Wonkette
Man, kids lurrrv Barack Obama, probably because his name is easy to pronounce and he’s not a scowly old creep. Well, that’s one explanation … for losers! An alternative theory has it that the children’s book industry transformed our nation’s youth into a wandering herd of Obama zombies by releasing a whole bunch of presidential biographies for kids to read.
These biographies, they are so popular! But why, when nobody except John McCain’s own unemployed daughter will write a book about an inspiring Republican?
“It’s a question that answers itself, isn’t it?” said conservative Encounter Books publisher Roger Kimball.
He called the surge of Obama biographies “a kind of vomiting forth of a certain species of politically correct sentimentality that has penetrated every nook and cranny of the culture.”
It is terribly unfair that children’s book publishers aren’t turning out more books for the 5-12 set about John McCain’s many uplifting years in a Vietnamese torture camp, or Sarah Palin’s adventures attending every community college in the American West.
Obama’s story thrills youngsters [Washington Times]
Meghan’s book about her father killed the whole genre. This is akin to how waterboarding and tourturing random Muslins makes them cynical about the good wholesome American values
“a kind of vomiting forth of a certain species of politically correct sentimentality that has penetrated every nook and cranny of the culture.”
Funny thing is he said that after vomiting forth a bucket of cum, while being penetrated in every nook and cranny. He was able to do the interview with the reporter without interrupting the gang bang because of one of those Bluetooth thinggummies you stick on your ear. Then he took a call from Meghan McCain and gave her advice about how to attract men.
…I don’t get it, are they forcing kids to read the Koran?
My five year old doesn’t love Obama because of any fancy “books”. It’s because I told him at a very early age (3) that Obama knows everything and McCain was a Bad Man. This is because I value his ability to think for himself.
AngryBlakGuy: If they’re not, they should be! Swapping one antiquated religious text for another is the only change I will believe in!
HaHa. Excellent idea; childrens books based on the life of McCain. Tonight, after reading a few chapters of “Nancy Drew” I’ll start fleshing out a few titles of my own.
- Johnny Mac and the Mystery of the Keating Five
- Johnny Mac in Vietnam: The Torture Years
- Johnny Mac And the Unseemly Divorce
- Johnny Mac and the Fundamentally Strong Economy
Can I get an illustrator? Anybody here do Garth Williams style ilustrations? How about Ralph Steadman?
Well, judging from the written responses of the Cleveland tea baggers, I would say that if you want people to buy books, you should target the political demographic that actually can read and choose content that has some meaning to them.
…I think this is the BOOK they are talking about!
There would be more books about Conservative Patriots but most parents don’t want to give their children nightmares before bedtime or encourage bed wetting.
steve: My eight year old likes Obama because he looks “cool”. McCain was pronounced “snarly and stinky-looking”. And that was without any brainwashing.
He called the surge of Obama biographies “a kind of vomiting forth of a certain species of politically correct sentimentality that has penetrated every nook and cranny of the culture.
And then he clutched his chest as his tiny, misshapen heart –strained as it was by frustration, cholera and bile– simply gave out, and he keeled over and died on the spot.
The end.
Megan McCain’s blog reminds me of one of those things on the Nature Channel, about a colony of prairie dogs or something:
The female signals her receptivity to the male… (points to groin)
For Conservative men, a Palin book is a pop-up book - if you know what I mean.
h8 Barack O’bomber.
hockeymom: my baby sister only likes Obama and Huckabee, b/c they are the only ones who don’t look like scary.
hockeymom: My 6-year-old’s class ‘voted’ for Obama or McCain. They mostly voted for Barry because they like the sound of his name & they thought McCain was ‘old’.
I’m pretty sure GOP parents do not read to their kids, except maybe the bible during Home Skool. There is no demand, therefore no market, therefore no value is placed on said books. Capitalism WORKS!
“It’s a question that answers itself, isn’t it?” said conservative Encounter Books publisher Roger Kimball.
“It’s a question that answers itself; there ARE no inspiring republicans.” There. Fixed that for you.
How could 5 year-olds not love a man named “Hopey”?
Lascauxcaveman: Great. I’ll write the PUMA Mysteries!
PUMA Investigates: The Case of the Missing Birth Cert
PUMA and the Inadequate Black Male
PUMA and the Turncoat Hillary
Learn to Cling with PUMA! Vol I: Guns, Bibles
Mr Blifil: That’s a bucket full o’ Win!
Lascauxcaveman: Win.
Lascauxcaveman: Did you know somebody made Nancy Drew books into graphic novels? My 7 year old came home with one. Nancy looks like a video game babe, lots of tits and hair. It was very disturbing to me.
Texan Bulldoggette: It was pretty much the same at my kid’s school. My daughter said Mccain looked “old, mean, and his teeth are fucked up.” Awwwwwwwwww! …maybe she said “messed up.”
“But why, when nobody except John McCain’s own unemployed daughter will write a book about an inspiring Republican?”
That’s because no one has yet written The Douchebags Among Us: A Children’s Bestiary of the Political Right. Any volunteers?
Scarab: Sarah Palin and The Infinite Starbursts.
I like how he’s doing the “Oh! Face” in that picture.
“a kind of vomiting forth of a certain species of politically correct sentimentality that has penetrated every nook and cranny of the culture.”
Yes, it’s a complete mystery why conservative views don’t appeal to children. The failure of “Herman’s First Cross Burning” came as a shock to us all.
Whatever you do, don’t let conservatives watch Noggin. There’s this little animated segment on Obama running between shows that CONSPICUOUSLY OMITS the ongoing question of Obama’s legitimacy as a U.S. citizen! Noggin is in the tank!
CorkPopper: Nancy looks like a video game babe, lots of tits and hair
I’d prolly actually prefer that, the originals are pretty dry stuff. OTOH, you don’t see plain line-drawing illustrations like those old 1930s - 1970s books anymore. (My 9-year-old eats them up, and we read a little Nancy Drew at bedtime most nights.)
Old Barry looks like Dr. Manhattan on the cover of that book.
Children’s Books: the New Libtard Heroin.
I’d rather have our kids play Street Fighter and KillZone on their video machinetas and visit porn sites about ass-fucking than be indoctrinated by books about a hip-hop negro politician. I speaking of Michael Steele, of course.
My own 4 year old loves Obama as much as SpongeBob or WordGirl. But he wouldn’t know Stephen Harper if he moved into our guest room and raided our fridge.
El Pinche: McCain didn’t bother my 6 year old as much as Palin did. To this day, whenever she befouls our TV screen he yells, “Go back to Alaska, you ignorant snowbilly!”
He and I are currently reading a Barack Obama comic book. His explanation of some of the panels:
“Barack Obama’s wife is telling him not to eat with his fingers.”
“George Bush is telling him to watch out for the ReptoGator! It will suck out his brains!”
(A picture of Obama onstage with his family) ” He is very happy. It is his birthday. And now he will wrestle that little girl.”
My office adopts a family every year durring the holiday season and I got the children 3 different Obama picture books.
GooseInANoose: How could we forget this wonderful, beautifully illustrated conservative children’s book?: http://www.republicandaddies.com/Home.aspx
Because why would parents want their children to read books about the first African-American president. Or, more to the point, why the fuck would anybody want to read about the guy who lost? If McCain a children’s book, he should have run a better campaign.
Amazon shows approximately 90 children’s books about our current prez. It also lists over 1000 children’s books about Ronald Regan and 1300 for the Shrub. Never mind the Lynne Cheney and Bill Bennet Field Guides for Young Facists they’ve been plopping out through the years. These people need to take a Valium and breathe into a paper bag.
Lascauxcaveman: Johnny Mac and the Crashed Airplane
Johnny Mac and the Second Crashed Airplane
Johnny Mac and the Horrible Disaster on the Aircraft Carrier
Johnny Mac and the Third Crashed Airplane
SayItWithWookies: And let’s not forget Johnny Mac Curses a Blue Streak, Episodes I-IX!
Coming soon:
Saturday morning Hopey cartoons featuring sidekick Joey the loudmouth kangaroo.
Basic rehashed plot:
Joey says something stupid and gets in trouble with smelly terrorists and/or fat neocons. Hopey comes to the rescue with cheesy Kung Foo moves and they all go out for ice cream after the butt kicking is done.
Toys promoted in the cartoon:
Hopey action figure with Kung Foo grip.
(Actually they’re all the unsold black GI Joes)
Joey the Kangaroo underwear with extra absorbent flaps.
(Pampers)
jodyleek: Damnit: whenever I click on that link I expect to see muscular, middle-aged men in torn Levis with identity issues. What I get is VERY poorly-drawn birds. This is why the party is failing.
populucious: 1300 childrens’ books about Dubya?! Are you sure that’s not just his wish list?
SayItWithWookies: You know, in my rush to prove a point, I failed to adequately account for the two Bushies. In fact that 1300 list includes both HW and Shrub the Lesser. Apologies for mis-leading America.
My two-and-a-half-year-old niece loves ‘Bah-ma. She’ll even do a fist bump. I taught her to call McCain: “McSame.”
A friend’s 18-month-old granddaughter also does the fist bump. Cutest. Thing. Ever.
That score seems about right: Lincoln, 16,000, both Bushes, 1,300. The problem with being a “conservative book publisher” is that pesky literacy.
It seems our rightwing friends are suggesting that the free market is wrong in responding to the law of supply and demand — perhaps they would support a government bailout of the conservative children’s book industry.
He called the surge of Obama biographies “a kind of vomiting forth of a certain species of politically correct sentimentality that has penetrated every nook and cranny of the culture.
This is nothing. A couple days ago on the Corner, they were celebrating Dr. Seuss’ birthday by calling him a pinko commie and coming up with, I kid you not, alternate rhyming children’s stories about taxation.
ttp://tinyurl.com/amoyre
Can you image what this meant?
Can you comprehend the consequent?
The first time yet the world well fed!
And all because of Tom Smith’s bread.
In Conservative-land, you can having rhyming or you can have comprehensible sentence structure, but tragically you cannot have both.
SayItWithWookies: Sure!
You Can’t Polish A Turd: The George W. Bush Story
Any Idiot Can Be President In America
How To Fall Up: Why Rich Daddies Are Good Things
My Pet Goat Kicks The Shit Out Of Dubya
Uncurious George in Stranger Danger, featuring Shotgun Cheney
Doing Naughty Things With A Pooch: How I Reworked The American Economy by George W. Bush
Just to name a few.
They already have a children’s book series about John McCain, only it’s called Walter the Farting Dog. They are hilarious.
fingers crossed for lots of pictures
WadISay: I have an idea for something Megan can put behind her ears, to attract dates.