Wonkette
- Meet Barry’s new socialist realism fashion patch thing! There’s a branch (symbolizing ACORNS), and stars (for Lenin) and the colors red, white, and blue (for reasons unknown). [Top of the Ticket]
- Most infamous non-wolf Palin nemesis, Kim Elton, a member of Alaska’s House of Lords, has jumped right into Obama’s tank, specifically into the Department of the Interior as the “Director of Alaska Affairs.” [CNN Political Ticker]
- RedState.com has begun stockpiling idiots and probably uranium in a quest to strengthen its virtual army of guerrilla insurgents, who will fight Obama’s stated mission of taking away America’s freedom and distributing it, in rations, to the communist internment kibbutzes on which we will all be forced to live in ~6 months. [RedState]
- Bill Clinton is so happy and relieved now that people are finally paying attention to his paintings, which he has never previously mentioned or displayed. [Daily Intel]
- A DC bus driver attacked McGruff, the animated crime dog whose career was in large part the inspiration for season one of the Wire. The bus driver thought thought McGruff, who was clearly just fighting crime, was trying to be funny. [DCist]
The bus driver said he was trying to be funny. Yeah, that’s funny, but not cat-punching funny.
Hold hold that thought thought.
Mein Fuerher, I can get jiggity wit it!
I too want to join RedState’s legion of Cheeto-eating malcontents! I too want help make Obama fail by listening to Rush Limbaugh in the totally cool apartment I built in my Grandmother’s basement! I too want to bring this administration to its knees by turning magazines that feature pictures of Sasha and Malia on their cover to the back of the news rack at the supermarket so that people have to turn them around if they want to buy them!
…or maybe I’ll just remain a libtard and just point and laugh at the funny clowns. Funny, funny clowns…
RedState: “If Barack Obama is successful in implementing his stated agenda, America will fail and the American dream will die for millions.”
What millions are they referring to and what dream would that be? Being “fuck you” rich from “gaming” the system on borrowed money to the point that the law truly does not apply to you? Well, I think we can let that one go.
RedState.org is really building a mighty force. They should call it the Red Army! Oh wait
AfghanVet: The American Dream will die for millions–of dollars, that won’t go into the pockets of the fuckheads who destroyed the world economy so they could have their private island built off the coast of Dubai.
BTW–WTF with The Wire comment? You’re not taking the best drama in the history of the English language in vain, are you? Well, Juli–are you?
AfghanVet: Yeah, that one caught my eye too. There is an impressive amount of Limbaugh-fueled stupid over there. Not necessarily top-notch-quality stupid, but in shear cut n’ paste bulk quantity, the stupid accumulates pretty quickly.
Since I’m assuming the thoughtful follows of RedState accumulate large caches of weapons I deem their words terrorism and insist citizen John Ashcroft monitor their activities.
Juli rocks. Juli needs more pub. Michelle Obama/Juli 2016!
For a good giggle, look up the bus driver’s list of priors.
AfghanVet: No, the American dream of having a shitty job with no security, no health care and no vacation and the hope that somehow a $1,500 voucher will get your kid into a $13,000 a year private school. That’s the dream they don’t want to die.
I loooove that crazy bus driver has previously been charged with prostitution and PCP and gun possession and yet STILL managed to pass the rigorous WMATA application process. Funny if beating the crap out of a mascot in front of children will be the thing that does him in….
Something the RedStaters and other do not get:
http://www.economist.com/books/displaystory.cfm?story_id=13176890
Freedom is about equality, not about the ability to be rich or get rich or die trying.
—-
“And the evidence is that the differences in status cause these “gradients”. Low-caste Indian children do worse on cognitive tests if they must state their identities beforehand. High-status baboons bred in captivity show elevated levels of stress hormones and become ill more often when they are moved to groups where they no longer dominate.
What to do about this sickness caused by other people’s wealth? Swingeing taxes on the rich, or smaller differences in pay in the first place, say the authors, citing Sweden and Japan as instances of the two alternatives. A decade ago even left-wing politicians were “intensely relaxed about people getting filthy rich”. Now, as it becomes clearer that some of the rich got that way by theft, the idea that they have also caused injury more subtly will gain a readier hearing.
Too ready, perhaps: what if the price of greater equality is lower growth? The received wisdom—admittedly looking a little threadbare right now—is that rich rewards are necessary to stimulate the innovation on which growth depends. No loss, say the authors: “We have got close to the end of what economic growth can do for us.”
Eric sounds so terribly, terribly earnest. Is he going to carve “RUSH” into his forehead as a token of his esteem?
shellyboo98: I couldn’t believe how many people thought that was funny. I’m assuming their readership is comprised of adolescents and inmates.
shellyboo98: MARCdMan: I wish my bus driver were a gigolo!
These Redstate people are the craziest mofos out there. There’s a whole thread about Obama dissing Britain becasue he didn’t want the bust of Winnie on his desk.
First off, every president chooses his own decorations. Churchill was Dubya’s.
Second, the bust he replaced it with was Lincoln’s. Unless he replaced it with Pamela Anderson, there’s no better bust for an American president.
I signed the RedState petition. As Mr. Truck Nutz. I put the Hong Kong SAR Government’s Inland Revenue Tower as my address and phone number as well (their version of the IRS). Sure why not.
Palin’s response: “Well, I knew this important stuff before you guys did. I knew it way back in summertime, so there.” Also.
Yes! The prez totally took my advice. I said, like, a year ago all stimulus projects should be clearly marked by big signs that said “Hey, numbnutz, you’re getting this bridge built because the Democrats beat the Republicans!” Otherwise, the lame ass morons around here won’t realize that’s the very money their overlords say is going to destroy millions of American dreams.
Even when they lose elections because they are utterly lame in the face of the most awesome politician in American history, (my, but aren’t we given to hyperbole today) I hate Repugtards. Is there one, single sense of humor anywhere in their army of vast stupidity? It’s better to be a Democrat if, for nothing else, we can laugh. Well, laugh at something other than America on the verge of the Greater Depression.
What is the right’s current obsession with guerrilla warfare? I mean we’re arguing over tax policy. Leave the Red Dawn inspired killing communists with Jennifer Grey fantasies with the Ann Coulter pornos and Michelle Malikin nudies pictures.
Here’s an actual picture of the Recovery.gov patch (no, for real — I’m sure someone will do something silly with it anon).
http://assets.bizjournals.com/story_image/226357-600-0-1.jpg
Custerwolf: Seriously? That was hilarious. You must not be familiar with the theater of the absurd.
FF Woodycooks shakes the crime stick all over that bitch McGruff!
SayItWithWookies: The resident wingnug at my job is always bragging about how his wife homeschools their 6 kids using only the Bible, workbooks from the dollar store, and a 1982 set of Encyclopedia Brittanica that she purchased from Goodwill. “And she don’t have no fancy pants degree from no librul college neither.” These idiots are convinced that a quality education shouldn’t cost more than $200 - $300 per student per year. A $1,500 voucher would be like hitting the lottery for them.
Better dead than Red.
Woodwards Friend:
Having known a couple of uber RWers, in their minds, they are the greatest fucking combat commanders in the history of the world. Only if the Army made the crazy fatasses generals if they weren’t so ignorant of everything outside of a Risk gameboard.
AfghanVet: I actually read all that. So I’m done with smart shit for today. More wonkette!
New Metro test question to gage just how stupid a person really is:
Given that being a Metro bus driver is a good job to have during a recession, if you see “McGruff the Crime Dog,” should you:
A) Stop your bus to punch McGruff the Crime Dog in the face and get fired as a result; or
B) Keep driving and keep your job.
Hint: Remember that there’s a recession and no one else will hire your stupid ass if you get fired from Metro, AND remember that the guy inside the McGruff costume is actually a real POLICE OFFICER with a gun and a radio to call more POLICE OFFICERS.
CaliforniaMike: The hell with Winnie. How about a bust of the real hero, Edward Gladstone! Fuck ya. (Sorry, the history major sneaks out again.)
And while we’re on English PMs, (see how slick that transition was? I had freshman English) I assume the Repugtards are completely rejecting the Disraeli strategy that Clinton used to great advantage. To wit: You don’t scream you want the other side to fail, you co-opt one of their ideas, change it and put it out as your own.
No, these days conservatives are sticking with the lame attack strategy, holding their breath until they get what they want.
“Director of Alaska Affairs,” eh? Does this mean he’ll be looking in to Todd Palin’s activities on those long, lonely Alaska nights when Sarah was away campaigning. HENGHGHGHGH?
Custerwolf: You do realize you are on Wonkette, right?
“Naturally, he was expecting the bus driver 15 minutes earlier.”
That’s like something we’d say. Seemed funny to me.
threeb: Well, these drooling knuckledraggers just need enough education to work at Walmart and understand the “hard words” in Larry the Cable Guy Show on CMT.
Bill Clinton on painting: “If I had ever learnt, I should have been a great proficient.”
He’ll be swinging by to collect his Oscar, his Stanley Cup and the Wetminster Best of Breed cup shortly as it’s clear to all who see him he’s the best at what he does, even when he doesn’t actually do anything.
I, for one, am happy that Red State is doing my work for me. As Secret Kommissar of the Extraordinary Commission established by Comrade Obama on the day after the Inauguration, I will be able to subpoena or simply hack into these lists (thank you so VERY MUCH, Uncle Dick!), round up these counter-revolutionary elements and their families and send them in cattle cars to the enormous gravel-processing labor camp we are secretly laying out near Wasilla, Alaska (We Bolsheviks do have a sense of irony, after all). Just don’t tell the RedState readership we are doing this, will ya? It’ll just be Our Little Secret until The Day (aka WilliamKristolNacht).
DustBowlBlues: Well, there is always JS Mill (who originated the “stupid party” remark)
populucious:
I never thought I’d see a quote from Pride and Prejudice on Wonkette.
Oh yeah, re Kim Elton taking the job at the Dept of the Interior, a note from MudFlats.
SayItWithWookies: If only that were a pot leaf on the Recovery badge, that would be some change ™ I could get behind…
Heh, heh, heh - I said “behind”
threeb: Good. That will make it easier for my kid to find a job.
LittlePig: Um - I didn’t say the JOKES were unfunny. I was surprised at how many thought the act itself - punching a dude dressed in a retarded dog costume in front of a group of scared children for no reason whatsoever - was hilarious. That’s just me. Now if McGruff had jumped on the bus driver and started humping him to the point where all his crack fell out of his pockets - I could have laughed out loud at that.
Why don’t we give the Redstate folks the belt from South Carolina through Texas — except for Florida — and tell them to turn it into the land of manly men, ugly women and miseducated kids?
They can grow their own tabaccy, drink their oil and just generally be the inbred morons they’ve always been.
Good times.
Merry Christen: Well guess what…check this out.
SayItWithWookies: Wait — this one’s slightly clearer. I’ll delete the other one in a bit.
The scene in the Wire where Bodie and Poot killed McGruff was heartbreaking.
SayItWithWookies: Can I use that for my state agency’s emblem? It would do wonders to confirm the worst suspicions about us. (We’re the environmental protection folks for my state.)
Juli, stop keeping the truth from the American people. The Blue, White and Red colors represent France. All real Americans know that.
N8Ma:threeb: That kind of money would buy a lot of pencils.
DustBowlBlues: Don’t jump on Juli. She’s young. How was she to know that the first season of the Wire is actually based upon The Mod Squad.
Juan Trucknuts is ready, willing and able to help Red State kill teh darkies, er, I mean make the presnit fail.
SayItWithWookies:
15 bucks says that Tim Geithner gets that tattooed on his ass.
Mad Farmer Manifest: Help yourself. I’d love to be sued by the AP. Or Shepherd Fairey. Or whoever’s doing the suing lately.
SayItWithWookies: What? No hammer? No sickle? Sheesh.
thatonegirlsays: Quote from Pride and Prejudice? Makes perfect sense to me since half the wonkeratti are probably English majors who can’t get a job.
My own favorite piece of Red State stupid: “An open letter to Michael Steele and Eric Cantor.” http://www.redstate.com/neokong/2009/03/02/an-open-letter-to-michael-steele-and-eric-cantor/
“I am a Republican of the Ronald Reagan party.I loved the Gingrich revolution and the Contract with America.I am proud of my country and support our troops and their mission.I want our borders secure and my taxes low.
I am not embarrassed by Sarah Palin.I adore the woman and was very disappointed in the way she was left hanging by her own party.
Whatever happened to guts and chivalry…?
You guys dropped the ball.
The GOP owes her a huge apology.”
Lionel Hutz Esq.: You’re right. We must teach the children, as that dreckky song went.
Since this thread has enjoyed its share of literary moments (which I take to mean we’re all speaking in liberal code) can anyone place this quote in the comedy review in which it was featured?
“And every night, (radio guy name I forgot) would bring us news of fresh disaster. ‘Hello, this is (radio guy I forgot) with news of fresh disahsters’” (dramatic English accent.)
Every news show should begin with that line. Wake up, turn on NPR, get the news of fresh disasters. Stagger to computer, go to wonkette, find reasons to laugh through your tears.
LittlePig: Check the link in my 5:31 comment. It’s greatly improved upon.
N8Ma:
LOL. Better still would be Kowloon’s ‘Ned Kelly’s Last Stand’. Got a Wingnutty ring to it.
@SayItWithWookies: Please please please tell me you have this up on zazzle. If you don’t have it up yet, please go right now, then drop me a line. I hang blog posts on t-shirts and I SO want this image.
Btw: that’s a Wonkette-Ready post in it’s own right.
“I’m coining a new term. The Goldwater Limit. Anything further than one AU from center is incapable of naturally supporting intelligent life.”
“RedState.com has begun stockpiling idiots….” Oh c’mon now, this isn’t news - they’ve been stockpiling idiots since their great-great-grandpappy’s walked with the dinosaurs.
thatonegirlsays: what, you missed the giant “attention all jane austen ADDICTS” ad that was on before the twinky mystery writer’s ad?
DustBowlBlues: For 80 zillion dollars (pre-Paulson), you asked for the source of:
“And every night, (radio guy name I forgot) would bring us news of fresh disaster. ‘Hello, this is (radio guy I forgot) with news of fresh disahsters’” (dramatic English accent.)
Beyond the Fringe.
Also.
Ohboyoboyoboy
I just went over to RedState and look what I found!
“If BHO’s scheme works, less than 50% of the people who vote will pay taxes of any kind.
…
This majority will be indoctrinated into believe good medical care is free, education is free, work is unnecessary, marriage is a relic of the past, and drugs should be legalized to cope with idleness….”
This is the kind of secret socialist agenda I’m in favor of. Where do I sign up?
Damn, had I known this would happen I woulda voted for Hopey twice! Or more. Also.
Now THIS, boys and girls, is change we can believe in.
Graphictruth: There’s another version of it here you can grab (yes, trollin’ ma blog).
DustBowlBlues: Well, I’m not an English major, no, but… like, I read a couple of books that weren’t written by Stephen King once. So that kinda counts.
I really thought RedState was a joke created by Wonkette. It’s real? Huh. Go figure.
stopmebeforeitypeagain: also free blow jobs.
El Pinche: If BJs jobs are free I guess that means the DC bus driver will be out of two jobs.
Oops - there’s one too many jobs in that last post. It’s late.
SayItWithWookies: Decoding the symbololology: it’s a branch for you to hang yourself on after the gears of out-of-control capitalist market schemes grind you down so hard you’ll be seeing stars.
My good friend Yodelin’ Sam McClatchahatchity from Wingnut Township Wyoming just signed up for Red State’s noble effort. Yodelin’ Sam is mostly interested in purging all the RINOs from the GOP and replacing them with angry older southern males. The GOP doesn’t have enough angry older southern males, and Sam wants to help them increase their diversity in that respect.