Wonkette
Our handsome and suave new president has engaged in a delightful bit of skullduggery. He sent a secret letter to the Russians! The letter was written in a rare cryptographic code on an old Enigma Machine that used lemon juice for ink. It was then rolled into a very tiny capsule that was inserted into a locket and “dead dropped” into a trash can outside the Pentagon. A sexy and mysterious lady fished the locket out of the trash and quietly handed it over to a toothless hunchbacked Peter Lorre-looking homunculus, who took it back to his laboratory and deciphered and reciphered the text, which was put into yet another locket and carried in the anus of a spy all the way to Moscow. The letter was hand-delivered to President Dmitri Medvedev by a high-ranking American official with a glass eye. The letter asked, “Do you like me? Check A) yes or B) no.” [New York Times]
“So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide something. His ass. Five long years, he wore this watch up his ass. Then he died of dysentery, he gave me the watch. I hid this uncomfortable hunk of metal up my ass two years. Then, after seven years, I was sent home to my family. And now, little man, I give the watch to you.”
which begs the question, why he didn’t send it through the well-known series of tubes?
You left out the part about the secret decoder ring and the sea monkeys.
What is Gov. Paterson doing in Moscow? Don’t we have ambassadors for this stuff?
Don’t we still have a hotline to Moscow for things like this?
Medvedev told the Muslin to make sure this was cleared with Mr. Limbaugh first.
Godless Liberal: Ha ha, we never did have a hotline, if by “we,” you mean the citizens and taxpayers of the United States. The red phone terminated at the Pentagon, where the real power lies. “Thank you for calling Lockheed-Martin. Don Rumsfeld speaking. How may I connect your call?”
Gallons of vodka were consumed at every turn.
Was Karla involved? any “incidents” at Checkpoint Charley?
Natalya Timakova said the letter was a reply to one sent by Mr. Medvedev shortly after Mr. Obama was elected.
There’s your sexy and mysterious lady — Natalya Timakova. Before I can determine if she’s a spy, though, I want to hear her say, “Get moose and squirrel.”
carried in the anus of a spy all the way to Moscow. The letter was hand-delivered
You mean ‘ass delivered’, I think.
HA! Anus.
Russian women are more highly sought after as foreign brides due to a higher regard for education, being multilingual, and making change with the vajayjay.
Godless Liberal: Barry’s too hot for the hotline. Like, you know, melting.
YAY WE ARE BEST FRIENDS WID RUSSIA CUZ WEE HAZ GIVEN UP ON TEH FIGHT FER FREEDUMB. SOOON NY WIL BEE CULLED MOSSCOW AND STUFF.
I do so love a happy ending Miss Sara. Can we have another?
What did Dmitri check? Yes or no?! Did Barry send the Hawaii manboobs picture to help him decide?
Obama better not look into his eyes and try to gauge the condition of Medvedev’s soul. As a weak kneed liberal he is especially susceptible to falling in love, then kissing, then “special hugging”. We need strength at this time, no love notes.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
Frampton Comes Alive: Hahaha…i was thinking of the same quote.
Obama and Boris Badinoff together make me hot. Who’s going to play ‘em in the made-for-TV movie when we find out ten years from now that they were saving us from aliens or averting an asteroid strike?
…we are all Russians now!
Editor SKS was totally watching Jeopardy last night. The Enigma reference, etc.
How did Palin miss this? Isn’t she keeping an eye on Russia for us? There goes her foreign policy cred.
When did this unlucky spy wash his hands? Before or after he pulled that thing outta his poop-chute? Who hasta lick the stamp for the return mail? So many questions…so few details in this report!
In Soviet Russia, wall tears down Mr. Gorbachev!
SayItWithWookies: There’s your sexy and mysterious lady — Natalya Timakova.
Sexy yes. Very sexy. Mysterious? I no longer care. Mmm…sexy.
The Cabinet Meeting
Obama: Allright, who here told the damn New York Times about our secret letter?
Biden: (Looks at ceiling and whistles tunelessly)
Gayer Than Thou: Who do you think the ” high-ranking American official with a glass eye” was?
jodyleek: No need for a decoder ring, as the letter was written in jive, which only the Russians and Politico can read.
The interesting thing is that the letter simply re-stated established US policy. So I guess the DOW must be doing well today if this is a story.
Be careful Barry. He shoots tigers, drinks vodka and fucks 21 year old contortionists. You know what I’m talking about.
SayItWithWookies: In the ’60s all we were shown of Russian women were pictures of old, fat babushkas and swarthy ‘female’ shot putters. It wasn’t until the teen tennis players came over we found out there were actually good looking women over there. Lots of them! This was a plot by the government to ensure we were all against the Red menace. Such wasted time, money, and horniness.
Oh my gods! Can this possibly end with Barry and Dimitri -the two hottest preznints ever- getting it on with each other like all sexy spies do? Don’t answer, if you’re going to crush my fantasies.
4873 9021:
8645 3321 9047 3821 3600 3911 4867 87781 1036 4012 3030 5195 2136 4953 6916 5042!
6791,
9804 3762
Medvedev was last seen on the corner, yelling, “Wanna buy a smelly used locket, really cheap?!?!”
“A sexy and mysterious lady fished the locket out of the trash and quietly handed it over to a toothless hunchbacked Peter Lorre-looking homunculus”
Sara, you promised to keep our life together off of teh Wonkette.
President Obama sent a secret letter to Russia’s president last month suggesting that he would back off deploying a new missile defense system in Eastern Europe if Moscow would help stop Iran from developing long-range weapons, American officials said Monday.
A missile defense system is a fucking valuable thing. You don’t just give it away for nothing.
” A sexy and mysterious lady fished the locket out of the trash and quietly handed it over to a toothless hunchbacked Peter Lorre-looking homunculus…”
How did Kucinich and his wife get mixed up in this?
SKS: What is my deadline for a Nobel recommendation again?
haha i wonder what rush limbaugh has to say about the muslins conspiring with the communists
haha i wonder what rush limbaugh has to say about the muslins conspiring with the communists!
also, this is the funniest wonkette post in a long time, bravo, bravo.
WadISay: WIN! + 1
Frampton Comes Alive: How about : “And you shall know I am the lord…” ?
Anecdote: Dmitrij Medvedev’s office received a letter from the USA President’s office. The letter says simply: “Dimon iz a cunt.” Everyone laughed, and only Medvedev understood that he had been awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor.
*crickets*
*sigh*
You guys are overlooking a crucial piece of info:
“Natalya Timakova said the letter was a reply to one sent by Mr. Medvedev shortly after Mr. Obama was elected.”
Barry was actually responding to Dima’s own “Do you like me” note.