents a brilliant idea for judicial reform. The spelling test could be applied to almost any court case for a speedy resolution. If Chris Brown can spell “harassment” and “embarrassment” he didn’t beat the shit out of Rihanna.

  9. widestanceromancer

    Somewhere, Joe’s sitting in a Ford Escort (his summer home) repeating to himself: “I will NOT be a victim, I will NOT be a victim.”

  10. DeLand DeLakes

    I didn’t realize Joe the Cummer had emotions beyond impotent rage and repressed homosexuality.

  11. CampbellBrown'

    Doesn’t Joe know that only European socialists sue people for damages. Real Americans let the free-market work their magic.

  12. FunkyPalmettoBug

    In a related story, FunkyPalmettoBug is suing Joe the plumber for wasting his time.

  13. Tommmcatt

    A rat snorting up a huge pile of meth really takes me back to when I was living in New York City. Good times.

  14. PomPom

    This will be great because then the court can hold him in contempt for just, you know, being contemptible.

  15. Bruno

    Joe is like some dizzy college intern (although I doubt he went to college) where he wants to “learn” and “get valuable experience” in all different positions. Fake plumber, fake reporter, now lawyer, infomercial guy, etc etc.

    Joe, you’re never going to get anywhere without focus. The Hare Krishnas are still hiring and can keep you fully occupied. You won’t even need to shave your head.

  16. Dr Tobias Funke

    There is actually also a facebook application that can dig up the dirt on anyone called ‘Truscoop’

    “OFFENSEDESC1: FAIL TO PRODUCE EVIDENCE OF FINANCIAL RESP”

    Here is SAMUEL’s record? The DOB lines up?!?

    Name: SAMUEL WURZELBACHER
    DOB: 3rd of December, 1973

    Records
    Record ID: 71686775
    Record Type: FELONY_MISDEMEANOR
    Record Summary: FELONY – MISDEMEANOR – AZ : 05-11-1998–LOCAL CHARGE

    Record Details:
    CASETYPE: Traffic
    CATEGORY: Criminal
    CHARGESFILEDDATE: 05-11-1998
    Possible location: TUCSON
    COURT: Tucson Municipal Court
    DISPOSITION: COMPL DISMISSED BY COURT
    DISPOSITION: PLEA GUILTY-RESP SENT IMPOSED
    DISPOSITIONDATE: 06-19-1998
    DOB: 19731203
    FIRSTNAME: SAMUEL
    IDCASENUMBER: 11159405
    LASTNAME: WURZELBACHER OFFENSEDESC1: FAIL TO PRODUCE EVIDENCE OF FINANCIAL RESP
    OFFENSEDESC1: IMPROPER LIGHT ON LICENSE PLATE
    OFFENSEDESC1: LOCAL CHARGE
    RACE: WHITE
    SEX: M
    SOURCE: azaoc
    SOURCENAME: AZ Admin Office of Courts
    SOURCESTATE: AZ
    STATE: AZ
    ZIP: 85715

  17. Laura Palmer

    Oh Joe, using the very system you so dearly “oppose!” Hope you don’t end up in a lake!

  18. snarkattack

    [re=258832]CampbellBrown[/re]: No, real Merkins settle their differences with their Truck-Nutz!

  19. Tra

    Sam, we know it’s rough that no one wants to buy your crappy book or listen to you any more, but this is a pretty lame publicity stunt. Might I suggest moving into a Plexiglass cube in the lobby of the National Review and refusing to emerge until sales reach a minimum of 65 copies? Airholes are optional.

  20. NoWireHangers

    Wow, none of Joe’s get rich quick schemes seem to be panning out:

    1. Start plumbing business even though you have no license to practice said plumbing; pocket sweet cash.
    REALITY: You have no license, start up money, or talent.
    2. Pretend to make over $250,000 with the hope of pocketing sweet imaginary cash with which to start aforementioned business.
    REALITY: “imaginary” cash is still in fact, imaginary.
    3. Encouraged by an internet meme, sign on to the WALNUTS! campaign ticket in hopes of finally getting even with evil government; pocket Cindy’s beer money once WALNUTS! is president.
    REALITY: WALNUTS! loses, you fade into obscurity.
    4. Don’t pay taxes: pocket sweet cash.
    REALITY: government finds you and makes you pay back taxes plus fines
    5. Cell buk that shairs your’e learned insite on politikz
    REALITY: You are a moron. Those who can read have read enough to hate you. Those who love you cannot read.
    6. Sue people of Ohio who revealed your idiocy to the masses; pocket sweet cash.
    REALITY: Everyone knew you were a loser from the start, and you end up deeper in the whole for legal fees related to said suit. People wonder when you will disappear and/or die

  21. McDuff

    During the campaign, McCann stopped in my hometown, Defiance, Ohio, but Joe forgot drive the 50 miles down from Toledo to meet McCann there, leaving Walnuts! twisting in the wind on National TV when he called on Joe the Unlicensed Handyman to take a bow. Did McCann sue Joe for “emotional distress, harassment, humiliation and embarrassment?” Of course not — real men take it out back and leave the lawyers out of it!

  22. Keram2

    [re=258821]widestanceromancer[/re]: Heh heh. Joe the Plumber all sittin’ in the Escort — the camero was seized — mumbling to himself about past grievances and ex-girlfriends. He then puts the car in gear and heads to Blockbuster to return his unwatched copy of Jennifer Lopez’s Enough, which is two weeks overdue.

  23. bureaucrap

    I had no idea that emotional distress, humiliation and embarrassment were federal causes of action. Perhaps he meant “taking emotional distress, humiliation and embarrassment across state lines for immoral purposes.”

  24. CaliforniaMike

    Joe’s just pissed off because they promised him his very own Truck Nutz and then blew him off.

  25. Gopherit

    [re=258874]NoWireHangers[/re]: I am beginning to sense some latent hostility towards the good Mr Wurzelbacher.

    Oh, you forgot his lame website, too. That can’t be making much money for him.

  26. Dr Tobias Funke

    [re=258861]loquaciousmusic[/re]: With facebook as my co-defendant- I think I am in the clear!

  27. S.Luggo

    [re=258870]Capitol Hillbilly[/re]: FWIW, the suit was brought by Judicial Watch on Joe the Plunger’s behalf. Judicial Watch’s major support comes from Richard Mellon Scaife, billionaire conserve nut-job who promoted the theory that the Clintons had Vince Foster whacked (when whole world knows that it is the Trilateral Commission what done it).

    Complaint not yet available online.

  28. Capitol Hillbilly

    [re=258891]S.Luggo[/re]: I guess we should be careful lest they sue our asses!

  29. Zadig

    [re=258893]BetterDaysAreComing[/re]: An addendum, then.
    4.5: Make a name for yourself (as though you hadn’t done enough of THAT already) covering the latest Israel/Palestinian atrocity. Become great Jurnulest, pocket sweet cash. Nobody will even remember Walter Cronkite after your meteoric ascendancy.
    REALITY: Nobody, regardless of political affiliation, wants to hear your accusations against everybody on earth of not supporting Israel enough, especially not the actual Israeli reporters, who of course actually served in the Israeli military at some point. And even if you hadn’t said crazy and stupid things to the people you claim to support, it wouldn’t matter because nobody gives a shit about Pajamas Media.

  30. tiger

    Americans are SO stupid: you’re SUPPOSED to be “humiliated” when you lie again and again to the public. Another American Asshat who thinks he should have everything because he’s uh…American?

  31. PrairiePossum

    Before Joe the toilet turd filed his lawsuit, I’m sure 99.9% of America had forgotten all the stuff that was published about him during the campaign. Now, it will all be published again. Joe, you are truly a genius.

    I hope the attorney representing the government employees makes sure all the embarrasing crap about Joe is published every day so we remember for the rest of our lives what a lyin’ sack of shit the man is.

  32. problemwithcaring

    Oh God, please bless the AP desk editor who is forced to write up the Joe the Plumber and OctoMom shit….

  33. CaliforniaMike

    Could we make JTP marry 8M? At least that would cut the number of stories about these two asshats in half.

  34. Red Zeppelin

    I think he should be brought up on public indecency charges, since his head looks exactly like a dick.

  35. Mr Blifil

    Isn’t this guy supposed to be related to someone related to the Keating Five? When is someone going to inquire about that slight unimportant fun fact?

  36. An American in Toronto

    [re=258993]CaliforniaMike[/re]: Oh, please yes! They’d be the alternate universe Brad ‘n Angelina.

  37. Red Zeppelin

    Well Mr. Newell smartypants. Nice alt.text with its Stagger Lee reference. Are you smoking a bong and listening to Working Man’s Dead right now? Hippie.

  38. Giant Robot

    Hey shithead, if you want to stay anonymous and protect your emotional life then make up an avatar and goofy name like everyone else! Even I know that and I’m an OLD!

  39. CaliforniaMike

    [re=259104]An American in Toronto[/re]: After delivering 14 kids, she could probably use some help with her plumbing.

  40. Freelance Minion

    I thought conservatives hated those whiny-ass lawsuits and preferred, I don’t know, to duel in the streets or something.

  41. CaliforniaMike

    [re=259172]Freelance Minion[/re]: No, they only hate being the defendants. When somebody dares to get in their shit, they’ll sue you from here to Grosse Pointe and back.

  42. Boojum

    Makes me think of another stupid sack who sued a woman because he got all embarrassed when people found out that he liked it when she spanked him, making the publicity it a ton worse….now what was his name?

  43. wolf_at_my_door

    If Joe keeps slinging something is bound to stick. Next we will find out he has a restraining order on McCain.

  44. lumpenproletariat

    I think the suit should read that Joe was caused

    “emotional distress, harassment, humiliation and embarrassment as a result of HIS OWN actions.”

    The judge would probably rule in Joe’s favor and force him to pay himself a hundred G or so in services rendered. So he’d spend the rest of his life working–just like everybody the fuck else in the world!!!

Comments are closed.