• May 27, 2012

Google Fat Cats Make Millions While Nation Suffers

by Sara K. Smith  2:42 pm March 3, 2009

'I ate the Googles.'Goddammit are rich people still getting rich these days? Observe: Google’s top four executives received million-dollar-plus bonuses last year — a truly repulsive amount when everybody else in the country is starving. Wait, what’s that you say? They haven’t asked for a bailout yet? WELL BUT STILL. [AP]

{ 36 comments }

Reefpilot March 3, 2009 at 2:46 pm

I’s in yer intarnet, steelin yer adsense chex…

AngryBlakGuy March 3, 2009 at 2:47 pm

…everytime you Google yourself, a kitten is euthanized!

gurukalehuru March 3, 2009 at 2:47 pm

Octocat?

From the headline and the photo, I thought the story was going to be about actual cats whose website had earned millions in either ad revenue or merchandise sales. Which I would have believed.

AngryBlakGuy March 3, 2009 at 2:49 pm

[re=256977]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: …or does it make you go blind and hair grow on your palms?!

shortsshortsshorts March 3, 2009 at 2:49 pm

Google is the truck that carries the series of tubes.

King of Pants March 3, 2009 at 2:49 pm

Goddamnit, this torch wants to set SOMETHING on fire.

Red Zeppelin March 3, 2009 at 2:50 pm

Hey SKS–you’re one to complain. Ever heard of Google image search? Those lolcats don’t make themselves. The Google execs deserve the big bucks–otherwise who would provide us with all the free bukakke pics?!!

V572625694 March 3, 2009 at 2:51 pm

I looked it up in Lycos and couldn’t find anything about the Google. What is it?

BruceLee5000 March 3, 2009 at 2:51 pm

“I 8 teh Gewglez.”

Servo March 3, 2009 at 2:55 pm

They’ll need a bailout next month.

Serolf Divad March 3, 2009 at 2:57 pm

Next Christmas my bonus is going to be a chicken wing in my hobo soup! Yummm!

rambone March 3, 2009 at 2:59 pm

[re=256988]Red Zeppelin[/re]: Free bukakke pics? You mean I’ve been making my own for no reason all this time.

chascates March 3, 2009 at 2:59 pm

Part of Google’s money comes from secret arms deals with China.

Colander March 3, 2009 at 3:00 pm

My bonus this year is being okay with my alcoholism, and whooping cough.

queeraselvis v 2.0 March 3, 2009 at 3:02 pm

Feh. Pussies.

slavojzizek March 3, 2009 at 3:03 pm

Don’t worry, Dear Leader Barack will confiscate it all.

NoWireHangers March 3, 2009 at 3:03 pm

[re=256985]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Wait, when you say “google yourself” do you mean the one that takes 1 hand or 2?

Sussemilch March 3, 2009 at 3:03 pm

[re=256991]V572625694[/re]: Just a bunch of yahoos.

SayItWithWookies March 3, 2009 at 3:04 pm

Google’s profits rose 37% in 2007, and these guys got about $1.68 million in bonuses. Then last year Google’s profits rose a mere 1%, and their bonuses went down about 3%. The moral — you guys were workin’ too hard in 2007. Suckerrrrrz!

assistant/atlas March 3, 2009 at 3:13 pm

I can haz rich pussie?

Keram2 March 3, 2009 at 3:13 pm

[re=256992]BruceLee5000[/re]: Unemployment cat is not amused.

Bearbloke March 3, 2009 at 3:14 pm

Not ‘be[ing] evil’ is not being profitable enough anymore…

Nerdalicious March 3, 2009 at 3:17 pm

The Dow is up 1.20 points to 6,500! Yeah we’re all rich again!

Come here a minute March 3, 2009 at 3:18 pm

Fat cats take their bonuses entirely in lasagna.

Hooray For Anything March 3, 2009 at 3:18 pm

Google might be doing fine now but that won’t continue when everybody cuts their internet connection to save money and converts their laptops into plan sheet metal to help line the tin shacks we’ll all be living in.

Doglessliberal March 3, 2009 at 3:30 pm

[re=257022]Come here a minute[/re]: mine prefers tuna, actually.

Sussemilch March 3, 2009 at 3:30 pm

[re=257023]Hooray For Anything[/re]: The internet will live on in the hobo-future, even if I have to go all Johnny Appleseed with tomato cans and string.

rmontcal March 3, 2009 at 3:35 pm

[re=257022]Come here a minute[/re]: A Garfield reference… well played.

Cape Clod March 3, 2009 at 3:57 pm

Don’t worry. One day, that cat will feed a family of seven hobos.

AngryBlakGuy March 3, 2009 at 3:57 pm

[re=257003]NoWireHangers[/re]: …personally, it a 2 HAND job for me! But then again you know what they say about us black guys!

lawrenceofthedesert March 3, 2009 at 3:59 pm

[re=257042]Sussemilch[/re]: Sorry, but it already has been done: it all started with wandering vogelbard Johnny Googleseed, who rode the rails with Woody, Pete, Cisco and Woz while composing folksongs on his MacBook and astrally projected himself into countless Internet searches throughout the galaxy (hey, back then, when they said “dancing with the stars,” they meant it, dude; it was the Sixties). Project yourself far enough and fast enough, and you’d be able to see them, too, just like Weird Al Einstein said — sort of like Casey Jones in the Dead song, ridin’ that train.

sanantonerose March 3, 2009 at 5:01 pm

[re=257041]Doglessliberal[/re]: Mine likes steamed broccoli.

Hooray For Anything March 3, 2009 at 5:29 pm

[re=257089]lawrenceofthedesert[/re]: Thanks for spoiling the “Battlestar Galactica” finale for me.

Monsieur Grumpe March 3, 2009 at 6:45 pm

I take that the 1.38 billion dollar bonus in the 7th paragraph is a misprint. Everyone else only got million dollar bonuses. Meh, million, billion I’m not getting any.

NJBrian March 3, 2009 at 9:57 pm

Without a doubt, one day Google will take over the world. Without a doubt.

Bruno March 4, 2009 at 4:03 am

Damn Googles. I’m going to spread my wealth to America-On-Line (AOL) now.

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